


To Bellamy, Love Clarke

by ElStark



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Adoptive sisters Raven and Clarke, Awkward Clarke, Awkward Flirting, Awkwardness, Band!Sky People, Bellamy Blake & John Murphy are Best Friends, Car Accident, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fan Letters, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Jasper on the guitar, Letters, Love Letters, Miller is on the Piano, Monty on the Drums, Panic Attacks, Singer!Bellamy, Singer!Murphy, So Much Awkwardness, Song Writer Bellamy, Song Writer Murphy, amputee character, bellarke AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-04
Updated: 2016-01-04
Packaged: 2018-03-05 09:58:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 102,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3115835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElStark/pseuds/ElStark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[Bellarke Fanletters AU]</p><p>Bellamy is the lead singer of Sky People.<br/>Clarke meets him before he becomes famous but loses all contacts. She sees him again after five years and decides to write him.</p><p>Or where, Octavia has a Secret operation (Operation Freckles) to put them together, Raven and the boys as her partners in crime. Wells has a baby, Murphy is a lovable asshole and Bellamy is an exhaustive big puppy in love.</p><p>~*~</p><p>“For the love of God, what are you thinking now?” Jasper inquired exasperated after seeing his friend nod to himself with a deep frown<br/>Bellamy looked up “I won’t hug her”.<br/>“Jesus” The boys groaned at unison and shook their heads. Jasper may have been the most patient one in these situations (normally it would be Monty, but in this particular situation his eye would start to twitch whenever he saw Bellamy in deep thought), but damn if even his reserve was running low. He took a deep breath and threw an arm around his shoulders “And how did you come to that decision?” he finally asked in a fake cheerful tone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

 

 

 

“You promised.”

Clarke smiled “Aww you really miss me, don’t you” she slipped the ticket through the machine and walked through the doors.

Her best friend sighed “I never said I didn’t.. Here everyone hates me.”

Clarke rolled her eyes “That’s not true. What about Emily?” she could almost see him, looking down at his shoes and kicking a pebble to hide his flush

“Yeah, everyone but her….” He admitted in a whisper that she almost missed

“You know what my dad always says:-” she said getting on an empty carriage

“Sometimes all that matters is One person.. Yeah, I know, he says it all the time”

Clarke laughed, pulling her beanie and scarf off and throwing them on the window-seat

“Well, he’s right. And I think you've already found yours” She said sitting on the other seat and resting her feet on the one across her

“Mhm.. But I still need my best friend anyway.” She sighed

“I really miss you too, Wells. But I’m as stuck as you are. I have exams all this month and then I have my monthly visit home.. You could come too, you know..”

“Yeah, but then I’d have to see that ugly face of that hag of my stepmom, no thanks. There’s a reason why I chose a Uni at 413 miles from home.” She threw up her free hand

“Then, when are we supposed to see each other?”

“I don’t know..” Wells said in a pitiful sad voice.

She sighed again and pinched the bridge of her nose “Look, I’ll try.. We’ll figure something out. Okay?”

“Okay.” She heard the relief in his voice and smiled “uh-oh”

“What?” she asked pulling her feet down and straightening up.

“I think my dad’s calling”

“He really misses you..”

“Yeah, then he should’ve never married that.. that-well you know.. I gotta go, though”

“Sure.. Good luck”

“Thanks. I’ll hear you soon.. Knobby”

“WELLS!” she heard him laugh and then the line went dead.

That stupid nickname.

One day, when they were in middle school, they had to research the story behind nicknames for a History assignment and Wells in a moment of madness decided to research hers.. and Knobby or Nobby happened.

KNOBBY. Seriously? The hell that come from?

Well, actually she knew, something about clerks having to wear nobby hats and/or that because they used to write a lot they had calluses on fingers so.. nobby clerks..

That ass-hat knew how much she hated that “nickname” and of course he used it almost every time they heard each other, just to piss her off and amuse himself.

 

She pulled open her bag and took her laptop out thinking to work on some course assignment. But just as she opened a new word page, her phone biped signalling a new message from her roommate.

_Can you come on FB?_

She rolled her eyes and opened the Facebook page.

_When are you going to be back?_

**Why? What happened?**

_Nothgn!_

**Raven**.

**Even written that sounded defensive.**

**Not to mention that you totally misspelled..**

_I may have broken the toaster again.._

 

Clarke groaned.

 

**I can’t believe it!**

**That’s like the third time!**

_Jee girl, calm down I’ll repair it._

_Like always._

**You don’t even like toast!**

**How did you break it, this time?**

_I dON’t knoW!_

_I just poKe it_

_and Then all I kNow is that all Hell broke lOose_

**Why would you poke it?**

**That doesn’t even make sense**

_I think that the thing hates me so.._

_It doesn’t matter._

 

Clarke was typing when a boy barely made it on the carriage just as the doors where sliding close, so she didn't notice him until she saw movement from the corner of her eye, on the seat across hers.

 

 

**When I’m back, the toaster will move in my side of the room.**

**Away from your evil hands.**

 

When she looked up from the screen her breath caught.

Across from her was sitting the most gorgeous boy she ever met. The perfect subject for her drawings.

He was looking for something inside his backpack but suddenly he looked up and caught her staring.

He smiled. And God, even his smile was gorgeous.

She blinked and flashed him a quick smile turning her eyes back on the screen.

 

**DAMN**

_wHAT?_

**A cute guy just sat across me..**

_Well?_

**Well.. what?**

_The heck are you doing still talking to me???_

_Go talk to HIM!!_

 

She rolled her eyes smiling and sneaked a look towards the cutie

 

**pity..**

_NoW wHAT?_

**Why do you keep putting the caps lock like that?**

_Clarke._

 

She could practically see her friend rolling her eyes

 

**Raven.**

_Stop it!_

_Tell me what’s going on!_

**Woah, calm down crazy,**

**Nothing’s going on here.**

**he’s reading..**

 

She pressed enter stealing another glance at the stranger and, wait, are those freckles??

 

_Ugh, he doesn’t know what he’s missing.._

_his bad.._

_I should know since I’m the luckiest gurl in the whole wide world in having the privilege to share_

_the ROOM with yOU._

 

Still in wonder from her discovery- her hands itching for a pencil so that she could draw him like that, whit that intense look, completely taken by the story he was reading,- she had to read the message twice, and when she did, she laughed.. Loudly.

She was laughing so hard that her eyes watered and she was forced to cover her them so that she wouldn’t see the screen, and tried to breathe normally.

She tried and failed at least three times, before the giggle attacks quieted. When she lowered her hands and glanced across her, purposely avoiding the screen, she noticed something odd. The book on his lap was closed. Clarke looked up, still with a goofy grin, and realized that now the guy was looking at her.. Amused.

She felt her face go hot and immediately adverted her eyes and looked down on her computer. Bad choice. Giggle attack number four was risking to knock her over as she couldn’t stop laughing even to breath. So she did the most sensible thing to do in these situations: she got up and ran to the restroom.

 

When she had control of her breathing again she took out her phone and speed dialed Raven’s number. She answered at the first ring.

“Hell-O”

“I’m gonna kill you when I’ll be back” unfortunately she couldn’t muster her meanest and lowest voice, since her throat was still sore from her giggle-attack

“HA! I was wondering what happened to you when you didn’t reply..”

“That. Was. Embarrassing.” She said sitting on top of hundreds toilet papers on the lid of the toilet, and hid her face with her free hand

“Ow, C’mon what happened?”

“..Oh my god.. I started to laugh so hard and Loudly.. When I looked his way, he was staring at me with this cute smile and his book was closed..”

“Wait. Where are you now?” Clarke made a face, anticipating what was coming

“Sitting on the toilet of the restroom..?”

“CLARKE!!” she actually had to take the phone away from her ear, such was high the shrill that came out from her friend, she kept it away for a while even if she could tell that Raven was blabbering something on the other end, certainly about how her habit to hide in the restroom whenever something overwhelmed her was NOT okay.

When she couldn’t hear angry noises coming from her phone she wearily accosted it to her ear.

“Raven?”

“You didn’t hear a thing of what I said, right?” Clarke sighed

“Ray-“

“No, it’s fine we can talk about it another time. NOW. You go out there and you introduce yourself to the cute guy and have a little fun time with the stranger, okay?”

“but-“

“Wrong answer. There’s no ‘but’ the guy closed the fucking book. He wanted to talk to you. So now you go there and talk to him. Done.” The line went dead.

Clarke remained with the phone still attached to her ear trying to figure out what just happened..

_Did she just hang-up on me?_

She got up from the toilet and looked herself on the small mirror above the tiny sink. That stupid grin was still on her face.

That was such a Raven thing to do, that she shook her head still amazed that after five years of knowing each other, her friend could still surprise her in her weird way.

 

When she got back to her seat, he actually stopped reading again and looked up at her.

She must’ve had the goofy grin still on because as soon as he made eye contact he grinned back. Already feeling a flush creeping out on her neck she moved her laptop on the seat beside her and plopped heavily on hers. She bit her bottom lip and glanced back at him

“I’m Clarke” She said holding out her hand

He held his eyes on hers for a while longer before he scooted closer to take her hand and shake it with his, which she couldn’t help but notice how big was compared to her tiny one “Nice to meet you, Clarke” He gave a little squeeze before letting her hand go and settled back on his seat “I’m Bellamy” the teasing smile never leaving his beautiful face.

They kept grinning to each other like dorks before Clarke suddenly felt self-conscious and desperately raked her brain for a topic to talk about

“I like your freckles” she blurted out.

When she realized what she’d said, she opened her mouth to say something, _anything_ , but closed it again, eyes wide, and watched helplessly how at first, he arched an eyebrow surprised and then laughed, so loudly that the sound filled the whole carriage, that anyway as she took a quick look around, was occupied only by the two of them.

“There’s an explanation for that..” She tried to amend awkwardly when his laugh quieted down a bit

“Oh, please do tell ”

Why the heck did she had to say that?? She did not have a good explanation.. well not besides the truth.. She was so going to kill Raven. This was all her fault.

“I draw.” She exhaled, annoyed with herself that she could barely formulate a full sentence with this stupid and impossibly handsome random guy, she is not that type of girl, she set her jaw and looked him square in the eye “…and, well you’re cute”

He did that thing again, when he just looked at her for a while and then scooted closer, giving her a better view on his adorable freckles, he obviously had caught her, because when she looked up at his eyes, he was grinning again

“Thanks, but I think you’re way cuter than I am.”

“oh?” she said dumbfounded. “Ugh, I mean, so.. can I draw you?” she frowned “Oh my god, I probably sound like a creep,”

_Uh-oh this is getting awkwaaard_

She could actually hear it. Raven’s voice in her head. Damn her! She was so going to pa-

“Well, I still think that you’re the cutest creep I ever met, so.. okay”

She immediately threw her head up at that “What?”

He chuckled a little awkwardly, and god she wished, in that moment, she could draw that lovely sound too

“I said, okay.. You can draw me, if you really want to..”

She didn’t even try to pretend to hesitate, she dived in her bag for her sketchbook and her pencil case and settled back on her seat with her ankle on the other knee and a new sheet ready to be filled with the stranger’s details, on top of it.

When she looked up at him again, he looked.. Distressed, and she froze.

Oh my god. _Now, he definitely thinks I’m a Creep_.

“..How-“ he cleared his throat awkwardly “What am I supposed to do..?”

“Oh.. You can read, if you want.. Actually, now that I think about it.. I’d prefer it..”

He nodded and opened the book.

After some time had passed, that Clarke took to shape his contours on the sheet, she noticed that something was off.

“if you don’t want me to.. you really don’t have to feel obliged..” She said softly putting down her pencil.

He looked up surprised and she smiled a little “You’re all tense, and it reflects on the drawing.. and besides I don’t think I heard the sound of pages being turned..”

“Oh.. I’m sorry, Truth is.. I never did something like this before..”

“Oh, you mean like being asked by a random-crazy-creepy girl met on the train, to pose so she can draw you and your gorgeous freckles?” She asked cocking her head a bit.

“You know for someone who gets embarrassed very easily you really got no filter when it comes to praise my freckles”

She made a face and start to put away her drawing stuff “I know its seems impossible to believe right now, but I swear to you, I’m not this awkward usually.. Well, at least I think so..”

He chuckled, some of the stiffness leaving his body, making her stomach do a weird flip-thing.

There was no way she wasn't going to draw him as soon as she got to campus, she had a good memory for details, and anyway she doubted she could ever not remember him, but of course she wasn’t going to tell him that. She had already filled her creepiness tank for today.

It would be her little secret.

“What were you reading?” she asked gesturing to the book still on his lap

He picked it up and held it towards her “The book thief”

“Oh, I saw the movie.. Beautiful but gee so sad..”

“Yeah, no spoilers, please”

Her eyes widened and she held up her hands “Wouldn’t dream of it.. I hate spoiler-people”

“Yeah, tell me about it, my sister is one of them.. She does it all the time just to piss me off..” He said rolling his eyes

Clarke nodded “I know! My roomie is the same, sometimes she search the thing on internet just so that she can spoil it to me..”

They stared at each other wide-eyed for a while and then laughed.

“We are surrounded by annoying people”

“mhm.. yeah but at the end of the day we can’t help but love them” He said with a small smile.

“I guess you’re right, Raven’s one of my best friends”

He cocked his head and just looked at her. She was dying to know what was he thinking about, but hell if she was going to ask him..

She glanced on the seat beside him and blinked.

“You play?” She asked pointing to the guitar case she just had noticed

“Uh.. yeah.. actually I-”

 

**_Ladies and Gentlemen, we inform you that we have just arrived to Cambridge._ **

 

Her eyes widened “Shit! That’s my stop, this is my stop! How on earth are we already here?!”

She shot up standing and frantically gathered her laptop, her headphones and coat and beanie that she had stripped from when she got on the train. The doors opened. She looked at them and then back at Bellamy “I have to go..” He got up and gave her hand her squeeze

“It was a pleasure to meet you, Clarke”

She smiled “Mine too.. Okay I really need to go now..” She ran out of the carriage and waved but froze as she watched him come to the doors… _Was he..?_

“I’m sorry for the drawing!”

The doors closed.

She grinned and shrugged bringing her hands up, so he could see the gesture clearly.

When the train left she frowned as she realized something. Their carriage had remained empty for the whole time they were on it. That meant that there was only the two of them, and he had chosen to sit on the seat across from hers..

And she didn’t even know what stop he was going to get off at or his last name for that matter.. no Facebook stalking then..

With a strange ache in her chest she turned and started walking towards what she now regarded as her second home.


	2. Love, Clarke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. I really loved all your comments, Thank you so much, it really gave me fuel to write!  
> Enjoy!

 

_No. This is not working._

Exasperated, Clarke curled the sheet in a ball and tossed it in a corner of her room, where other paper balls were scattered on the floor.

She slumped, resting her head on the back of her chair and pinched the bridge of her nose.

She had barely a week before her dad’s birthday came around and she was nowhere near on finishing her gift. Truth was.. She hadn’t even started it.. Or well she’d tried but she just couldn’t get that something right. And the most annoying thing was that she had drew them so many times but now it seemed that her hands didn’t know what they were doing anymore

“UGH”

She opened her eyes and drew in a deep breath through her nose and then out from her mouth.

Her lips curled up a bit while she studied the sketch pinned on the wall just above her desk. The one that she had done as soon as she’d been back in campus, while Raven went on chattering about some new guy that she’d met, who of course was a big pain in the ass.. She hadn’t pay that much attention at the time, but the name was hard to forget because since that moment all Raven did was complain about that stupid “Fuck-Wick”.

It was one of the bests according to her father, and for the first time –for him all her drawings were the “Best”- she had agreed with him. She loved how it turned out. It was the first sketch that she was absolutely content with, but then again, she suspected was all the subject’s doing.

It had been five years since that day on the train, where she’d met him, _Bellamy_.

Her eyes focused again on the screen of her iMac and she sighed. She was trying to sketch from her favourite photo of her father and her. She must’ve been three or four years old and she was squeezing her dad’s neck with her tiny arms, pressing her cheek to his, the both of them looking at the camera with the hugest grins ever seen.

Suddenly her skype opened and Raven was there.

“Hey Gurl!”

She stared at the screen wide-eyed “How the hell did you do that?!”

Raven feigned confusion “What?”

Clarke gave her a pointed look “Raven.”

Her friend rolled her eyes and smile sweetly “tricks of the trade..?”

She snorted and shook her head “Whatever.. What’s up?”

Raven leaned to the camera and smiled “I’ve got news..”

“Oh my god, that’s your evil grin.. I’m afraid to ask..”

“Ow Shut Up! I found a job!”

Clarke frowned “Okay.. But you already had one.. I thought you liked working there..”

Raven shook her head vigorously “No! You don’t understand, this job I found is even better! It’s in London!”

Clarke let out high pitched shriek and jumped out of the chair while Raven laughed

“You’re coming back?!?”

“YES!” her friend yelled.

Jake and Abby came practically crushing through the door with a wild look on their faces

“What happened?” They asked in unison

Raven giggled “I’m coming back!” She yelled again through the speakers.

The pair looked from the pc to their grinning daughter “She’s coming-“

“Yes!” Clarke jumped-hugged her dad giggling while Abby laughed and went to talk to the other girl

“Do you have a place to stay?” Clarke turned away from her dad and stood near her mother that in the meanwhile had stolen her chair

“I’m still looking” came the response from the other end

“Stop then, you’ll stay with us.” Her mother said in a way that didn’t take any objections.

But of course Raven being Raven had to make some “No, I can find a plac-“

“Oh c’mon Rey! You know we have a spare room! It’s perfect!” Clarke interrupted, excited

“But-“

“You’re family Raven. When will you get this in that stubborn head of yours?” Her dad silenced her coming to stand behind her mother, with his hands on his hips.

Clarke saw her friend’s eyes shine just before she dropped her head in defeat –and she suspected to hide the tears that were threatening to fall- and then looked up beaming

“Okay” Her mother threw up her hands in victory and Clarke high-fived with her dad while Raven laughed.

* * *

 

 

After according all the details of her best friend’s return she went with her mom to fix something to eat for lunch

“Clarke!” came her father’s voice from the living room.

She looked at her mother with raised eyebrows but she just shrugged.

“What is it?” She asked coming behind him. When he didn't respond she walked to stand in front of him and watched him with her hands on her hips, when she still didn't get any response she furrowed “Dad?”

“Freckles” He whispered wide-eyed staring at something behind her.

She gave him an odd look “What?”

Her dad looked at her then, and with a crazed expression gestured to the TV.

She turned still confused “The hel- oh.. Oh My God” she felt her heartbeat speed up and then stop all together as she realized who had reduced her farther like a big version of a hungry _Slender-Loris._

Suddenly _freckles_ made sense.

And she had a strange urge to laugh like a maniac and curl up in a ball and cry, all at the same time.

It was a program on the emerging band called “Sky People” of whom she happened to have listened and loved multiple songs through the last few years, but never come around to actually search the guys and see what their faces looked like.

He was the lead singer.

All these years when sometimes she oddly ached to hear his low chuckle again, she could have if she’d bothered to go on google and find an interview of them.

She had listened to his voice over and over again without even realizing it.

“Oh. My. God.” She tumbled on the floor with her hands on her knees

“What’s going on here?” Abby questioned eyeing her husband’s and daughter’s faces with a worried furrow-the same that had been on her daughter’s just a couple of seconds before-. They just had to point at the TV, then even her jaw dropped “Is that-”

“ _Freckles_ ” Father and daughter said at the same time.

Now they were showing a recent performance of the group, but Clarke couldn’t see anything, her mind going a thousand mile per second,

_How?_

_He’s Famous?!?_

_Oh God._

_What the Fu-_

And then it hit her. _The guitar._

“The guitar. He had a bloody guitar when I met him. Oh my God” She was aware that she probably sounded like a lunatic but she didn’t care. Her brain at this point was reduced to a mush.

 

“You should write him” She looked at her father like he was crazy

“What?! N-”

“Like Love letters!” piped in her mother interrupting her

“Oh yeah, those are the best” added her dad with a dreamy look “Where did they end up? Do we still have them?”

“Of course we still got them! I’m sure they’re somewhere in the attic..” Clarke watched her parents with a horrified look

“We should go find th-”

“Guys!” she yelled, finally getting their attention back “I am not going to write him a Love letter.. or any kind of letter for that matter.”

Her dad gave her a small smile and patted the seat beside him on the sofa. She sighed-she already knew where that was going- and walked over him and sat.

He took her hands in his “Fine.”

She frowned “Wha-”

“But, I’m going to tell you something now. All right?” He waited squeezing her hands

_There it is._

She nodded and he took a deep breath

“You were given a beautiful gift. You know how much I and your mother love your art. It’s part of who you are, it’s the way you always knew how to express yourself best, and it’s beautiful.” He said tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear “You don’t need me to say that though, you already know. What you do not know is how much writing is beautiful too.

Oh Clarke, I assure you writing your feelings down even if it’s only on a journal, it’s something so _liberating_ , in a way.. I know, that as much as I want-We want, to be in your life, they’re things that you keep to yourself. And it’s fine. It’s just the way it is. But sometimes these things tend to pile up so much inside of us that is almost too hard to breathe. Some people use music, others, like you, draw and then there’s the ones that write. I don’t need you to make examples of authors that made thousands of people cry, do I?”

She shook her head

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure you already have a dozen of them in your mind..”

She snorted

“The point I’m trying to make is that..

Writing a letter to someone is a special, _unique_ feeling, that I assure you, you won’t get talking or phoning or skyping or texting them. It’s a whole other thing all together. You can express all that you’re feeling in the best way possible, because you have time to actually sit there, and think about them, but at the same time you feel free to express them without fear of their reaction, because you’re not actually there to witness it. And in my opinion, it’s pretty marvelous.”

Clarke stared at her dad for a while thinking over all the things he had just said and then cocked her head smiling “Sounds, kinda marvelous to me too..”

Jake gave her a full-right grin, squeezing one last time her hands before letting go “There you go then, kid.. My work’s done here” he turned to his wife- that had a watery smile on her face- and put a hand over his tummy “All this wisdom made me hungry, what’s to eat?”

Mother and daughter rolled their eyes “Dork”

* * *

 

 

In her room, she tried to do the sketch one more time. And this time she actually did it.

She stared at it for some beats, a slow, wide grin making its way on her face.

She had the sudden urge to tell someone, so she called Raven

“C’mon.. pickuppickuppick-”

“Sorry! Leave a message and awesome Reys will call you back!” Clarke sighed as she listened to her friend’s recorded voice and hung-up

She tried for Wells. No luck even there.

Clarke laid on her bed staring at the ceiling.

 _Bellamy_. 

No.

“Fine! Let’s see what all that was about” She took a sheet and sat at her desk.

 

_~~Dear~~ Hi! _

_I don’t know if you remember me.. I’m Clarke, we met 5 years ago on a train from London, I was the creepy girl that asked you to pose so I could draw you..?_

_Yeah, I don’t even know why I’m doing this, but my dad.. He made this huge speech on how beautiful and amazing is to write a letter to someone.. that now, I guess, I’m curious to know what all the fuss is about.._

_And, also because I just discovered that you’re famous. And now – even if I don’t know if this will ever actually reach You- I have an address to send you something I wanted to show you even if it will probably make me look creepier than I already looked.._

 

 

She took his sketch down and took a photo and printed it.

 

_It’s the sketch that I couldn’t finish because, someone was too tense.. Well, I have a good memory so I completed it and this is how it turned out._

_I’m keeping the original. It’s one of my favourites._

_I’m sending you another one though, ‘cause that’s pretty much the reason I’m writing this letter. I just need to tell someone._

_You know when usually you know you’re good at something, but then there’s like this big challenge and it feels like you don’t know what you’re doing anymore?_

_Well that’s how I felt, for, pretty much this entire week._

_It’s my dad’s birthday in a week and I wanted to make him this sketch of one of our favourite photos together, but for some reason, I just couldn’t get it right. Every single attempt seemed worse than the one before. I was going nuts. But then, I tried again a couple of hours ago, and after not stopping even for a sip of water, I’d done it. And it felt glorious. I’m so excited, I want to tell and show everybody, but it’s like everyone ditched the planet, so I’m writing you, ‘cause you probably won’t ever read this._

_Huh. My dad was right. It’s weird. I kinda feel relieved in writing this down but at the same time I don’t have to worry for someone to read it.. Maybe I should start writing a journal._

_I wonder what you’re like, now that you’re famous. I didn’t know you that well before, but you didn’t seem like an ass, I hope you haven’t become one now.. ‘Cause... I’ll tell you a secret: No one likes ass-holes.. -I’m intending it as the bad word, not in the literal way.. even though.. I don’t think someone like ass-holes in the literal way too, so I guess it’s the same._

_Okay, time to end this letter before I write something weirder.._

_Uh! Btw I love your band, I was a fan of your music before I knew who you were.. If that makes sense.._

_Anyway, I better go now. [My mom’s having the night-shift and she’ll probably ask me to go with her and do some extra work..]_

 

Clarke raked her brain for a way to conclude the letter but then puffed “Fuck it, I’m gonna go with the classic”

 

_Love,_

_Clarke_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No Bellamy here, sorry.. But expect him in the next one ;)  
> I hope you enjoyed happy Griffin family, though, I really had fun writing them like that.. I'll enjoy it as long as I can.. before THAT thing happens..


	3. That's what my brother said

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out for Alara (my soulmate) that thought of the perfect job for Octavia.  
> And for all for you that read,left kudos and reviewed the last chapter, Thank you so very much!  
> I love you all.  
> Enjoy!

 

 

_Beep beep._ _Beep beep._

Bellamy reached for the alarm, tapping blindly on the bedside table

_Beep beep. Beep beeeeeep._

_Why does it sound like a_

“Wha-”

“Bellamy! What the fuck man?! Answer the damn phone!” came Miller’s gruff voice from a corner of the room

He finally raised his head and groggily opened his eyes to see where his phone –still ringing- was.

“What?” He grunted, after placing his phone on his ear and resting his other side of the face on the pillow

“Uh, someone’s sounds awfully grumpy today”

Bellamy groaned “Octavia”

“Yes. Brother.”

“It’s-” He raised his head again to see what time was “6 am”

“..Time Zones.. Right.. Sorry?” If he wouldn’t have had his eyes closed, he’d definitely roll his eyes

“What is it?”

“I have a job interview!”

“I thought you already had a job..” He said frowning, eyes still closed

“I quit it”

Bellamy jumped up in a sitting position “You did what? Why didn’t you tell me? Are you okay, whit money? Do yo-”

“Bellamy! Stop. That’s exactly why I didn’t tell you” Octavia sighed “You don’t need to worry, I’m a big girl, and I can take care of my self.”

He rubbed his face “That’s not the point O. I’m halfway around the world and if something happens-”

“I know Bell, but listen to me. I’m fine. Really.” She used her most reassuring tone “Besides, I pretty much have a job already..”

“You just told me that you have an _interview_..?”

Octavia rolled her eyes “That’s just a formality, I wrote a piece and sent it to them, thinking that at least I’d have tried.. But then I received their reply, and it turns out they love it so much, and want me writing for them as soon as possible”

Bellamy smiled, hearing her sister being so excited and happy always made his day brighter “What magazine, did you tell it was? I think I missed it”

Octavia giggled squealing “That’s because I didn’t tell you, yet!”

Bellamy arched an eyebrow “Go on then, don’t keep me waiting!”

“It’s for freaking VANITY FAIR!!!!”

Bellamy, that in the meantime had the awesome idea to take a sip of water, choked and coughed spilling half the content of the bottle on the bed.

“Bell? Are you okay?” came Octavia’s worried voice from the other end

“Yeah, O! That’s amazing!” He congratulated her hoarsely, slipping out the sheets and heading to the kitchen, he had almost reached the door when

“Ow,”

 _Shit_.

He had stepped on someone.

“THE FUCK MAN?” Miller growled in the dark

“SORRY, sorry, I’m sorry.. I just need to go out”

Miller muttered angry obscene words and crawled to the opposite corner of the room with his pillow.

Bellamy didn’t even remember how his friend end up on the floor.

After their opening gig of their first big tour in the USA, the previous night, they had celebrated with a couple of beers.. _or was it tequila?_ Anyway, then the rest was a blur.

Now, he just hoped to not step on other members of his band.

“Bell, you there?”

“I’m here, O that’s big” he said leaning on the small kitchen’s counter

“I know! No more entries on make-up or gossip, I can finally actually see the world and write about it” His sister squealed again “Can you imagine? I feel like I’m walking on air”

Bellamy chuckled “Right now, I’m so proud and happy for you, I just wish I was there so we could celebrate together..”

“Aww, I know! Me too, but we’ll do it when you’ll be back!”

“Absolutely, We could grab a takeout and go to Eaton Park like when you were little, just the two of us”

“Oh, that would be wonderful..” He heard the sad note on her voice and his chest constricted “But, I’m no longer one to make illusions, so” she said more chirpily

He frowned “What do you mean?”

“Only the two of us, Bell?”

“Yeah..”

“Please. You and I both know that That will never happen. I don’t even remember a time when we ate a single meal _just_ the two of us. The guys were always around. And sure as hell they will be on the celebration day.. they’re like leeches or lice, hard to get rid of when you get them”

Bellamy laughed hard “If they heard you, they’d be so mad..”

She giggled “Nonsense, they adore me, I’m like the whole band’s little sister, so..”

He smiled nodding “Yeah, I guess..”

“And anyway I was kidding.. I don’t mind. When mom died I lost my mother but I feel like I gained other four brothers so.. I’m a lucky girl!”

“Aw, if Jasper had heard you, he would’ve bought you a castle”

“and Miller would’ve written a whole composition” she added amused

“Monty would’ve done something whit-”

“Flowers! Or no, he’d probably buy me a whole tree” Bellamy laughed.

“What about Murphy?” He asked

“Probably stab himself with a fork, so that he wouldn’t have to hear such sweeeet words” She answered wide-eyed

He chuckled again and nodded “Probably”

“But then again, he’s such a gooey pie deep down, you could never know..” She re-thought

Bellamy kept nodding, even though he was very aware that her sister couldn’t see him “Also true”

“Listen Bell I have to go now, I’m at Liverpool street station, I’ll call you later or you call me, when you can, ‘kay?”

“Sure. Good luck! Even if you won’t need it”

“Thanks big brother..” She said warmly Bellamy said good bye and ended the phone call.

 

“Dude did you pee on the bed, I’m all wet” Bellamy turned to his friend

“No! I spilled the water bottle” He said with a scandalized look

“Huh. Good to know”

“Wait, where were you?”

“Under the bed”

“Why would you sleep under my bed?”

Murphy gave him a look “Well, you know, It’s not like I remember since we got completely wasted or maybe you don’t even remember that.. and beside did you see where Jasper is?” Bellamy shook his head slowly, afraid to ask “He’s in the bathroom, on the toilet.”

“How-”

“Don’t ask” his friend said holding his hands up “and frankly I don’t even wanna know” Murphy added making a face.

Bellamy nodded, looking behind his band member. And then back at his friend. They stared at each other.

“I’m taking the couch” They said at the same time.

After that, was all a matter of who got there first.

Murphy won.

“And once again Murphy wins” he bragged bringing his hands up in a grand gesture for then flung himself face down on the so-earned-couch

“Prick” Bellamy muttered heading to the bed, hoping to find a dry corner.

 

 

 

**[Clarke POV]**

 

 

Clarke arrived at Liverpool street station with her trusted mocha in hand, and looked up at the big screens bleary eyed to find the platform where her friend’s train would arrive at.

It had been a week since Raven told her that she would’ve come. A week where all she had done was eat, sleep her eight hours on the dot, and go to the hospital. Her dad had gone to an engineering convention or something. She had had no wish to stay at home on her own, so she spent all the time she could with her mom.

But that night had been different, she’d barely slept an hour.

The previous day she had gone to the hospital with her mother like usual for her training program, but just as they were going to leave, there was an accident a couple of blocks away. The driver of a bus had had a heart-attack and crashed.

Clarke had never seen so many people with so many ugly injuries all at once. Her mother had been in surgery all night and she had remained to help the best she could.

When she finally found the number of the platform she turned to get to it but then she collided with someone spilling all the coffee

“Oh my God it’s hot!” yelped a girl pulling to her blouse so that the fabric didn’t touch her skin

“Oh my God, Sorry! I’m so sorry!” screeched Clarke with a horrified look

“Oh my god, What do I do now” asked the brunette to no one in particular, palming her head

“I’m so sorry, I’m such an idiot, I-”

“I’m supposed to have an interview, in like ten minutes!” shrieked the girl finally looking at her with a terrified look “Oh my God! What do I do???”

Clarke thought quickly, the situation making her sleeping brain-cells wake up startled, “Come to the ladies with me” She said taking the girl’s hand and pulling her through the throng until they’d reached it “Pull off your shirt” The girl gave her an odd look “That sounded wrong. Go in one of the cabins, and pull off your shirt, so I can give you mine.” Clarke nodded to herself “That’s better”

The girl gave her a quick smile still weary “And what will you wear?”

“Don’t worry I have a jumper inside” she answered patting her backpack, “C’mon, the interview!”

The girl nodded and entered a cabin, Clarke doing the same

“Thanks, I really I appreciate it” came the voice from the other side of the metal wall

“Oh, it was my fault, so..” Clarke said flinging her tee-shirt to the other girl

“No, really, it wasn’t.. I was distracted too, I had just ended a call and I wasn’t looking where I was going..”

Clarke put on her sweater and got out the cabin at the same time of the brunette. They smiled at each other.

“Uh, you’re taller than me” Clarke noticed apprehensively

“Oh don’t worry, they’ll look at it as a fashion choice. I’m Octavia by the way”

the girl said holding her hand out

Clarke smiled brightly shaking it “I’m Clarke, so you’re like a model?”

Octavia snorted, “God no.. I’m a writer, I’m having an interview with Vanity Fair”

Clarke gawked “Woah, That’s Big!”

She smiled “That’s what my brother said.. But, yeah I’m pretty excited!”

“I would be too!”

Octavia bit her lip “So how do we do for your shirt?”

The blonde remained silent for a while, thinking the situation through “Okay, you can give me your phone number and I’ll give you mine, I’ll wash your shirt today, and then we can meet somewhere whenever you can”

Octavia shook her head “You really don’t need to wash my blouse, it’s fine”

Clarke snatched the shirt away before the other girl could take it “No way, it was my fault, and if you’re afraid that I’ll ruin it, don’t. I promise you, I actually became an expert in washing delicates in my college years”

Octavia smiled amused, but still didn't give up “It’s not that, I told you, it wasn’t your fault!”

“Whatever, I feel guilty anyway, so please let me do this” Clarke gave Octavia her best puppy eyes and the other girl giggled looking away with a pout

“God, you’re so terribly nice, and I bet that’s the face that get you anything”

“Pretty much yeah.. But I use it only for good causes, promise” the blonde swore placing a hand on her heart

Octavia rolled her eyes, and smiled shaking her head,

They exchanged numbers.

“Oh God! It’s getting late you have the interview, go!” Clarke screeched suddenly looking at her watch

Octavia jumped and ran outside as Clarke kept the door open for her

“I wish you the best of good lucks!”

“Thanks!” Octavia yelled looking over her shoulder with a grin.

 

 

When Clarke finally reached the platform, she saw her friend waiting with a huge suitcase beside her. She ran towards her and surprise-hugged her.

Raven laughed and held on tight to the friend that she didn’t see for months “You’re late, did something happen? You’re never late” she then asked worriedly

Clarke stepped back “I know, sorry! You have no idea”

She told her about Octavia and Raven shook her head smiling “Always saving people, huh?”

Clarke grinned “Saving people, hunting things, the family business”

Raven dropped her jaw “You did not!”

Clarke laughed “Supernatural is religion bae, but I’m afraid I can’t save you from taking the tube, I can’t drive, I had like an hour of sleep”

“Aw what happened, so excited to see me, that you couldn’t sleep?”

“Mhm.. I’ll tell you while we go”

 

When the girls arrived home, they quickly left the suitcase in Raven’s room and went down to talk and eat junk food, while playing scrabble. It was a tie, they both made impossible scores, making points using specific terms of the things they were studying and each time, when one presented a word the other checked on the dictionary.

Clarke then told her friend about Bellamy.

“WUT? NO WAY”

“Tell me about it..”

Raven stared at her dumbfounded “You serious?”

Clarke nodded “I listened to his music without even knowing.. I feel such an idiot”

Raven continued to gawk “Woah.. That’s” she shook her head “I don’t even know how to call it..”

Suddenly she hit her thigh, her wide eyes lightened with a Raven-idea (That in Clarke’s head was another word for Crazy idea) “You should write him! I’m sure they have a PO box or something, or even better we can go to one of their concerts and stalk them and force him to see you so he ca-“

“Raven!” Clarke shouted “Stop right there. We. Are. Not. _Stalkers_. We’re not going to stalk anyone.” She said levelling her friend up with a steady look until she had nodded “And, besides I’m already writing him..” she then added in a mumble

Raven’s eyes got even wider, Clarke thought distractedly if her eyes would pop out if she kept that going “You are?”

“Yeah, dad had the idea.. and yeah..”

Her fried nodded “Okay, cool. Wow, that was easy..”

Clarke puckered her brows “What’s that supposed to mean?” 

Raven looked at her shaking her head “Nothing.. it’s just.. Usually we have to though world war three to make you do something that you think it’s not important, I’m pleasantly surprised” Her friend beamed.

Clarke felt a stab of guilt but smiled nonetheless.

 

 

Later that night, when she was alone in her room she took some sheets of paper and with favourite pen she began to write.

 

_Bellamy,_

_Here I am again. A week has passed since I discovered that you are.. well, all that you are._

_A lot has happened, since then, but the most important thing is that, one of my best friends is here. Actually she’s the reason why that day on the train I couldn’t stop laughing.._

_We have this running joke between us.._

_When we were in high school, something happened to her so she came to live with my family, we weren’t that friends at the time (which is so weird.. Now I can’t even imagine my life without her) but my mother decided to take her under her wing, and after a while she became.. family. But, few knew of this arrangement, so when we started to come to school together, bring lunch to each other when the other forgot it, people started to notice, and that plus the fact that both of us oddly weren’t interested in boys –I was constantly sticking my nose in a biology book or in a fantasy or romance novel, while Raven kept playing (meaning breaking to pieces and then putting them again to create something mindboggling) around with tech stuff- supposed that we were a couple._

_Neither of us considered to deny. It was just easier._

_When we got to Uni people started to well.. See me and her as -and I quote- a hot couple._

_One day, while Raven was browsing the bookshelf and I was studying on a near desk ,in the library a guy came up to her –not noticing me- and said “I hope you know that you’re lucky, sharing the room with Clarke.. and being her girlfriend and all..” and Raven just being her just looked at him and nodded with the most serious look I’ve seen on her and said “I know.”_

_We are straight. If that wasn’t clear.. Seriously though, I love her. She’s an amazing friend and person and I feel so lucky to know her and have her in my life. She’s been through awful stuff and even if I watched her cry and be hurt from this stuff, I’ve always see her as the strongest person I know. She’s just awesome. And what’s even better is that she knows it._

_Sometimes I wish I could be more like her, you know?_

_If I was ever put in the kind of situations she had been through.. I don’t know if I could be that strong.. I guess I’ll know when it’ll happen to me.. But God, I hope I’ll never go through them.. I don’t want to write something like this so that, then tomorrow I’ll get a call saying that my mom died.. Okay, this is getting terribly depressing._

_On a lighter note I didn’t sleep today, because there was an accident and I had to stay at the hospital to help.. I’m a medicine student, I’m doing my training program at the hospital were my mom works.. but that wasn’t that much lighter, was it? I just told you there was an accident.. Jee I’m so bad.._

_Anyway before I went to get Raven I –being my clumsy self- spilled a mocha on a girl. And I gave her my shirt and she was really nice.. It kinda gave me hope on girl-power, you know? Other girls would’ve probably yelled at me and clawed off my face or something if they were going to do an interview for Vanity Fair, but not Octavia.. I’m meeting her so I can give her shirt back after I washed it, and oddly I’m kinda excited, I want to know if she got the job. I really hope so, she seem like a really good person. And the world definitely needs a good voice to be described from. Does that make sense? Well that’s how I think about it.._

_I kinda feel guilty, though.. I didn’t send letter n 1.. Raven thinks I did.. Maybe I should number them, so if I send them all at once-in a moment of madness- you can see from where to start.._

_Okay so this is letter n 2 (don’t worry I’ll put it on the envelope too)_

_Well, That’s it for today._

_Love,_

_Clarke_


	4. A little push

 

Clarke arrived at the station ten minutes earlier, so she sat on one of the benches near their meeting point and waited.

“hey!” someone tapped her on the shoulder giving her a fright “I’m sorry! Didn’t mean to scare you!” Octavia smiled apologetically

Clarke giggled nervously “No, I was just surprised” She held up the book she had been reading “And completely sucked in the world in here”

Octavia smiled knowingly “My brother’s the same.. Anyway this is your shirt” she said handing her a bag

Clarke grinned and handed her another “And this is your blouse”

Octavia took it and smelled it “God, it smell so good, Please let me buy you a coffee?”

“I have a feeling that you’re not going to let me go until I say yes, right?”

“Absolutely.”

Clarke smiled shaking her head “Fine!”

* * *

 

 

“So you’re a writer..”

Octavia took a sip from her cappuccino and nodded “Yeah, I graduated from my local Uni and got a job with a couple of minor magazines here and there, worked well for a while, but then I realized I wanted more, and now I’m working for Vanity Fair!”

Clarke beamed “Your folks must be very proud of you”

Octavia smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes “My mom died when I was 16..”

Clarke gasped “I’m so sorry..”

“My father..” the other girl paused “Well, he’s out of the picture.. It’s only me and my brother.. He’s pretty much the only reason why I came this far.. He dropped out of college so that he could take care of me” Now she smiled brightly “He is very proud”

Clarke smiled kindly “It’s beautiful. I don’t have siblings but if I had I would probably aspire to have a relationship like yours”

“Yeah, we’re pretty close.. I used to feel guilty over the fact that he had to give up his dreams to keep mine from sinking, but now he’s living one of the two so I’m pretty proud myself now”

Clarke hummed smiling taking a sip from her mocha

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry, I kept talking about my life, I blame it on the writer streak, apparently once I start talking I can’t stop, it’s like I have verbal diarrhea, It’s a prob- oh, I did it again..”

Clarke burst out in giggles “My God, you and I are more alike than I thought”

Octavia grinned “Probably.. So what do _you_ do?”

They talked and talked for hours until Clarke received an instant message from Raven

 

_WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU!?!??!?_

_YOUR DAD WILL BE HOME SOON_

_GET YOUR ASS HERE_

_NOW._

 

“Oh, gee”

“Something’s wrong?” Octavia asked watching her carefully

“I have to go.. It’s my dad’s birthday and we’re having this little surprise party” Clarke said getting up

“Oh, of course!” Octavia shot up and offered her hand again “It was a pleasure to meet you, Clarke”

Something moved inside her and she had a sense of déjà-vu. She stared at the other girl wide eyed

“Are you okay?” Octavia asked her with a worried frown

Clarke blinked and shook the memory of the train away “Yeah, just.. Nothing” she squeezed the other girl’s hand “It was very nice meeting you too..”

She let go of the hand and turned to the door She frowned looking at the exit and then turning back at the other girl said “I really like you Octavia, I genuinely think that you’re a good person and..” she made a face “This may sound creepy, but apparently my brain can’t find a way to tell it in another way, so.. I just want to keep in touch and be like.. Friends”

Octavia smiled brightly “I’d love that, really”

“Oh? That’s great!” the blonde exclaimed delighted “I have your number and you have mine, talk to you soon then” she said walking backwards to the exit

Octavia smiled nodding “Absolutely!”

* * *

 

 

“Is he back?” Clarke asked as soon as she was home

Raven came running to her and pulled her to the living room “Not yet, but he’ll be here soon. What took you so long? I thought you were only going to give the blouse back”

Clarke looked at her contritely “Yeah but then we got coffee and-“

“Hey Knobby!” Raven rolled her eyes at the stupid nickname their friend used to call Clarke

The blonde looked around with her eyes wide “Wells?”

“I’m on the side table, I think..”

She sighed when she saw the laptop and walked over it “You know, it would be nice to see you in the flesh.. It’s been like six years! You do know that’s a lot, right? How can I know if you’re real or a.. Hologram or something?”

“Mhm yeah, I could be a shape-shifter” He joked wiggling his eyebrows

Clarke huffed looking at Raven that just shook her head amused “I’m serious, Wells”

He sighed “I know, can we just not do this today?”

Someone ranged the bell and they all held their breath until Abby’s voice greeted their neighbors

Clarke looked at the camera “Looks like your dad’s here”

She got up and went to greet them.

After a tense exchange between father and son on skype, it was only a matter of minutes before they all heard the key being turned. They hurriedly switched off all the lights and waited in the darkness.

“Hello?”

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” They all screamed as soon the light was back on

Jake laughed with a hand over his chest “You guys gave me a heart attack”

Abby laughed and went to kiss his husband “Well come back”

After hugging Clarke he looked over at Raven “Well, now that I have my engineer buddy back I won’t feel so lonely when these two”-he said pointing at mother and daughter-“go on full crazy medic stuff” Clarke and Abby rolled their eyes while Raven laughed going to hug him

“Happy birthday mate, we’re getting old huh?”

Jake snorted “Maybe you, not me!” he pointed at himself “There’s a child that never grows up in here”

“Happy Birthday Mr Griffin!” Jake looked around confused until his friend pointed at the side table “Oh, Hello there! Thanks!”

 

After they all had a piece of cake (chocolate of course) it was time for the presents. Clarke gave hers last

“Oh kid, it’s beautiful” her dad breathed in wonder staring at it

“You say it every time I show you a new one” Clarke smiled rolling her eyes

“Oh no, this one is even better than freckles, I’m definitely going to frame it!” He exclaimed enthusiastic

Raven laughed and muttered under her breath “You should frame your one too.. _freckles?_ ”

Clarke blushed and elbowed her friend making her giggle.

* * *

 

 

Later when the party became a little too old for Clarke and Raven, they decided it was time to leave the fun and go to their rooms.

Clarke’s hand was itching for a pen for some reason. She couldn't wait to write.

 

_Hey Bellamy!_

 

_I’m probably grinning like a weirdo right now, but I’m just.. So Happy._

_I feel great. It’s one of those perfect days when you feel that the planets are aligned, the stars are brighter than the usual and all is going to be great._

_I met with Octavia today, to give her shirt back and we talked so much, it felt like we’d known each other for ages, I also had this weird moment when she said something to me and I completely spaced out because she reminded me of you.. Crazy right? Anyway we’ll keep in touch, so that’s great. And.._

_Today was my dad’s birthday. We surprised him with a little party and it was wonderful. I felt like when I was younger when all of us were home, the only bugger was the absence of Wells (my other best friend). He’s a year older than me so he left school a year before I did and that also means that it’s been six years since I saw him in person._

_I used to feel sad about it, but now every time I think about it, I get so mad I want to punch him in the face.. Okay, this is turning in an angry letter very fast, so let me stop right here._

 

Her laptop lit up with a Skype call from Wells

 

_Talk of the devil.. He’s calling, I gotta go.._

_I hope you’re having a great time in the USA,_

_Love,_

_Clarke_

 

Clarke put down the pen and accepted the call “Hey”

“Hey, how’s the party going?”

“For them great I think, but for me and Raven it moved too much in Adult-over-50 territory so we left early”

“Ow, did they had too many beers and start playing at ‘Who am I?’”

Clarke cracked a smile “You got it”

Wells laughed shaking his head

“Wells, why are you not here?” Clarke asked point-blank

“What?”

“You heard me.”

He sighed “I told you, I don’t wann-”

“Well that’s too bad Wells, because I want to have it. What is it? It’s like Edinburgh so much better that you don’t want to come home at least once in a while?”

“No! That’s no-“

“Then why? Six years, Wells. And don’t use the stepmom bullshit excuse, cause I had the possibility to know her and she’s not half as bad as you think. Did something happen?”

“No! Yes, oh god” Wells nervously rubbed his face and sighed

“Wells..”

“I can’t tell you Clarke” He said after a moment of silence

Clarke lost all her anger and looked at the screen hurt “You don’t trust me?”

“Clarke.. I just..” He sighed again closing his eyes

“Wow,” She swallowed her hurt and looked directly at the camera “I thought that even if six years had passed since we last saw each other, we were still best friends. You used to tell me everything. But now, I see.. it’s not like that anymore, is it?”

“ _Wells?_ ” someone called her friend from the other end of the line

“I have to go..” Wells looked at her though the screen sadly

Clarke nodded, her eyes wet “Okay, don’t bother to call next time”

“Clarke, wai-”

“Bye” she ended the call and rested her forehead on the desk, squeezing her eyes shut.

_Did I just said goodbye to my oldest friend forever?_

“Hey..” Clarke turned towards the door where the voice came “I heard angry noises, was it Wells?”

She nodded and then her face crumpled “I lost my oldest friend”

“Oh Clarke” Raven came over her and hugged her “I’m sure that’s not true, something’s happened and he’s just too boneheaded to admit it”

Clarke nodded pulling back “But why? He knows I’d never judge him”

Her friend shrugged “I don’t know, maybe’s something too big” she considered leaning on the desk

Clarke thought over Raven’s words,

_What would be so big that he couldn't tell me of all people?_

“Uh, is that a letter?” her friend asked walking over the other side of the desk

“huh?” Clarke asked dumbfounded

“You’re really writing him!” He friend exclaimed overjoyed but frowned as soon as she glanced down at the drawer where the other two letters were, she picked them up “You put the address and all but you didn’t send them.. Why?”

Clarke opened her mouth but closed it again “Please, don’t be mad, I jus-“

“Clarke, I’m not mad, I just wanna know why..” she said with a little smile

Clarke sighed “I don’t know.. I’m stalling I guess.. As soon as I send them they’ll become real, and if he doesn’t reply..” she pinched the bridge of her nose and got up “Just leave them there, I’m gonna go to bed”

Raven nodded “Okay, good night” her friend left the room and she threw herself on the bed and fell asleep almost as soon as her head hit the pillow.

* * *

 

 

 _That_ _was_ _awfully_ _too_ _easy_

Was the first thought that came through her mind. She frowned opening her eyes, she looked at the time 09:48. She hadn’t slept-in since ages and it felt an odd mixture of incredibly resting but at the same time unsettling. She was starving.

When she got up from the bed she remembered her first thought of the day and with her eyes wide open she ran to her letter-drawer.

It was empty.

She stood up and looked on the desk. Nothing but her laptop and her usual stuff, until she saw the note

 

_Don’t hate me. I’m doing it because it’s the right thing._

_I know you know it too._

_I’m just giving you a push, like always._

_Xx Rey_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Lovely readers! I just wanted to thank you guys for your support, it really means the world for me, and reviews give me an incredible boost when it comes to write, so THANKS.
> 
> Also, wanted to warn you ‘cause shit’s gonna go down soon.  
> Just throwing it out there..  
> I love you all.  
> xx El


	5. I'm Proud of You

 

**[Bellamy POV]**

 

Chris, their manager, entered the room with a huge bag full of letters.

“Hey buddy!” greeted Jasper helping him in “Wow, that’s a big bag..”

Chris snorted “There’re like other four bags like this”

The boys gawked.

“I guess we really became that famous, huh?” Murphy muttered with a little smile.

Chris looked around “Where’s Bellamy?”

“He’s under the shower”

Their manager nodded “Okay, will you guys help me with the other bags or what?” the boys complied and when they were back on the room each one of them picked up an envelope and started reading.

“Dear Bellamy”

“Dear Bellamy”

“Dear Bellamy”

“Oh okay, is one of these _not_ to Bellamy?” asked Monty raising an eyebrow

Chris shrugged and then remembered something “Try these, they came just as I was leaving, I think they’re all from the same person” He said pulling out a bunch of envelopes from his coat pocket, there were four of them.

Each of the boys took an envelope and opened it without seeing who the recipient was supposed to be

“Oh someone cut the Dear” Jasper smiled continuing to read

 

_I don’t know if you remember me.. I’m Clarke, we met 5 years ago on a train from London_

 

He frowned.

 

Murphy read the first sentence of the letter he had

 

 

_Bellamy,_

_Here I am again. A week has passed since I discovered that you are.. well, all that you are_

 

And then stopped, it was meant for Bellamy. He took the envelope again and look who the sender was, then blinked.

 

_Hey Bellamy!_

 

Miller stopped reading there and he too looked at the sender.He frowned

Monty didn’t open his envelope, as he was the only one to have checked who the sender was before actually open it and he frowned.

 

“Bloody Hell”

They all looked up and stared at each other wide-eyed

“Could it be?”

“Clarke as Train Clarke?” asked Monty

Jasper read his letter again and took out the drawings “Clarke as train slash artist Clarke” He said holding out the drawing of their band mate

They all gaped at it.

“No way” Murphy mumbled, a small laugh escaping his lips

“Who’s Clarke?” Asked Chris raising an eyebrow at the boys’ reactions

“She’s.. Bellamy went on a song writer’s block because of her..” Murphy told him running a hand through his hair

Jasper shot up “You guys! This is perfect!”

“What is perfect?” Asked Bellamy, coming to the living room drying his hair with a towel

They all shut up and just stared at him. He raised both eyebrows and put his hands on his hips “What? You guys look like you’ve seen a ghost”

Chris observed the scene amused “Does the name Clarke tell you anything?”

Bellamy swallowed and laughed nervously, shifting his weight on the other foot “What?”

His manager just shrugged and nodded at the sheets that Jasper was holding wide-eyed.

Bellamy felt his heartbeat quicken and swallowed again, his throat drier than right after finishing a gig.

He exhaled and walked over his friend

“Dude..” Jasper begun but Bellamy shook his head and held out his hand

Jasper closed his mouth and gave him everything. Slowly the other guys got up and gave their envelopes. Murphy gave him a little squeeze on his arm and he looked up, he had a wide grin on his face, Bellamy pushed him aside and made to go to his room, but just before he closed the door, he heard them snicker and jasper singing “Love is in the aaair”. He banged the door so that they could hear it.

He sat on the bed and laid the papers on the mattress, putting them in order. He smiled thinking of the fact that she’d numbered the letters.

He took a deep breath and begun reading the first one.

When he read about the drawings, he picked them up. One was of him reading that day on the train.

**_She is good._ **

He thought with a little smile.

He glanced at the other and his smile turned in a full grin.

It was one of the most adorable things he had ever seen.

The little girl was obviously her and the man she was attached to like a monkey, he assumed was her dad. He shook his head smiling returning to read the rest of the letter.

He settled himself better when he took out letter #2.

 

_Bellamy, Here I am again. A week has passed since I discovered that you are.. well, all that you are._

 

He raised his eyebrows.

 

_[…] One day, while Raven was browsing the bookshelf and I was studying on a near desk ,in the library a guy came up to her –not noticing me- and said “I hope you know that you’re lucky, sharing the room with Clarke.. and being her girlfriend and all..” and Raven just being her just looked at him and nodded with the most serious look I’ve seen on her and said “I know.”_

 

He chuckled. This Raven seemed to be pretty awesome.

 

_[…] I’m a medicine student, I’m doing my training program at the hospital were my mom works.._

 

Huh. So she’s a future doctor.. He thought about it for a while then decided that it fitted, even if all this time he thought at her as an art student, for all that can-I-draw-you business.

 

_[…] I –being my clumsy self- spilled a mocha on a girl. And I gave her my shirt and she was really nice.. It kinda gave me hope on girl-power, you know?_

 

He took his water bottle and continued reading while drinking.

 

_Other girls would’ve probably yelled at me and clawed off my face or something if they were going to do an interview for Vanity Fair, but not Octavia.._

 

He choked on the water and got up before he spilled the water on the bed again.

He remained still for a while.

“Dude? You okay?” came Miller’s voice from the other side of the door

“Yeah” He said wide eyed still thinking over what he had just read

“Cool”

Bellamy walked to the bed again and picked up the letter.

How many Octavia that were a journalist and recently did an interview for VF could possibly be there?

He took a deep breath and picked up the third letter.

 

_[…] I met with Octavia today, to give her shirt back and we talked so much, it felt like we’d known each other for ages, I also had this weird moment when she said something to me and I completely spaced out because she reminded me of you.. Crazy right? […]_

 

“Oh God” he swallowed staring at her words. She had written this letter a month before.

If he was right his sister had known her for a month.

He took his cell phone and called Octavia

“Hey Bell” came her chirpy voice

“O. I need to ask you something..”

“Something’s wrong, are you okay?” Octavia immediately turned concerned

Bellamy shook his head even if she couldn’t see him “I’m fine. It’s..” He rubbed his face and exhaled

“Bell?”

“Do you know a girl named Clarke?”

His sister remained silent for a while “Oh. My. God. I knew it. She’s the girl you met on the train, the girl that wanted to make you a portrait. Clarke” Octavia laughed “Bellamy it’s so PERFECT” she squealed delighted

He slid off the wall and crouched palming his face “How long have you known her?”

“A month.. Wait how do you know that I know her?”

“She wrote me some letters..”

“Bell. This is great. I can give you her number. And you can see her again!”

He shook his head amazed “How many are the chances?”

Octavia laughed “I tell you. It’s destiny. You’re meant to each other.”

“Woah, calm down there, match maker. I barely even know the girl”

“Yeah, you barely even know the girl but you written a song for her.”

Bellamy scowled “I did not write a song for her.”

“But you tried. And you wouldn’t shut up about her for weeks. Remember how Murphy would bang his head on the next near surface as soon as you’d mention her name?”

“Yeah, fuckin’ traitor drama queen, he’s the one that told the others”

Octavia laughed “Bellamy. You wanted to see her again for ages.”

Bellamy exhaled. The truth was that he didn’t need any further convictions. He was dying to get that phone number.

“Okay” Octavia squealed and gave it to him “Bell can I tell her?”

Bellamy eyes widened “No way! You don’t tell her anything. I wanna talk to her first”

“Fine.” He could imagine his sister pout and he smiled “But hurry up. I can’t wait to see you guys in the same place. She’s awesome Bell”

Bellamy grinned “I know”.

 

* * *

 

 

**[Clarke POV]**

 

Clarke plunged on the sofa waiting for her dad. That day they would've gone to an art exhibition for which Jake had found two tickets at the last minute

“Clarke, did you see my hydrocarbons book somewhere?” asked Raven coming into the room

Clarke puffed and looked away “I didn’t see anything of yours”

She felt she seat beside her dip “Ow c’mon Clarke, you cannot be still mad at me”

“I’m not mad.. I’m pissed off”

“Isn’t that the same thing?” Clarke heard the smile in her friend’s voice and looked at her. Raven took her hands in hers

“You know, I did it because it’s what I do, I look out for you, always”

Clarke sighed “I know but.. I told you why I didn’t want to send them, besides he hasn’t replied yet”

Raven gave her a squeeze “I got a good feeling about, this. Have I ever been wrong in this?”

Clarke raised an eye brow “Actually yes, like when you told me that I wouldn’t catch a cold if I ran really quick under the pouring rain to go to the library. I ended up being in bed for a week”

Raven made a face “You were such a delicate flower, but since that day, if I recall correctly you haven’t got sick, yet”

“Fine, but your gut sucks when it comes to hunches”

Raven puffed “Okay, do you have a bad feeling about it, then?”

Clarke thought about it for a while, and then shook her head reluctantly

Raven beamed triumphantly “See? I knew it! You’re gonna meet, sparks will fly and fireworks and BOOM marriage and babies”

Clarke rolled her eyes and gave her friend a shove making her fall backward on the sofa laughing

“You ready, Kiddo?”

Clarke shook her head smiling looking at Raven, “Yep,” She got up “Let’s go”

Jake arched an eyebrow “Is she high or something?”

Clarke snorted “No, just Raven being her weirdo self”

“Oh you mean like you”

Clarke laughed and punched him playfully

“Hey Rey, looking forward to finish that conversation about micro-satellites in space”

“Sure thing” Raven said lifting her head “Have Fun!” she yelled just before father and daughter got out

“Sure thing!” yelled Jake back mimicking her voice making Raven laugh and Clarke roll her eyes.

* * *

 

 

Clarke was admiring a painting of a breath-taking scenery when she felt her father’s hands on her shoulders

“It’s beautiful, it makes me want to go inside the painting”

Jake hummed “You know, I always fantasised about you choosing art and coming to a place like this and see your art pinned on these walls”

Clarke smiled “I chose medicine because.. You know why”

“Ah, yes saving people, hunting things, The family business”

Clarke laughed “We should do a marathon some day and catch up with the last two seasons”

“Absolutely” she felt her dad nod over her head “Anyway, I wanted to tell you that I’m proud of your choice.. Well, I would’ve been proud whatever you chose, but to choose Medicine.. Wow that takes guts and I know you got loads of them, but I want you to understand something,” Clarke turned to face him slightly frowning but still smiling “All your life you’ve been incredibly lucky, and I and your mother can’t even begin to tell you how thankful we are for that.. But someday, I hope as late as possible, something will happen, it’s life.. Sometimes is fairies and roses other times is goblins and trolls..” Clarke snorted “It’s a mess but that’s also the beauty of it, and even when it all seems bad and hopeless I promise that’s not true, there’s always something good, you just have to find the right prospective to see it. Do you understand?”

Clarke nodded

“There’s always hope. Always.” Jake tapped her forehead “Never forget that, okay?”

Clarke smiled “Okay. Now I bet you’re hungry, though, aren’t you? You always are after one of your wisdom-sharing speeches.”

Jake made a face patting his belly “You’ve no idea”

She laughed and shook her head “C’mon then, let’s grab something to eat and go home”

Her dad grinned and put an arm around his daughter while they walked to the exit.

* * *

 

 

“So did you write any new letters for freckles?”asked Jake in the car

“Not since the one I sent a couple a days after Raven sent the other ones..”

“Why not?”

Clarke hesitated “What if he doesn’t respond?”

Her dad stopped at the traffic light and looked at her “Well, there’s an infinity of possibilities, but I told you to write him, mainly because I wanted you to discover another way to express your feelings..”

Clarke snorted, “Mainly..” the traffic light turned green

“Yeah and also because I secretly wish to meet the guy that turned my all-I-care-about-is-my-degree-and-my-fantasy-novels daughter into a groupie”

Clarke hit him on the arm “I am not a groupie!”

“Ouch kiddo!” he glanced at her and gestured to the steering wheel “Driving!”

Clarke pulled out her tongue and he chuckled “And also, I hope once you know him, I get to go to his concerts free, their music is awesome!” he winked and she laughed

 

[Boom Clap start playing on the radio]

 

“Oooh I love this song” Her father announced wide eyed, raising the volume

“Me too!”

Jake stopped the car at another red light and they began to dance awkwardly to the music

 

_Boom clap_

_The sound in my heart_

_The beat goes on and on and_

 

_On and on and on_

 

 

Clarke laughed clapping her hands to the beat and turned to her dad, but in that moment she noticed the brightest light she’d ever seen coming towards them, she didn’t even have time to scream. All went black.

* * *

 

 

**[Bellamy POV]**

After he ended the call with Octavia he stared at the piece of paper were he had written the phone number, his heart rate speeding up only at the thought of dialing the number.

He took a deep breath and put it on his nightstand.

After doing twenty push-ups he picked it up again and dialled the number as fast as he could, before his bravery wore off

He held his breath but then frowned as nothing happened.

He tried again but the line was just.. dead.

He sighed and sent a message to his sister to send him the number again, in case he missed a number or something, but it was the same.

He bit his lip thinking what to do next, and before he realized what he was doing he was sitting on the bed with a white sheet and a pen and started to write her a letter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey lovelies, for the ones that don't know where the quote "saving people, hunting things, the family business" comes from, it's from Supernatural.. It's like the second time I use it, I just love it so much lol and also..
> 
> Sorry for the cliffhanger..
> 
> but I love you really, your comments give me life.


	6. We Can't Lose Him

**Letter #4**

 

_Bellamy,_

_Oh God. I can’t believe she did it._

_I hate her. How could she do that to me? I wasn’t ready to send them!_

_Raven is the one that sent those first three letters.. God she didn’t even give me the chance to edit them! I’m pretty sure I wrote something about assholes.. Oh God. If you read them, now you definitely think that I’m weirdo.._

_Oh well, now there’s nothing I can do about it, is there?_

_I kinda feel relieved too, though.. I don’t have to think about it anymore, it’s already done.. I won’t tell her that, of course, or she’s never going to let me live past it. But I think she knows it so.. Ugh._

_I thought I wouldn’t write you anymore, after Raven ‘betrayed’ me, but I just read this book and I’m full of feelings.. But mainly I feel a mixture of anger and sadness.. I always end up loving the character that is going to die.. Like WHAT THE HELL! Why do the authors do that? Make us fall in love with a character and then kill them off? What’s the point? And do they cry too when they kill them or do they laugh their head off, while making a toast with Satan? Ugh._

_I’m so sad. His death is also so incredibly stupid. But then again, almost every time they are.._

_I remember that you were reading the Book thief on the train.. I read it too even if I already had watched the movie, and I wonder how did you cope with it? Did you turn into an angry ball of snot and tears like I did, or what? Because.. Gee that book is beautiful but damn. WHY??_

_Anyway I feel better now, my dad was right._

_I act like I don’t care much of his ‘pearls of wisdom’ but really, I love it when he drops them every now and then, it’s our father & daughter thing, and I love it. _

_Well I think it’s time to end this letter now,_

_Maybe I’ll write more or maybe not.. I don’t know.. Maybe I could just start to write on a diary if you don’t reply, so I don’t feel like a complete idiot.. We’ll see._

_Hope you’re doing okay,_

_Love,_

_Clarke_

 

Bellamy smiled reading the last letter she’d sent, for the hundredth time, while he waited in line at the post office to send his letter to her.

The others wanted to come too, oddly, especially Jasper but he had managed to sneak off their apartment while they were still asleep and now he was there, with his face starting to hurt, so wide his grin was. He just couldn’t wait for her to read his letter and reply back to him.

“Next, please”

Bellamy looked up and went to the lady behind the counter and gave her the letter, so she could weigh it

“A Love Letter to your girlfriend?”

Bellamy stuttered “No.. a friend, I guess”

The lady arched an eyebrow but smiled nonetheless “It’s nice to see youngsters send letters to each other, when now there’re a lot of easier ways to contact each other.. When I was young letters were all we waited for..” she sighed

He smiled kindly “I can imagine, I like letters too”

The old lady looked up at him and studied his face for a while, then frowned “Are you that guy from.. what was it? Heaven people?”

Bellamy chuckled “It’s Sky people, but yeah”

The woman’s eyes lightened up “My niece loves you, can you sign something for her?”

Bellamy beamed “Absolutely”

 

After he had signed a post office shirt uniform for Alisha, Marianne’s niece, he asked how much he owed for the stamp but she just waved her hand off smiling “Don’t worry about it, I hope she’ll reply to you soon”

He smiled taking his letter with the stamp on “I hope so, too”

After he’d said goodbye to the nice lady he went out and, holding his breath, slipped the envelope in the post-box.

* * *

 

**[Clarke POV]**

 

_They were at the annual Winter Wonderland at Hyde Park. She had a pink candy floss in one hand and with the other she was holding her daddy’s._

_“Okay, let’s take a picture” They both turned to look at Abby._

_Clarke grinned and jumped up and down with her arms outstretched “picture picture picture!!!”_

_Jake laughed “All right all right little monkey” He faked a groan and puffed when she was in his arms “You’re so heavy!”_

_Clarke giggled and jumped again and again looking at her mom._

_“Honey, before tonight, if that’s okay with you, lil monkey here feels a little too excited”_

_Abby rolled her eyes “Oh shut up!” she said laughing “Clarke, sweetheart give a squeezy squeeze to daddy”_

_“Oh no, not the squee- och, I can’t breath”_

_Abby laughed “Now say squeeze. Both of you.”_

_“SQUEEEEEEZE”_

 

Clarke sighed.

Her eyes seemed to be sealed shut and she felt like she was run over by a truck. Every single bone in her body ached like it had been broken and put back together. And her head… God her head felt like there were a bazillion of toddlers screaming in it.

Clarke sighed and passed out again, right after registering a faint beep of a machine nearby.

_There’s always hope. Always._

_Never forget that._

* * *

 

 

 

Clarke knew something wasn’t right. This wasn’t her bed. And she had something in her mouth.

The smell was familiar though. And so was the beeping sound that at the moment was irritating her beyond reason.

After blinking her eyes for a while to adjust them to the light she tried to move her head. She felt a wave of nausea coming up but she pushed it down screwing her eyes shut and grinding her teeth

She took a deep breath and opened her eyes again. Her mom was sleeping in what seemed the most uncomfortable position in the world, while holding Clarke’s hand in both of hers.

Clarke slowly turned her head again, Raven was curled up on the sofa by the opposite side of the room, her head resting on someone else’s shoulder.

“Clarke?”

She tried to speak and it was then that she realised that she had a bloody tube in her throat. She gagged and Wells shot up and yelled for help startling Raven and her mother awake.

Dr Lewis appeared then and mercifully took the thing out of her mouth replacing it with an oxygen mask. He looks down at her with a small smile “Hey Clarke, Well come back”

After they had done all the possible check-ups, her mom reached for her with a trembling hand and when Clarke leaned to her touch she let out a sob and kissed the top of her head “I was so afraid..”

Clarke tried to smile but then frowned “What happened?”

They all looked at one another “You mean, you don’t remember?” Dr Lewis asked with a worried frown

“I..” she closed her eyes trying to remember “We went to that exhibition and then went to get something to eat..” She opened her eyes wide remembering the light coming towards them “Where’s dad?” she asked turning to her mom, that in that moment started to sob again, Clarke swallowed, and turned to Wells who had the saddest look she’d ever seen on him “No. No!” she sat up then and pulled at the needle jabbed in her arm and tried to stand up. She had been so fast that for a moment all they could do was stare

“Clarke, wai-”

“NO!”

She felt someone grab her from her shoulders and she looked up to meet her best friend’s eyes “Clarke, he’s not dead”

She stared at him processing what he’d just told her and then frowned.

Her legs gave up then and she heavily fell sat on the bed, Wells sat beside her. She looked to her mom that was still crying. She’d never seen her mom cry so much. And she was scared because of it.

Clarke looked at Raven that was holding Abby “Why.. Why is she crying?”

“Clarke, I don’t think you should-” Lewis began

“ENOUGH! I just want to know where my dad is!!”

Wells took her hands in his and squeezed “Okay but you have to lay again, okay?” She looked him in the eyes, he held her gaze and finally she slowly nodded. After the medics attached her to the machines again she looked pointedly at him “Your dad was conscious when the paramedics came..” She swallowed “but he was hit pretty badly.. He wanted them to take you out first, so they did but when they came back he was going into cardiac arrest. They brought him back just in time.. he didn’t wake up since then.. Clarke..”

Clarke shook her head “Go on”

Abby put a hand on Well’s shoulder and he stood up, giving her his place on the bed “He keeps going in shock.. he has a lot of injuries.. his right arm was..” Abby blinked “They had to amputate it, they couldn’t save it.. they tried, he went into shock again and now he’s in surgery. It’s his seventh since you came here..” She took a shuddering breath and Clarke squeezed her eyes shut.

“He’s going to be okay” She said nodding to herself, “I made it through, so will he”

Abby smiled nodding “Yes.. He will”

Clarke frowned looking at Raven “How long have I been out?”

“Almost a week, six days”

Clarke gasped “He had seven surgeries in six days?” her eyes blurred as a sudden fear took over her “Mom?”

Abby shook her head and hugged her. “Mom.. mom.. what happ-ens if.. Oh my god” She struggled to breath then, her mom tried to calm her, but she felt like her very core had been turned into ice, making impossible to take-in air in her lungs.

She felt a jab in her shoulder and slowly the world blurred away.

* * *

 

When she woke she didn’t open her eyes immediately. She tried to relax her body and just exist for a while.

After a while she heard a sigh and then she opened her eyes

“Hey” Raven stroked her hair with a little smile “You were out for a couple of hours”

Clarke nodded and looked around “Where’re the others?”

“Your mom, is with your dad, he got out from surgery an hour ago.. and Wells.. he had stuff to take care of”

Clarke frowned “I had to end up in a bed in a hospital, to make him come back..”

Raven shook her head “He was planning to come right after your fight”

She arched an eyebrow “You surely seem to know something..”

Raven smiled tight lipped “It’s better if he’s the one to tell you..”

Clarke watched her friend closely and then nodded “Okay..” she sighed “How long do I have to be on bed rest?”

Her friend beamed “Not for long, actually, Dr Lewis said that you can go home tomorrow, they’re keeping you overnight just to be sure everything’s all right..” She nodded, Raven clasped her hand “Do you want to..uhm.. see your dad?”

Clarke took in a deep breath closing her eyes and shook her head “Tomorrow..” she cleared her throat “It’s weird, one would think that after a week of sleeping I’d be rested, but I feel tired.. I think I’ll sleep..”

Raven nodded “I understand”

She knew. Raven knew why Clarke didn’t want to see her dad right then. She was afraid of what she would see. Seeing someone you love attached to machines with too many needles jabbed in them and a tube in their mouth, it’s something you wish to never see.

It was a thing seeing it as a med-trainee, a whole other thing as a family member.

Clarke turned on her side and closed her eyes.

* * *

 

When Clarke woke up and opened her eyes, the morning after, she was alone. But someone had been there and left a bag near her bed, maybe her mom or Raven. She slowly got up and made her way to the bathroom, she sighed when she saw her reflection. She had an angry looking bruise just below her hairline, her hand moved to touch it and she cursed herself when a numbing pain shot through her.

_Okay, No touching head nor hair for a while._

She sighed again, that meant that she would have to walk out with a bird nest-like hair.

When she got changed in her normal clothes she heard a gentle tap on the door

“Come in”

“Hey,” Raven came in “I brought you tea”

Clarke made a face but Raven stopped her before she could say something, raising a hand “I know I know, Mocha Queen, but you just woke up from a coma, and tea’s all you gonna have for a while”

Clarke puffed but reached for the cup nonetheless “Thanks”

Raven shrugged and sat on the bed, and waited for Clarke to do the same “You really feel okay?”

Clarke smiled “Yeah, my head hurts a little, but it’s normal I guess” Raven nodded “Raven, I’m ready.. I want to see dad”

Her friend nodded again and stood up “Okay, let’s go”

 

When she was on the doorway of her father’s room she felt an odd sense of dejavu. Her mom was in the most uncomfortable position in the world, but this time she wasn’t watching her from the bed, she was standing watching her dad attached to too many machines and a tube in his mouth, she drew in a shuddering breath and approached the bed.

Her mom lifted her head and looked at her with a sad smile “I’m gonna go to get something, okay?”

Clarke nodded and took her place on the chair. Once her mother had left she drew the chair closer and took her dad’s hands. She opened her mouth to say something but all that came out was a sob. She rested her head on his side and cried “I’m so sorry.. It- it’s all my- fau-lt”

The beeping sound that until that moment was a steady _beep beep_ suddenly increased and Jake’s body was shook by several convulsions, Clarke stood up tripping back the chair and stared wide-eyed.

The room was soon filled with nurses and doctors and she was pushed out of it

“Clarke!” Her mother cried running to her “What happened?”

Her face crumpled while she shook her head “I don’t know! He-”

Abby shushed her and enfolded her daughter in her arms “Everything’s going to be okay”

* * *

 

 

_Bellamy,_

_Why do bad things happen?_

_People say that it’s because so we can truly appreciate the good that otherwise we wouldn’t see, but that’s not true for me. I always loved and been thankful for the good that is my life._

_Then why is my dad in a hospital right now?_

_Right now the only thing that is keeping him alive is a machine._

_He went into cardiac arrest so many times that I lost count, he died in front of me, even if only for a couple of seconds, and I stood there, doing nothing, completely frozen._

_I’m supposed to become a doctor, Bellamy! How can I continue after today?_

_There's this quote that I saw a couple of times that I hardly related to, because I never ever felt something like that, it said ‘The worst feeling in the world is to see someone you love, loving someone else.’_

_It came to me today, and I disagree._

_The worst feeling in the world is to watch someone you love die without you being able to do something about it. To feel completely useless to the ones you love._

_That’s the worst. And I feel it right now._

_No one has the courage to say it, but I know that dad doesn’t, exactly, have the odds in his favour.._

_Huh, look at that.. I did a reference to the hunger games_

 

A teardrop fell on the paper blurring the ink

 

_If he dies.. I can’t Bellamy. I just can’t imagine a life without him. He’s my daddy. How could I ever go on with my life without him?_

_How do people do it? Go on when someone they love dies?_

_The only thought of it makes me want to double over and scream._

_I try to keep it together though, I don’t want Raven to hear me, she’s barely holding up, I could see it today. She had that scared and hopeless look in her eyes, like when her mom died. Oh God, She doesn’t need this pain too, Bellamy, she’s been through so much._

_And my mom.. God in one night she had to go through the fear of losing her entire family.. At least I’m alive.. but_

_We can’t lose him._

_One of the last things he told me was to always have faith. He told me that everything, in some way or another will always workout._

_I really hope he’s right this time too._

_With love,_

_Clarke_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I'm sorry, I took longer than usual, but my monotonous life took the roller-coaster these couple of days, that + This Chapter+ Remember me.
> 
> Seriously, I wrestled SO much with the idea of killing Jake. Every single time that i had to think for myself, I would think "SO Jake? Lives or Dies?"
> 
> A moment I would think, "Okay I'm gonna kill him, 'cause I can write that", and then "No! I can't kill him cause I wouldn't have the possibility to write THAT!"
> 
> I sinceriously (Stephen Amell reference lol) made a chart, of pros and cons of him dying or living. And at the end I just don't know.. I left it open, but I kinda made up my mind.. I know where I want this story to go.. 
> 
> and, for the sake of rambling, What the hell was that episode?!? My heart is in pieces like Bellamy's..
> 
> ANYWAY I will never stop to thank you guys for your comments. Every time I feel low I read your comments over and over again. SO Really Thank you!


	7. Love, Bellamy

_“-rke”_

Clarke stirred under the covers.

Sleeping was so peaceful.

You forgot all your worries, your mind still in _dreamland_.

And god knows how much Clarke needed to forget all that happened even for just a little while.

She’d tried to continue her life normally, but going to the hospital to attend the training program, soon revealed to be useless as she spent all her time in Jake’s room. So her mother and Dr Lewis decided to give her a special exemption for _family reasons._

It had been ten days since the day she woke up.

Her days went by with her waking up at 7:35 take a shower, breakfast, get dressed, go to the hospital to see dad and read him a book (This week was The Hobbit), have lunch with mom and Raven (whose workplace, fortunately, was a couple of minutes away), go back to sit with dad and talk to him about _anything_ , and at 16:00 come back home and research _Stories of people who woke up from comas_ , dinner, and then bed and dreams.

She had lost her old routine but at least, she thought, she still had one.

Her dad, luckily, didn’t go into cardiac arrest since the day he almost died in front of her, and now he was peacefully, at least as it seemed from the outside, resting in a deep slumber. Now it was easier for her to pretend that he was only sleeping just a little longer than usual.

Now it was easier to dare to hope.

“-RKE!”

Many times she tried to write a letter to Bellamy, but for some reason she felt stuck. The last letter she had sent, _letter #5_ , she had poured her soul out, and that didn’t happen usually, and certainly not with someone she had barely seen once… The day after she had sent it, she kinda regretted it. It was really, way to personal.. But on the other hand what are the chances that he actually receive it and responds to her? His band is getting famous by the second, and have loads of fans.. What are the chances of him finding _her_ letter? Close to none. She sighed in her sleep pushing down the stab of disappointment. She was thinking way too much for someone who was supposed to sleep and have pleasant dreams.

“CLARKE WAKE UP!”

She puffed hiding under the covers as she heard someone banging on her door

“Go away, I’m sleeping, my alarm didn’t go of yet so, it’s note time to wake up”

“You formulated a sentence way too long for someone who’s asleep” another bang, but Clarke hided even deeper under the covers “CLARKE I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU DO NOT OPEN THIS DOOR THIS SECOND I’LL FUCKIN’ THROW IT DOWN”

Clarke sighed very loudly and ughed also very loudly and stomped to the door

“WHAT?” she demanded as she opened it

Raven that had been ready to throw down the only thing that separated her from her friend, quickly relaxed her pose and smiled brightly holding an envelope,

Clarke looked at it and then back at her crossing her arms “You woke me up for mail?”

Raven grinned “YES!” and walked past her, inside the room

Clarke took a deep breath, “MAIL?” She exclaimed not even trying to hide her annoyance

Her friend rolled her eyes “Oh Shut Up and read You FOOL” she held it to her

Clarke took it and now was Raven’s turn to cross her arms, and she smirked as Clarke frowned. It was a registered letter.

“Well? What about it? It surely could wait until my alarm went off!”

“OH MY GOD” Raven threw up her hands “LOOK AT THE SENDER YOU DIMWIT”

“HEY! RUDE!” Clarke shook her head but did as she was told “Bell-” she sucked in breath “-amy Blake” she blinked and looked at her friend that was looking at her expectantly “OH MY GOD” Clarke began to move from one foot to the other like she was standing on hot coals flapping the envelope in her hand “ _Ohmygodohmygodohmygod_ ” Suddenly she lost the grip on it and it flew in a corner of the room “OH MY GOD!!!”

Raven screeched “NO! WHERE DID IT GO??!”

“I DON’T KNOW!!?”

They both scrambled on their feet and searched every corner.

Finally Raven whooped in victory as she was holding it in her hands. She handed it to Clarke again, but before Clarke could take it she pulled it back “Just, don’t throw it away, will you?” Clarke shook her head quickly.

When she had the envelope in her hands again she took a deep breath and then began to open it.

She didn’t know what she was feeling when she realised that he had written a lot. Inside the envelope there were three sheets fully written, back and front. And she was surprised, even if she didn’t know why exactly, to see that his handwriting was _beautiful_.

She looked up at her friend that smiled encouragingly as she settled on the floor with legs crossed, that reminded her of a kid waiting to hear a story.

Clarke took another deep breath and with shaking hands turned the pages to find the first one.

“ _Dear Clarke,_

_First of all, I’m curious, why don’t you use the dear in front of my name in your letters? I’m not dear enough for you?”_

 

 

Clarke giggled and Raven smirked “This guy.. Surely knows how to start a letter”

 

_“Or is it (more likely I guess) that you think that is way too personal, for people that met only once? Well, If that was the case, you might want to revisit your mention of ass-”_   Clarke stopped as she felt her cheeks warming up and closed her eyes as embarrassment made her want for the ground to swallow her up

 

“Whoa, Wait a sec, you wrote about ASSES?” Raven laughed “Oh my God, what did you write, like how gorgeous his ass was, or something?” she doubled over in laughter

Clarke covered her face with one hand “Oh my god.. It’s all your fault!”

Raven laughed even louder “I- I can’t believe you wrote” she gasped to get the words out between her laughter “-bout asses”

Clarke pouted “Actually it was about Assholes..”

Raven stopped at that, and stared “YOU DID NOT!” she said as another fit took her

Clarke huffed and looked away

Raven managed to quieten down emitting a little giggle here and there and gestured her friend to go on

Clarke took another deep breath and looked for where she’d left off

 

_“Don’t get me wrong, though, I actually enjoyed it. I laughed so hard that my eyes watered.. It was adorable really.. Please don’t be mad at Raven, I’m glad she sent the letters so that you didn’t have time to edit them, tell her that I’m deeply grateful”_

 

Clarke looked up and rolled her eyes when she saw the triumphant grin on her friend

“Fine! THANK YOU”

Raven only smiled wider and gestured to go on,

Clarke shook her head feigning annoyance but a smile managed to spread over her lips

 

_“And if it wasn’t clear; of course I remember you, How could I ever forget the random-crazy [to use your words] girl that asked to draw me? (I’m leaving the creepy part out on purpose, because I don’t think you’re creepy at all, Awkward yes, but I happen to like awkward, so..)”_

 

“Aww, that’s cute” piped up Raven with a smile

Clarke nodded with a little giggle, her face still hot, and continued

 

_“By the way, I really loved your drawings, my favourite is the one of you and your dad, though.. You are really good”_

 

Clarke smiled and sighed sadly as she thought of her gift to her dad, the drawing that he had framed the day after his birthday and that now was resting on the side table of his hospital bed.

She felt a squeeze on her knee and looked at Raven “You okay?”

Clarke smiled and nodded “Yeah..

 

_And that’s why I was really surprised when you told, wrote me that you were a med-trainee, I naturally assumed that you were an artist but then when I thought about it I guess, it just made sense.. You gave the vibe of someone who’d do anything to help others..”_

 

She cocked her head. When she looked at Raven, she had a raised eyebrow too

 

“ _Okay, that sounded weird.. But my sister.. Well, it’s kinda unbelievable, I mean what are the odds? But you know my sister_ ”  

 

Clarke frowned

 

_“She told me of the day you spilled coffee on her shirt and lent yours after she told you that she had a job interview for Vanity Fair..”_

 

Clarke’s jaw dropped open as she read further _“Her name is Octavia”_

 

Clarke looked up and imagined that her face must be the same as Raven’s, eyes wide and jaw on the lower floor

“No way!” Raven whispered bringing her hands up to cover her mouth “Among all the people that you could’ve spilled coffee onto, you spilled it on _HIS_ sister..” she shook her head with an amazed look on her face “Only you Clarke, only you”

Clarke blinked still processing what she had just read “Octavia.. Bellamy.. She told me some things about her brother.. but.. I never-” she ran a hand through her hair “How the hell could I know that HE was her brother??? How’s this even keep happening??? It’s ridiculous!” She exclaimed massaging her eyelids

Raven laughed and got up to sit beside her on the bed “Here let me, please?” she gestured for the pages and Clarke gave them to her

 

_“Believe me I’m mind blown too, right now.. I mean seriously, what are the chances? I called her when I received your letters, after I read about your encounter.. and she gave me your number.. I actually tried to call you earlier, but the line was dead. So instead I’m writing you..”_

 

Raven looked at the date on top of the page and gasped, Clarke lowered the sheets and looked too, her eyes blurred “He wrote this the day of the ac-cident” she sobbed the word out and Raven put down the papers to hug her

“I’m so sorry” she whispered rubbing her back

Clarke shook her head and gathered herself “I’m okay..” she pulled back from the hug “I just..Damn his timing was awful” she said with a snort, drying her eyes

Raven smiled shaking her head “You could definitely say that.. It’s a pity though.. the phone got crashed.. Now he doesn’t have your number and you lost Octavia’s..”

Clarke sighed “Again, awful timing.. There’s nothing we can do about it.. is there?”

The girls thought hard for a while

“Let’s just go on with the letter, maybe he says something that can help..” Raven suggested in the end.

 

_“I’m glad you wrote me Clarke, and I hope, once you receive this letter, you keep doing it. I see what your dad means about letters, they have a certain something that make them different from any other form of communication.. I kinda like letters too.._

_So, since your letters could go lost in all the other fan-letters and the fact that in these days we’re in tour, I wrote you all the addresses of the hotels we’re going to stay at, and also my address back home in Norwich, yeah I live a couple of hours from London, maybe one day we can see each other?_

_Okay, if you calculate the time a letter usually takes to arrive, we should be golden”_

 

Raven laughed “Oh my god, this dude is even more organized than you” she said teasingly

Clarke just looked at the other pages and nodded when she saw all the addresses of the various locations where the tour would performing at and how many days they’d be staying at each one

“Wow, he was serious” whispered Raven whit a snort

Clarke returned to the actual letter

 

_“I hope you’re okay with the fact that O. gave me your number.. She did it in good faith.._

_Anyway, I guess I should end this letter now.._

_I hope you’re okay,_

_Love,_

_Bellamy”_

 

“Well I guess, Now we do have a way to contact him, but that’s doesn’t change much does it?” Raven thought out loud and Clarke sighed “At least, now we know that your letter won’t get lost in the hundreds of fan letters..” Raven said trying to be helpful

Clarke hummed “He really wants me to write him, he even sent it in registered mail..” she frowned “Why did it come so late then?”

“I think it got mixed up with all the other mail.. After the accident mail wasn’t really much of a priority” Raven shrugged “I thought to settle them during breakfast this morning, and I found it”

Clarke sighed “I wish I could tell dad..”

Raven put an arm around her “You will, when he wakes up”

She smiled resting her head on her friend’s shoulder and looked down at the papers again.

They both jumped when they heard the alarm go off.

Clarke laughed and turned it off.

Then the doorbell rang and they jumped again

“What the hell??” Raven exclaimed, while they both went downstairs.

 

Clarke just stared when she opened the door

“Hey” said Wells a little awkwardly

“You picked up babysitting while you were here?” asked Clarke snarkily, seeing as his supposedly best friend had a baby in his arms

Raven palmed her face and Clarke looked at her frowning “What?”

Wells cleared his throat “She’s my daughter, Clarke”

She didn’t have to process that because than another figure appeared and.. _Hugged her?_

“Clarke! I’m so glad that you’re okay! We were so worried..” the girl pulled back and gave her a kind smile “I really hope your dad pulls through too”

Clarke just blinked and frowned again “Thanks.. Emily?”

The girl slapped her forehead “I’m an idiot, sorry, yes.. I’m Emily” she held out her hand and Clarke shook it, still in a daze

Raven, seeing as Clarke looked more like a zombie right now, decided to take the situation under control, and opened the door wider “Please, Come in” she said pulling Clarke out of the way to make them space

 

When they were all in the living room Clarke looked at the baby of a year or so sitting on Raven’s lap and then back at her best friend “WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN YOU HAVE A DAUGHTER??”

Wells clenched his jaw and drew in a deep breath, Emily looked away uncomfortably, Raven bit her lip and the little one just shrieked, like every excited baby does

“Well, I thought you knew how babies were born by no-”

Clarke held up her forefinger “You stop right there, I’m not having any of your snark. You know fuc-” she glanced nervously at the baby “-Freaking well what I mean WELLS JAHA”

Wells had the good sense to hold up his hands in surrender “I’m sorry” He took another deep breath “You’re right.. It’s just..” He closed his eyes and covered his face with both his hands

Emily squeezed his arm and looked at Clarke with a rueful smile “It’s all my fault, Clarke really.. I was the one that didn’t want anyone to know.. I’m 23 and still studying and my parents are racist assholes” the girl sucked in breath and clenched her jaw “All this time I felt as I needed to hide the most beautiful part of my life, but when I heard you and Wells fight the other day, I finally realized that I wasn’t ruining only my life by doing so but his too, and I couldn’t bear the thought of him losing you,” She smiled “You’re very important to him.. And when your mom called and told us what had happened to you and your dad, we dropped everything and came here..”

Clarke gave her a small nod and turned to her friend “What about your dad? Did you see him?”

Wells smiled “Actually yes he was there when we arrived to the hospital..”

Clarke winced “And how did that go?”

Emily laughed “Actually surprisingly well, it turns out that Thelonious Jaha has more than enough grandpa material, I would have never guessed with what he’d told me” she said giving Wells a little nudge

Clarke smiled “Tell me about it..” she looked at Raven who was making weird sounds to entertain the little girl, then back at the pair “So that’s how Raven find out?”

Wells grinned and Emily snorted “Well, let’s just say that she was really upset when she saw him, so she sort of almost attacked him and the only ones that could stop her were Amy and me”

Clarke looked back at Raven with a raised eyebrow Raven gave her a sheepish smile “You know how I am.. I’ve a soft spot for babies”

They all laughed at that.

 

The doorbell rang again and Wells raised an eyebrow “You were expecting someone?”

Clarke looked at Raven but her friend just shrugged so she got up and went to see who it was

 

“Oh my God I’m so glad I found you!” Exclaimed a chirpy voice hugging her as soon as the door had been opened

“Octavia? How?!” She asked blinking when the brunette pulled back

“What happened to your phone?? I need to tell you something.. I gave your number to my brother and he tried to call you but he couldn’t reach you, and I thought maybe it’s because he’s in the States, even if that doesn’t really make sense, does it? But whatever, so I tried to call you and I couldn’t too! The line was just dead. And GOD My brother, he wanted to see you again soo bad after he met you on that train, and I love him and he had done so much for me so I decided to take it upon myself to see that you two talk, _really talk_ , not letters, so I asked him to give me the address that was on the envelope of the letter that you sent him, and now I’m here! Oh, and my brother doesn’t know any of this, I didn’t want him to give him false hopes or something, in case I didn’t find you..” Octavia said almost never stopping to take a breath

Clarke stared at her with her mouth dropped

The brunette blinked and slapped her forehead “UGH I forgot to mention that my brother is Bellamy Blake, from Sky people, who happens to be the guy that you met on the train that day, five years ago..”

Octavia bit her lip and made a face when Clarke still stared at her “Did I mention that I tend to talk too much?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so excited for this chapter, I think it's my favourite so far, I literally had so many FEELS when I signed the letter with "Love, Bellamy"
> 
> I'm so used to put "Love, Clarke" that when I realized how I had to sign it I was akfkhzdkdfa yeah, that's a word in my head lol
> 
> Gotta love Octavia, she's the n 1 Bellarke shipper in here lol
> 
> AND WELLS? YEAH I wanted him to be happy, 'cause I do nOt accept the end he had in the tv show, HE DESERVES TO BE HAPPY DAMMIT, so here he is happy daddy!Wells
> 
> And Raven making faces and weird sounds is everything in my head.
> 
> Anyway.. what happens next…?
> 
> Muhahaaha, Bell will receive the last letter Clarke had sent.. [letter #5] *gasps* YEAH
> 
> Well, I'm done,
> 
> I hope you liked the chap too,
> 
> I love you guys so much, thanks for the never ending support!
> 
> ps.
> 
> I really wanted to update yesterday, but then I got distracted from the episode..
> 
> like THA FUDGE WAS THAT PROMO?
> 
> I


	8. Pieces

 

**[Bellamy POV]**

 

They had just finished their performance in San Diego and they were now heading for their hotel.

Bellamy was desperate to get some more water. For some reason he was always thirsty, he blamed it on the singing, but then again Murphy sang too and he never drank as much as he did. Bellamy was like that since he was a kid. He remembered her mother telling him and Octavia stories of how she always had to keep at least two water bottles in her bag when she took baby Bellamy to the park. When he started, he just couldn't get enough. She used to call him her little _camel_.

He smiled remembering his childhood nickname. A bittersweet sense settling over him. He hoped that if his mother was still alive, she would've been proud of him. He knew she would be of Octavia.

"We're here" Murphy gave him a nudge and shaking himself from his thoughts he got off the mini van

But stopped walking when he saw their manager coming towards them with his hands raised, as to say 'Stay There'

"What is it? I really wanna have a shower and sleep until noon you know?" Asked Murphy not caring to CONCEAL his irritation when Chris was close enough to hear him

"I know I'm sorry, but you'll have to sleep on the plane, as it turns out we're behind schedule.."

"WHAT?" they all asked at once

Bellamy glanced nervously towards the hotel "What about our bags?"

"Already heading to the jet"

He clenched his jaw. He really needed to go to the reception, in case any letters had come for him. It had been a while since he had sent his one and he was growing restless as the days went by without her response, not to mention that he was also starting to worry as his sister hadn't heard anything from Clarke too.

"Don't worry I got you covered"

He returned his attention to Chris and the man smiled

"I have something for you" He said pulling out an envelope "I asked one of my buddies that control the fan-mails for something that could harm you guys, to put aside anything from a certain Clarke Griffin, and today he brought me this"

Bellamy swallowed and stared at the envelope in their manager hands.

The others stared at it too and then Jasper begun to sing 'I don't wanna miss a thing' by the Aerosmith

_I could stay awake_

_Just to hear you_

_Breathing_

_Watch you smile_

_While you are sleeping_

_While you're far away_

_And dreaming_

_I could spend my_

_Life in this sweet_

_Surrender_

_I COULD STAY LOST IN_

_THIS MOMENT,_

_FOREVER_

_Every moment_

_Spen-_

 

"SHUT UP! SHUT UP!" he yelled turning redder than a pepper

The others laughed and he turned to Murphy

"I swear to god, if you say one thing I might fuckin' strangle you"

Murphy held up his hands smiling "I said nothing"

Bellamy turned narrowing his eyes at every single one of them and slowly reached for the envelope backhandedly, so he didn't see the huge grin on Chris face, trying to hold his laughter, watching the scene unfolding in front of him.

Once Bellamy had it in his hands he safely tucked it in his coat pocket and walked back to the minivan.

* * *

 

 

 

When they were all seated inside the small plane, and when Bellamy was sure that the others were minding their goddamn business he slowly pulled out the thing that had increased his heartbeat since the moment he saw it.

He carefully opened it so to not rip any part of the envelope, and pulled out the letter

 

_Bellamy,_

_Why do bad things happen?_

 

He frowned.

 

_People say that it's because so we can truly appreciate the good that otherwise we wouldn't see, but that's not true for me. I always loved and been thankful for the good that is my life._

_Then why is my dad in a hospital right now?_

_Right now the only thing that is keeping him alive is a machine._

_He went into cardiac arrest so many times that I lost count, he died in front of me, even if only for a couple of seconds, and I stood there, doing nothing, completely frozen._

 

He sucked in breath continuing to read

 

_[…] The worst feeling in the world is to watch someone you love die without you being able to do something about it. To feel completely useless to the ones you love._

_That's the worst. And I feel it right now._

 

Oh, he knew so well what she was talking about. He felt it too when he had to watch his mother fade away in front of his eyes in barely a month and a half.

With a sudden brain cancer there was nothing doctors could do never mind Bellamy who at the time was just a college student. His chest tightened at the memory.

 

_No one has the courage to say it, but I know that dad doesn't, exactly, have the odds in his favour.._

_Huh, look at that.. I made a reference to the hunger games_

 

He blinked seeing the ink blurred. The realization that she had been crying while writing on this very sheet, that he was holding now, hit him like a slap.

 

_If he dies.. I can't Bellamy. I just can't imagine a life without him. He's my daddy. How could I ever go on with my life without him?_

_How do people do it? Go on when someone they love dies?_

_The only thought of it makes me want to double over and scream_.

 

He closed his eyes and inhaled. He knew that urge so well.

After all his first songs were just that. Him merely screaming his grief off.

 

_[…] We can't lose him._

_One of the last things he told me was to always have faith. He told me that everything, in some way or another will always workout._

_I really hope he's right this time too._

_With love,_

_Clarke_

 

He looked at the date. It had been sent two weeks ago.

Before he had sent his letter.

He read the letter once again and then again and again.

And then his insides felt like they were on fire.

He was so angry.

She didn't deserve any of this. Why did life had to screw us all?

If only he could've been there for her he would've at least done something. _Anything_. But now at 30 000 feet from the ground and two weeks too late, all he could do was clench his hands and hope that her father would be okay, if his condition hadn't changed during this period of time.

It was then that he realized that he hadn't thought of his thirst since the moment he'd seen the envelope in Chris' hands.

He had been thirstier for her words than he'd been for water. And now he felt like he was drowning in the awareness of being absolutely useless to her.

* * *

 

 

He was still torturing himself over the fact that he couldn't do anything to make her feel better, when he felt someone tapping his shoulder.

"You have the look of someone ready to take an entire army by himself and someone whose puppy just died at the same time. What's wrong?" asked Murphy arching an eyebrow

Bellamy sighed and massaged his eyelids. If there was someone else that could've understood how Clarke felt as much as he did, that was Murphy. And that's why he handed the letter.

"Oh man.." He whispered when he was done "I'm sorry"

Bellamy clenched his jaw looking away "Two weeks. For all I know, her father could've passed away and I wouldn't know.. I don't even know what happened. And I think she had been injured too. And I didn't know. She could've died and I would have probably never known.."

"Hey," his friend held his gaze "It's not on you. You guys had barely made contact, it was just bad luck. Don't piss on yourself for this. There's literally nothing that you could've done"

A smile tugged Bellamy's lips as a thought occurred to him "I bet you were waiting the occasion to throw these words right back at me, huh?"

Murphy snorted "You've no idea.." He gave him a little nudge "Like I said don't piss on yourself, find something that you can do now" He gave him a pat on the back and left him on his own again.

Bellamy sighed again and checked his watch that always stayed on the British time.

 _08:36_.

He decided to call his sister, maybe she could help him to see this terrible situation through or at least cheer him up a bit.

* * *

 

 

**[Clarke POV]**

 

After a while spent staring at her new friend with a face that she imagined looked like a fish's, she moved away so that she could come in.

Octavia waited a little nervously at the entrance while Clarke closed the door, then Raven appeared from the living room with little Amy in her arms, to look who the new comer was and she grinned as soon as she saw the girl

"You must be Octavia! Nice to meet you, I'm Raven" She introduced herself holding out a hand balancing the baby on her hip

Octavia smiled brightly "It's really nice to finally meet you, Clarke told me so much about you! And who's this little munchkin?"

Raven wiggled her eyebrows at Clarke and smiled back at Octavia "She's little Amy" She introduced the baby and then to the baby said "Say hi, baby" with her weird-I-am-talking-to-a-baby-voice and Clarke laughed "Okay, let's go so I can introduce you to the parents"

They went to the living room and the couple stood up

"She's Octavia, a friend of mine" said Clarke

They both smiled holding out their hands "I'm Wells and she's my girlfriend Emily"

Octavia shook their hands smiling "Nice to meet you" she then turned to Clarke "I'm sorry maybe I'm interrupting?"

"NO!" Raven and Clarke screeched at the same time, making the others look at them oddly

"I mean, it's really not a problem, actually I wanted to talk to you" Clarke said gesturing her to sit on the sofa

Octavia made to reply but stopped and frowned leaning to her "Are those stitches on your head?!"

"Hey you guys, care to help me make some tea?" Raven piped in giving clear signal to Wells and Emily that was time to leave the scene

When they were finally alone Clarke told her what had happened to her and her father and why her phone number didn't work anymore.

Octavia's eyes filled with tears and hugged her "I'm so sorry, I didn't know any of this" she pulled back and watched Clarke closely "Are you really okay, now?"

The blonde smiled "I feel great, my head doesn't hurt as much as it did the day I woke up.. It's just my dad.."

Octavia nodded "I know, I really hope he wakes up"

Clarke's throat tightened unexpectedly, she had received so many 'I hope your dad wakes up' to last her a lifetime, but Octavia's one was different, they barely even knew each other and there she was with her face streaked by fresh tears for what she had just told her "Thanks" she finally managed pulling herself together

"I.. You mentioned you wanted to talk to me?"

Clarke blinked "Yeah.. Well.. Uhm.. I" she bit her lip and giggled awkwardly "I just read the letter from your brother.. so I already knew all that business.. him being your brother and all" She frowned "Well not the part of him wanting to meet me again soo bad though, until today I thought I sorta freaked him out that day on the train…" She looked up saw the huge grin on the other girl's face

"If you want I can tell you all sort of things about him" She offered eagerly and Clarke giggled again "But not right now. Now we talk to him"

Clarke gawked "WHAT?" she said in a shrill

"Oh c'mon don't be like that, I bet you couldn't wait to talk to him! Especially if you received his letter!"

"Oh I feel like that doesn't even begin to cover it" Said Raven behind them, who'd come to see what the high pitched squeal was about

Clarke turned to her with her eyes wide "I cannot talk to him now I mean.. Oh My God" she touched her face feeling it becoming too hot for her liking

"Aww you're Blushing!" said Octavia delighted "My bro-" she was cut off from her phone that begun to ring and then she squealed as she recognised the ringtone that she used for her brother's number "Oh My GoD! It's him!" She said holding it out so that Clarke could see

Clarke jumped from the couch and bolted from the room.

__

* * *

 

 

"Bellamy!" Octavia answered the phone

"Hey,-" "Whatever you want, but can you come to Skype right now?"

"Uhm yeah, I'm on a plane-"

"Okay then come, right now!" she ended the call and went after the blonde.

* * *

 

 

Clarke closed herself in her bathroom but soon enough someone was pounding on her door

"Clarke! Open the door! Please don't do this to me, you know how I feel about you closing yourself in the bathroom"

She sighed. She knew how scared Raven became every time she would hide in there, after all she had a good reason after what had happened to her mother. And of course she couldn't put her through that, so she unlocked the door and sat on the toilet after she had closed the lid

"I really, don't get it, why the bathroom? You could just lock yourself in your room.." Raven grumbled getting inside

"Raven I'm scared" She blurted out and watched her friend crouch in front of her "I mean I don't know what I'm feeling.. My heart is beating so hard that I think you can hear it too and I'm sweating and my stomach feels weird. Oh my god I'm having a panic attack!"

"Okay, look at me take a deep breath and count to ten" she held up her fingers and counted with her "How do you feel now?"

Clarke nodded "I little better.. I'm not prepared! I need more time!"

"For what? To get even more nervous than you already are? 'cause that's what'll happen if you miss this chance.."

Clarke hid her face with her hands

Raven sighed "Look no one will force you to talk to him, if you don't want to, but you'll regret it if you don't do it."

Clarke sighed again. She knew Raven was right. She always were when it came to this things. She just knew her that well.

"Okay" She nodded to herself balling her hands in fists "I can do this"

Raven beamed "That's my girl" she stood up and offered a hand "time to conquer some hearts now"

Clarke accepted her hand and laughed giving her friend a little nudge as they walked out from the bathroom.

* * *

 

 

When they came out though, they were both surprised to see Octavia there.

She was at Clarke's desk with a laptop that she did not recognize.

And worst of all she was talking to someone. Someone who's voice made Clarke's resolve quiver again.

_"Did something happen? Why the hurry? Wait.. Where are you?" Bellamy leaned closer to the screen "Is that a Bed?"_

Octavia grinned "I'm at a friend's house, this is her room.." She turned to look at Clarke then and smiled more gently "You okay?" she asked in a lower tone

Clarke smiled back still a little dazed at the events that were still unfolding in front of her that day. She felt like she hadn't had a break since the moment Raven had given her that letter. And in fact as she thought about it, she didn't. But Raven was right. If she didn't do this now, she'd inevitably regret it afterwards. She nodded at the force of nature that was Octavia. Apparently she had brought her own laptop and set up everything. The only missing piece was Clarke.

The girl stood up and walked to her "If you don't want to, I can make up something, he still doesn't know anything" She said in a hushed tone "I'm sorry.. I tend to be a little bull-headed and rush things when I'm excited"

_"Hey! O? Where are you? I can't see you anymore.."_

Raven snorted and Clarke giggled "You could definitely say that.. But it's fine don't worry"

She took a deep breath and walked to the computer.

* * *

 

 

**[Bellamy POV]**

 

Bellamy was going to call her sister's name one other time, when suddenly a flash of gold appeared in front of him. And then his breathing stopped all together.

She smiled as soon as she saw him, or at least he thought so, with webcams you could never know for sure

"Bellamy" he thought he detected a little nervousness in her tone, but then again he was the one that had stopped breathing since the moment he saw her,

"Clarke" He breathed at last, a slow smile making its way on his face.

 

 

The world around them disappeared.

In that moment it was just the two of them just like that day on the train.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was the ending a little cheesy?? 
> 
> I think so, but I just couldn't bear the thought of not taking the opportunity xD
> 
> Anyway, I'm actually really happy that I could squeeze in a tiny window in Bellamy's (& Octavia's), Murphy's and Raven's past,
> 
> And the first songs of SkyPeople as Bellamy said are very screechy, I thought it would have made sense after her mom died, After all he and Murphy are the song writers 
> 
> I actually already have a playlist of their previous songs, for anyone interested I'll post that on tumblr (blog/letterstobellamyfromclarke)
> 
> Uh! As I read the comments,I noticed that everyone was surprised to discover what Wells' big secret was, and while I'm glad that I'm not too predictable I'm also curious, what did you guys thought the big secret was??
> 
> Anyway, I think a rambled enough, THANK YOU for your support, you guys have no idea how much your comments make me happy, 
> 
>  
> 
> I seriously, love you all!
> 
>  
> 
> ps.
> 
> Also, sorry for the mini cliffhanger


	9. You'll never be alone

“How are you Clarke?” was the first thing that Bellamy asked with a worried frown

Clarke tried to give him a reassuring smile “I’m Okay..”

His frown grew deeper “I just read your last letter.. letter number 5”

She bit her bottom lip “Oh.. That’s actually a little funny cos I just read yours..”

His frown eased a little “Oh?”

Clarke grinned determined to lighten the mood “Yeah, and just so you know-” she stopped as she heard someone asking,

“Is that Octavia?”

Bellamy groaned and then another face appeared on Clarke’s screen

“Octa- wait you’re not” the named girl that was still in the room with Raven walked back to the laptop so that Jasper could see her “O! Hi!” Octavia laughed and waved her hand and in a matter of seconds the whole band was squeezed in front of the camera

“Who’s your friend O?” asked Monty with a friendly smile

But before Octavia or Clarke could say something Jasper interjected wide eyed “Clarke!”

The other boys turned to him and then looked back at Bellamy that closed his eyes and breathed through his nose

“Oh My God, it is her? Isn’t she??”

Clarke stared at the screen still not sure of what was going on.

How did Jasper know about her?

She had recognised him because of the whole band thing.  
Since she had discovered that Bellamy was the lead singer of Sky people she had made a point in getting to know all the members of the band. But her? She should be merely a fan for them.. Right?

Well, unless.. He talked about her to them?

“Clarke!”

She jumped as she tried to place the voice to the speaker from the other end. She finally recognised Miller

“You have to agree to see him again! He’s been dreaming of that day on the train ever since, and you should see his face when he receives a letter from you”

She felt her cheeks growing hot. One thing was telling his sister a whole other to his band mates.

“Uh-Oh”

Clarke looked up at Octavia “What?”

“He’s going to go off..”

“What?”

Octavia didn’t answer her. She just begun to mumble a countdown “Any moment now” she said after a while

“FOR FUCK’S SAKE WOULD YOU EVER MIND YOUR GODDAMN BUSINESS FOR ONCE!!???”

Clarke jumped at Bellamy’s outburst but the boys seemed unfazed 

“Oh look dear Bell is blushing!” Murphy couldn’t resist “Aww” he said cocking his head with a grin

Bellamy glared hard but before he could say something he heard the giggles coming from the speakers and felt his face go even warmer

“You guys should stop” said his sister, not so convincingly still giggling “Really” she tried to be solemn but the smile never left her face “I’m going too, it’s only fair that these two have some time alone, don’t you think?”

The boys reluctantly nodded after a beat and slowly made their way to their seats.

Bellamy sighed and glanced sideways at the screen.

Octavia gave him a big grin and waved him goodbye, and then Clarke was the only one he could see. His heart re-assumed the fast beating that reminded him of Monty drumming.

Clarke watched the door close behind her friends.

Now she was alone with Bellamy, well sort of, she was alone with a computer with him in it. She frowned at the thought and then giggled

“Something funny?”

“Oh, I just thought of you in pocket size, like those little doll’s houses dolls”

“How on earth did you come to think of that?” He asked amused

“Oh I could tell you, but we’d be here all day” she threw back smiling

“I absolutely don’t mind, at all”

Clarke fought hard to not blush “My mind always does that, starts with something and then goes and goes until sometimes even I don’t remember how I got there”

He raised an eyebrow “Seems pretty fascinating”

She rolled her eyes “Or weird”

“Nope, cute.. Okay, weird but you know I like weird”

Clarke nodded smiling, while butterflies took over inside her stomach “So I’ve read..”

Bellamy just grinned but remained silent.

When she felt the silence was being too much she asked “So, how’s the tour going?”

_Oh, no. he’s doing it again._

He didn’t respond immediately, he just looked at her for a while. In the same way he did in the train, like he could read all he wanted just looking at her. How could he make her feel her like that even, when he was thousands and thousands miles away, through a computer?

“It’s going great” He finally said making Clarke relax a little “I’ve never thought we’d be this successful.. I dreamt of course, but never thought it would become reality..”

Clarke smiled cocking her head a little “You deserve it all. Your songs and music are fantastic and for what Octavia had told me your certainly did not become an asshole so that’s another a plus”

Bellamy laughed “I’m glad we cleared that” He said still chuckling

Clarke’s stomach made that weird fluttering thing. She really hoped she’d stopped feeling like that, cos it was getting ridiculous.

Someone knocked at her door breaking the train of her thoughts. She smiled at Bellamy “Just a sec”

He nodded and she walked to her door.

When she opened it though, at first she couldn’t see anyone, then she looked down and there was Amy sat in front of her jabbering and waving her arms. Clarke scooped her up, looking at the stairs with a shudder. Apparently the little one had made all the steps alone. She closed the door and walked back to her desk, when she looked at her screen though, Bellamy wasn’t there anymore. The laptop had turned off due to low battery. She cursed in her mind and settled Amy so that she too was facing the computer. She reached for her charger praying that it would be the same of Octavia’s. Luck was on her side, it fitted. She drummed her fingers on the table while she waited making Amy excited. Finally the wallpaper of a beautiful flower came up and before she could do something Bellamy’s skype call appeared.

She grinned as she was hit by an idea.

She grabbed some pillows from her bed and put them on the chair and then settled Amy on top of them so that she was level with the camera.

Then she moved out the frame and accepted the call.

“What happe- Oh?” She saw him frowning and stifled a giggle “Hi… baby”

At that Amy shrieked and started to do the babble babble sound that babies do when they run their fingers on their lips.

Clarke felt herself melt when she saw his face soften in the most tender smile she had ever seen on anyone “You’re so cute” Amy shrieked again making Clarke giggle “Oh, so you are there”

Clarke moved in front of the camera and lowered herself so that he could see her “Never left”

Bellamy’s smile stayed in place “So who’s the baby?”

Clarke picked her up and threw the cushions back on the bed “She’s my best friend’s daughter”

Bellamy’s eyes widened just a little “Raven’s?”

Clarke looked at him like he was crazy “What?! No!” She laughed “It’s Wells’”

“Oh right.. Oh so that’s the big secret? He had a baby??”

“Yeah..” Clarke closed her eyes and bent her head to smell little Amy’s hair “He really, had no reason to hide it from me.. But then again, it wasn’t really his choice.. Apparently his girlfriend’s parents are assholes and she didn’t want anyone to know.. I guess the accident changed things..” She opened her eyes and smiled

She saw him blink and then he cleared his throat “Your dad.. How is he?”

“He’s.. Okay for now.. Stable in a coma” she sighed “I talk to him every day and also read.. They say that coma patients hear you so I figured..” Her throat tightened, “You know..” she held Amy closer to her and looked away willing the tears to not spill over.

 

 

He watched her helpless while he cursed himself for bringing it up. When he heard the sob it was all he could do to not try to reach for her through the screen “Clarke.. I’m-”

She shook her head to compose herself “No, I’m Okay.. It’s just..” and then tried to give him a reassuring smile “I’m okay.. I am, I promise”

Bellamy sighed seeing right through her brave face but smiled back nonetheless, after all..What else could he do from there?

She heard a knock on her door again “Come in” she said grateful for the distraction

Wells opened the door with the most worried look she had ever seen on him “Clarke! Have you s-” in that exact moment he saw what she was holding in her arms and Clarke thought he would faint right there such the relief on his face was evident, then he recovered and leaned outside the room again “I found her! She’s with Clarke!”

He walked to the desk and Clarke smiled apologetically “I’m sorry, I should’ve told you, she kinda sneaked in..”

Wells snorted “Yeah she does that a lot.. Who are you talking to?” he asked leaning to the computer.

Bellamy smiled a little awkwardly and waved his hand for good measure, making Clarke giggle “Bellamy Blake”

“Uh, Hi.. Wells Jaha” He nodded to Clarke “Her best friend..?” he looked at her and she smiled nodding

“Though after what you made me go though you shouldn’t deserve the title anymore..”

“I know, I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you, ‘kay?”

She grinned “Can’t wait to take advantage of that!”

Wells smiled back and then frowned “Wait a sec, Bellamy as Fr-”

“HA HA HAA” Clarke widened her eyes trying to warn him not to speak THE word.

And again she was saved as Emily burst in with Raven and Octavia in tow. She took Amy from her and hugged her close “God I was so worried..” Clarke looked at the time. _Damn_. And then at Bellamy, who was trying to figure out what was going on.

She licked her lips “Bellamy, I gotta go..”

“Oh, yes.. Sure” she flinched as she noticed the disappointment in his voice “We’re landing too, so..”

“We can.. Talk again?”

Bellamy smiled slightly relaxing “I’d really like that”

She didn’t know why but suddenly, she felt emotional. She took a deep breath to take a hold on herself “Okay then, send me the request and I’ll add you..”

Bellamy grinned “Aye captain!”

She snorted and waved her hand.

“Bye Bell, hear you later?” asked Octavia appearing by her side

“Sure, I’ll get some sleep and then I’ll call you, promise”

Octavia nodded “Okay, bye big bro”

He chuckled “Bye O, Bye Clarke” he said softening his features in the smile that made Clarke’s stomach flutter “Uh, and also say to Wells and Amy that it was nice meeting them”

Wells hearing him leaned back to the screen “My pleasure Freckles!”

Clarke jumped at the nickname and kicked him on the shin “OKAY, Bye Bellamy” she said and then interrupted the call before he could ask her something, for instance what THAT meant.. She let go of her breath when the window was finally closed.

Raven begun to laugh and then Wells too, Clarke glared at them both “I hate you”

Octavia watched them amused “Freckles?”

Clarke flushed, Raven answered “It’s what we call him..”

Octavia turned to Clarke with a smug look “So.. I guess I figured what you like most of my brother”

* * *

 

Later that day after Octavia, and Wells and his family left, and Raven went to work, Clarke walked to the hospital as usual.

She dragged a chair near her father’s bed and sat resting her hands on the book she brought with her –this week was the 1st book from the “A Series of Unfortunate Events”- but didn’t start reading it right away.

She stared at nothing in particular running her thoughts over her crazy morning. She smiled and giggled. And then her eyes settled on her dad’s sleeping face, the giggles turning into sobs.

She rested her head on his hand “I miss you so much daddy” she cried.

After a while she pulled herself up again and wiped her tears away “I have so much to tell you..” She sighed and plastered a smile on her face “You better be listening right now, cos otherwise I’d have a ton of thing to tell you when you’ll wake up and I’m not sure I’d remember everything..” she squeezed his hand “I talked to him.. Freckles.” She snorted “You were right, writing helps.. and he actually also wrote me back.. Is it normal the way I feel about it, though?” she frowned “It’s actually annoying.. I feel on edge every time he speaks to me and when he smiles I get these weird flutter in me, in my chest, in my stomach and in my head..” She sighed “I sound ridiculous..” She watched him for a while, almost hoping that he would magically open his eyes and give her some great speech of his. When his eyes continued to be closed, she sighed again and smiled “Okay, story time” She opened the book and started reading.

* * *

 

**[Bellamy POV]**

 

They were landing in about half an hour, so he had no time for a nap and anyway he felt too wired to fall asleep. His grin was so wide that his face was starting to hurt.

_So.._

He finally had spoken to her. He chuckled thinking about it.  
He fidgeted with the ends of his shirt and then pulled himself up to see what the others were doing.   
They were all asleep apparently. His hand twitched. He had to write her.

He put aside the laptop and searched his bag for a pen and pulled everything out to find his notebook, but no such luck.

_Damn._

He finally fished out his blank music sheets. He stared at them for a few moments and then shrugged.

Now he needed a pen.

He stood up and walked to Chris “Hey,” he said looking up from his Filofax “You okay?”

Bellamy nodded “Yeah, I just need a pen.. you have one?”

Chris gave him the – _are you really asking that question_ \- look and reached inside his jacket pocket and gave him one “New song inspiration?”

Bellamy smiled taking the pen “Not exactly..”

Chris raised his eyebrows and then smiled “I see..”

Bellamy nodded still smiling and walked back to his seat.

 

_Dear Clarke,_

_I’m still on the plane and I just talked to you but I felt the need to write you anyway. I mean, you can probably tell seeing what I’m writing on.. I didn’t have any normal paper but I guess it’s the perks of being a song writer. Some way or another I never end up without something to write on._

_As I already told you, I had just finished reading your letter when Octavia did the surprise call, and I.. Well I kind of felt useless because I couldn’t do anything to help. And after the call I feel like you were the one who helped me, to not feel like that anymore. So thanks.. and sorry for not being able to help you. I really wish I could be there, even if I’m not exactly sure how could I help. _

_For what you wrote me about him, your father is a great man and I really hope he’ll pull through but I want you to know that even if he doesn’t, you’d be lucky. Because you’d have his memory and so many people that love you and that would help you to get through that pain._

_I should know. My mother died of cancer when I was 19._

_O was only 16._

_For a while I shut out everyone and everything. I couldn’t let myself grieve. I quit the band and busied myself in finding enough jobs that would made me and my sister survive. I gave up on my dreams and pushed aside my feelings, thinking that I was doing the right thing._

_I couldn’t have been more wrong._

_It was literally eating me inside._

_But fortunately I wasn’t alone, Octavia and my friends brought me back._

_Octavia threatened me saying that if I didn’t put the band together again she would move out and never speak to me again. She’s so headstrong that I didn’t have any doubt about the truthfulness of her words. So I complied and day by day I began to live again. That’s when I started to write songs, actually. Before, we just made some covers.. My first songs are nothing like these days ones, they’re so so much heavier in a way.. But they helped me to get through all of that._

_Music, friends and family._

_I also seen it as an outsider with my friend John. He lost his mother too, two years after mine died. I saw him falling in the pit I fell. He quit the band too. But since he had no siblings to take care of, he just quitted life altogether. Actually it was way harder for him, his father blamed him for her death.  
He disappeared for a while, no matter how hard me and the guys tried, we couldn’t find him for a while. Like me he was determined to go through it alone, because he  thought he was alone._

_It’s easy to think ourselves alone when something like that happens, but I want you to know that is not true. It wasn’t true for me and not for Murphy. He might have lost his blood family but he still had us. He’d probably kill me if he knew that I’m writing like this about him, but it’s you so I don’t feel that guilty.._

_What I’m trying to say is that we need people in our lives that are able to stick our pieces back together when we break. The sooner we let them the sooner it becomes easier._

 

_You’ll never be alone Clarke, I can promise you that._

 

 

_I hope to see you soon again,_

 

_Love, Bellamy_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry - Scusatemi - Samavenna - I AM SORRY (in all the languages I know)
> 
> Seriously, I'm really REALLY Sorry I'm so late. I have a reason though. My aunt from the USA came to visit us and I had to give up my room and my bed, on which I write. SO strangely as it may sound I SERIOUSLY had such a hard time writing somewhere else, like it's not even funny. It got me so frustrated I cried and almost got depressed cos I knew what I wanted to write, it's not like I had a writer's block or something, it was just I couldn't concentrate enough somewhere else.
> 
> FINALLY (Hear the bells ringing and the Angels singing?) THE CHAPTER IS HERE. Written some on the couch and in the Uni's library (New Safe Heaven) and cafeteria, IT IS HERE. I hope you'll still love this, comments are a lifeline these days, so talk to me and really thanks for sticking with me.
> 
> I love you so much.
> 
> El


	10. Hey, Princess

 

 Clarke picked up her pace looking at her watch.

She was late for lunch with Raven, but she knew that once she’d told her friend the reason for her delay she wouldn’t have minded that much.

She pulled out her phone to call her.

***

_Good Morning_

_Good Morning Captain_

_Good Morning Train Passenger_

_Good Morning Awkward Artist_

_Good Morning Awkward Princess_

_Good Morning Princess_

 

Clarke smiled like a goof as she thought of his morning massages.

After she had accepted his Skype request, the first thing that Bellamy had sent her was his number. When he went to bed in the USA time, he’d send a message to her. And now it was almost a week that she woke up to his morning texts.

Every morning was a different nickname. H’d explained saying that, it was because he wanted to try different things so that he could decide what he liked best. Like the dork that -Clarke had begun to know- he was.

This morning though her heart did really skip a beat when she read Princess without the awkward bit. She had a hard time replying to it though. In fact to every text he’d send her, she’d send him the equivalent nickname she could think of,

 

_Goodnight_

_Goodnight Sailor_

_Goodnight Train Passenger_

_Goodnight Awkward Singer_

_Goodnight Awkward_

 

At the last one he had sent her an (-.-) emoji and she had giggled, cause even then she couldn’t bring herself to reply with Prince for some reason.

So this morning she had sent him:

 

_Am I supposed to say goodnight to a Prince?_

**Of course not.**

 

Clarke had glared at the screen. How was that supposed to help her?

 

_Well, please enlighten me then_

**About what?**

 

Clarke rolled her eyes

 

_How am I supposed to call you?_

**Bellamy it’s alright**

 

Clarke rolled her eyes so hard that it hurt. DORK.

Big Annoying Dork. Like her father. Oh, they’d certainly get along.

So she had called him

“Hey”

“You know what I mean!” she hadn't bothered to greet him, her mind was still trying to come up with a clever name

He chuckled and she felt her face go hot “Clarke, you don’t need to find nicknames for me, just cos I do it”

She puffed annoyed “I don’t do it cos you do it, I do it cos it’s fun”

“Then stop stressing about it and go for a simple Goodnight”

“Oh that would mean that I’d lose”

“Lose?” She could practically hear his eyebrow quirking up

“Yeah! I take this really seriously, it’s important that we found the perfect nickname for each other..” she squeezed her eyes shut, realizing too late how it sounded

“And why’s that?” she could hear the smile in his voice and she flushed

“Uhm” Her heart begun to hammer in her chest “My friends and I.. We all have a nickname for each other, and I figured that.. Are we friends Bellamy?” She suddenly asked holding her breath

“What kind of question is that? Of course we are!” He said after just a beat too long

“I know, I mean, we text practically every day and yeah, but we just met only once, and while I really believe in long distance-born friendships, I didn’t know how you thought about it and.. yeah” she trailed off, sitting on her bed

“Clarke, you know things of me that a month ago only my sister and my closest friends knew. You’re definitely my friend.”

Clarke sighed, a small smile spreading on her lips “That’s good to know”

“I think I found your nickname anyway, so..”

Clarke attention snapped back “Oh?”

“Yeah, but I’m not gonna tell you”

“What!?” She asked almost outraged

He laughed “It’s not like you’re never going to know, but.. I still wanna try a couple of other ones that I have in mind, before sticking to it”

She huffed feigning annoyance “You’re so difficult Bellamy Blake”

“Oh but that’s why you love me” He joked chuckling

Clarke froze though, and then giggled a little too forcefully “Right. Goodnight Bellamy”

“Good Morning Princess” He replied warmly.

In that instant she decided that she wanted him to _always_ call her _that_. With that exact tone of voice.

Right then all she wished was to be able to see his face while he said it.

Just thinking about it felt like her blood was replaced by warm honey.

***

She sighed dreamily as she waited Raven to pick up.

_You’ve reached Awesome Reyes, leave a message if you want… Or don’t I don’t care._

Clarke frowned and started to jog as soon as she was outside the hospital.

When she had finally reached the park, she looked at the picnic table where they usually ate their lunch expecting to see her friend’s annoyed expression, but instead she saw nothing. She frowned looking at her watch again. It was twenty minutes later then their usual lunch-time.

She walked the remaining distance between her and the table, sat down, waited five more minutes, and tapped Raven’s number again.

Raven was always a couple of minutes late, but then again, as Raven always grumbled it was Clarke that was always a couple of minutes earlier, but anyway never _this_ late.

Someone dumped their bag on the table and she jumped “UGH, sorry I’m late” Raven huffed plummeting on her seat in front of Clarke’s “You’ve no idea what kind of day I had, straight from hell, UGH” her friend sighed palming her eyes.

Clarke relaxed sighing in relief to see her friend being okay, and put down the phone “What happened?”

Raven looked at her with the most murderous look she had ever seen on her face and her eyebrows shot to her hairline “Whoa, I haven’t seen you being this angry since we were in Uni, and you’d come home after a fight with..” Clarke frowned trying to remember the nickname

“Dick-Wick”

“Fuck-Wick”

They said at the same moment,

One sighing in exhaustion the other with a slightly amused note in her voice.

Raven massaged her temples “Either way he’s an ass and I swear I’m gonna kill him one day or another..” She pulled out her lunchbox and opened it roughly “He’s so incredibly annoying at so many different levels, ugh” She stabbed at a piece of chicken in her salad and chewed angrily “Every time he opens his stupid mouth to say, without fail some nonsense, all I can think of is what objects around me, could be easily shoved in his throat and _accidentally_ choke him to death, so that he would finally shut the fuck up”

Clarke blinked and then burst out laughing, Raven looked at her not amused at all

“It is not funny. I literally danced the samba when he graduated and vanished from campus!”

Clarke nodded “Oh, I remember” she said not able to hide her over-amused grin

Raven continued “And now? He’s back to ruin my life! Tell me, how the hell is possible that we both ended up working for the same company, in the same building and in the same freakin’ lab!”

Clarke pressed tightly her lips, trying not to smile and made a show of thinking about it, going as far as to tap her chin with her index, then she gasped like she was hit by the revelation “Fate!” she wiggled her eyebrows “You’re destined to be together”

Raven still looked at her unfazed and threw her way, a balled paper towel, hitting Clarke right on the nose “If that’s my fate, I’m willing to stab myself to death with this very fork, right now.” She announced bitterly holding up the cutlery with a piece of chicken still attached

Clarke snorted and threw back the paper ball “Ow, Come one, it can’t be that bad!”

Raven tsked “You clearly don’t remember how cocky he was- still is.”

Clarke shrugged “Maybe, but I do remember that he was good-looking and.. Some girls would find cockiness kinda as a turn on”

Raven watched her with a blank expression and then look down at her fork pensively “Seriously, even now I’m fantasying on how fun it would be to plant this fork in his hand” She looked up at Clarke raising her eyebrows “If there’s something he’s turning on, It’s the psycho killer in me..”

Clarke rolled her eyes at her best friend’s dramatics and took a bite from her sandwich “So you were late cos of what?”

“For Dick-Fucking-Wick of course! Today was his first day and of course he wanted to make an impression blabbering about some stupid new project that -of course!-” She threw up her hands “Was not doable. Like At ALL. Because, of course, he didn’t really think through, the actual mechanical parts!” She stabbed at multiple pieces of tomato “Ugh! So I stayed late cos he wouldn’t understand why it wouldn’t work and- of course- I had to explain it to him, cos he’s a stupid” she stabbed at a piece of chicken “Stupid” by then there was no room for another piece, and Clarke watched amused and only mildly concerned as her friend tried futilely to put another piece on it “ASS!” she finally gave up and put the whole thing in her mouth chewing disdainfully “Finally I saw what time was and rushed here, leaving his stupid ass alone to figure it out. And without doubt failing. I can’t believe I have to work with him from now on, UGH”

Clarke giggled, shaking her head “If I had a penny for how many times you ‘ughed’ I’d probably be really rich”

Raven rolled her eyes “Oh shut up!” she said throwing the paper ball again “So, how’s your day going?” she then asked cracking the first smile of the day

Clarke avoided the ball just in time and started fidgeting with the strap of her bag “Actually, I just arrived too..”

Raven widened her eyes in mock surprise “Oh my God! Clarke Griffin was late, what happened?? Or wait, should I say what will happen? Cos I’m pretty sure this a sign of the world ending, 2012 maybe didn’t happen cos you weren’t late, never until Now, the Mayas were three years wrong!”

She bit her lip shaking her head smiling “You done?” Raven giggled to herself “Yeah, sorry.. Go on” she propped on her elbows on full listening mode

Clarke took a deep breath “I.. I’m a trainee again!” she blurted deciding to go straight to the point

Raven’s mouth dropped “No way.” Then she jumped up and laughed “No Way!” she rounded the table and squashed a giggling Clarke in a hug “I’ve been trying to convince you forever!!”

When they pulled back Raven shook her head still smiling “What changed your mind?”

Clarke sat back and waited for her friend to do the same before explaining “It was a lot of little things, really.. I remembered what my dad told me just before the accident.. To never lose hope.. And after the accident I think I kinda lost it but, Bellamy made me rethink things and I don’t know, I felt it was the right time anyway, so..” She said with a sigh

Raven put up a hand “Wait, wait, wait, what? Bellamy?”

***

“How come I always catch you on your free times Clarke?” He asked a little puzzled

“What do you mean?”

“Between you being on a trainee program and me being on tour, I’d never expected that we could actually talk this much”

“That’s because I left the program” she'd blurted without thinking

The other end had been silent for a while “For the accident?” he had finally asked a little cautious

Clarke had sighed “No- Yes.. I don’t know, I just couldn’t concentrate enough when my dad was in a bed two floors from me, it doesn’t feel right..”

“Do you still want to become a doctor?”

“Yes” She had answered without a trace of doubt

His voice had softened “Then, I’ll say to you what Octavia told me once: Don’t ever give up on the things you love, sometimes what we think it’s right, it’s really not. Don’t give up, Clarke”

***

Clarke looked away “It slipped when we were talking one day…” She looked back at her friend to see her nodding

“So..” With a pensive look she said “Basically, Bellamy changed your mind?”

Clarke flushed “No! I mean sorta, not really.. I quitted cos I was afraid that something would have happened when I wasn’t there, and it still terrifies me the thought of something like that happening but.. It’s been almost a month since he went stable.. And besides, if he wakes up and finds out that I quit for him, I think he’d be pissed.. So, yeah” she tried to lighten the mood

Raven smiled knowingly “Yeah, he’d be pissed..” she took a deep breath “But Clarke.. About Bellamy..”

Clarke felt her face grow instantly hot. _For God’s Sake!_

“There, I can’t mention his name and you go redder than a lobster with sunburn..”

Clarke grew even warmer. _OH MY GOD._

“Okay. I never seen you being like this with anyone so.. You like him?”

She looked up and swallowed “Yeah..”

Raven nodded to herself, and then, before she changed her mind asked “Clarke, are you falling for him?”

Clarke was sure she was going to have an heart attack, her heart was beating so fast “I don’t know..” She whispered finally “I.. I know I really like him..”

Raven nodded again “Okay. I just.. I want you to be careful.. He’s, you know, a Rock Star so-"

“He’s not like that” She said quickly “I only met him once, and five years ago, but I talked to him and I don’t really think he’s like that..”

“So you know how many girlfriends he had?”

“Yes. One. At least since he became famous, her name is Lilian Melrose..” she answered promptly

Raven’s eyebrows shot to her hairline “You’ve done your research..”

Clarke looked away embarrassed “Yeah..”

“Hey,” Raven reached for her hand and held it in hers “If he’s the right guy, I’m happy for you. Really. I’m just saying that I never really met him, and I don’t know how he is.. I just don’t want you to get hurt..”

Clarke softened in a smile and squeezed her hand “I know, I’m lucky to have you..” then added with a smirk “But I feel sorry for him if he ever hurts me.. You know, Raven Reyes will kick his ass”

Raven narrowed her eyes “Damn straight.”

Clarke grinned “So do I have to kick Wick’s ass for annoying you?”

Raven seemed confused “What’s that to do with this, he’s nothing to me. He’s like a mosquito to me. Annoying, useless bloodsucker, ugh”

“Ookay” That did not go how Clarke wanted it to go. Her dad always said that, you usually tease the ones you love, but Raven and Wick’s relationship seemed to go beyond that. Maybe Clarke was wrong. Maybe Raven did really hate Wick.. Or maybe she had yet to realize that she didn’t.. Anyway she decided to change the subject before that crazed killer look took over her friend again “The band will come to London, in a couple of weeks..”

That got the desired effect and brought back her friend – from no wonder, fantasizing on how to stab that someone – “Really?? So, you’ll see him again?”

Clarke grinned “Yes, I still don’t know the exact date and how long they’re staying, he said they had a couple of interviews here and then they had to fly somewhere else..”

“Better than nothing..” her friend offered

Clarke nodded smiling “Yeah, I’m-”

“Oh shit!” Raven suddenly cried reaching inside her bag “I almost forgot! Here, it came after you left, I took it cos I knew I’d see you at lunch, and figured that anyway, you’d probably want to read it as soon as you could..” her friend babbled handing out an envelope

Clarke reached for it with trembling hands “He wrote me another letter..” she murmured reading his name on it “He didn’t tell me, he wrote me another letter” She then explained to her friend with a frown

Raven shrugged “Maybe he forgot or just wanted to be like a surprise..” she said with a smile making Clarke smile too

“Maybe”

* * *

 

 

She sat on the now more than familiar chair after dragging it near his bed.

Envelope still in her hands she leaned so that she could see the last book from the “A series of unfortunate events” inside her bag. She looked back at the envelope and frowned. Saying that she was dying to read it was an understatement.

“Dad, you’ll have to wait for the finale I’m afraid..” She whispered holding his hand “I’m going to read something else today.. Bellamy wrote me another letter..” She smiled “Now that I think about it, you probably don’t mind at all, do you?”

_"It offends me that you’d think I would!"_

Clarke’s head snapped up, her heart hammering through her chest, to see her father’s… still sleeping form.

She frowned and then sighed. Great. Now she was hallucinating her father’s voice. Or maybe, she just knew him so well, that she knew what he’d say. She smiled at the thought. In a way he was one of her best friends.

“Okay.” She opened the envelope careful to not rip it and pulled out the sheets. _Music sheets?_

Clarke giggled to herself as a warm feeling filled her.

 

_“Dear Clarke, I’m still on the plane and I just talked to you but I felt the need to write you anyway. I mean, you can probably tell seeing what I’m writing on.. I didn’t have any normal paper but I guess it’s the perks of being a song writer. Some way or another I never end up without something to write on.”_

 

Would he ever disappoint her? Cos for how was it going so far, she was pretty sure he was pretty close to perfection. _Oh, wow, He turned me in a cheesy girl with a Crush. Perfect._

 

_“[…] I kind of felt useless because I couldn’t do anything to help. And after the call I feel like you were the one who helped me, to not feel like that anymore. So thanks.. and sorry for not being able to help you. I really wish I could be there, even if I’m not exactly sure how could I help.”_

 

Oh. He had no idea of how much he actually had helped her. She made a mental note to tell him later, when he’d call.

 

_“For what you wrote me about him, your father is a great man and I really hope he’ll pull through but I want you to know that even if he doesn’t, you’d be lucky. Because you’d have his memory and so many people that love you and that would help you to get through that pain.”_

 

She took a shuddering breath and blinked away tears that were already pooling in her eyes.

 

_“I should know. My mother died of cancer when I was 19.”_

 

She gasped even though, she already knew it. Octavia had told her the second time they met. But the fact that he was writing it down in a letter, meant so much more. He was opening up to her. _For her._

 

_“Octavia threatened me saying that if I didn’t put the band together again she would move out and never speak to me again. She’s so headstrong that I didn’t have any doubt about the truthfulness of her words. So I complied and day by day I began to live again. That’s when I started to write songs, actually. Before, we just made some covers.. My first songs are nothing like these days ones, they’re so so much heavier in a way.. But they helped me to get through all of that._

_Music, friends and family._

_I also seen it as an outsider with my friend John. He lost his mother too, two years after mine died. I saw him falling in the pit I fell. He quit the band too. But since he had no siblings to take care of, he just quitted life altogether. Actually it was way harder for him, his father blamed him for her death. He disappeared for a while, no matter how hard me and the guys tried, we couldn’t find him for a while. Like me he was determined to go through it alone, because he thought he was alone.”_

 

She sighed. She could see herself doing the same. And of course failing because of her friends. No way, Raven would let her isolate herself.

She smiled at the thought.

 

_“It’s easy to think ourselves alone when something like that happens, but I want you to know that is not true. It wasn’t true for me and not for Murphy. He might have lost his blood family but he still had us. He’d probably kill me if he knew that I’m writing like this about him, but it’s you so I don’t feel that guilty.._

_What I’m trying to say is that we need people in our lives that are able to stick our pieces back together when we break. The sooner we let them the sooner it becomes easier.”_

 

_Will you stick mine together if I break?_

She asked silently as a tear fell blurring the ink.

 

_“You’ll never be alone Clarke, I can promise you that._

_I hope to see you soon again,_

_Love,_

_Bellamy”_

 

 

 

She exhaled looking up from the letter and at her dad.

“I think you two are more alike than I thought. He’s got a thing for speeches too..”

* * *

 

 

Clarke just had time to turning on the laptop and lay her bag on the ground when Bellamy called.

“Hey princess” He greeted her as soon as she had accepted the call. He had his playful grin that made her instantly smile back. She definitely liked being call _that_.

“Hey” She responded simply, her cheeks starting to hurt how wide her grin was.

He chuckled “Still didn’t find a nickname for me?”

Clarke cocked her head to a side and bit her lip “Actually, I have one”

Bellamy cleared his throat “Yeah?”

Clarke straightened herself “But, I’m not gonna tell you”

That made him laugh and he shook his head “Nice. I guess I deserved it” he said still chuckling

“I’ve got news”

“I have something to tell you”

They both announced at the same time, when the chuckling died down.

They laughed again and then Clarke motioned for him to go first “What is it?”

Bellamy beamed “I know the exact date we’re coming to London.. We’ll land on a Wednesday two weeks from now..”

Clare grinned back “That’s awesome! Octavia must be thrilled”

“Oh yeah, considering that she nearly made me deaf with her squeal”

Clarke giggled “I can totally picture that”

The smile never left his face, but it was no surprise. As soon as he saw Clarke, the smile just become part of his features. “So, what’s your news?”

Clarke battled with herself on what to tell him first, then her eyes found the bag where his letter was safely tucked in “I received your letter..”

“Oh, I.. Well- Yeah.. Uhm” he stuttered endearingly looking everywhere but at the screen, making Clarke soften

 “Thank you”

Bellamy gave her a sheepish smile.

“You’ve no idea, how much you helped me, do you?” she asked resting her chin on her opened palms

“I really didn’t do anything..” He uttered with a sad note in his voice looking away again

“You’re wrong, Bellamy..” she waited to have his full attention “You did help me. Writing you, helped me”

He smiled “That was you, I didn’t do anything, my letter arrived only later..”

Clarke shook her head vehemently “You’re not getting it” she said almost irritated “You. Helped me. Okay? I don’t know how to explain it, but just the thought of you existing somewhere, maybe singing or playing the guitar, helped me.” Clarke took a shuddering breath, shaken by the fact that she had exposed herself so much to him. If that didn’t tell him how much of a crush she had, she didn’t know what did.

When she looked at him, Bellamy was still frowning, not convinced.

She huffed in exasperation “Fine. Well you helped me after, then.”

“How?” he asked stubbornly “We just talked..” he shrugged

“Oh my god” Clarke palmed her face “I’m continuing my trainee program, okay? I did it because of you, punkass!”

That got his attention “What?”

Clarke flushed, “That’s not.. I mean- uh” she closed her eyes to regain control of her thoughts “You told me that, I shouldn’t give up on the things I love, and that reminded me of what my dad told me, that no matter how bad things seems, there will always be hope, and I guess.. My hope was you.. Writing you, gave me hope, and then you told me to not give up, and.. yeah, You’re hope for me, Bellamy, so don’t ever think that you didn’t help me. You did. You do.” She was shaking, her body was way warmer than usual, she was sweating and her heart felt like it was going to fall off her chest if it continued to beat that fast.

“Don’t cry, Clarke” he said gently

She touched her cheeks, truly surprised to feel them wet. When did she’d start crying? “I.. I don’t” She stuttered not knowing how to disentangle herself from the web that she made by pulling out all the stuff, that before that moment she had safely kept inside of her.

“So you’re back as a trainee, huh?” he offered, not commenting further on what she’d said.

Saying that she was grateful for it, was an understatement “Yeah, filed the paperwork this morning..”

“So does that mean that we have to reschedule our phone calls?” He asked playfully

Clarke cocked her head smiling, slowly returning to feel comfortable “We never had a clear schedule with all your rehearsals and gigs, and you know _that_ time zone thing, now it will be even more hectic, I will probably have to live in the hospital, to catch up..” She shuddered at the thought of how much she would have to bust her ass off

“Good thing I’ll be there soon, or we’ll probably become, those penfriends that write to each other every single day and then just poof no more..”

Clarke arched an eyebrow “Poof? What happens? A witch turn us in a frog or something?”

Bellamy rolled his eyes, but a smile still spread on his lips “You think you’re funny?”

Clarke looked at him with an are-you-kidding-me look “Of course, I’m funny.”

He nodded condescendingly  “All right, all right, you’ve gone off tracks though, we were talking about losing contact”

Clarke leaned to the screen and asked boldly “Would you ever let that happen?”

Bellamy smiled a small smile “Never”

Clarke leaned back on her chair squaring her shoulders, drawing strength by his unfailing tone

“Me neither, so.. It’s settled then”

Bellamy grinned “It is”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAAH. It's here Finally! It took me so long. I've being telling myself that I would finish it and post it "Today" for the past 5 days, but I just couldn't seem to finish it. In fact it's longer then the other chaps, I hope it's okay...
> 
> Fiuu, My aunt went back in the States, so I have my room and my BED back, so that should be an improvement for my posting schedule.. 
> 
> Also, how are you lovely people holding up, after a week from the finale? *Sends tight hugs* I know, I know.. I think i will never get over it. 
> 
> That was actually, also one of the reasons why I couldn't post before, I just couldn't concentrate enough to set my mind on this story, cos I was going crazy on headcannons of what the hell would happen AFTER that Finale. IN fact, I have a mini fic about it almost ready. So yeah.. just sayin' 
> 
> I also found a prompt fic (Jealous!Bellamy) that I wrote some time ago and thought I lost forever, and it made me so happy that now, I'm also ready to take prompts. So if people wants You can send them to my official tumblr :
> 
> http://bellarkemylovers.tumblr.com/
> 
> As always, Thank you for sticking with me, Your support means the world to me and this story, so THANKS!!
> 
> I love you all,
> 
> El


	11. Butterflies, Mythology, and Evil Plans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: prepare the snacks people, this is the longest chapter I’ve EVER written in my whole life.

 

**[Clarke POV]**

 

Clarke was leaning on the window staring at the big, heavy clouds in the sky with her thermos cuddled to her chest. She had taken the night shift so that she could be there, in Octavia’s Land Rover heading to IKEA; so she had only slept two hours and thirty seven minutes. That was what her life had come to now; counting every single minute of sleep she had. She absently sipped her mocha while she tried to stay awake.

“Ugh, looks like it’s going to come pouring” Octavia huffed from the driving seat.

Her friend had asked her if she was down for a trip to the department store to buy stuff for when the boys would be back. A couple of weeks after Octavia had moved to London, in the band’s apartment, a water pipe had broken while she was at work, ruining most of the furniture, and she hadn’t had time to go and replace it until then.

“I’m sorry I dragged you with me..” Octavia apologised glancing her way.

Clarke interrupted her reverie to quickly turn to her “No O! I’m happy to be here!”

Octavia gave her sceptical look “You look tired..”

She leaned back on her seat and sighed “That’s because I am, I’ve been at the hospital the whole day yesterday and night, I barely slept three hours.”

Since she had gone back to the trainee program she had had barely time to do anything but eat and sleep. Clarke practically lived in there, between work and her father. The only reasons that took her out were having lunch with Raven and sleeping at home- that under her mother’s insistence, if it was up to her, she’d probably pass out in a random storage room of the hospital-.

“Okay, now I’m even more convinced that I shouldn’t have called you..” Octavia pouted adorably

Clarke gave her a pointed look “I took the night shift so that I could be here O.”

Since the moment Octavia had called her, she had been moving her schedule around so that she could be free that day without feeling too guilty. She had done it more than happily, Octavia was great company, and it had been a while since the day she last saw her, after she set up that first call with Bellamy. She had missed her. Plus, they were going to buy stuff for the boys- Bellamy- hell if she was going to pass that chance.. _ugh.. could her crush be more pathetic?_

Octavia blinked “Oh?” then a smile started to spread on her lips, a knowing glint in her eyes when she turned her whole upper body to her stopping at a traffic light “Is that so, huh?”

Clarke felt her face warm up and mumbled “Yeah, so?”

“Was it because you actually missed my awesome company, or because you couldn’t miss the chance to go buy something for famous band members aka my brother?”

 _Oh God. Is she psychic or something?_ It’s like she read her mind dammit.

By then Clarke’s face had turned to a whole new shade of red and pointedly avoided looking Octavia’s way, aggressively staring at the lid of her thermos.

Her friend of course cackled not making it easier for her at all. “Aww, it’s adorable really. I love it. It just perfect.” Octavia’s grin didn’t falter as she turned back to drive “Don’t worry, you’re secret’s safe with me..”

Clarke looked at her then.

Octavia made a face “Sort of..” Clarke hit her arm and the other girl chided “Oi, driving here!”

It was an innocent chide, and Octavia had used a playful tone. But that didn’t stop Clarke’s blood to turn cold as memories of the accident filled her eyes. She even heard the song playing. Her breath started to come out in puffs, her heart pounding so hard she thought it would actually burst out from her chest that was tightening around it; she knew what this was, she was more than familiar with these panic attacks, even more now, after that day. She desperately searched for something to focus on, something stable-

“Hey, you okay?” Clarke blinked a few times and focused her eyes on the butterfly shaped pendant around Octavia’s neck. _Focus on something solid._

“Clarke?” She looked up then and took in the worried look on Octavia’s face, and forced down the bile that was rising up. She closed her eyes trying to regain a normal breathing and then she gave her friend the brightest smile she could muster “Yeah, I’m fine, nothing to worry about.. That’s a beautiful necklace” she stated partly to side track her but also because it was true, mentally repeating over and over to herself that everything was okay and that nothing bad was going to happen. Octavia watched her for a while with that familiar look that was so similar to Bellamy’s that made Clarke feel like he could see right through her, but after a beat she smiled back nonetheless brushing her fingers on the butterfly in an unconscious gesture “Yes, it is.. Bell gave it to me for my sixteenth birthday.. When I was a kid mom brought us to Eaton Park back in Norwich, she always told us how she had to constantly keep and eye on me cos otherwise I would chase every single butterfly that I’d come across to, and get lost because I was so concentrated on the butterfly that I wouldn’t pay attention to where I was going” she giggled as she kept talking eagerly sharing anecdotes of hers and Bellamy’s childhood.

Soon enough Clarke relaxed as she listened to Octavia’s stories, focusing on her happy tone and imagining the little brothers on a beautiful spring day chasing butterflies in a field full of flowers.

* * *

 

 

“Wakie wakie sleeping beauty!”

Clarke startled awake and looked around momentarily forgetting where she was. When her eyes found Octavia’s smiley face she relaxed and sleepily smiled back “Hey.. I fell asleep”

Her friend snorted and leaned back up holding Clarke’s side door wide open “Yeah, you definitely did according to the sweet little snores that you emitted”

“Oh” Clarke felt her face flush, and giggled awkwardly

“I almost got offended, I thought my stories bored you”

“Oh no! I actually dreamt of you and Bellamy in a field of flowers!” Clarke blurted wide eyed.

Octavia laughed “I bet you did.”

Clarke shook her head, mentally slapping herself for her lack of filter, getting out of the car, and waited the other girl to lock it.

“And anyway, I was kidding. I know how tired you were” Octavia said linking her arm with Clarke’s “but now that you had your beauty sleep you can concentrate enough in helping me find ugliest furniture and buy it!” She announced with a wicked grin

Clarke laughed and nodded her agreement.

* * *

 

 

“Oh my god. This one is perfect” Octavia squealed running towards a solid wood-like table “It’s ugly exactly like the boys’ taste. They’ll love it” she informed Clarke that eyed the table unimpressed

“Yeah it looks ugly enough..” she checked the tag “Welcome, to the family Norden” she announced stroking the top of the table affectionately, receiving weird looks from a couple passing by

Octavia giggled “I think you should reconsider, which one of us is the weirdest”

Clarke moved away rolling her eyes “I think it’s a tie”

O fallowed her after noting the name of the table on a piece of paper and they strolled around giggling while telling each other dumb jokes.

“Oh, would you look at that, Zeus, Poseidon and Hades, sons of Cronos and the three supreme Gods of mount Olympus..” Octavia addressed the picture in front of them “Poseidon was always my favourite, he created horses after all, and I love horses” she informed Clarke turning to her “Bellamy though.. He preferred Hades”

That got Clarke’s complete attention “Isn’t he the God of Death?” she asked with a frown

Octavia shook her head “That’s a mistake that most people do. Thanatos is the God of death, Hades is the lord of the underworld and ruler of the dead.”

“Oh..” Clarke turned to look at Octavia in wonder, but the other girl was frowning, still staring at the picture “Bell always said that he felt like he had more in common with him than the other two, he loved the myth of Orpheus and Eurydice, he said that it demonstrated that he wasn’t as awful as the other Gods made him look. Plus, Cerberus was his guard dog, and that ‘was one hell of a dog’ direct quote” Octavia giggled and Clarke joined her “He always wanted a dog but we never got around to adopt one” Octavia sighed and turned to her friend that was still staring at her with an odd look “What?”

Clarke shook her head “I would’ve never thought of Greek myths as a passion of yours” she shrugged smiling.

Octavia snorted hard making Clarke smile and frown at the same time, confused by her reaction, the brunette gave her a look “ _Bellamy_ is the one with the Greek Myths passion, scratch that, all myths, in fact not only that, but he’s the biggest History nerd I’ve ever known. I was practically raised with these stories” She arched her eyebrows in emphasis “I blame our mother, she’s the one that got him into it with stories on the Roman emperors, hell I was named after Augustus sister after all! He was so obsessed with Rome that he wanted to become a gladiator” she giggled “He would hassle me until I’d agreed to be seated on my bed pretending to be a lady, so that he could slay Marble, our giant teddy bear, and devote the victory to me, his lady, just how gladiators used to do in ancient Rome.. Then he actually started to study the Romans in school, and when he discovered what kind of atrocities went on in the arenas because of the gladiators, he was so appalled and got so depressed over it that our mom actually started to worry, so she gave him a book of Greek myths to try and replace the void, and after a while it worked.” She smiled fondly “He was back on pretending to be the mortal heroes that the Gods tried so hard to make their life miserable and after that his passion for myths evolved into a passion for history and in senior year he decided he wanted to become a true Historian through and through.. He would have his degree now, if things hadn’t went to crap..” Octavia concluded sadly looking down to sigh.

Clarke was reminded of the first time she actually talked to Octavia at the café where they met to return the blouses, how she had told her that her brother -who at the time she had no idea was Bellamy- had to give up his dreams to make sure that hers didn’t go down the drain, and how now he was finally fulfilling one of the two. Now she knew what the other was, and she felt.. She didn’t know how she felt. She recognized sadness. Part of her was aching for the reason why he had to give up his studies, but one other part felt that way because she had never realized how history was so important for him. Since the moment she and he had started to talk, she felt like she started to really know him and suddenly she wasn’t so sure. How could she not notice the historic references that he made from time to time?

Octavia was still staring at the picture with a wistful look. Clarke rubbed her back and hugged her from the side, encircling her back with one arm and her chest with the other “I’m sure your mother would be so proud of you two” she said kissing her cheek.

Octavia rested her hands on the arm around her chest and turned to Clarke with a gentle smile “Thanks.”

A phone went off then, startling the girls apart. Octavia patted herself to find it “Ah, I have to take this” she said when she finally found it and looked at the caller ID. She walked away and answered after she had reached a point far enough she was sure Clarke wouldn’t hear her from.

Clarke continued to stare at the three Gods, completely unaware of the continuous glances that Octavia kept throwing her way while talking on the phone in hushed tones.

In a snap decision, before she knew what she was actually doing, Clarke looked for the area where the other replicas were and when she finally found them, she took one out and found herself grinning like an idiot.

After ending the call, Octavia strolled back to her friend, but stopped in her tracks when she saw what she was holding in her hands. A slow and wide grin made its way on her lips and Clarke felt a flush creeping on her neck and quickly rolled her eyes and started to walk away,

“You know you don’t have to impress the guy, I’m pretty sure he’ll be over the moon just for seeing you again” Octavia yelled

Clarke turned her head to stick out her tongue and Octavia cackled behind her.

* * *

 

 

Once they finished picking all the necessary furniture, the two girls headed home back on the Land Rover.

They spent some time in companionable silence until Clarke couldn’t stop herself from asking “So, how was Lilian?”

Octavia tensed just a little and remained silent for a while “Lilian?” she then asked turning her head to her after stopping the car at a traffic light.

Clarke frowned “Yeah, isn’t she Bellamy’s ex-girlfriend?”

Octavia smiled tightly nodding her head “That Lilian.. Yeah she is.. What about her?”

Clarke watched her closely taking in the way Octavia looked not really keen in approaching the subject. She almost hated herself for pushing, but her curiosity was taking the best of her. She already had felt like she didn’t know important parts of his life, and now she just wanted to fill the gaps as best as she could. “How was she?”

Octavia shrugged “She was nice”

Clarke frowned. _Well that helps a lot, thank you very much._ She bit the snarky comment back and shrugged “Are you guys still in contact?”

Octavia just shook her head. Clarke waited for her to say something else, but when that didn’t happen she sighed deciding to let the subject drop, and turned her head to watch the heavy rain drops splash on her window.

Octavia sighed deeply. “I’m sorry,”

Clarke looked back and smiled “its fine if you don’t want to talk about it.. I understand”

Her friend frowned “It’s that, she really is nice and she is Bellamy’s first love and I really liked her, but she broke his heart, and it took him a while to heal from it..”

“Oh” Clarke stared at her friend in loss of what to say.

 _She is his first love_. It was like listening to a broken record, she couldn’t think of anything else. Realizing she was staring she turned her head, and instead stared without seeing outside her window.

Of course she was. Obviously he knew what love felt like. Just because Clarke had never had any experience with love -or boys in that sense whatsoever-, didn’t mean that he wouldn’t too. How stupid was she that she just… _People say that you never forget your first love. So he’ll never forget her._

Her eyes filled with tears making herself feel even more stupid and childish. _For fuck’s sake, get a grip Clarke._ She tried to take deep breaths as covertly as possible so that Octavia wouldn’t notice how stupidly upset she was.

“Oh no, I upset you, didn’t I?”

Clarke rolled her eyes heavenwards, frustrated with herself. She was even more stupid to think that O wouldn’t notice.

“Clarke” Octavia touched her arm and she finally turned back

She sighed “This is so stupid, I feel stupid. Oh god” she flinched as she rambled nonsense

Octavia shook her head quickly “No, no” she cursed under her breath and searched for a spot where she could stop the car for a while “He’s over it. Lilian’s chapter is done. Finished. Caput.” She emphasized gesturing wildly once stopped the car at the side of the road “It’s been a year, and he doesn’t think about it anymore, he isn’t thinking about it for a while, and hell after he received your letter, he probably doesn’t even remember who that is!”

Clarke smiled despite herself and nodded. “It’s fine, it’s not like I want to be with him or anything” She pathetically lied and cringed when Octavia just raised an eyebrow “It’s that, I don’t even know the guy, who am I kidding” she continued her pathetic ramble “We literally met just once!”

Octavia held up a hand “Stop right there. So what? You’ve been talking for a while though. And blame it on my romantic streak or whatever, but I think that if two people have a connection they can feel it even if they meet only one time. And I‘m pretty sure that’s what happened on that train. It might be weird for some people, but who cares? You two know how you felt, it’s up to you if you want to explore it or not.” She concluded with a little shrug

Clarke stared, again in a loss of words.

“And by the way, I read that eighty-eight percent of the time, people know right away when they meet their soulmate” Octavia added wiggling her eyebrows and grinning cheek to cheek.

Clarke laughed “We’re soulmates now?”

Octavia pointed herself “I am Bellamy’s sister. And I know him pretty well.” She waited for Clarke to nod “And I’m getting a clear idea of who you are. And I really like you.” Clarke giggled nodding again “If I was one of the Moerae –the three goddesses that controlled destiny- it would be already a done deal. But I’m pretty sure it is, even without my divine intervention” Octavia nodded to herself.

Clarke shook her head and smiled fondly “Whatever you say O”.

* * *

 

 

“You wanna come in? I could put the kettle on”

“Nah, I have some.. Commissions to take care of before I head back” Octavia declined the invitation

Clarke nodded “Okay, if you need help in mounting the stuff or anything just call me”

Octavia smiled “I’m pretty good with that stuff, but thanks for the offer”

Clarke nodded again “Of course” she felt like all of a sudden Octavia was trying to get rid of her and planning to not see her for a while. She shook the ridiculous thought away –they were going to see each other in a week when Bellamy would come- and smiled “Okay, I’m gonna go.” She got off the Land Rover and waved her goodbye.

 

The first thing that Clarke noticed coming in was the sound of Raven yelling obscenities from the living room.

“MOTHER FUCKING PIECES OF SHIT!! HOW DARE YOU MAKE THEM BREAK UP ARRRRGHHH”

Clarke gingerly watched her friend screaming at the TV and waited at the doorway “Ray?”

Raven turned so quickly that Clarke almost literally jumped out of her skin. She looked like a demon from Supernatural had possessed her body “CAN YOU BELIEVE THESE ASSHOLES??? THEY FUCKIN MADE THEM BROKE UP!!! AFTER ALL THEY’VE BEEN THROUGH!! AFTER ALL THAT SHIT!! THEY FUCKIN MADE THEM BREAK UP!! AND NOT ONLY THAT BUT THEY BELITTLE THE WHOLE THING BY FOLLOWING THE SCENE WITH A ‘COMEDY’ ONE” she aggressively made quotation marks with her fingers “IF YOUR BOYRIEND CHASED FROM A CRAZY BITCH WITH A SHOOTING GUN, CAN BE CONSIDERED COMEDY! ARGH!!!” she dropped on the sofa and heaved trying to regain her breathing.

Clarke approached her in the way you would approach a wild beast- which in these case was more than appropriate, talking about a raging Raven- and after a while, rested a hand on her friend’s shoulder “I know.. I was pretty upset too, remember?”

Raven looked up pouting, her eyes were filled with tears “Having OTPs sucks”

Clarke snorted and nodded her agreement “Yeah..”

Raven shook her head miserably “I can’t believe it.. They are endgame, they can’t just.. no”

Clarke rubbed her back and sat in front of her “Here’s what we’ll do” she waited for Raven to look up and continued “I’m going to make popcorn and put all the sweetest, tooth-rotting candies in one bowl, while you pick either the cheesiest or grimmest cinematographic piece ever made, and we’ll gonna stuff our faces while cackling like hyenas or crying like babies” she shrugged “Depending on the movie”

Raven smiled “Sounds like an awesome idea”

Clarke grinned and stood up heading to the kitchen.

Raven sighed and slumped on the sofa. Her phone beeped signalling a new message and she lazily reached for it

_Where the frack are you?_

“Shit” she hit her forehead and jumped up, looking for her coat

“Going somewhere?” Clarke asked confused as she came out from the kitchen after putting the popcorn in the microwave

“Uhh, yeah!” she hit her forehead again “We’re out of milk!”

Clarke looked at her like she had grown two heads“Milk? You don’t drink milk”

She laughed awkwardly “Well I want it now, okay? It’s an OTP breakup situation necessity. I need milk” she took an umbrella “Don’t worry, I’ll be back in ten” she ran out making the door slam behind her.

Clarke stared at the space where her friend had been wondering what the hell had just happened.

* * *

 

 

Raven hurried her pace on the sidewalk trying to balance the huge umbrella against the force of the wind. She stopped in her tracks when she saw the headlights of a jeep flashing. She shook her head “I’m surrounded by a bunch of dorks”

“Took you long enough!” Octavia huffed once Raven huddled inside her car “Woah, that’s a huge umbrella” she exclaimed eying it oddly

Raven rolled her eyes “Yeah, tell me about it. My wrist is killing me. The wind is insane”

Once she was comfortably settled she fully turned to Octavia who was waiting grinning from cheek to cheek “So is operation Freckles go?”

Raven laughed heartedly “Oh god, Clarke is going to kill me when she finds out that I told you”

Octavia giggled “Oh, she is. When I’ll tell Bell”

Raven laughed again “Damn, we are so mean.. She’ll want your head once the operation starts, I’m warning you”

Octavia shrugged “She’ll thank me after..”

The other girl watched her closely “You really don’t mind? Not going?”

Octavia smiled “Nah, it was my idea to begin with, remember? I was thinking about it since the day I set up the skype call” she leaned back on her seat “I miss my brother like crazy, this is the longest we’re been apart from each other since ever, but I really want to do this”

Raven leaned back on her seat too “If in the end everything goes how you think it’ll go, you should seriously consider a career as a matchmaker” she said grinning

“Mhm I’ll take my place as one of the Moerae, thanks” Octavia corrected airily

“Huh?”

She giggled “Nothing. So Operation Freckles; you promise you won’t go with her?”

Raven rested a hand on her heart “I promise”

“Even if she promises you the answer for that equation that you’ve been working on since freshmen year?” Octavia tested narrowing her eyes

Raven snorted hard; So hard O was surprised her nasal septum didn’t detach “Please, as if she kn- Wait how do you know that?”

Octavia bit her lip “I might know someone you work with..”

Raven narrowed her eyes “Who?”

“Kyle?”

“Who the hell is Kyle?” Raven asked frowning

Octavia laughed “Oh my god, he told me you weren’t exactly on the nicest of terms, but damn you don’t know his first name?”

Raven stared at her for a while, then Octavia had the entertainment of the century as she watched her friend’s face morph from one expression to another as she realized who she was talking about “WICK??”

She nodded solemnly.

“How??”

“We’re been friends for a while, he’s a cool guy”

Raven snorted again and muttered something under her breath that Octavia was pretty sure sounded like “ _cool my ass, he’s as cool as an ass of a baboon”_

She shook her head with fond frustration. Once she had started Operation Freckles, she was going to think of something for these other two dorks. They clearly had the hotts for each other, but they were clearly too damn stubborn to do something about it. She sighed internally. What would they do without her? _Live a lonely and desolate life. That’s what._

They’ll better give her some big presents when they’ll have their hundred babies.

* * *

 

**[Octavia POV]**

 

When Octavia had finally brought up all the boxes from her car, she slumped on her bed and skype called Jasper

“Hey, munchkin” He greeted fondly

Octavia rolled her eyes “When will you stop calling me that?”

“O, you should be happy that he dropped the ‘little’” Monty pointed out appearing beside his friend

“Took him long enough” Octavia huffed

“I say we go with little steps, you don’t want to traumatize the guy by reminding him how old you are now” Nathan said grinning

“Why how old are you O? Sixteen?”

“Jesus, Jas” John appeared smacking the back of Jasper’s head “Cut it out, you’re being pathetic”

“Ow, that’s mean!” Jasper moaned rubbing the sore spot

Murphy just pulled a face at him, and sat in front of the pc “So little munchkin, what’s up?” he asked grinning cheekily

Octavia giggled despite herself. God she missed them so much. She sighed reminding herself of what she was going to tell them “I’ll go straight to the point. Is Bellamy there?”

“No, he’s out, just as you wanted” Monty assured

Octavia nodded “I won’t be the one meeting you guys at the airport as established before”

The guys frowned almost in synchrony, “What do you mean?”

“I’ll have a work meeting that day, a really important meeting..” she explained cryptically

“You can’t change the date?”

“I could. But I won’t”

The guys looked even more confused and Jasper even a little hurt “Oh okay..”

Octavia melted looking at them. They looked like a bunch of abandoned puppies. “Guys, its all part of a plan”

Murphy scratched his head, one of his tell-tale signs that he had no idea what the hell was going on “How about you go straight to the point like you said, little munchkin?”

Octavia grinned widely “I won’t be there. Someone else will. Alone. She’s the one that will take you all home”

“Who?” Nathan asked frowning

Murphy grinned nodding his head in approval, finally getting the sense of it all “Clarke”

The guys looked at each other wide eyed for Octavia’s and John’s amusement “But, what about Bellamy? Do we have to keep it secret or we tell him? He’ll be sad when he doesn’t see you there, you know?” Monty observed dampening the mood a little

Octavia nodded “I know, that’s why first I’ll tell him that I’m coming with Clarke, then I’ll wait a couple of days and just before you guys get on the plane, I’ll send him a text saying that I won’t be there, and that only Clarke will. So he’ll have the entire plane ride to mull and sweat over it.” She grinned even more widely “And it’s you guys’ job to make sure that he doesn’t start to think of doing something stupid like deciding to NOT hug her because it’d be a too high rank barrier to break and that he’d be a presumptuous fucker to assume that she would want a hug from him”

Jasper made a face “Sounds just about like Bellamy”

“Stupid gentleman” Octavia sighed

The guys nodded their agreement “Damn O, you really thought of everything”

She shrugged “I know my brother too well, and I’d be damned if I won’t do anything in my power to not make those two idiots fuck things up”

“Behold world, Moera Octavia is going to use all her powers” Jasper announced

“Damn straight, I’m a Moera” Octavia smiled more than pleased with the new nickname.

* * *

 

**[Bellamy POV]**

Bellamy waited patiently in line for his and the guys coffee orders. Since the moment he had stepped in the coffee shop, his thoughts had gone to Clarke. She never failed to praise how Coffee beans were simply the best thing that nature could ever create. That girl was an addict. But then again with the crazy hours that she had to make at the hospital, one could hardly blame her.. He sighed. Coffee might taste good, but it also caused strokes. And he wanted Clarke to be around for a long while.

Suddenly all his thoughts were interrupted when he felt someone touching his arm. When he turned he was met with the same beautiful smile he had fallen the first time he’d seen it

“Lilian” he breathed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoever guesses which show Raven is freaking out about, I’ll write a One shot of any prompt the winner chooses (I’m dead serious, if you want xD) I’m still crushed and so not over it, even if it’s been a month I think.. ugh
> 
> Anyway I’m sorry, as usual for the delay. I had to study for my exams, and then.. I had a writer crisis. Not a writer’s block, because I knew what I wanted to write, the problem was the how.. I was this close to delete the whole story because I started to think my writing was rubbish and absolutely awful, *sigh* I stopped myself right on time and decided to concentrate on this chapter and I’ve been working on this since FOREVER, I just keep editing and rewrite stuff. It’s longer than usual and I really Really hope you’ll like it.
> 
> If you love this story, please leave a review, I need those more than ever, right now.
> 
> NOW on the Chapter:  
> I loved writing about the mythological stuff, I love mythology myself and the tale of Orpheo and Euridice it’s absolutely my favourite of all, even if it so sad,
> 
> The story:  
> Euridice dies on their wedding night, so Orpheo goes to the underworld to convince Hades to let her go. Hades pities him, plus he really liked the song that Orpheo played for him trying to convince him, so he accepts, saying that he will let her go but Euridice will walk behind him as they ascend to the upper world and Orpheo is forbidden to look behind to make sure she’s there.  
> They have almost reached the exit, when Orpheo is caught from the passion to look at her to make sure she really is there, so he turns just to have a peek and just like that he sees Euridice being sucked back in the underworld. Forever.  
> So now, he goes around playing heart breaking songs, until one day he’s killed by a group of drunken women..
> 
> Nice right? Hah, it’s so sad, but I always loved it.. No idea why lol  
> But I can totally picture Bellamy being into Hades lol
> 
> Also I had a sudden doubt that people might not remember the names of the guys, since on the show they’re called by the surname, and might get confused when I used them, so here’s the reminder:
> 
> John Murphy  
> Nathan Miller  
> Jasper Jordan  
> Monty Green  
> Kyle Wick  
>   
> AND finally: How awesome is Octavia as Moera??? Other mythology characters that I love, I can totally picture O being all smug as she threads the love destiny of Bellarke and Wicken *cackles*  
> We shall see what happens when she’ll meet her soulmate.. hehehe.
> 
> SO, next chapter THEY MEET! FINALLY, AFTER 12 CHAPTERS?? HAHA  
> Yeah, hold tight for that… I don’t know how long I will take to post it, I still have my last round of exams and then I’ll go back to Rome for a couple of weeks, and I’m pretty sure I’ll have to leave my laptop behind.. ugh TRAGEDY, but I’ll write on hand when the inspiration strikes, so that shouldn’t be much of a problem as long as writing it is concerned, but you know.. Updating IDK .  
> Don’t hate me please c.c
> 
> When I had to make a presentation, I was so nervous (I’m not much of a public speaker) that I literally started to tremble xD You know what helped me relax? Your reviews. NOT KIDDING AT ALL. While I waited for my turn outside the hall, I went through all your reviews and damn, since then it’s my go to Relaxing technic. SO I will never stop telling you guys how your support means the world to me, Really thank you!  
> I love you all,  
> El
> 
> Tumblr: http://bellarkemylovers.tumblr.com/


	12. How to drive your friends crazy: A guide by the Blake siblings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THEY MEET.

 

**[Bellamy & Jasper]**

“I swear to God, if you don’t stop pacing right now, I might accidentally bash your head with Roxy, and then charge you for the damages”

Bellamy sighed and slowly lowered himself on the sofa as calmly as possible “I’m not nervous”

John arched an eyebrow “No, of course not. You just have ants in your nickers” he snarked crossing his arms over his chest.

“O said Clarke will be there too” Bellamy repeated for the hundredth time, completely ignoring the scornful comment.

Murphy rocked on the ball of his feet “She did.”

“Ho-” Bellamy cut himself off and furrowed his brow “What do I do when I see her?” he asked anxiously.

“Oh Lord help me, I can’t do this” John groaned “JASPER!” he yelled “Get your ass here! The princess is having a crisis!”

Bellamy stood up and resumed pacing again. John slapped a hand on his face and looked heavenward silently asking for the strength to not nail the stupid on the ground.

Jasper came jogging in and stopped at the entrance taking in the scene playing in front of him. Bellamy was going on a circle muttering some nonsense, for then occasionally stop and shake his head, while Murphy was watching him like he was the most repulsive thing he had ever rested his eyes on. He recognised the twitch in his friend jaw, that told him that he was about to lose it, and do something stupid like punch some sense in the love-struck puppy, and quickly jumped in between them “Here, here, tell mother Jasper what’s wrong” he patted Bellamy’s back while he urged his other friend to get out, jerking his head towards the door.

John exhaled loudly and rubbed his face with one hand “Unbelievable” he muttered as he walked away, gaining a glare from Jasper that fortunately he didn’t notice as he was too busy thinking of what he’ll do now that even his best friend had turned into a Love-struck imbecile.

Jasper turned to Bellamy, who was still going on circles, and sighed “Bellamy?”

The inquired stopped pacing like he had actually heard his friend, but then he shook his head so vehemently that reminded Jasper of a dog shaking water off its fur and resumed his pacing again.

Jasper moved in front of him to block his way, and crossed his arms “Sit down” he commanded sternly. Bellamy stared without moving, Jasper gestured to the sofa, and finally, like he had understood only then, sat down.

“What are you so nervous about?” He asked taking the place beside him.

“I’m not nervous” Bellamy repeated defensively. Jasper raised his eyebrows, making Bellamy even antsier “I’m not!”

Jasper suppressed and exasperated sigh, and grabbed Bellamy’s shirt and pulled him back down when the guy was about to stand up and resume pacing again “Okay, how are you feeling then?” he patiently asked.

Bellamy’s face scrunched up in a deep frown, “I don’t know” he said eventually “I mean, I am excited.. but I’m also kind of scared?” he admitted still frowning “It’s weird”

Jasper snorted and rubbed his back “I think, it’s all for the fact that you actually really like the girl”

Bellamy sighed, leaning back on the couch “Yeah...” he sighed smiling, “I saw Lily, yesterday” he added throwing it in casually, watching sideways at his friend reaction.

Jasper couldn’t help it, he straightened up at the revelation, but tried to downplay it anyway “Yeah?”

Bellamy hummed “She’s staying here for a couple of months, she said she has another tour, but that she hasn’t decided whether to go or not, yet”

Jasper frowned “What is she waiting for? It’s always been her dream, wasn’t it? Go on tour and be a _ballerina_ in a prestigious dance company.”

Bellamy took a deep breath “She said, she was hoping to find a reason to stay”

Jasper closed his eyes. He felt like giving up life, but forced himself to ask anyway “And this reason, did she find it?”

Bellamy bit his lip, still watching his friend that was trying his hardest not to bang his head over the nearest surface, _oh if Octavia finds out I’m going to be in some deep shit_ , Jasper thought miserably. Lately, Operation Freckles was all she talked about. _Damn_. He couldn’t even find it in himself to hate Lilian, she really had been in love with Bellamy, _still_ _is_ apparently... And she was as kind as she was beautiful. The first time he had talked to her, he remembered thinking that she looked like she came out from a Disney movie, where she would have been the princess. _Shit, and what about Clarke? How could he_ “I said that it was too late” _lead her on like that and_ -

Jasper threw his head up so suddenly that Bellamy was sure he was going to hear the snap that would tell him that it had detached from his neck “What did you say?”

Bellamy pulled himself off the back of the couch and settled on the edge. He shrugged “The _reason_ said..” he paused to torture him for a while longer “..That it was too late” he finally conceded smiling.

This time Jasper didn’t bother to conceal his relieve and visibly sagged in relief slumping on the sofa, silently thanking everything and everyone. _Operation Freckles is still GO_. Still, he looked at his friend drumming his fingers on his chest “No regrets?”

Bellamy looked over his shoulder at him and shook his head smiling “None”.

* * *

 

**[Clarke & Octavia]**

“Done” Octavia sighed happily standing up, and dusting herself off.

“Wow, you are good at this stuff” Clarke observed, admiring her friend’s handiwork with the kitchen table that she had just mounted on her own.

Octavia grinned “I told you”.

Apparently she had changed her mind, and called Clarke to ask if she wanted to come to the apartment and help her fixing all the furniture. But so far was Octavia who did all the fixing. Clarke shrugged the thought off, _maybe she just wanted some company._

“Now we have to find a place for that” the brunette jerked her head to the picture on the floor of the three Olympian Gods that Clarke had bought as a surprise gift for Bellamy “His room should be perfect”

“His room?” Clarke hesitated, it didn’t feel right to see Bellamy’s room without Bellamy.

Octavia quirked an eyebrow “C’mon I know you were dying to see it since I brought you here, I was waiting for you to bring it up, I’m sincerely impressed that you resisted this long”.

Clarke huffed swatting her arm, and picked the picture up waiting for Octavia to lead the way.

Octavia watched cocking her head as Clarke took in every single minor detail of her brother’s room. It was like watching a kid at a candy shop. _Really_ , it was adorable. To her surprise Clarke didn’t seem nervous about Bellamy’s imminent arrival less than a week from now. Her brother on the other hand, as the boys reported to her, was literally going mental. Clarke was excited, yes, but otherwise was the picture of serenity. _Better this way_. Octavia thought, so she wouldn’t feel too guilty about what she had in store for them.

Clarke unconsciously caressed the surface of everything she got her hands on, while her eyes tried to take a mental picture of everything. His desk was filled with music sheets, notebooks, and music books. Her attention though was caught by a photo frame. There was a woman holding up pink bundle with a little Bellamy grinning cheek to cheek nestled on her side. She picked it up.

“That’s our mom” Octavia said standing behind her

Clarke nodded “You look like her, she’s beautiful”

Octavia smiled “Yeah,” she giggled pointing at her brother “look at him, he had just turned three, he was so adorable.. Makes me wanna pinch his cheeks”

Clarke agreed. Little Bellamy must have been the cutest thing she had ever seen.

“Though, I think there’s still someone that thinks that he’s the most adorable thing ever, even now that he’s a 26 years old bloke”

“Huh?”

Octavia looked pointedly at her.

Clarke rolled her eyes “Would you stop that?”

Octavia laughed “Never!” Why would she? When she was having the time of her life teasing them and making them blush like high school girls. Yes. She had just compared her brother to a high school girl with a crush. And the thought made her burst out in a fit of giggles.

Clarke shook her head “You’re ridiculous” but a smile still managed to appear on her lips. She placed the photo frame back on the desk, and continued to rake her eyes over the room. There was also a small bookshelf, and she wasn’t surprised when she saw that it was filled with all different types of book about history and mythology, for the exception of some crime novels.

“These are only a small part of his collection” Octavia said “He has an entire room filled with history books back in our home in Norwich..” She hesitated like she was battling to say something else, but in the end shrugged and said instead “He’s such a nerd”.

Clarke smiled. She wondered if she ever would get to see that house. It was obvious from the way Octavia talked about it, that she still saw Norwich as home. Even if now they practically lived in London.

“We should really find a place for that” Octavia distracted her gesturing to the picture in her hands.

She looked at the walls still not convinced that she should take so much liberty in hanging it in there “What if he doesn’t like it?” Clarke asked a little anxiously “I don’t want to impose it to him by hanging it in here”

Octavia rolled her eyes. _This girl is so clueless._ “Fine, where do you want to hang it then?”

Clarke looked outside to the hallway “There” she said content with her idea.

The brunette grinned “Of course you don’t want to ‘impose’ it by hang it in here” she made quotation marks with her fingers “but you want it to be the first thing he sees as soon as he gets out of his room”

Clarke opened and closed her mouth, not knowing what to say. She puffed, and she would have crossed her arms, if she hadn’t had the picture in her hands.

Octavia patted her head, like she was some cute grumpy kid “There, there, don’t be like that. I’m more than approving” She winked and cackled as she started to hammer a nail on the wall.

 

Once the picture was hanged, the girls took a step back (that would be a step back in Bellamy’s room) and smiled one hundred per cent pleased with the result.

“Hey, want to go to the airport?”

Clarke looked at her confused “The airport?”

Octavia shrugged nonchalantly “Yeah, like a rehearsal for the big day” The thing was that it wasn’t even a lie, It was for real. But not for herself of course. She needed to be sure that Clarke was ready when she would have dropped the bomb. She needed to know that Clarke wouldn’t have any excuse to not go. So that included making sure that she remembered how to get to the airport and know how to handle her Suv.

Clarke smiled brightly, completely unaware of her friend’s elaborate scheming “Sure!” It sounded like a great idea. She was out of the room and waiting at the front door in excitement.

_Oh, if only she knew._

* * *

**[Chris & Bellamy]**

Chris had decided it was best to take business class seats from the British Airways instead of the jet, and now he was some feet away busily talking on the phone. He was there only to make sure the guys got on the flight safely, and to threaten the pilots to land the plane at 12:45 on the dot. He had a schedule to go by after all! And he needed the guys to be well fed and rested when he’d arrive the day after to guide them for the interview.  
He also knew the whole deal with Clarke. Octavia made sure he knew too. That girl was a force of nature. Of course he was on board with the Freckle Plan.. _or was it Operation?_ Whatever, he made sure that they had an entire day to relax and for Octavia’s plan to take place.

He sighed as he patiently listened to the man on the other end of the phone, that was rambling on how it was impossible for him to know if the people coming to the Heathrow Airport were paparazzi or not. Chris just wanted to minimize the stress that the boys have been through in the States, at least when they would be back home. How hard was that to understand? And how hard would it be to just turn away people with huge cameras? He pointed that out to the gentleman on the phone, and smiled when he replied grumbling an “I’ll see what I can do”. He put the phone away and looked at the band. This would be the first time they would leave the country without him since he become their agent. The thought made him feel queasy, and he was tempted to demand a place on the plane then and there. But stopped himself. He had to stay back to finish taking care of things here. He shook his head. Sometimes he felt like an overprotective mother. And he wasn’t even thirty yet!

He watched Bellamy grinning ear to ear dreamily staring at absolute nothingness, and how the others were doing an awful job at being subtle about the Operation. He smiled. The guys weren’t that much younger then him, but he hoped that if someday he would have kids, they grew up to turn out like this lot. He snorted. _Jesus, I’m becoming old. It must be the inevitability of the thirties threshold_.

By the time their flight had started to embark Bellamy was smiling like a doofus. Soon he would see his little sister again, and God had he missed her. He was so going to crush her in a bear hug as soon as he was near enough. He smiled even wider at the thought. He felt like after waiting so long all the home sickness was hitting altogether now. And he just couldn’t wait to be with his little sister again.

The guys, all huddled together some feet away, watched him in a mix of amusement and kind of pity. They knew what was to come, and honestly they were truly grateful they weren’t him.

 _And Clarke._ Now Bellamy had reached that point where he wasn’t neither too – yeah okay, maybe he had been- nervous and neither too excited. He felt in the middle. He thought that maybe it wasn’t going to be so bad… Yeah, better not think about it too much though. He was already starting to feel woozy just thinking of thinking about it.

His phone chimed and he looked down, the goofy smile still plastered on his face. It’s Octavia! He felt his face stretch even wider as he tapped ad the message and-

They watched as the biggest smile they had ever seen on anyone dropped from their friend’s face so fast and suddenly that they thought also his face was going to slip away on the ground. “Shit” one of them muttered feeling for him. The others nodded, guilt starting to creep on them.

_Huh?_

He frowned as he read the message for what must have been the tenth time within a couple of seconds.

**_I’m so SORRY Bell, something came up… I won’t be there! Sorry!_ **

He looked up and his friends were already looking at him. He frowned, _why the hell were they all watching him?_ He shook his head and fixed his eyes on the screen again.

He snorted as he recognised what was going on. Right. This was a joke. Of course it was. He tapped his sister’s icon and waited for her to pick up.

“Ha-ha really funny O” he greeted his sister, and was met with silence. “O?”

Octavia squeezed her eyes shut and suppressed the giggles that were bubbling up “Hey” she squeaked.

Bellamy smiled, mistaking her shortness of breath for having been caught “So you’re coming with the Land Rover?”

Octavia pulled the phone away from her ear and desperately tried to compose herself by taking deep breaths. If she was to start laughing, she was never going to stop. _Oh man, I’m a genius._ She swallowed and put the phone back on her ear “I told you,” she started mustering the most serious tone she could “I won’t be there..”

“What do you mean? Why? Did something happen?” he couldn’t even start to wrap his head around it. His sister not coming to greet him at the airport? It was like saying that the world was coming to an end. His Octavia would tear to pieces whoever even suggested to put some event on the date he, her brother, was coming back. Since the day he had first started to travel with the band, she had always been there the day he’d come back, no matter what. Which is why when Octavia told her reason he felt like his heart broke a little.

“I have a really important meeting, some big clients are coming on the same day you are… I’m really sorry Bell”

So, was this the beginning of the end? Is this how it was going to be from now on?  
It had been their unspoken tradition. Him coming back, and her waiting at the airport when he’d be back.  
This was also the longest they’ve gone without seeing each other.  
Hadn’t she missed him? How- he groaned as he realized what a brat he sounded like. She was a big girl with an important job now. Of course she was going to have complications. Her life didn’t revolve around his. He never wanted it to. So he forced himself to put a smile on his tone and said “It’s alright O, we’ll take a cab”

“Actually, you won’t need to..” Octavia could tell, that Bellamy wasn’t as pleased as he was trying to make her believe he was, but she decided to not indulge on that, yet. She had a plan to carry out.

Bellamy frowned “You just said you won’t be there, how the hell are we supposed to get home otherwise?”

The guys tensed as they listened to Bellamy’s side of the conversation. It was coming. The bomb was going to be dropped soon.

“Clarke will be there of course! She’ll take you guys home” she said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world, making him sound like an idiot for even asking the question “I already spoke to her, and she has no problems” she lied, she still had to tell her, and she doubted she won’t have some _issues_ with her secret plan, but oh well, he didn’t need to know _that_ “She knows how to go to the apartment, but if she has problems, you guys will be there, so it shouldn’t be much of a problem, right?” She would have sold her kidney just to see his face in that exact moment.

Bellamy was sure his heart had stopped for a while, for then start galloping in his chest. So… He was going to see Clarke without the Octavia safety net? How on earth was he going to be able to do that? _No. huh-uh. Not going to happ-_

“I gotta go Bell, they’re calling for me” She knew his silence was the prelude for a flurry of idiotic reasons why that shouldn’t be happening “Have a nice flight!” she ended the call, and burst out laughing.

The guys swallowed. Bellamy’s eyes were as big as saucers. “Octavia must have told him” Nathan whispered, the others nodded and continued to stare.

He pulled the phone away from his ear to gape at it. She had really ended the call. He blinked and looked up.

The guys tried to act casual by quickly turning their gazes elsewhere, but started to break a sweat as their friend continued to stare blankly at them. “Jesus, this is so creepy, I feel like I’m waiting for a monster to find me and eat my liver” Monty muttered thumbing an entire paragraph of gibberish in his phone. The others silently agreed with him. This whole situation was ridiculously nerve-wrecking.

Bellamy swallowed loudly and looked back down at the phone. _Fuck_.

* * *

 

**[Octavia & Clarke]**

Octavia had to hang up at least five times before she was certain that she wouldn’t burst out in a cackle as soon as Clarke would’ve picked up. Finally, she took a deep breath and calmly waited for her to answer.

“Hey O” the girl greeted cheerfully

Octavia _almost_ felt guilty “Hey Clarke..” she started in a calculated sad tone

Clarke straightened up “Is everything okay?”

Octavia bit hard on her lip, her eyes watering from the effort of trying to keep it together “No” she choked out

“Why? What’s wrong?” Clarke’s heartbeat rate increased as a million of terrible scenarios started to play in her head.

She was going to hell for this. _Oh man_. The tears were freely flowing down her cheeks by then, her nostrils flaring up as she tried to keep her voice even “Uhm.. There’s been a problem at work..”

Clarke frowned. Octavia’s work hadn’t cut to her imagination as a terrible scenario “What about it?”

Octavia took a deep breath and started shooting “I have a meeting tomorrow, in the morning so I won’t be there when they come at the airport, I already told Bellamy, he’s in the plane right now, and he was a bit sad, but I told him I’ll see him at home, but still I could tell he was a bit sad, then Chris asked me who the hell was going to take them home, because he’s their manager and all, and he’s already freaking out on the fact that the boys are leaving the country without him, I swear to god, sometimes he acts more as Mother hen than a manager, but I guess it’s because he genuinely cares about them. But anyways I told him to don’t worry because there will be someone I trust a hundred percent” she stopped to take a breath.

“Okay, so I won’t have to go?” Clarke asked trying to understand how she felt at the new turn of events

“Of course you have to, silly! You’re the person I trust a hundred percent!” Octavia dropped the bomb.

Clarke opened her mouth and then closed it. She pulled the phone from her ear and stared at it. Her eyes threatening to bulge out “Me? Without YOU?”

“Oh you’ll be fine sweetie” Octavia laughed airily “Thank you so much, you don’t know how much it means to me, really!”

Clarke jumped up from the stool she had been sitting on “Wait!”

“I love you! And really thank you, I’ll leave the Land Rover and the keys to Raven, so when you get home, you won’t need to worry about anything, bye!”

“OCTAVIA!!” she screeched making a couple of nurses, outside her father’s room, pop their heads in worried, she shook her head, and signalled that everything was fine. But really it wasn’t. She stared at the phone in her hands. _She freaking hung up on me!_

When the realization finally hit her, she dropped back on the stool and stared blankly in front of her. _Fuck_.

* * *

 

**[Bellamy & John] ON THE PLANE**

Jasper was trying to comfort him as best as he could, but Bellamy was too concentrated on silently freak out as he turned the current situation over and over again in his head.

The colour must have had drained from his face when the realisation hit him like a train, because the next thing he knew was that Chris was beside him demanding what had happened. He had to just mumble “Clarke” for him to sag in relief. Still when they presented the passports at the desk, Chris with them even then –glaring at whoever even tried to make a move to stop him-, Bellamy had been sure that their manager would have come with them without a luggage if he had given any more signs of distress.

It had been a group effort by the other four guys, (because since the call he resumed more a zombie than a living person) that finally convinced Chris that they could handle it. There has also been some suspicious whispering, that Bellamy would have inquired after in a normal situation, but this wasn’t. So instead, he tried to concentrate on his breathing and steady his racing heart. If he was going to have ten hours of this, he suspected he was going to die of a stroke.  
Oh Chris would be so mad with the guys for that.

_Shit shit shit. Fuck fuck shit shit fuck shit._

He remembered reading somewhere that uttering swearwords during a time of distress actually helped ease the stress. Then why wasn’t it working??

He gripped the handles of his seat as the plane took off.

“Bellamy” “What?!” he barked, and immediately felt guilty when Jasper shoved a gum in his hand

“Chew it, so your ears won’t block.” He snapped back “God knows what’ll happen if you get even more exhausting then you already are”

Bellamy did as he was told, and sullenly chewed at the gum crossing his arms.

Jasper rolled his eyes. If he was to lose his patience too, they wouldn’t get out of this alive.

“Move”

Jasper looked up at Murphy who was staring down at him expectantly.

“The hell are you doing up! We’re still taking off!”

John rolled his eyes “If you move, I’ll be seated” he said factually.

Jasper puffed his cheeks “I hate you” he muttered, but stood up nonetheless.

“Oh, you really hurt my feelings” he clutched his heart, Jasper just shook his head and carefully moved to the other seat.

Bellamy didn’t acknowledge him, and continued to stare outside the window.

He sighed “You’re being pathetic”.

Bellamy’s jaw tightened, but otherwise he didn’t do or say anything.

“What are you thinking?”

This time he turned and narrowed his eyes, assessing if his friend really wanted to know or if he was being sarcastic. John raised an eyebrow; Bellamy knew that that was the most he’d do to show that he really was interested, and sighed “I saw Lily a couple of day ago..”

Murphy cocked his head and nodded. Jasper had already told him “How did you feel?”

“Weird”

John stared. When he didn’t say anything else he rolled his eyes and exhaled “Well, please continue, or do I have to send you a written request?”

Bellamy glared, he glared back. “You’re an asshole”

Murphy snorted “Oh please, tell me something I don’t know. Now quit being a fuckin drama queen, and tell me the fuck is going on with you”

Bellamy closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. He shook his head “I didn’t feel a damn thing for her” he finally confessed.

“That’s bad?”

“Well depends on how you look at it” he muttered watching his friend roll his eyes

“And how do you look at it?” He asked faking patience

“Well I was in love with her, right?”

Murphy looked at him like he was dumb “The fuck are you asking me for? I don’t live in your brain, you’re the one that said so!”

“Jesus,” Bellamy groaned annoyed by Murphy’s total lack of tact

“What?” He challenged “You wanna tell Jas? I’ll fetch him for ya” he made a move to stand up but Bellamy quickly grabbed him from the shirt and pulled him down.

“God, I’m the drama queen now? What the hell are you then?”

John raised his eyebrows “Done, if you don’t quit being a philosophical shit, and actually start talking in nice simple English”

“Fine.” Bellamy huffed crossing his arms, staring in front of him. “It’s not true that I don’t feel anything for her..” He sagged on the seat “I mean I love her but not in the same way you know? When she told me what she had done this year, I genuinely cared, but that’s it. I’m not mad or bitter about it anymore.. So I kind of care but at the same time I _don’t_ anymore? Does that make sense?”

John nodded “Yeah, strangely enough it does” He gave him a pointed look “You simply moved on”

Bellamy’s eyes widened like he had just told me the secret of the universe “Exactly! Yes, I moved on..” he sighed

“What?”

He looked up at his friend “But I feel that a big part for it, is also because of Clarke..”

“Yeah, that makes sense too, so what?”

“What if she doesn’t feel the same way?” He mumbled waiting for the mocking to come.

Murphy looked at him oddly and crossed his arms “Is that it? That’s what you’re freaking out about?”

 _There it is._ Bellamy just nodded sulkily.

For how Octavia talked about her, John was pretty sure Clarke was on the same boat as Bellamy’s. But he couldn’t say that. So he awkwardly patted his friend on the back “I don’t think you should worry about that”

Bellamy looked up frowning. Murphy actually giving support on something _stupid_ like a crush? “Who are you, and what have you done with my best friend?”

Murphy exhaled and rubbed his eyes “Now, you’re the asshole” he grumbled

Bellamy laughed “I guess that’s why we became friends in the first place, our assholiness must have been compatible”

John banged his head on the headrest of his seat and shook his head “How do you even come up with this shit?” he asked tiredly.

“It’s my talent, they just come to me”.

Murphy snorted “Right.” He took a deep breath “Look, you’re right, I’m shit at these things you should talk to Jas, not being sarcastic this time” He added on a second thought.

Bellamy shook his head “No, tell me what you really think. I want to know”.

John watched him carefully for a while then shrugged “I told you, I don’t know how you’re feeling, cos I never felt it. But, I’m big fan of chasing what makes you feel happy, so I say; enjoy it, cherish it and live in the moment while you can, if it’ll end, at least you’ll know how it felt like. To be happy” He frowned as he repeated the words in his head, and then looked at Bellamy eyes wide.

Bellamy grinned nodding totally reading his mind “I think you just came up with the lyrics for our next single”

Murphy scrambled on his feet to find a piece of paper, just as Jasper was coming back to demand his seat back. John shoved him aside and ran to his one.

Jasper watched after him oddly, then turned to Bellamy confused “What’s the matter with him?”

Bellamy shrugged “A song”

Jasper threw his head back nodding “Of course” he sat down “So, was he of any help?”

He thought it over and then nodded slowly “Yeah..”

“Good” Jasper smiled “Imma hit the pillow, you should try to sleep too”

Bellamy snorted. There was no way in hell he was going to relax that much. At least for now. But he nodded anyway to make Jasper happy.

His bandmate was asleep in a matter of a couple of minutes. Bellamy always envied Jasper’s ability to sleep everywhere and whenever he wanted. He on the other hand, took forever to quieten his mind even if he was on the most comfortable bed in the world.

He sighed as he stared at the black sky outside his window, absently playing with his ‘lucky’ plectrum, the one that Octavia had given him once he started to play again after their mom had died.  
His hands twitched for something to write with.

He pulled out his notebook and a pen and started writing…

_A letter? A song?_

_Who knows?_

_Maybe both._

* * *

 

**[Clarke & Raven]**

The biggest problem of Clarke’s, when something important was due to happen, was that she didn’t start to freak out until that very moment. She didn’t have any secret, like most people thought in high school when they would fret about the upcoming tests and she, instead, would be the picture of serenity. Clarke’s processing, when big events were concerned, simply had the speed of a tube light.

Even now, after Octavia had told her that she was going to greet the band by herself, after the initial shock had worn off, she was calm. And she hated it. She knew she was due for a freak out, and that when it would come it would be bad. She knew it from experience. On test days, in fact, even if she knew the books by heart, since she hadn’t freak out properly before, she’d have a panic attack and close herself in the toilet to cry her eyes out or throw up her insides, or both.

The thing was that she was okay with the freak out part. It was normal after all, right? She just wanted it to be over as soon as possible. So that she would be done with it, and move on. And most importantly, she didn’t want any _witnesses_.

Raven came in, and Clarke sighed. She was supposed to be mad. But she had been so concentrated on _trying_ to freak out that now she had no energy left to even glare at her.

“Ahh ” Raven sat on her bed “It’s the calm before the storm, isn’t it?” she sang with a little smile.

Clarke took her head in her hands and nodded.

Raven pulled herself behind her and rubbed her shoulders trying to sooth away some of the tension “Don’t eat too much at breakfast tomorrow. When the situation will catch up to you, if you need to throw up, at least you won’t make much of a mess. You know, throwing up at him when he’ll come for a hug might not be the best way to tell him you like him..” she said like it was supposed to help.

Clarke turned to her “Why, thank you, Raven, for giving me the picture.”

Raven held up her hands “Hey, just trying to help here”.

Clarke snorted rudely “If you were trying to help, you would come with me tomorrow” She mumbled frowning.

Raven smiled getting up “You will get over it when you’ll get alone time with your bae” she laughed barely dodging the pillow that Clarke threw at her as she was getting out the room.

“He’s not my Bae!” Clarke yelled as the pillow hit the closed door.

She sighed. This whole thing was ridiculous. Why couldn’t she freak out like a normal person? Now she was stuck with this fake calm, and she had no idea of what to do about it.

She sighed again and padded to retrieve her pillow. The only thing to do now, was to go to sleep and hope that when it’ll come it wouldn’t be _too_ embarrassing.

* * *

 

**[Bellarke & The Boys]**

“For the love of God, what are you thinking now?” Jasper inquired exasperated after seeing his friend nod to himself with a deep frown

Bellamy looked up “I won’t hug her” he declared.

“Jesus” The boys groaned at unison and shook their heads. Jasper may have been the most patient one in these situations (normally it would be Monty, but in this particular situation his eye would start to twitch whenever he saw Bellamy in deep thought), but damn if even his reserve was running low. He took a deep breath and threw an arm around his shoulders “And how did you come to that decision?” he finally asked in a fake cheerful tone.

Bellamy looked at him like he was the dumbest person in the universe “Because,” he started eyes wide “What if after the accident she became one of those people that doesn’t like to be touched? That happens all the time, and it’s normal, I don’t want to throw her off or something..”

Jasper didn’t know what to say to that. In the craziness of it all, it kind of made sense.

It was John that trashed that theory easily enough “Bullshit, if that was the case, O would have told you”

The guys nodded their agreement, but they all could see that Bellamy was firm on his mind-set to not hug her at all costs. They sighed and raked their brains to think of something. Octavia would have their asses if they didn’t do something.

Nathan felt his face stretch in a wide grin as an idea started to form in his mind. Monty, that was sullenly walking beside him, took a double look at him and gave him a nudge “What?”

Nathan didn’t respond he just grabbed a handful of Murphy’s and Jasper’s t-shirts and pulled them back. They stumbled a little and turned to him “I know what to do” he said to them before they could even open their mouths.

When they had almost reached the exit, each of them were on position for their plan to take place.

Murphy spotted Clarke before anyone else, and quickly positioned himself behind Bellamy, signalling the others where Clarke was with a jerk of his head.

Once Bellamy would have stopped at that stupid safe distance, Murphy wouldn’t have. He was going to fake stumbling into him, so that Bellamy would be pushed to Clarke and just like that find himself hugging her. Everything was going as planned, until something odd happened.

The moment Bellamy and Clarke finally spot each other, they had completely opposite reactions.

As soon as Bellamy sat his eyes on her, he felt his whole body relax as a warm feeling spread within. She was there. Everyone else didn’t exist anymore. He knew that it was probably too soon to feel the way he did, not to mention incredibly stupid. But fuck all that. She was Clarke, and if there’s something he knew for certain, was that there was no one like Clarke. Only Clarke. He smiled so big he thought his cheeks would cramp. But he really didn’t give a shit. Even if he wanted to stop, he just couldn’t.

Clarke on the other hand, even if she knew it was going to happen, wasn’t prepared at all. As soon as she saw him coming towards her she started to sweat cold, her heart slamming into her ribcage. Oh, she was so going to kill Octavia and Raven and her mom and everyone that had abandoned her to _this_. She was going to be charged for slaughter, because she just couldn’t deal with her feelings for Bellamy Blake like a normal person. Oh god. Damn Raven for putting the image there. Now she felt like puking. Her heart felt like it was beating in her throat. Oh imagine that, Bellamy that comes in for a hug and Clarke that pukes her heart on him. _Talk about romanticism._

The thought was on equal parts horrifying and hilarious, which is why as soon as Bellamy was in front of her, just a foot away, she burst out laughing. She covered her face with both of her hands and shook her head not being able to stop the giggles.  
She finally looked up when she heard his low chuckle.

“There’s no toilet where to run this time” He grinned

John froze on the spot and watched the scene that was taking place in front of him.

Clarke laughed again and opened her arms moving towards him. Bellamy hugged her up so that she had to stand on her tiptoes. The next thing she knew, was that she was still shaking from her giggles but with her face buried in the crook of his neck.

Murphy looked at his friends as to say _Are you fucking seeing this too??_  
He didn’t think of himself as a religious person, but in that moment he felt like singing the Hallelujah.

“Will you ever tell me, why you’re laughing right now?” Bellamy mumbled in the space above her ear still holding her tight.

Clarke leaned back so that she could see his face “Maybe one day” she smiled brightly.

He was more than okay with that answer, because it sounded like a promise.

They were so taken by each other that neither of them noticed Jasper and Monty high fiving or the stupidly smug grins on Nathan and John’s faces after the general confusion/shock had worn off.

Clarke -always the first to realize things- noticed how close their faces were when she started to get distracted by his freckles like the first time they met, and pulled back, planting her feet fully on the ground; but before she could fully complete the action Bellamy caught her, and kept her close, one arm still hugging her waist. She looked up surprised, but he wasn’t looking directly at her. His eyebrows furrowed in a deep frown.  
She understood what he must have seen, when his other hand moved the hair away from the scar on her temple. She saw him swallow and take the deep breath, no wonder beating himself up for something that has been totally out of his control. _Oh, you stupid, stupid boy_. She took his wrist in her hand, and drew soothing circles on it, until Bellamy was looking her in the eyes. She smiled. Silently reassuring him that she was okay.

Bellamy exhaled, the frown slowly easing from his face, and finally smiled back.

Of course the moment was completely ruined when Jasper –of all people- started to cough the fakest cough Bellamy and Clarke had ever heard in their lives.

Monty elbowed him hard, while John and Nathan glared at him, not believing that he was seriously interrupting them after _All_ they’ve gone through to get to this moment.

“What!? I’m hungry!” he whined massaging his side.

Bellamy snorted, finally releasing Clarke “I swear they’re like a bunch of toddlers sometimes”

She giggled. Clarke was sure Octavia had said something similar but also including him. She didn’t say anything though, and forced herself to take a full step back from _him_.

“Plus,” Jasper started, and then crashed Clarke in a bear hug. She held her arms wide, surprised by the attack, but hugged him back as soon as the initial surprise wore off. He stepped back and grinned “I wanted to hug her too” he said crossing his arms, pointedly looking at Bellamy who just rolled his eyes. Jasper turned to Clarke and winked “I promise I’ll tell you all sort of things about him” He whispered conspiratorially.

Clarke laughed “I can’t wait”.

As soon as Jasper pulled back, Monty and Miller followed suit and they also greeted her with a hug. “Seriously, you have no idea what we have gone through, he was so nervous” Nathan pulled a face shuddering, making Clarke giggle.

 _Bellamy nervous, right._ Like she was going to believe that.

When the guys pulled back, her eyes searched for the only one that hadn’t greeted her yet.

Murphy stood back near Bellamy. He smiled and awkwardly waved his hand at her when they made eye contact, but otherwise made no move of coming for a hug like the others did.

“Ah, don’t mind him. He thinks he’s above the affection stuff” Jasper rolled his eyes dramatically “But really, he’s a big softie, he just takes time to warm up to new people”.

Clarke smiled nodding, and waved back at him. “So,” she started walking backwards so that she was facing them “Follow me boys” she joked gesturing with her hands to come to her, suddenly bold from the warm welcome that she had received.

The guys grinned “Oh, I’m sure he’ll follow you anywhere” Miller wiggled his eyebrows making them both blush.

“You’re so dead” Bellamy threatened, still a self-mocking chuckle managing to bubble up.

Clarke was going to turn and walk like a normal person, but just then she stumbled on a child-size suitcase, and fell butt on the floor. She slapped her warming face in complete embarrassment. _This is just fantastic_. Of course when _for once_ her freak out hadn’t been so bad, something else to embarrass her had to happen. _Thank you universe_. She silently –sarcastically- groaned.

“Jesus, are you okay?” Monty asked concerned running up to her.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry!” A lady apologized to her “Julia, how many times did mommy told you to not leave your _Trunki_ in the middle of the way?”

She removed her hands from her burning face and sheepishly smiled up the lady “It’s okay”.

“She does it all the time, I’m really sorry” the lady continued to apologize “Baby come here and say sorry, now”

Clarke shook her head “It’s really not necessary, it’s my fault too-”

“I’m so sorry” the little girl said eyes full of tears sucking her thumb.

Clarke heart clenched “Oh no, it’s fine” she climbed up on her knees, since she was already sat on the floor, and took Julia’s hands in hers “Just, listen to what your mommy says, and don’t ever walk backwards” she winked, and the little girl laughed giving her a hug.

After she said bye to Julia and her mom, her attention was brought back by a sudden laugh.

_His laugh._

The others that had been trying to keep it together for her sake, looked from her to Bellamy, and finally gave up all pretence and burst out laughing. All but Monty.  
Clarke decided in that moment that he was an _angel_.  
He smiled and shook his head “They’re a bunch of overgrown kids” he said helping her up.

Before she could look up and glare at the _kids_ though, she was back in Bellamy’s arms. He was still chuckling when he mumbled in her hair “I’m sorry” he leaned back, his eyes bright “God, you’re incredible”.

He was going to say something else, but caught himself right on time.

Clarke huffed still not being able to stop the blush blooming on her face. “Let’s get you home” she mumbled stepping back. She needed to think. And for that she needed oxygen and air. And with Bellamy this close she couldn’t even remember _how_ the whole process of breathing worked.

* * *

 

The boys had been singing random songs for her since the moment she had the brilliant idea to ask if they wanted her to turn the radio on.

“Why would you want the fake thing when you have the real one?” Jasper had asked offended.

She had stuttered and looked at Bellamy (who was sitting on the passenger seat) for help but he had just chuckled and thrown one hand up “He’s messing with you” he’d explained, and then proceeded singing.

Not that she was complaining. How many times in your life could you say that your favourite band sang not only one song but a whole repertoire of songs _just for you?_ Still, the fact that she was driving while _he_ was singing was a… saying _distraction_ was the understatement of the millennium. She kept getting honked every time they stopped at a traffic light, because she’d think that she’d have time to stare at them - _him_ \- but inevitably would be sucked in her daydreaming and forget that she was in a car. Driving. At a traffic light that was turning to orange. She would hit the accelerator and get obscene words thrown at her from the other drivers, but the guys had the good grace to not say anything about it.

Now, they were finally at home after a brief stop at a fast food to fill the guys’ raging bellies.  
Jasper was the first to notice the differences.

“Is that a new table?”

“Its name is Norden” Clarke patted the surface affectionately “Octavia said you’d like it”

Jasper patted the kitchen table too “Welcome to the family Nordy”

Clarke scrunched up her face in horror “You’re not calling it that”

Jasper pouted “Why not?”

“Because it’s horrendous Jas, that’s why” John threw an arm around him and squeezed his shoulder “You’ve always been bad at giving names to things, and that’s not going to change, I’m afraid”

Jasper shrugged his arm off and the two started to fight over every single thing they ever named, from their instruments and songs to their essay titles in high school.

Bellamy sighed and shook his head “Hey, want to see my room?” he asked Clarke.

 The girl nodded not registering what he’d said, still amused from the fight going on. She followed him to the hallway and froze when he reached his room. He turned “Something wrong?”

Clarke looked down, desperately trying to force herself to not look at the picture- and so call attention to it- that was behind him, that he apparently hadn’t seen. She smiled and shook her head, walking the rest of the way.

“Ahh” he chuckled opening the door and going to his bedside table “Well, it’s nice to see that some things hasn’t changed” he said holding up a bag of sweets “Octavia always leaves them here every time I come back home. You want one?”

Clarke smiled and walked up to him, taking a chocolate and sitting on the bed beside him.

“The first time I went away with the band, I told her about the chocolates that the hotel would leave on the beds of the rooms, and how I never ate them because they never had the chocolate that I’d like” He chuckled “I’m picky when it comes to my sweets” he smiled scrunching up his nose, making Clarke laugh “So when I came back, Octavia put a little bag filled with mini twix on the bed with a note that said:

‘ _May we always be like this inimitable duo even when apart, ps. The hotel staff don’t know shit, better that way so you’ll always want to come back home, Love you big bro’_

He recited remembering the words by heart.

Clarke smiled. She loved their relationship so much.

He sighed, his smile dimming a little. Clarke nudged him “What is it?”

He turned and looked her for a while, deciding whether to tell her or not. In the end he just shrugged and opted for sincerity “It’s that, it’s weird coming home without her being here to greet me..”

“Oh,” Clarke shook her head “Octavia was really sad for it, but she told me these clients were really important so she really didn’t have a choice..” She tried to comfort him.

Bellamy smiled a little more brightly, appreciating her effort. “Hey, there’s something I wanted to give you” He said suddenly, completely changing the subject. He stood up and walked to his bookshelf “You said you watched the movie the first time I saw you” he explained absently tracing the spine of the books “Here you are!” he revelled pulling out a book.

Clarke walked up to him and smiled when she saw the creased copy _“The book thief”_ she ran up her fingers on the cover, the book still in his hands.

“Have you read it?” He asked softly tilting his head.

Clarke shook her head and looked up “I always wanted to, but never got around to buy it”

Bellamy pushed the copy in her hands. Clarke look down at the book and then up again at him shaking her head “ _Please_ ,” he whispered “Every time I saw this book, it made me remind of you, and I’d always wonder if you ever read it. It’s one of my favourites. I really want you to have it”

Clarke looked down. She was no match for those brown eyes. If she had stared a little while longer she would have burst out in sobs. Even now, she was fighting really hard to keep the tears from spilling. She took a couple of calming breaths and finally looked up “Thank you” she hugged the copy to her chest, giving him the brightest smile she’d ever smiled.

Bellamy felt walking on air happy, and he was probably smiling like doofus, but he really didn’t care. Clarke had just accepted the gift he’d been wanting to give her since he had first read her letter. He hummed contently as he turned back to his books “I really like mythology” He said still smiling, wondering if she could have told from the other books on the shelf “These are actually a really small part of my books, the big library is in-”

“Norwich” Clarke blurted out “I know”

Bellamy turned to her “Yeah,” he frowned confused “How do you know?”

Clarke realized the mistake that she’d made and started to babble nervously “Uhm… Octavia wanted to hang something in here and I saw the bookshelf and she told me?”

He grinned “Was that a question or an answer?”

“An answer?” Clarke groaned and Bellamy chuckled

“So what did she wanted to hang?” He asked as he searched the walls for a new addition “I don’t see anything new” He said when he didn’t find anything.

Clarke couldn’t stop her eyes from darting to the picture just outside the room, and of course Bellamy caught the movement. He angled his head so that he also could see what she had seen.

Clarke watched in horror as he walked to the picture, her heart threatening to choke her again, “It’s a beautiful picture,” he turned to her smiling “Why did she chose to hang it here instead of inside?” he frowned.

Clarke stared eyes wide as she raked her brain for a way to tell him that the picture was a gift from _her_ “Uhm,” she swallowed. But then something going on in the living room caught his attention and the moment was over.

* * *

 

**[Octavia]**

Octavia had been munching her fingernails since the moment she had dropped the bag at her desk. She didn’t want to be there. She wanted to be with Clarke at the airport and crush her brother and friends in the tightest of hugs. But for operation Freckle to work she needed to make a small sacrifice and grit her teeth, because after all that’s what she wanted, right? _Damn_. She even had fun in dropping the bomb. But that was the thing. She was an action girl. She _needed_ to do something, but now she had to wait. And she _hated_ waiting.

The boys were excellent sentinels though, as they reported to her what was happening sending her a text every hour. Even Chris had had time to call her to tell her that everything seemed to go magnificently. So there was that, _at least_.

She sighed for the umpteenth time. She hadn’t been lying about the meeting. That day her boss and other journalists from different sections had to discuss with a famous foreigner client how to present her story.

She would have found the whole thing extremely exciting if her head wasn’t filled with thoughts about planes and brothers.

She sighed again, after downing the last of her coffee during the break.

“Love complications?” a voice asked making her jump.

She turned to find the client’s rather handsome interpreter. She smiled “Nah, my brother’s coming back today after a long time, and I couldn’t be at the airport to greet him”.

“Oh, I’m really sorry.. I saw you sighing during the whole meeting and..” he shrugged holding out his hand “I’m Lincoln”.

“Octavia, why am I hearing this only now?” Her boss, Cheryl demanded “Did your brother really came back today?”

Octavia’s eyes widened “Yes, but less people know the better, their manager wants them to relax-”

“That’ not why I asked, sweetie” Cheryl cut her off “What are you doing here? Family is important! You should be with him right now”.

Octavia stared “Really? You don’t mind?” _uh, that was easy.._

“Of course not…" She laughed airily "Just make sure to leave me your piece on the Met gala ready for Thursday”

Octavia sighed. _There it is_ “That’s two day from now..”

Cheryl winked “You’re brilliant, that's plenty of time”.

There was no point in fighting. Her boss was just impossible to reason with. And well, she was her _Boss_ , after all. Pretty much the only one that could tell her what to do. So she nodded and gave her a pleasant smile.

Lincoln touched her shoulder “It was nice meeting you, Octavia,” he smiled "And good luck for your piece, I can't wait to read it"

Octavia smiled brightly “Thank you, it was nice meeting you too”.

* * *

 

The moment she had stepped inside she was met first with four wide grins, and then crushed by Jasper and Monty’s double hug. She laughed as she hugged them both back as best as she could “I missed you guys so much”

When they finally let her go, she was crashed again by Nathan “Oh my god, you guys” she continued laughing.

She turned to the last of her allies and grinned “Johnnie!”

He rolled his eyes but hugged her tight anyway“You know? Strangely enough I missed your annoying ass too” Murphy admitted pulling back.

She shoved him laughing, and wiped a tear threatening to fall.

Then she heard a soft “Octavia” whispered with so much emotion in a mix of relief and pure happiness that she completely lost every pretence as she turned to face it.

“Bellamy!” She sighed and ran up to him hug-attacking him. He caught her spinning her around and they laughed like when they were kids “I missed you so much, big brother” She mumbled holding him tight.

He chuckled completely at peace with the world now that his sister was here. “Me too” he put her back down, and she had barely leaned back before he pulled her again to drop a kiss on her forehead, and crush her tightly to his chest “God, I missed you” he said making her giggle.

Clarke watched delighted how Bellamy lit up like a Christmas tree. His whole being glowing from happiness.

“You’re suffocating me now” She mumbled and he finally –reluctantly- let her go. She took a step back and just then realized what her brother must’ve been looking at “So, you like Clarke’s gift?” she said turning and winking to said girl who swallowed loudly.

Bellamy frowned looking between them “Clarke’s… gift?” Octavia beamed and gestured to the picture “I told her how you adore mythology especially the ones about the Olympians Gods, and she bought that for you” She explained smiling sweetly at Clarke that was now refusing to look at anyone or anything but at her shoes.

When she finally looked up as the silence was being too much to bear, her heart started to slam in her chest like it wanted to fly free as soon as she saw the look on Bellamy’s face.  
The look of someone that had never laid eyes on something more beautiful than her.

* * *

 

Dealing with the symptoms of Bellamy’s puppy crush had almost resembled a Spiritual experience for them. The boys had lost count of how many times each one of them had invoked some higher force for the strength to not lose patience with his bullshit. They understood that he was really close to –if not already- fall in love with her, but _Jesus_ was he exhausting.

Now, as each one of them shared stories of the tour, they watched the two _lovebirds_ trying really hard to not get too close on the couch and Octavia -not really subtly- doing her best to get on with the operation, slumping beside Bellamy making sure to take a big chunk of space so that the brother was forced to move more towards Clarke until their shoulders were touching, and witnessed as their friend’s face stretched in the widest of smiles like he felt the luckiest man alive, and thought that maybe, it had been worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh man. I KNOW IT’S SO LONG!!
> 
> Tell me what's your favourite part, I need reviews like air.
> 
> I really hope you enjoyed it as much as I did writing it,  
> Love you lots,  
> El


	13. You Speak Sarcasm?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Missed me?

 

The band had called it an early night and gone to sleep, _finally_ leaving the two of them on their own.

After sharing stories of all kind they all started to yawn almost at the same time and slowly got up rubbing their eyes like little children; Jasper, the most adorable of them all, dragged his feet practically already half asleep, judging by the fact that he repetitively ran onto things (like the wall) whining a “Ow, you weren’t here before” until finally Monty grabbed a handful of his shirt and pulled him behind him until he was safely tucked under his covers. They all blamed their tiredness to the crazy schedule and pressure they had been forced to put their body under while on tour- too fired up and excited to even try to rest- and now that they were home it felt like the sleep caught up all together.

Even Octavia had stood up as soon as the guys did, declaring that it was time for her to start working on her article, since she still needed to do some research about it. She kissed her brother goodnight and winked their way as the two of them watched her leave with the rest of the group.

They both listened for the quiet “ _snick_ ” sound of the five doors closing shut; Clarke heaved a deep breath, completely relaxing on her seat on the couch. The air had still that quiet, relaxing buzz created from the soft conversation and amusing jokes that the band had left behind, and Clarke was nowhere near, or even thinking about starting to freak out about the fact that she was actually alone with Bellamy, with no one potentially barging in on them any time soon, since the time they shared that train couch over five years ago.

Clarke hummed contently relishing in the peacefulness that had enfolded the whole house in a warm golden glow. She was so relaxed that she felt like she could fall asleep then and there. She opened her eyes and looked beside her; Bellamy was wide awake with a gentle smile on his lips, the same that hadn’t left his face since the moment Octavia told him about the picture.

“Aren’t you tired?” she asked cocking an eyebrow. The others had looked like zombies just moments ago, and he should’ve been feeling that way too, since he too went under the same circumstances as the others did.

He scrunched up his face and shook his head “Not really..” Clarke still looked at him questioningly, prompting to go on; he sighed “I’m a bit of insomniac” he gestured to his head “Lots of thoughts, and the bed never seems to be comfortable enough..”

“Oh” Clarke blinked at him, taking in this new information about him, and then smiled “My mom’s an insomniac too” she mused “My dad does this tisane though, it makes her sleep like a baby” she bit her lip before offering “I could make it for you.. If you want”

Bellamy’s face went through a multitude of interesting emotions but then settled on something close to wonder, that made Clarke almost blush “Of course, that would be amazing, Clarke” he said sighing on her name.

She giggled and stood up making her way around the couch to the open kitchen just behind it.

Luckily Octavia had kept the place stocked with various kinds of herbs and roots, being a heavy drinker of teas herself, so Clarke had no problem in finding the ingredients for her tisane. She prepared it listening to him strum a sweet melody with his guitar.

Once the tea was poured in what Clarke had assumed -with a snort- was Bellamy’s [mug ](http://www.zazzle.co.uk/history_buff_i_d_find_you_more_interesting_if_you_mug-183921161906735299)she returned to him, stopping just in front of him unable to bring herself to interrupt him while he was so entranced in the tune he was just creating.

When he finally looked up, he smiled shyly.

“That was… Beautiful” she sighed sitting back on the couch.

He shrugged, holding back the smile that he suspected would have split his face in half, and watched her for a while thinking over something. Then the grin finally did split his face and he held the guitar to her “Wanna try?”

Clarke widened her eyes “Who me?”

Bellamy cocked an eyebrow and snorted “Well, since you're the only one here, I'd take a wild guess and say: Yes, you”

Clarke arched an eyebrow “Was that.. _Sarcasm_?” she whispered the last word conspiratorially.

Bellamy flinched and hid his face with his hands “Sorry,” he peaked through his fingers “I could say that it's the result of spending too much time in a closed space with Murphy but, the truth is..” He sighed dramatically bringing down his hands “I'm probably one of the most sarcastic people you'll ever meet..”

Clarke blinked cocking her head, and then laughed heartedly, the guilty puppy look that he was giving her was totally adorable. She patted his head “Well, I'm one of the most sarcastic people you'll ever meet too, only I tend to show it _maybe_ too much..” She grinned “Besides, tell you the truth, I'm relieved that you're not totally perfect” she felt her face go hot as she said the last bit, but Bellamy only smiled sadly.

“I'm the farthest thing from perfect, Clarke..” He looked away. His mind replaying all the times he let down the people he loved. “I made lots of mistakes, I still make them, and I’m constantly trying to make up for them” .

Clarke brushed a hand over his knuckles “Aren't we all?”

Bellamy looked up, and there it was again. The look that made her heart start pounding like it wanted to break free from her ribcage.

He looked at her, and in that moment he couldn’t believe that someone so wonderful could exist. Bellamy decided in that moment that the only explanation for Clarke to exist was that she had actually fallen from the sky.

Finally he snapped out of his stare and gestured to the steaming mug still in her hands “Do you plan to give me that, or are you going to warm your hands with it all night?” He teased smiling a little cockily.

Clarke slapped his hand, but still her heart leapt when his eyes softened and chuckled making her favourite sound in the world. She passed the mug over and Bellamy propped the guitar to her again.

“It doesn’t bite, I promise.” He reassured chuckling.

Clarke rolled her eyes shaking her head, but finally took the instrument in her hands. At first she held it awkwardly, not having any idea on how to hold _any_ musical instrument “Ugh it’s so heavy” she groaned, adjusting her position to the new weight.

Bellamy chuckled helping her, and patiently showed her how to play in different keys. After a while spent trying to make the instrument do the same sounds the Bellamy just made it do, and failing miserably -for his absolute amusement- he teased “I must say, you just made it do sounds that I never heard… You should probably stick with pencils and painting brushes”. He grinned when she stick her tongue out to him and gave up completely slumping back on the couch.

They stayed like that for a while, Clarke with her eyes closed absently tracing her fingers on the case of the guitar, and Bellamy contently sipping Clarke’s tisane.

Her fingers stopped when she felt a sudden roughness. She opened her eyes and turned the instrument to have a better look. There was a name carved on the guitar.

“Aurora” she tried it out loud. When she turned to look at Bellamy, he was already looking at her “It’s a beautiful name” she told him smiling.

He smiled back, but it had something absent in it, like he was thinking of something while watching Clarke closely. Then he leaned back and rested his head on the back of the couch. He turned to her “It’s my mom’s name”.

“Oh” Clarke said not really intelligently, but in complete loss on what else to say.

Bellamy smiled reassuringly, “It feels like she’s with me that way”

Clarke took in a deep breath, her throat suddenly constricting “I know what you mean,” she shifted so that now her right knee was folded under her on the couch. She tucked a loose strand behind her ear and sighed looking down at her wrist “It’s my father’s” she said holding it out to show him the watch. He caressed the top of it and held her hand in his “Sometimes I think of how it casually sits on my pulse point, just as it did with his and…” she sighed “I don’t know, I think a lot of things,” _of how it could be me on that bed right now and not him, of how it feels wrong but also right for the watch to rest on my wrist._ She sighed again, and he squeezed her hand; maybe guessing what she was thinking about.

 

Octavia needed coffee. There was no way in the world she was going to see, let alone read other material regarding the damn MET GALA without a little caffeine in her system. Don’t get her wrong. She loved writing about it, it was a great event, and she felt pretty lucky to have been chosen to write about it but still, she needed caffeine; it was like one in the night –or morning, depending on how you look at it–, she needed _buckets_ of caffeine.

Apparently her need for the _nectar of the gods_ had completely made her forget of why she had actually _really_ gone to her room in the first place. It all came crashing down in buckets of rainbows and butterflies when she saw the cute scene unfolding on the couch. Her urge to squeal had never been so strong. Clarke and her brother were holding hands. Oh man, Octavia could swear she would die of happiness just for that.. No wait, maybe when she saw them married and with a hundred babies, then yes, she could die happy. But for now, she was more than happy with what her eyes were watching. She bit her lip to try and suppress her squeal and quietly padded to the kitchen investing all her concentration and strength for the ability of becoming invisible.

It didn’t work, well not when she had to turn on the coffee machine. The damn thing made to much noise. _Ugh_.

Clarke turned to see behind her and so did Bellamy. The both looked at Octavia glaring at the coffee machine for no reason and then turn to them with a sheepish smile and an awkward wave.

Bellamy arched an eyebrow at her sister, Clarke smiled and then her eyes drifted to the clock behind her friend’s head, “Oh shit!” she cursed quickly standing up “It’s late, I have to go home!”

The quiet peacefulness was completely wrecked, and Octavia would have eaten her foot if that would give her the chance to rewind and stay in her _goddamn_ room. She couldn’t believe she was the cause of ruining one of the most important bullet points of Operation Freckles:

  * Time Alone.

  * Lots and _Lots_ of time Alone.




But then her brain played another perfect scenario in her head and she felt her lips stretch in an evil grin.

Lots of time alone in the Car that he would use to take her home.

Bellamy stood up almost as soon as she did, putting the mug on the side table, and said “Yes, of course, I’ll walk you to the door”.

Clarke nodded and smiled brightly.

Octavia almost fell on the floor. Just like that, no tripping, no nothing. She would just fall on the floor for what her ears had to hear. “Door?” she glared at her brother crossing her arms over chest, “What the hell are you doing!?”

They both turned to her with confused expressions. Bellamy frowned “Saying her bye?” it was meant to come out as a deadpan. Something obvious, but the increasingly sharpness of her sister’s glare had made him feel a little wary. Maybe that wasn’t the right answer?

Octavia huffed and shook her head disapprovingly “You freaking _Dimwit_ , are you really going to let her go on her own?” she scolded “She’s a young lady about to go out at almost two in the middle of the night and you’re not offering her a ride? Really brother, _really_??”

At that Bellamy went red. No, like red _red_. Octavia had never seen her brother got this red this fast ever. She almost felt bad for him. But really, the idiot had brought it upon himself.

Clarke watched the whole scene in a mix of amusement and horror. Which really, it just made her feel very confused. Still she had enough sense to come to his aid “He doesn’t need to come; just give me the keys and I’ll go by myself,” she offered “He’s exhausted, it’s really fine” she then added when Octavia seemed unimpressed.

“I’ll take her”.

The three of them turned to the voice. And Octavia would have jumped at his throat if she wouldn’t have been a human with a common knowledge of how human society worked.

Murphy majestically made his entrance in the living room/kitchen with a smug grin plastered on his stupid face that Octavia was seriously taking under consideration to punch. Maybe on the nose to make it _less prominent_ , so in truth she would be helping him. Yeah, she could use that as an excuse so that she wouldn’t have to bring up the operation when the lovebirds would ask for an explanation…

She gave up though when she remembered that she just had a manicure and she really didn’t want to risk messing up her nails, so instead she put extra force in her glare that John shrugged off infuriately easily enough.

He grinned even more widely at her and crossed his arms challengingly. She glared even harder “No. It’s not necessary because Bellamy will.” She turned her laser beam glare to her brother who gulped nervously “Right, Brother?”

Bellamy turned to Clarke with a sheepish smile “Of course I will, sorry I didn’t offer sooner”.

Clarke was going to insist that she really had no problem going on her own but then Octavia cut her off clapping her hands together. Her face doing a completely one-eighty, and returning to her cheery, smiley self as she exclaimed “GREAT!!” she kissed Clarke goodnight and practically threw them out of the door, “I’ll see you later Bell, Bye!!”

As soon as she closed the door shut she turned to John, back on glaring mode, that he easily ignored again, “What the hell are you doing awake! And what do you think you’re doing offering to take her home like that?!” she hissed stomping to him.

He shrugged turning to the coffee machine and taking the freshly made coffee mug. _Her_ coffee mug. And sipped “First,” he held out his forefinger “I have lyrics in my head and I needed coffee for them to make sense on a piece of paper; Secondly,” he beamed “I thought I was being a gentleman” he said innocently and sat on the kitchen island.

Wrong decision, never give the back to a raging Blake. She wacked him on the back of his head “DO. NOT. Mess with the Operation, John Michael Murphy!”

“Ow” he rubbed the sore spot frowning at her “Who the hell is messing with your damn Freckle plan??” he hissed back.

Octavia glared even harder and made to whack him again, but he avoided the contact just in time “YOU ARE!!” she accused.

John rolled his eyes and smiled when she continued to glower at him. He patted the stool beside him and waited patiently until Octavia rolled her eyes, puffed her cheeks, breathed in and then out and finally gave up and sat beside him. He bumped her shoulder with his “You don’t need to worry about them so much”.

Octavia sighed massaging her eyelids “You really think so?” she didn’t give him the time to reply though “Because I really want them to work, and not because I just think they would be good together, it’s really more than that, I mean she’s perfect. And not in a Lilian kind of way, she really was perfect. Clarke’s perfect because they are just meant for each other. I’m worried about Bell messing it up though,” she frowned at her hands clasped in front of her “He’s been avoiding relationships like a plague since Lily… And I’d hate myself if Clarke would get hurt, she’s really great you know?” she turned to him and John smiled nodding.

“I like her too” he confessed.

“Yeah?”

He nodded again and rubbed her back. He should’ve known that this was more than a plan for her. He tugged a loose strand of her hair and she wrinkled her nose making him grin wider “As I said before you don’t need to worry, you said it. They fit each other just perfect, one way or another they’ll end up together. They _smell_ like that kind of couple.” He pulled a face and she laughed.

“Oh my,” Octavia started with a twinkle in her eyes “That’s a very kind of romantic thing you just said, are you converting too, dear Johnnie?”

He snorted and raised his eyebrows at her “Don’t be ridiculous.”

Octavia hummed and studied him for a while until he pulled a face at her and she stood up laughing, “Have a good lyric storm” she gave him a kiss on the cheek that expectedly made him wrinkle his nose and snatched her coffee mug back, “Oh Shut up, you Scroonch!” she slapped his shoulder calling him by his old nickname born from the union of Scrooge and Grinch, knowing exactly what he was thinking – _too much sweetness_ \- and padded to her room with her beloved coffee safe in her hands.

Murphy rolled his eyes standing up to prepare himself another mug of coffee and muttered “ _Little sisters_ ”.

* * *

 

**[Clarke and Bellamy]**

 

“I think my sister just kicked me out of my house” Bellamy told Clarke once they were inside Octavia’s beloved Land Rover.

Clarke laughed “All because of your inexistent gentlemanliness” Clarke teased but then quickly rushed an “I’m kidding, I’m kidding” when she saw him turn a whole new shade of red. She squeezed his arm reassuringly “I never saw anyone send so many and _intense_ dirty looks in my life” she offered giggling.

Bellamy snorted “Yeah, she can be really scary sometimes..” he shook his head and started the car.

They spent most of ride in companionable silence, once in a while commenting on the music playing softly on the radio.

Clarke sighed and closed her eyes relaxing. It felt nice, staying with him like that. She almost felt _safe_. When she opened them again two big flashing light came towards them and she froze holding the door handle in a death grip as she waited for all to repeat itself.

“Clarke?”

She blinked her eyes open and turned to the worried voice.

“You okay?” Bellamy had stopped the car at a traffic light and was looking at her, concern all written on his face.

She tried to muster all the reassurance that she could in her smile and nodded “Yeah,” she forced the bile down, something that she was growing extremely familiar with now days, and shrugged “I guess I’m more tired than I thought..” she offered as an explanation.

“You..” he frowned looking at her hand that was still clutching the door handle “Are you sure?”

Clarke smiled again, mechanically, and slowly unlocked her fingers on the handle. Her head starting to swim once she broke the contact with something tangible, it was dark inside so she didn’t really have anything to focus on and use as an anchor so she curled her hands in a fist digging her nails in her palms and focused on the pain “I’m fine,-” she stopped midsentence when she felt his hand covering hers.

“God, it’s so cold” He took it in both of his hands and bought it to his lips and slowly blew his hot breath to warm it. He looked at her raising his eyebrows “My hand are still boiler-hot for when I was holding your tea” he explained “So it’s my breath” he winked.

Clarke, that in the meantime had uncurled her fists, barely registering his words over the sensation of his warm hands and breath enfolding her hand, goose bumps breaking out in her whole body, blinked and when finally her brain caught up with her ears, she laughed. Loudly. It was kind of a hysterical laugh, not like the one in the train so many years ago, but a laugh of someone that had just had a panic attack and was now relieved and grateful for it to be over.

When the hysterics slowly died down to a giggle here and there, she dried a tear with the back of her forefinger and looked at Bellamy that was now driving with one hand and the other still clasping her hand.

She didn’t try to take it back. It felt nice and warm and _safe_. And she almost wished she could be as small as her hand so that she could forever live inside his.

She woke up to something tickling her right ear. She scrunched up her nose and then heard a low chuckle. She turned her head already smiling, she really loved that sound. “You’re home, princess.”

She sighed and pulled herself up, scratching her head and willing her eyes open. _Ugh, I’m so tired._

“I know, me too actually”

She turned at him, apparently she had spoken out loud. “My tisane is working its magic then” she started proudly for then frown when she realised the full meaning of what she’d just said, she looked at him panicked “You can’t drive! What if you’ll fall asleep and have an accident?!”

Bellamy shook his head holding her still by her shoulders “I won’t fall asleep, don’t worry”.

Clarke shook her head again “No,” she opened her mouth to offer a solution, anything to no make him go in the middle of the night with the danger of him falling asleep.

“How about this,” Bellamy started snapping her attention back to him “You talk to me on the phone until I reach home”.

She blinked. That was actually a really good idea. She nodded reluctantly and tapped his contact number on her phone.

The lyrics of what she immediately recognized of “Sky’s still blue” by Andrew Belle, filled the air around them and Bellamy scrambled sliding back on his seat to take out his phone from his jeans pocket and tap the green icon, ears burning red.

Clarke blinked and then smiled wide, but Bellamy was refusing to turn to her just yet. She bit her lip and leaned in front of her to push the unlock button. When she was done with the seatbelt she looked at him again and found him looking back, -well kind of, he was looking at her knees, but still it was in her general direction- and confessed “I really like that song,”

She nodded “It’s a beautiful song” she agreed, it was one of her favourites.

He nodded too, chancing a quick glance towards her and looking back down again while he continued “It makes me think of you.”

“Oh?” Clarke’s face broke in another wide smile and this time when he looked back up he smiled too, soft and shy. “That’s good” she told him, for then lean in before she changed her mind and kiss him on the cheek. She didn’t stay to watch his reaction, too busy snatching the door open and run inside her house, the sound of her own heartbeat thumping loudly in her ears.

Once she closed the door behind her she leaned on it and clutched the fabric of her shirt over her chest, feeling it beat against her hand. The other still holding the phone. She looked down at the device and slowly brought it to her ear starting to move on trembling legs towards the staircase that would lead her to her room.

Bellamy sat frozen in Octavia’s car, one hand on his cheek, where not even one minute ago had rested _her_ lips. The sound of the house door closing brought him back to his surroundings and slowly pulled out from the driveway and made it to the road. He tapped the speakerphone icon and rested the phone on the holder. She shouldn’t have been worried about him falling asleep, after that kiss he felt so wired up he actually contemplated to park the car somewhere and run or _jump_ home, but then decided against it thinking of how Octavia would react knowing he had left her _beloved_ in the middle of nowhere.. Yeah, not a nice picture.

“Bellamy?” he heard her voice coming through the device and the goofiest smile spread on his face.

“I’m here” he reassured.

They let go by a couple of minutes without saying anything, then Clarke said “Thanks for the ride”.

Bellamy shook his head realising too late that she couldn’t actually see him, he rolled his eyes for his own idiocy and shrugged “Thanks for the tea”.

Clarke giggled, relaxing a bit. He was good at it, making her feel comfortable, and for that she liked him even more, if _that_ was possible “At what time do you have the interview?” she asked.

“In the morning.. Chris will come to pick us up with his SUV and by ten o’clock we should be at the building” he mused. Now that he thought about it, their manager would take them through the whole process without having a moment to rest. He wondered when the last time he slept was. He frowned and made a mental note to ask him as soon as he’d see him. That man had an even worse addiction to caffeine that Clarke had. “Do you have to work tomorrow?” he asked her then.

“Yeah, I have the morning shift” she replied.

“That’s good” he began, “We can-” he faltered not knowing how to continue “Mhm, could..”

“Yeah” she helped him out and he chuckled softly.

“Good” he sighed pulling in his driveway. “I’m home”

Clarke sighed in relief and smiled “Good” and in that moment a quote sprang out to her mind and blushed; _Maybe “Good” could be our always._

Bellamy took the steps two of a time and pulled the door of the loft open. No one was there as far as he could see, maybe sleeping or still working in Octavia’s case. He decided to check on her and rapped on her door, for then opening it slowly “O?” he found her sitting on her bed with her laptop on her stretched legs and what looked like hundred papers discarded all around her, on the bed _and_ on the floor. His sister had never been really tidy, so it didn’t really made an impression on him. He quirked an eyebrow “Still working?”

Octavia looked up at him and then rubbed her eyes with her thumb and forefinger “Yeah, but I think Imma go to bed now..” she said nodding to herself.

Bellamy smiled “Okay,” she stepped inside the room and made, very carefully, his way to her bed. He kissed her on the temple and gave her the goodnight, not bothering to ask her to help with the mess, knowing that she would decline. According to her that was an _organized_ mess. She knew where everything was, if someone else would put hands on it, it would only results in her not knowing where the stuff she needed was to then result in a meltdown. And frankly Bellamy would really gladly avoid that, especially since he would stay for only another day and half.

He made his way to his bedroom and closed the door behind him. He changed in his sleeping bottoms and climbed on the bed “Still there?” he asked to the phone.

Clarke smiled “Yeah”,

“You’re tea is making effect” he said burying his nose on the pillow.

Her smile stretched “Good night, Bellamy.”

“G’night Princess.”

* * *

 

**[Clarke and Murphy]**

Clarke had just finished her shift at the hospital and was planning to grab something to eat on her way home. Today she wasn’t going to have lunch with Raven as usual, since her friend had called her telling her that she couldn’t make it, due to some important dude coming and requesting to have a _Lunch Meeting_ with her _and Dick-Wick_ ; Raven’s words, not Clarke’s.

When Clarke got out the building she paused as she saw someone familiar passing by,

“Murphy?”

Said guy turned his head towards the voice, and brought up a hand to salute when he spotted her. Clarke smiled and jogged up to him,

“What are you doing here?” she asked “Aren’t you supposed to be at the interview?”

John shrugged carelessly “Nah, I got bored.”

Clarke cocked her head “Really?”

He smiled “Kind of..” when Clarke raised an eyebrow he rolled his eyes and tried to elaborate “The interviewer was a real piece of work,” he nodded to himself “He asked these really deep questions, and I’m just a mere dude that just plays stupid music and could not possibly compete with him so, I got kicked out” he said, sarcasm dripping from every single word he uttered.

Clarke took a deep breath and frowned. Murphy was.. _Particular_ , was a very big understatement. But he was Bellamy’s best friend, and he and Octavia always talked about him like he was a member of the family, sure they tended to do it with the whole band, but Clarke had always noticed a shift in their voices and a softness in their eyes whenever they talked about him that was somehow different from whenever they shared stories about the guys. So, she wasn’t afraid to try and forge some kind of a relationship with him. Besides, he was really starting to remind her of Raven, he certainly had the same streak for dramatics.

“They can do that? Kick you out?” she asked innocently.

John snorted “No, but I was starting to get restless, Chris noticed and excused me from the room, saying that I had headache” He raised his eyebrows conspiratorially “Can’t risk me punching a guy and ruining the good image of the lovely boys from London, can I?”

“But you’re not from London, you’re from Norwich” Clarke corrected frowning.

Murphy looked surprised at that and smiled the first _real_ smile since they started talking “That’s true, but we had our first contract when we were living here, and London is cooler, you know?”

Clarke snorted “Yeah right, still I’d like to visit Norwich, I’ve never been there.”

He swatted a hand at the air in front of her “Oh, don’t worry about that, I’m sure Bellamy will take you as soon as he has the chance” he grinned devilishly and she blushed. And then it got worse, because he actually started chuckling.

Clarke elbowed him and finally he stopped, still the grin didn’t leave his face. “So what was the stupid question that, that idiot of an interviewer asked you?” she asked deciphering his sarcasm when he told her how he had to leave the interview.

Murphy made a face and reached out to his jacket pocket taking out a cigarette packet “You mind?” he asked her showing it to her, Clarke shook her head, and he shrugged taking one out and bringing it to his lips. Once he lit it, he took a deep drag and slowly blew out.

The scene was entrancing. Clarke had always been fascinated by smoke and she just loved to embody it on paper. But no one she knew smoked and if she was sincere, she actually kind of hated it, since you know, she’s a pre-med and smoking is one of the main causes for lung cancers and several other bodily malfunctions and diseases. But, as an artist it was just, _fascinating_. And especially then her hands were practically twitching for a pencil.. No, _charcoal_ , she corrected herself; smoke came so much better with charcoal. Yeah, she was definitely going to use charcoal.

“He asked us what our type of girl was” he arched his eyebrows at her in a bored way.

Clarke grimaced “Ugh, yeah.. That _is_ a very deep question.” She said seriously “I can’t imagine how he came to think to ask you that” she shook her head faking bewilderment.

Murphy chuckled, really pleased to find another human that got his sarcasm. “I kind of get why they ask questions like that though, cuz of our fans and yeah, but I have a limit, a very _low_ limit when it comes to bullshit..” he shrugged taking another drag.

Clarke nodded totally getting where he was coming from. If she had been asked variation of the same question over and over again throughout a span of five years, she too would probably start to want to punch people. She nudged him grinning cheekily “So, What is your type of girl?”

Murphy groaned “Jesus” and she laughed. He looked at her pointedly “I do not have a _type_ ” he spit the word like it left a weird taste on his tongue.

Clarke nodded “Fair enough, but you have to have liked someone..”

He cocked his head “What makes you think that?” She crossed her arms over his chest and looked at him like he was just plain stupid. He frowned “What?”

She rolled her eyes gesturing to him “You.. You write songs! You and Bellamy. You’re the song writers, and in the album there’re a couple of beautiful love songs, you _have to_ have thought of someone while you wrote them, right?” John rubbed his neck and looked at her like she was an innocent kid and didn’t know how to tell the ugly truth to. Clarke crossed her arms again and huffed “What?”

“I didn’t write _them,_ ” he bit his lip “ _Not_ them..”

“Oh,” Clarke said stupidly when he got what he was saying. Bellamy did. Not John.

“Besides, I could never.” he said continuing and bringing Clarke back from her thoughts.

“Why not?”

He smiled, but it didn’t really reach his eyes. “Love? Not really my repertoire.. I don’t think I could ever love someone like that, let alone be loved. It’s just not for me.”

Clarke arched an eyebrow at him. If it would’ve been some lesser soul it would have probably started to feel a deep sense of shame with Clarke’s look alone, but John had grown up with Octavia and he had yet to find someone that beat the power of her quirked eyebrow. He stared back nonplussed and Clarke narrowed her eyes “That’s the most stupid thing you could ever told me, like cheap-romance-flick-novel stupid, and that is a very _very_ high level of lame.” She swatted her hand in his direction “Not to mention, that if Octavia had heard you she would probably smack your head or something, something I’m trying really hard not to do, honestly.”

John looked at her in a mix of surprise and amusement. She was right, Octavia actually had whacked him more than one time whenever the topic came up. He actually took a step back to ensure that there was enough distance that he’d know if the girl was actually going to swat him. He was going to defend his thinking with another absurd excuse, when a girl appeared from nowhere and practically jumped in the space between him and Clarke.

“I’m so sorry, Clarke! That wanker of my cousin forgot to wake me up! My alarm just died and _ugh_ , I’m gonna kill him.” The girl said in a rush.

Clarke rubbed the girl’s arm “Its fine Em, I got William to cover for you”

At the news the girl visibly sagged in relief and then looked at Clarke with a knowing look “I bet you did” when Clarke gave her a confused look Emory rolled her eyes and smiled “Don’t worry about i-” she cut herself off suddenly, and Clarke started to get freaked out when, honest to god, her friend had started to _sniff_ her, her eyes narrowed. “What the-” she turned and finally caught sight of what she had been smelling. “The hell you think you’re doing?!”

Murphy took the cigarette and blew the smoke upwards so to not hit the girl’s face with it. “Well, before you interrupted us, I was actually talking to my friend here” he deadpanned gesturing to Clarke now standing behind the girl.

Clarke took a step back, Emori’s look was murderous. She looked at the scene confused not getting why her friend was acting like a complete weirdo.

“You can’t smoke here! You’re in a hospital!” Emori hissed.

John pursed his lips “Actually, I can.” He gestured around them “Cuz if you didn’t notice, we’re _outside_ the hospital. Therefore I can.” He shrugged and to make a point he took another drag and smiled down cockily at her.

Emori smiled tightly, nodding her head seemingly persuaded. But then she snatched the cigarette from his lips and threw it on the ground. She looked up at him and smiled sweetly at his stunned face while she stomped on it with the heel of her boot “ _Not_ in my presence.”

Murphy breathed out the smoke, this time not bothering to direct it upwards so that it hit the girl’s face instead “That was my last cigarette” he fumed nostril flaring. Emori started to cough. And Clarke brought up her hands to cover her mouth remembering why Em had such a problem with smoking.

After the fit of cough had subdued Emori looked up at him and.. _Smiled?_ For then stomp on his feet and punching him in the nose for good measure “You’re disgusting” she sneered finally backing off and walking inside the building, leaving a groaning Murphy and an astonished Clarke behind.

**~~**~~**

“The good news is that it doesn’t look broken” Clarke announced slipping the gloves off and throwing them in the bin in the corner of the room, “Though, you do seem to be bleeding a lot.”

“Oh really? I didn’t notice” Murphy snarked out. Clarke straightened herself up, from where she was leaning down to have a better look at his bloody nose, and crossed her arms. He grimaced and mumbled a “Sorry.”

Clarke shook her head “I’m not the person, who you should say sorry to.”

Murphy clenched his jaw and looked away stubbornly. Clarke sighed and gestured him to get up. “You want me to walk you to the station?”

Murphy arched an eyebrow “You’re not walking me anywhere, _I’m_ going to walk _you_ home.”

Clarke gestured to his nose “But your nose-”

“It’s a bloody nose, Clarke, not a broken leg, you should know the difference better than anyone” he pointed out standing up “Besides, it’s not that I didn’t have my fair share of them, I actually had it broken more than few times,” he grinned pointing to himself “Not really the nice kid type.”

Clarke snorted rolling her eyes “Really?” she stepped out the room she used to clean him up and waited for him to fallow suit “I could’ve never told” she deadpanned walking towards the sliding doors.

Murphy grinned easily throwing an arm around her shoulders like he normally did with Octavia. “Ah, the princess actually talks sarcasm.” He smirked pleased.

Clarke shrugged of his arm and swatted him on the back of his head, just like Octavia would have done.

**~~**~~**

Murphy was growing restless. Clarke kept glancing his way, each time looking like she was going to tell him something for then change her mind and close her mouth. The next time it happened, he snapped “Oh my god, Just say it!”

Clarke stopped in her tracks and glared holes at the back of his head, until finally, rolling his eyes he stopped too and turned to face her. Clarke sighed, trying to stay calm “You should apologise.”

John looked at her like she had said the most absurd thing he’d ever heard “She almost broke my nose!”

“You blew out the smoke in her face!” she countered voice raising.

He waved a hand at her “She walked herself into that.”

Clarke shook her head and resumed the walk to her house, Murphy falling in step just behind her. “That was very mean, though.” She said quietly.

He huffed out a breath “Yeah, big news, I’m a mean asshole.”

Clarke turned back to him “Oh my _God_ , Cut off the attitude already!” she snapped “It really starts to get boring after a while.”

He sucked on his teeth and finally sighed “I know, as unbelievable as it sounds, you’re not the first one to tell me” he confesses thinking of Octavia and Jasper.

Clarke rolled her eyes but her lips did tug upwards a bit “Right.” She bit the insides of her cheeks, but before she gave up and told him again what he should do, he preceded her sighing,

“I should apologize…”

Clarke looked at him, eyes wide “Wh‑ Really?”

He smiled sheepishly “It takes me a while, but I know when I’m wrong” he sighed again, starting to walk again.

Clarke gaped after him for a while, a slow pleased smile making its way on her face, and then ran the distance to catch up to him. “So, what are you going to do about it?”

He shrugged “Go back and apologize?”

She nodded eagerly “Flowers would be a plus” she suggested.

Murphy gave her another of his bewildered looks “I’m not giving her flowers! She _punched_ me!” he emphasized gesturing to his nose, in case she had forgotten.

Clarke bit her lip and battled with herself whether or not to share why Emory had been so aggressive with the smoking thing and then thought _fuck it_ “She lost both of her parents for lung cancer... They were heavy smokers.” She finally said watching him out of the corner of her eye.

“Shit.” He muttered, his face going through a kaleidoscope of emotions, “Fuck, I’ll apologize” he nodded to himself.

They were in front of her house now, and she looked at him expectantly. He stared back, hands in his pockets. She arched her eyebrows. He shook his head stubbornly “I do _not_ do flowers, I’ll get her… Chocolates or something…” he blurted frowning.

Clarke smiled, not daring to point out that that was actually a _very_ cute idea, that in fact reminded her that soon would be Valentine’s Day, and he’d probably only find _heart_ _shaped_ chocolate boxes. She shrugged “As long as you apologize _profoundly_.” She squeezed his shoulder for emphasise and turned with a soft smile walking the remaining distance to her house door.

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever,” he sulked waiting for her to get inside and close the door behind her. “I don’t do flowers.” He repeated to himself while he walked away.

He gingerly touched his nose “I don’t.”

* * *

 

**[Octavia and the Boys]**

“Hey dorks, hop in!” Octavia saluted them from the driving seat of the SUV, as soon as they got out from the building they had the interview in. They all obliged, Bellamy choosing to seat on the passenger seat next to his sister. “Where’s Jas?” she asked and then did a double take at the seats behind her and added “and Murphs?”

“John had a _headache_ ” Chris stretched out the word and Octavia rolled her eyes, muttering an _of course he did_ “and Jasper went to look for him. He’s going to text me as soon as he founds him.” he told her, and Octavia smiled mumbling _Mother Hens_ so quietly that only Bellamy could hear.

“Oh God, please lets go home, I _need_ to play the piano, I think I found the perfect melody for the song that Ass-face has been busting my ass off since forever” Miller whined and Octavia rolled her eyes. Living with music and song writers was cute in theory, but in reality was a big pain in the ass in her opinion. She had been planning to go to that cute place in Shepherd’s Bush to spend some quality time together… After all they were going to fly back in the States tomorrow…

She sighed and shrugged “Of course, let’s go home.”

 

After what Bellamy thought had been roughly ten minutes, he realised that his sister was using a road he was sure was not going towards their Penthouse but towards… _shit_. “O?”

“Yes, brother?” she quirked her eyebrow, chancing a quick glance at him.

“We’re not going home, are we?” he asked, his tone resigned.

“Well,” she started stopping just in front of _the_ house. The house with the pretty blue door between two pretty pink and purple flower pots. “We are… You’re not.” She said taking out her phone and typing a quick text. She looked up and smiled sweetly at him. There was no way in the Universe, Octavia was going to not do anything in her power to make sure that the Operation Freckles would work. If her plan to single them out in a nice restaurant wasn’t going to happen, she damn well would make sure that they would have some _alone_ time in an _empty_ house. So much probability to make out. She grinned to herself. _I am a genius_.

Bellamy looked at the house in a mix of emotions. He really did want to spend time with her. All the time he could really. But at the same time his heart kind of felt like it was going to jump off his chest any second, and his throat felt really tight. “I’m thirsty.” He blurted turning to his sister.

Chris handed him a bottle of water from behind and he took it gratefully, taking large gulps and then a deep breath. His manager squeezed his shoulder reassuringly.

“Oh c’mon! Don’t be such a baby!” Octavia slapped his arm, “Get off already,”

“Yeah, Bell. You’re wasting time here.” Monty said crossing his arms.

“Yeah, time that you could easily spend in so many other more _enjoyable_ ways.” Miller wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, and they all groaned. “What?” Miller sputtered affronted, “You should be grateful Murphy and Jasper aren’t here!”

Chris chuckled “He has a point.”

Bellamy groaned again and finally opened the door. As soon as he was out the car, they started whooping “YOU GO BROTHER!” “YOU CAN DO IT BELLAMY!”

It was like having his personal cheering team. It would have been kind of endearing if he wasn’t actually _very_ in front of the house where the girl of his dreams lived, and was almost sure that even people in space could hear them. It really could not get any worse.

“ _YEAH, LET HER SEE THE STALLION!”_

Oh wait. _It could_.

He heard them drive off in a fit of laughs and giggles and he shouted after them “YOU’RE _ALL_ DEAD!” gaining a death glare from an old lady just passing by “I’m so _so_ sorry, I’m really sorry” He said to her completely red faced, and when he thought that it _couldn’t_ possibly get any worse, he turned to see the door already opened with Clarke looking like she was trying really hard not to laugh.

“Hi” she said beaming.

He blinked, mouth agape for a few moments. When his brain finally connected he snapped his mouth shut and tried to smile “Hey..” he said hoarsely and wished he could bury his head in the sand.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well Hi! It’s been a while huh?
> 
> I’m Sorry, I truly am. 
> 
> This chapter was intended to be much longer, I still had 5 plot points to develop, but it was getting long and I figured that is was better if I published so that you had some proof that I’m still alive… lol 
> 
> Anyway, thank you always for your support,
> 
> Remember: comments are life.
> 
> Love,
> 
> El


	14. Friends, Family and Fools

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feels. Feels everywhere.  
> And a surprise and another thing... I'm evil.

 

When Clarke closed the door behind her, they stood in the foyer a little awkwardly, Bellamy looking alternately between Clarke and the pictures hanged on the walls, and Clarke smiling suddenly shy and nervously trying to tuck an already tucked strand of hair behind her ear.

_Level up, (like that post on Tumblr said, instead of man up, no sense in using stupid gender roles) already, Clarke!_

Clarke rolled her eyes at Raven’s voice inside her head, but loosened up a bit.

“It’s only me, today. Raven and Mom are out so you don’t have to worry about a third degree,” She says.

Bellamy nods smiling, then he points at a photo standing on the cabinet near the entrance, “This is all of you, isn’t it?” he asks.

Clarke picks up the photo, “Yeah, that’s Raven and that’s Wells,” She says pointing at her friends, “Mom loved it so much she decided to frame it and put it display here, so that everyone could see her favourite children,” She smiles fondly, “I guess it’s not that weird that I see them as my brother and sister after all, huh?” Clarke asks absently not really expecting an answer, so is surprised when Bellamy bumps her shoulder making her look at him.

“My mom used to say the same thing about the guys, we all grew up together. I guess, it’s kind of inevitable to think of them a little as yours when they spend so much time with your child when you’re a parent.” He says and then blushes. “I mean, I think, not that I know- obviously.”

And just like that, Clarke’s beaming again “Obviously,” she teases because the temptation is just too strong and then gives him a nudge, “No, I get it. Now that I think about it, mom would probably just fall in love with you just for this one thing you just said,”

Bellamy grins, “Oh, I know, I’m great with parents.”

“Oh, really?” Clarke narrows her eyes and he _chuckles_. “Have a lot of experience?” she asks casually, putting down the picture and brushing past him to go to her room.

Bellamy looks around, as if he’d find some clue on what to gauge from the question and how to reply to it, and then frowns as he opts for the truth, “Not really, there was this girl in middle school, Diane, we dated for like two weeks and then her parents forbid her to ever see me ever again outside school because they knew I was friend with Murphy, and they knew what kind of troubles he always got himself into so, yeah.. I was just kidding” he concludes sheepishly once on top of the stairs.

Clarke turns to look at him brows raised as she opens the door to her room, “Yeah, he told me something about it.”

“Who, Murphy?” He asks surprised, “When?”

“Today, I saw him passing by the Hospital,” she says sitting on the bed, “We talked as he walked me home.”

Bellamy cocked his head taking in the information, then nods, even though he couldn’t grasp how the hell his best friend had casually found himself passing by the hospital where she worked… He shrugs the thought off and finally looks around.

When his eyes found the sketch pinned above her desk he couldn’t stop the grin slitting his face in half, “You weren’t kidding, when you wrote that it was your favourite one, huh?”

Clarke blushes but is determined to not let it show too much and shrugs noncommittedly. Bellamy chuckles seeing right through her and continues to scan the room taking in every single quirky detail of the girl he was very close to fall for.

Clarke is suddenly hyperaware of her things, like that stupid Rhino lamp that Raven had gotten her as a cringe-worthy gift, or the Disney princesses waste basket, and –oH _God_ –the High School Musical click pen that Bellamy was about to _click_.

“N-ghh” She hid her face in her hands as ‘Start of Something New’ started to play.

There was a couple of seconds of startled silence. And then Bellamy started laughing, and Clarke wanted the bed to swallow her up.

“Is this going to stop?” he asks after a minute of the tune playing over and over again. Clarke shakes her head bringing down her hands, throwing Bellamy in another fit of laughter, “Well, at least we’ll have a nice background,” he wheezes and Clarke throws a pillow at him that he catches unfairly too easily.

If she didn’t love his laugh so much she’d probably had stuffed his mouth with something already. _Ugh_. “So, how was the interview?” she asks in a desperate attempt to distract him from the awful pen.

He chuckles and shrugs, still not letting go of the pen, “It was cool, but towards the end they asked some questions for the fans and Murphy bolted, as usual.”

There is no heat in his words just a kind of fond-used-to-it tone, and Clarke smiles, “Yeah, he told me about it..”

Then Clarke tells him about his encounter with Emory, since it’s not like he’s not going to notice the puffy nose, and Bellamy flinches. “Jeez, he can be such an asshole,”

Clarke shrugs, “He seemed genuinely sorry after though, I think he’ll try to make it up to her,”

“Oh, yeah, how?” he asks almost challenging.

“Chocolates?”

Bellamy laughs.

* * *

 

**[Murphy & Jasper]**

Murphy has just got inside the tube station when Jasper practically flies in front of him, “Where’ve you been? And what happened to your nose!?!” his friend screech-asks the last part when he noticed him holding a blood covered tissue to his nose that had started to bleed again just a couple of minutes before.

Murphy sighs, stopping in front of Jasper and tentatively pulls away the tissue. When he’s sure he isn’t going to end up with blood in his mouth again, he tries to muster the sternest look that he’s capable of and levels his friend with a look, “I’m fine.”

Jasper’s face scrunches up as he goes through a wild range of different emotions, and when his mouth opens and shuts soundlessly, Murphy rolls his eyes and side-steps him and resumes walking inside the station.

Jasper huffs as he hurries behind him, “We were worried about you,”

Murphy turns to give him a raised eyebrow, “ _’We’_ as in you and Chris,” he articulated “You all know how I feel about interviews, it’s not like it never happened before…”

“Yeah, well, you know that I worry anyway,” Jasper retorts crossing his arms over his chest.

“Jesus, Jas, I’m not a baby.” John grits out.

“I know, still, you’re my friend and I wor-”

“Oh god,” Murphy groans, “Yeah, okay, _whatever_.” And he starts walking again.

He knows what Jasper was going to say. It was like listening to a broken record: _You’re my friend so I worry about you, it’s what friends do, right?_ And John would respond with something along the lines of _Jeez_ or _Whatever_ and roll his eyes.

Jasper pouts but trots beside his friend anyway, determined to know where John is going, since he’d already passed the tube entrance and is now walking towards… Well, he’s not sure what, inside the station.

Then they’re going inside a shop, and Jasper has to stop and look around to be absolutely sure of where he is, and be sure that he isn’t _seeing_ things.

Yep. They were in a _flower_ shop.

“Uhm, John?” Jasper tugs his sleeve,

“Yeah.” He doesn’t turn. He’s too busy glaring the lovely bouquet of roses in front of him.

“You’re… John you’re in a flower shop..” Jasper states carefully, in case John didn’t realize it yet, and to try to gradually ease him out of whatever daydream he was in.

“Wow, Jasper!” he turns to him, eyes wide, “You actually know how to use your eyes!” Murphy pats Jasper on the back, “Happy, for ya.”

Jasper stares. He’s going to snap at him but then he feels a tickle in his nose and whatever he was going to say turns into a sneeze. Murphy barely flinches, still lost in his head. Jasper looks around when another sneeze catches him off-guard. He sneezes other three times when he finally spots the cause. Sunflowers. Jasper’s been allergic to sunflowers since he was little. Everyone knew that.  

“Jo-excee” he calls urgently tugging at Murphy’s sleeve.

“Jee, what?” John turns to him with an annoyed expression that quickly dies when he takes a look on Jasper’s red, puffy eyes and the fingers clamping on his nose trying to subdue the sneezes. His eyes widens in realization, “Shit, shit, Jasper.” He hauls him deeper in the shop away from where the evil flowers are. “You okay?” he asks then, when Jasper tentatively unclamps his hold on his nose.

Jasper nods twisting his nose experimentally, and then scowls at John, “So, mind to tell me what you’re doing in a flower shop?”

John looks like he’s going to give him another snarky remark, like _What do you think? Buying flowers!_ But seems to think better of it, probably feeling guilty, and actually gives him a straight answer, “Buying flowers for someone I was an asshole too...” he mumbles.

Jasper stays silent for a while and then grins nudging his friend with his elbow, “Aw, John, you really shouldn’t have!”

John look at him confused for half a beat and then gives him a look, “They’re not for you,” he deadpans.

Jasper looks thoughtful, “That makes sense, you’d probably need to buy the whole shop to make up for all the times you’ve been an asshole to me..”

John snorts looking at the flowers in front of him.

“So, who are them for?”

John picks an already made bouquet with nice enough flowers, and shrugs, “Someone at Clarke’s hospital..”

Jasper frowns, “Her dad?” Murphy doesn’t have time to give him a disbelieving look because Jasper’s now looking at him like he was monster, “You’ve been an asshole to a comatose man?!?” he hisses, just when Murphy is paying the lady behind the counter for the bouquet. The lady jumps and looks at him horrified.

It’s all he can do, to not throttle Jasper then and there, and look like a complete psycho homicidal person or something. “No, Jasper, they’re not for Mr Griffin.” He grits out, flashing what he hoped was I-swear-I-am-not-a-psycho smile to the old lady. She just looks even more worried as she takes a step back, and John turns to glare at Jasper who really looks way too amused now.

“Perfect, now that lady thinks that I’m a man who does god knows what to comatose people, thank you Jasper, you’re a real friend.” John groans when they come out the shop.

Jasper waves him off, “Please, that’s all on you, not my fault if you look like a murderer… Speaking of which; look, you’re doing it even now!” Jasper pokes at his friend’s angry eyebrows.

John is tempted to bite the finger.

“OH.MY. GOD!!”

Both men jump at the shrieks. And they barely register a sickeningly sweet smell, before they’re facing the source of the shrills. _Fans_.

“Oh my god! You’re Murphy from Sky People!!” John winced while at the same time tried to smile.

If there was one thing that he didn’t like _at all,_ about being famous, was this type of fans. He was more than okay with girls coming up to him for an autograph or a photo, he just didn’t like it when they were practically two inches from his face, personal space be damned, and screeching like a bunch of chickens being about to be slaughtered.

He turns to look at Jasper who… is quietly looking at his feet by himself.

It isn’t the first time that’s happened. Jasper reminds himself. He’s okay with it. As he had researched, even though the guys and Octavia told him time and time again to not do it, based on polls he was the least favourite member of their band. So it isn’t a surprise that those girls have made a beeline towards John, completely ignoring Jasper even though he is there, and even though he is a member of the same band. It’s okay. He’s used to it.

“Oh my God! You have to take a picture with us!” The girl that John renamed #1 says.

John reaches an arm behind them and pulls Jasper to him, making him stumble in between them.

If John was going to _suffer_ , so was Jasper.

Girl #2 makes a face, “Oh, no! We don’t want him, only you!”

Jasper looks down. Repeating the mantra. _He’s used to it_. _It’s okay._

If he had been paying attention to John’s face he’d known that what happened next was coming from the way John’s left eye and jaw twitched.

As he was too busy staring at his feet, Jasper only knew when he felt his shirt being yanked forcefully as Murphy dragged him away towards the tube entrance. He turns to look at the fuming girls wide eyed too stunned to try to understand what was happening. When they’re at the Oyster card machines, he finally snaps out of it and slaps John lightly on his arm with the back of his hand, “Dude, they were fans! That was rude!”

John clenched his jaw, “Doesn’t matter.”

Jasper gapes, “Doesn’t- John! You can’t do that, Chris would be so pissed, oh my god.”

“You’re wrong,” John says, “Chris wouldn’t.” Jasper crosses his arms and John rolls his eyes, “They were the one to be rude in the first place, I don’t owe them anything, I do music because I like it and because of you and the guys, and for the real fans,” He gestures vaguely behind him, where the two screechers would have been, “Those two? Those are not real fans, they treated you like that? Well, I’m giving the same treatment to them, then.” And with that he turns to the machine to top-up his oyster card.

Jasper isn’t ashamed to admit that his bottom lip actually quivers. He’s overcome with such fondness that if they weren’t in public and if he didn’t know how John responded to manifestation of affection in general, he’d probably squeeze his friend to death. It was rare, but once in a while Murphy would do something like this and show how much he cared about his friends, even though on a normal day his interactions pretty much limited on grumbling and/or snapping at them.

“Ah, John.” Jasper says.

“What?” Murphy turns to look at him.

“You have to be careful,” Jasper taps at John’s chest smiling softly, “Your heart is showing.”

John swats his hand away with a snort and Jasper grins. He rolls his eyes, “Stop smiling, you look ridiculous,”

“Sure sure, bros before hoes though, right?”

Murphy tries to give him a shove, while trying to not laugh, but Jasper avoids it. Then he gives him what Jasper had come to recognize as his playful-threatening look. And Jasper slowly backs away, but John throws the flowers at him hitting Jasper on the head and chases after him laughing when Jasper keeps the bouquet and runs. They chase each other just like they did when they were little kids.

Fame may have changed some aspects of their life, but some things would always be the same. They were friends. _Family_. And they would always look out for each other, no matter what.

* * *

 

**[Bellamy & Clarke]**

“So, apart from High school Musical, Medicine and Art, who are you Clarke Griffin?”

Clarke turns to look at him with a surprised smile, “Did you just called me _Art_?”

Bellamy grins, “I did, didn’t I?”

Clarke snorts and shrugs after thinking about it in silence for a while, “I told you all the interesting parts on the letters I sent you…”

“I highly doubt that,” Bellamy retorts,

“I’m not that interesting, compared to the boy that has a sister working for Vanity Fair and, oh, right, I almost forgot, is actually a Rock Star.” Clarke deadpans crossing her arms.

Bellamy laughs, “Okay, my life is pretty interesting. But says the girl whose best friend didn’t talk to her for years because he was having a baby, and the other best friend is a mechanical engineer that has a profile on one of the most popular Scientific Journals in the world even if she’s at her first year on the j-”

“What?” her pulse reared up.

Bellamy furrowed his brows, “Uhh, Raven. She’s featured on New Scientist, Monty is kind of into that stuff too, so he buys the magazine as soon as there’s a new issue and on the last one, there was a whole article on her…” Bellamy trails off when he glances at her. Clarke is worryingly pale and she looks like she did on the car the day before.

She is having a panic attack. She knows that for sure, she’s been having those buggers for a while now. How fun. Not. Not fun at all. And she was tired. Tired of having flash backs to the accidents and/or pieces of life being taken away from her because of it. Like this.

Raven was featured on the New Scientist?

Clarke didn’t know. How could she not know that?

She feels the familiar bitter taste on her tongue and the tightening of her skull. She closes her eyes and digs her nails in her palms like she did the night before. Focus on the pain, she repeats to herself like a mantra. Push it down. Push it awa-

She’s startled to open her eyes when she feels warm hands covering hers. Bellamy has moved from the door and is now crouching in front of her, where she’s still sitting on her bed, “Don’t. Clarke,” he says, slowly unfolding her fingers and soothing the crescent moon indents on her palm with his thumb, “Let yourself feel it.”

And it’s like opening a dam.

A sob escapes her mouth without her permission and Bellamy is suddenly on the bed holding her in his arms. She hates it. She hates the fact that she’s being like this. She’s tired of these damn panic attacks. She thought she was done crying.

And now here she is crying in the arms of her crush. Bellamy is being the best consoler she could ever ask for, making shushing sounds and drawing soothing patterns on her back, “God, I hate this.” She finally mumbles when the sobs quieten enough.

“Doesn’t like to cry, another thing that I can add to the list of the things I know about Clarke Griffin,”

Clarke makes a sound half snort and half sniffle, “Is there anyone who likes to cry?”

Bellamy shrugs, the movement drawing Clarke to lean back “Crying helps,” he says,

and Clarke huffs, “Well, I’m tired of crying– _God_ ” she stands up and start pacing in the room, “I thought I was done crying, I feel– I feel like I’m on the edge of a cliff and I’m waiting for a breeze to tip me off, but I’m afraid of which side I’m going to end up on, and in the meantime I live in the constant paranoia that what happened with Dad is going to happen again or that Dad is going to stop breathing, but at the same time I’m so tired of the middle, this fake calm before everything goes to hell,” she pulls her hair in frustration turning to him, “It’s literally driving me crazy.”

Bellamy watches her in silence and then pats the side of the bed where she was sitting just moments ago. She sighs and walks to him. When she’s sat and they spend some time in companionable silence, Bellamy squeezes her knee and says, “If the worse happens, you have to promise that you won’t push away the people close to you,” Clarke nods but stays silent, so Bellamy continues, “Because, in the end, Clarke, we’re all a little broken inside, and if we’re not, we’ll be at some point, that’s just how life works, one way or another will always screw us all, and if we won’t fix ourselves back together than we have to let the people close to us do it for us and keep reminding us that we’re still here, we’re still alive.” Bellamy bumps her shoulder, “We have to let them stick our pieces back together..”

Clarke recognises the last words as what he wrote in his second letter he’d sent her, the one that she’d read to her dad, so she bumps him back and asks the question that she had asked silently that day, “Will you stick mine?”

Bellamy grins and reaches inside his pocket, “I brought the glue.” he says pulling out a small tube of the substance.

Clarke makes another of those half sounds again, half sob and half snort, “Why the hell do you have a tube of glue in your pocket?”

Bellamy frowns, “Octavia gave it to me..” He shrugs and Clarke laughs,

“Of course she did..” she shakes her head laughing softly to herself.

Bellamy thumbs away a tear resting on her cheek, “My point is, that whatever happens, you’re not alone.”

Clarke doesn’t know how to describe the feeling inside of her if not as a flutter in her chest that irradiates in her whole body. His hand on her cheek feels warm and soothing and she never felt so safe since the accident. She smiles softly, “Yeah, that letter meant a lot to me.” She confides, and is delighted to see his ears turning a little red.

Bellamy smiles almost timid, “That’s good,”

Clarke nods, “Good,” her eyes dropping just for a second to his lips.

Bellamy chuckles to himself, “Really good,”

* * *

 

**[John & Emori]**

John shifts from foot to foot.

_What the hell is he even doing here?_

He looks at the flowers that are now sadly hunched over each other, result of the playful chase with Jasper. _Shit, this was stupid_ , he thinks while hastily trying to straighten up the only two Gerbera Daisies of the bunch that weren’t _too_ damaged. No _,_ he _can’t do this,_ he looks _pitiful._

And _of course_ that’s when _she_ steps out from the hospital.

John is frozen on the spot watching as _Emori_ , his brain provides remembering Clarke calling her that, fumbles with something in her hands –earphones he then sees. He’s doesn’t dare to move a muscle, convinced that if he doesn’t bring too much attention to himself she’ll just pass him without even a glance his way. But is pointless wishing, is what it is, because he’s exactly in the middle of the way so of course she ends up looking up at him. And maybe it would be a funny scene to watch as an outsider, because Emori as soon as she sees him, widen her eyes comically and stumbles a little on her feet until she’s too, frozen on the spot. But Murphy is not an outsider, he’s holding a bunch of really sad, damaged looking flowers, maybe a tad too tightly and with matching wide eyes, and feeling weird things in his stomach. It’s not funny, _at_ _all_.

Then, she seems to get over her initial surprise and glances from his face to the bouquet, and then back to his face, “What are you doing here? Blowing some more smoke in people’s faces?” she asks with a blank face.

He holds out the flowers, “They’re for you,” he says and the two Daisies that he’d managed to straighten up bend sadly just then. “They were fine when I bought them, I swear, they just… uhh, well– uhm... yeah” He trailed off lamely, silently groaning. He couldn’t tell her about throwing them around to hit his friend, could he? This is so stupid, _God_.

“Woah, you really have this bad boy image down to an art, don’t you?”

He frowns at her smirk, and brings his hand holding the flowers down, “I’m not working on anything,” he takes a step closer to her, “I _am_ a bad guy.”

She raises an eyebrow and she too takes a step towards him, “No, maybe you think you are, but you’re a big softie, really.”

He scoffs, “I’m not a softie.”

“Says the one holding the flowers.”

“I don’t do flowers.” He says automatically.

Emori crosses her arms, “You know, that would be more convincing if you weren’t holding the hard proof of that statement.” She says glancing at the bouquet hanging on his side.

John glances down too, and looks back at her with a scowl, “They’re damaged flowers.”

Don’t ask him why. He had no idea why in the holy hell he was bringing attention to _that_ particular fact, when just moments ago he was desperately trying to make them look somewhat less pitiful. Maybe it was just his nature, to show off the absolute worst part of him when meeting new people.

Emori doesn’t miss a beat, “My nana always says that, it’s the thought that counts.”

That makes John pause. And then he’s grinning like an idiot, “So, do you relieve me from the unbearable guilt by accepting these flowers?”

Emori blinks, completely taken aback from the bright smile. _He should smile more_ , she thinks distractedly, _he looks cuter_ … and then she narrows her eyes. She feels like she’d fallen in some kind of trap. Was this all some kind of mind game that induced her to almost forgive him for being so fuckin’ _rude_ , _Nu-huh mate, not so easy._

His smile falters when he catches her scowling face _. Now, what?_

She sighs, “Why do you smoke?”

Oh, _right_. He shrugs, “Makes me feel better.” He says simply, opting for the truth.

She shakes her head, “Again, with the whole bad boy thing” she states gesturing vaguely at him, “Something that I read a thousand times in stupid, lame chick-flick novels.”

He takes another step closer so that they’re practically toe to toe and he’s hovering over her. Emori has to crane her neck to look at his face but she refuses to be intimidated and juts her chin stubbornly. John raises his eyebrows, “And I told you, I don’t do fake. I do only what I want. That applies to everything in my life.”

“Smoke kills.”

He shrugs, “If it does, I know I lived my life how I wanted. Making my own choices.”

She frowns, and is seriously considering to step on his foot again, “What about the people who love you?”

He shrugs again, but this time is less careless and more of an automatic gesture, his eyes drifting off as he thinks of the fights he used to have over it, with his friends, “They know how I think, it took them a while, but they accepted it.”

“You’re wrong,” John focuses back on her. Emori is smiling but it’s brittle, not quiet reaching her eyes. “They didn’t accepted it, they’re just hoping that you’ll find something else that you’ll enjoy more than smoking. They know that they’re not enough, so they just, wait.”

Somehow, from the tone of her voice, Murphy knows that they’re not talking only about him, anymore. Emori is thinking about her parents, and something inside him squeezes painfully, ghosts of his own past re-emerging from his memories. On instinct he reaches for her, but catches himself before he actually touches her, but Emori sees the movement anyway and softly smiles up at him.

“See? I was right,” she tentatively reaches out, and rests the palm of her hand on his chest, “Big softie.”

John doesn’t correct her this time.

* * *

 

**[Clarke & Bellamy]**

“So, I listened to a lot of Andrew Belle yesterday..” Clarke says standing up.

“Oh?”

She turns to look at him, “Yeah, most of it was Sky’s still blue, though…”

Bellamy smiles, “I love that song,” he says standing up too. “It’s easily one of my favourite songs ever…”

“Yeah?” she asked taking a step closer to him. This was it. This was her flirting. Talking about music and specifically about the song that he used as the ringtone for her. She had never done it before, and she wasn’t sure if it was working but her heart was beating like crazy and she almost felt dizzy on how much she wanted him to kiss her.

Bellamy’s smile broadened but he took a step back, keeping some distance between them, “I love his songs, his style is so simple and clean.. I love Pieces too, and In My Veins just makes me tear up every time a listen to it…”

Clarke sighs internally, and nods prompting him to go on blabbering about his favourite artists and songs, while she plops back down on the bed.

Any other day she would’ve loved to hear about his taste in music, but right now she is definitely mourning for the kiss that she so wanted to experience but that apparently wasn’t going to happen. Well, as far as _he_ was concerned, he didn’t look like he was going to make a move on her.

Is it weird? To want him to kiss her so badly? This would be her first kiss, and she really _really_ likes Bellamy, so she couldn’t be blamed, right?

Besides, tomorrow he’d go back to the States and who knows when he’d be back. If she kissed him and he kissed her back, would they be automatically in a relationship? Well, no, they would’ve to talk about it first. And if they were, that meant that her first relationship would be a long-distance one. Was she even prepared for something like that? Did she want to?

_Stop_.

The voice sounded a lot like Raven’s, unsurprisingly.

And as always, she was right. Raven always says that if you want something, to go for it, no matter what. And if it doesn’t work out, at least you know that you tried.

“Clarke?”

Clarke shakes herself from her thoughts and focuses back on Bellamy.

“You alright? You kind of spaced out on me…” He says with a little smile, sitting down next to her.

“Uhm…” Clarke begins, but ends up spacing out again as she focuses on the dust of freckles on his nose and cheeks. One thing was certain. Bellamy Blake was the only guy to have ever sparked an interest in Clarke since the first moment she landed her eyes on him. And now it was more than just an interest. Now, she knew him, maybe not as much as anyone is supposed to know, to consider the possibility to have a relationship with someone, but what she knows, she loves. And only makes her want to know more.

She feels Bellamy’s hand on her knee then and she focuses back on reality. Bellamy looks slightly worried, like it wasn’t the first time he tried to get her attention.

She stopped thinking. And moved.

Her lips found his like two opposite ends of a magnet crashing together. Her pulse speeding up and her head feeling lighter. This was it. This was her first kiss. And she made the first friggin’ move! Raven will be proud. Except, that now that she was there, she realized that he wasn’t really doing _anything_. But, instead, quiet discouragingly, seemed to be frozen in place.

Oh, God. Now what? From what she knew kissing usually involved active participation on both parts, and right now she was just there, with her lips attached to his, too afraid to let go and lean back and face the inevitable awkwardness that would follow, and he was just there, doing _nothing_.

Oh, _God_.

She didn’t think this through at all, and now she was freaking out, her mind going miles per second and still attached to Bellamy’s freakin’ lips. Which were very soft, and warm and… _God_.

Well, better face the awkwardness now, than later, right? Just rip it like a band aid, right?

She softly pecks his lips, as to say goodbye, and started to lean back. It worked as wake up call for Bellamy though, and suddenly one of his hands is on her side pulling her closer to him, while the other cradled her head to keep her in place. And finally, _finally_ , he kisses her back.

Clarke lets out a sigh a relief and melts into it. She feels warm and giddily happy. Bellamy’s hands are so warm and the thumb of the one resting on her cheek is idly stroking her skin. And Clarke had never thought that it could possibly feel this good.

Bellamy’s lips slant softly over hers and a hum of approval escapes from the back of her throat. And then before she fully realizes what’s happening, still lightheaded from the kiss, Bellamy is moving away. Not only from her lips but from the bed too.

“I can’t” he says running a hand through his hair and looking somewhere behind Clarke, “I should go.” He says then, and before Clarke can process what the hell is going on, he’s gone, the sound of the front door closing behind him as proof.

Clarke looks around the room wide-eyed. She tries to swallow the sudden lump in her throat.

What the hell has just happened? Did she ruin everything?

Oh, _no_.

She digs around searching for her phone and when she finally finds it calls Raven.

“Hey, Clarke, I’m actually heading back to th-”

“Raven!” Clarke interrupts her urgently, “Oh my god, Raven! He came here a-and we were having such a good time, he was so sweet and then I-I ruined everything, Rav-en” her friend’s name gets cut off from a sob that almost takes her by surprise.

“Hey, hey, calm down, I’m coming there okay? Everything is alright, I’ll be there as fast as I can.” Raven says trying to sooth her.

Clarke whimpers, “Okay.” And cuts off the call.

* * *

**[Murphy & Emori]**

“I’m really not a good guy, you know?” Murphy says quietly.

Emori cocks her head taking her hand away, “Well, you’re not a bad guy either… You’re someone that is used to expect the worst from people and so wears this mask to not get hurt. But that’s all it is, just a mask…”

John looks down. She wasn’t saying anything new, he already knew all that, Octavia had already preceded her in figuring that out. But Octavia knows him since their whole life, this girl on the other hand. He just met her, and here she is figuring him out like he was an open book. He grins looking at her, “Are you psychoanalyzing me?”

Emori grimaces, “Yeah, sorry, it’s something I’m working on…”

John shrugs, “It’s cool, if it’s like your thing, just be careful on who you share your findings with, though. Some people can get very aggressive when faced with the truth...”

She bits her lip, “So, you’re not mad?”

He shakes his head, “Why would I be? It’s kind of true, I guess…”

Emori smiles softly, he was odd. That was for sure. But not the type to play mind games. He was exactly as she said. He was like her. “So, are you going to give me the flowers or…”

John makes a face glancing down at the abused bouquet, “Maybe I should buy you another one..” he says distractedly.

Emori crosses her arms, “No, you don’t. Besides I punched you, remember?”

Murphy snorts, “Believe me I remember,” he says pointing at his nose, “But still, you had a good reason and this was supposed to be me saying sorry…”

“You already did,” Emori takes the flowers, Murphy letting go of them reluctantly, “Well, it’s the oddest looking bunch of flowers I ever got, that’s for sure.”

John laughs, “I guess I left an impression, huh..”

“Oh, that, you did.”

They stand, smiling to each other for a while until finally Emori takes a deep breath and says, “I guess, I should go…”

Murphy nods a little too forcefully, shoving his hands in his pockets, “Of course, yeah, you do that…” he frowns down at his feet. Did he just babble?

“Yeah, okay…” she says but neither of them moves. Finally Emori stands on her tiptoes and angle her head to kiss his cheek, “Thanks,” she says and then is gone.

Murphy lets out a breath from his nose and finds himself smiling with one hand resting on his cheek.

* * *

 

**[Raven & Clarke]**

Saying that Raven was worried was and understatement. Right now she’s feeling like the day Abby called her to tell her that Clarke and Jake had an accident. She ran the last block as fast as her legs would bring her and bursts in the house yelling Clarke’s name.

“Clarke!? Clarke, where are you?”

Since her mother had taken her life, Raven lived in the constant fear that if her friends were sad they were going to do the same thing that her mom had done. Which was stupid, if she thought about it rationally. None of her friends suffered from the kind of depression her mother did, but sometimes Clarke got sad and after the accident it kind of worsened. Raven knew about the panic attacks even if Clarke tried to hide it, and all this contributed to feed her fear.

She couldn’t lose Clarke. God, please, not Clarke.

“Clar- Clarke?”

Finally her friend came out from the living room and Raven let out a breath of relief. She ran to her and hugged her close, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine, I’m sorry if I freaked you out,” Clarke tells her patting her back for good measure.

Raven leans back frowning, “Are you sure? You sounded so… Clarke, what happened?” Raven asks taking a good look at her friend. She seemed fine on a first impression. But Raven knows her well enough to know that Clarke is pushing it all inside, not letting it show. Whatever made her freak out, and call Raven just a half an hour ago.

Raven watches as her friend takes a deep breath and smiles tightly, pulling her to the couch. Once they’re seated, Clarke shrugs, the smile still in place, and still too tight. “I think…” she takes another deep breath to steady herself and looks at her friend with a small, sad smile. “I think, I ruined things with Bellamy…”

Raven frowns, and takes Clarke’s hands in hers. Once she nodded Clarke to go on, her friend sighs and tells her everything that happened. About Clarke wanting to kiss him and how she made the first move –at which Raven smiles proudly- and then proceeded in telling her about how he didn’t respond at first for then kissing her back for then pull away all of a sudden, and run like hell.

“That’s… That doesn’t make sense…” Raven says, her eyes darting everywhere as if she’ll find a clue, on what the hell went through Bellamy’s head, on the walls.

Clarke face crumples for just a second but she takes control of it almost immediately taking what seemed the hundredth deep breath. She shrugs, “I don’t know what happened…”

Raven looks at her friend and all that she feels is burning anger, like a fire in her chest. Clarke was putting her brave face on. The one that she used when she wanted to curl up and cry, but won’t until she was alone. Raven had been worried of this happening. Of him hurting her. But she had pushed all her worries aside when Octavia approached her with Operation Freckles, all this didn’t make sense. For what Octavia told her, Bellamy was, at least, as in deep as Clarke was, then, _what_ went wrong?

It didn’t matter now, though. Seeing Clarke hurting only fed Raven’s protective nature more. Clarke was _family_ , and if there was one thing that Raven Reyes cherished above _anything_ was Family. She hadn’t have a chance to meet Bellamy yet, and now one thing was sure. Bellamy Blake would soon meet her beloved friend. Mr Fist. And she will make sure to leave an impression.

She stands up abruptly, “I’m gonna kill him.”

* * *

 

**[Octavia & the Boys]**

When he got home the grin still on his face, Murphy felt, weirdly, kind of… elated. Not sure why, though. Still it must show on his face, because as soon as he enters their loft, Octavia comments,

“My, my, would you look at that, Murphs with blood on his nose and smiling happily..” she crosses her arms over chest, “A fist fight, seriously John? I thought we were over that time.”

Murphy rolls his eyes, and Jasper grins, “He’s bloody happy…” he says looking at the others expectantly, “See what I did there? Bloody cause he has blood- Okay, it was stupid,” Jasper makes a face at them when they groan at his _clever_ word game, “You look happy, though… So, I take that the girl accepted your apology?”

It was like opening a can of worms. Everyone in full attention and asking questions.

“What girl?” Asked Octavia.

“Apology? What did you do Murphy?” asked Miller

“Oh, my god did you punch a girl?” that was Monty and Murphy turned at him in disbelief,

“Do you really think I would punch a girl?” Monty seems to think about it for a tad too long but finally has the decency to shake his head and look somewhat embarrassed to even think something like that.

“Well, Murphy here, bought flowers so I assum-” Jasper starts,

“You bought flowers for someone?!?” Octavia screeched jumping up from where she was sitting on the couch, “And they were for a girl??!”

Murphy rolls his eyes again, but the smiles won’t leave his face, so it kind of doesn’t have the usual effect –that now that he thinks about it, the usual effect involves them in rolling their eyes back at him, and now they were looking at him in a mix of surprise, confusion, and happiness for him –and maybe that’s for the better. He shrugs, opening his mouth to say something snarky at their overeager interest, but right then the door burst open again and Bellamy walkes in.

His friend stands in the doorway looking rattled and miserable.

Octavia, that had been punctuating each question directed to Murphy by coming closer to where he stood, walks over to her brother instead, and tentatively reaches out to touch his shoulder, “Bellamy?”

Bellamy looks at her, still with a vacant expression, “I ruined everything,” he says and sidesteps her to walk to his room not looking or talking to anyone.

 

* * *

 

**A/N: Hey my loves, Andrew Belle is my bae, you can hear to the songs mentioned in this chapter clicking[here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tr5AbHrHO3E&index=1&list=PLF2AXECC2Tf6zBCzvgdxQFdFFrRVOIBXh)**

**Comments are love <3**

**And you can have updates previews or say hi or leave prompts[on tumblr!](http://bellarkemylovers.tumblr.com/)**


	15. All the Time in the World

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HUUUUGE ANNOUNCEMENT AT THE END KHJKGHJ.

**[Clarke and Raven]**

Clarke was sniffling when Raven had silently sneaked inside her room. And it was saying something about her self-control and how much she respected and loved her best friend that Raven hadn’t already beaten the shit out of the asshole. Oh, but if she were to get her hands on him, she’d make sure to not pass the chance to get him acquainted with her fist. That much she promised herself as she curled herself beside Clarke.

Clarke tucked herself in Raven’s embrace and tried to sleep. Or well, not to sniffle too loudly, was more like it.

She was fine.

Well, not right now, but she was working her way towards it crying about it. A lot.

She knew that keeping Raven from doing anything and witness her crying was inflicting torture to her. But she didn't want any part of her life colliding with Bellamy’s more than it already had, at least, just for this night. She felt shit for that, even more than she already did. Calling Raven and then begging her to do nothing was probably one of the cruellest things she could ever done to her. So she cried for that too.

“I'm sorry” she sniffled.

Raven tightened her hold on Clarke's middle, “what are you talking about?"

“I'm an awful friend.” She sobbed.

Raven exhaled closing her eyes. Once Clarke started to cry for something, she would cry for everything that she thought she was awful at. “No, you're not.” She said, “You're my best friend. One of the most amazing people I’ll ever know.” Clarke sniffled again and Raven rubbed her back soothingly, “Are you going, tomorrow?” She asked then.

Clarke held her breath for a couple of seconds and then slowly let it go.

The truth was that she had no idea.

A sane person after what happened would’ve replied with _of course not! I'm not going to endure the most awkward of situations just to say bye to someone that has literally ran from my house like he was being chased by hellhounds just after I’d kissed him…_ But she was the queen of awkwardness, so… why not?

The thing was that no matter what happened between the two of them that afternoon, Bellamy had been a wonderful friend to her these last couple of months. He gave her hope and helped her found the strength to go on when she would’ve gladly stayed in bed and dreamt her worries away. He had been the perfect guy. The guy she had fallen for before she could even realise it.

 _So_ , she guessed, _that's how you feel when your heart’s been broken, huh?_

She felt like she ought to go through the five stages of grief, for her heart, if felt like it been stabbed trough and was going to die soon.

But she didn't think that she would go through anger. Despite what Raven thinks, Clarke couldn't bring herself to be angry at him. Why would she?

You either liked someone or not. It's not like you can force someone to have feelings for you. That's some nasty love potion shit right there, and everyone knows that love potions don't work anyway, besides the fact that they don't even exist in the real world either, so…

It sucked, she felt unwanted and miserable, but it wasn't like she was the first person to go through a heartbreak. Thousands of people went through it before her and they managed to live. She would learn to live through it too.

“What are you doing?” Asked Raven seeing her reach out for her phone.

“Sending a text.” She replied. **  
**

* * *

**  
**

**[Octavia, Jasper and John]**

Octavia knocked on Bellamy’s door for what felt like the thousandth time. “Please Bell, open the door.”

She threw a look at John, who was leaning with his shoulder on the other side of the door.

“Bellamy, open this fucking door, already!” He shouted, “Drama Queen, remember?”

Octavia gave him an incredulous look and John glanced back at her as to say _what else did you want me to do?_

Octavia rolled her eyes, but still waited for a reaction from her brother.

Still nothing.

Jasper, who was leaning on the wall in front of the locked door with his arms crossed in front of his chest, exhaled and pinched the bridge of his nose, “What do you think he’s done, now?”

Octavia pursed her lips, “I called Clarke’s phone, but she’s not picking up...” she banged her head softly on the door, “I tried Raven too, but it goes directly to voicemail…” She turned her head to look at her friends and saw Jasper and John exchanging a look, then they all sighed. “Fuck.” Octavia muttered, pushing her forehead on the wood of the door, her eyes stinging. “This is all my fault, I was the one that pushed,” she turned so that now her temple was pressing on the smooth surface, “It’s my fault.”

A muscle in John’s jaw twitched and Jasper and Octavia jumped as their friend started to pound savagely on the door. “Blake!” He yelled, “If you don’t open this door right NOW, I swear to god, I’m going to THROW IT DOWN!”

Octavia and Jasper stared. John rarely used Bellamy’s surname to address his best friend.

When he did, it was to put some allegorical distance between the two of them. And when he did _that_ , it meant that he was getting really, _really_ mad.

John scowled and was about to keep promise of what he’d just said when, finally the door opened with a quiet _click_.

They shared a look in silence, Octavia smiling relieved at John and him shrugging.

The three of them went inside. Bellamy was sitting stiffly on the edge of his bed, still wearing the clothes that he wore that whole day. Octavia sat beside him, tucking one leg under her while John sat on the floor beside Bellamy’s desk and leaned back on the wall and Jasper, the last to come inside, closed the door behind him and leaned with his back on the door, his arms crossed in front of him.

Octavia rubbed her brother’s back in what she hoped was a soothing way, but Bellamy was still stiff, looking sightlessly in front of him. She exhaled slowly, watching her brother with a worried look, “Bell, wha-”

“She kissed me.” He blurted out.

Octavia sucked in her breath, a mix of excitement, happiness and confusion painting her face. She looked behind her at Jasper who was frowning and then at John who simply raised his eyebrows.

“I kissed her back…” he continued, and when he paused Octavia shook her head.

“Then, what went wrong?”

“I pulled away and ran.” Bellamy said flatly, still staring at nothing.

Octavia closed her eyes and nodded to herself. _Of course._ She leaned closer and hugged him, wrapping his body as best as he could, with one arm circling his chest and the other across his back.

“Why did you run?” Jasper asked softly.

Bellamy sighed and fractionally relaxed in his sister’s hold, taking hold of the arm in front of him. Octavia put her chin on his shoulder and Bellamy leaned his temple to her forehead, “Because it wouldn’t be fair to her. We’re going back to L.A. tomorrow, and god knows when we’ll have enough time to come back to London.”

“So?”

“So?” Bellamy looked incredulously at John, who jutted his chin challengingly, “So.” He repeated acidly, “We would have to live miles apart from each other, and I know what I want, but it wouldn’t be fair to drag her in a relationship where even the first months are spent so much apart.”

“But you want it, don’t you?” Jasper asked, “A relationship with her, that is.”

“Of course, I do!” Bellamy said desperately, successfully disentangling himself from Octavia’s arms, “But that’s not the point.”

“The point being, that it wouldn’t be fair to Clarke.” Octavia repeated.

Bellamy nodded not looking at her.

Octavia cocked her head, “Have you asked her what she wants? How she feels about this whole business?”

Bellamy frowned, “No, not really…” he said, finally.

Octavia swatted the back of his head.

Bellamy started rubbing the sore spot and gave her sister a mix of a confused and hurt look.

Octavia glared, no more the sympathetic and comforting little sister that she was not even half a minute ago. “Then, how in the world would you know what she wants?” she asked, “You don’t get to pick what you _think_ is best for her without asking her what _that_ _is_ in the first place!”

Bellamy didn’t say anything just turned to look down at his hands.

Octavia sighed and looked at her brother both sad and tired. This was her brother punishing himself. Over and over again. Every time he’d find something that made him happy his first reaction would be to run away, thinking that he’d only ruin it or spoil it someway if he spent too much time with it. Punishing himself over something that no one had held him accountable for in a long time.

They had lost their mother together, but grieved apart. Bellamy had quit school and the band for then apply for a dozen of different jobs in hope of something turning up, without telling anyone, not even his little sister. He’d closed himself off completely. Choosing to busy himself on being sure that Octavia had everything she would ever want, that nothing else would be taken from her ever again, and in exchange he had completely given up his life and part of his heart.

When Lily came along, Octavia had been ecstatic, thinking that finally her brother had started to reopen that part of his heart again.

And then Lily had left.

And Octavia hadn’t hated someone like that in her whole life. Quickly though that was replaced by sadness and apprehension for her brother. She knew where all these doubts came from. They all did. Lily had left because she couldn’t deal with a long distance-relationship. They both had had big dreams and both weren’t ready to give them up.

And Octavia had stopped to hate her when she’d understood that.

It wasn’t fair to ask of someone to give up their dreams so that they could be with you. That much she believed with every fibre of her being. But she also believed that if two people really wanted to, they could make _anything_ work. And she really believed that Clarke and Bellamy would work. Call it her superpower, but she was sure of it.

She took her brother’s hand in hers, “Bellamy,” she said softly, “You have to tell her how you really feel about everything. You have to give her the chance to tell you clearly what she wants. It’s not just about you. It’s about her too.”

“I know.” he said in a whisper, still staring at his free hand.

Octavia exhaled and nodded. She kissed her brother on the cheek and stood up chancing a quick glance at John, who was frowningly staring at his best friend. She muttered something about putting the kettle on for some tea, and walked out the room dragging Jasper with her.

They spent some time in silence, John glaring holes at Bellamy’s face and Bellamy looking utterly wrecked.

Finally, John puffed out and exasperated sigh and asked, “What are you doing?”

Bellamy didn’t react just turned to John with a blank look.

“You’re fucking up,” John informed him. “Again.”

When his best friend’s reaction is only a little twitch of his jaw, John scanned the room for something. Once he found a sock, he balled it and threw it hitting Bellamy square on the face.

That did it.

“Well, fuck. Thank you!” He burst out finally, “Thank you for your insightful comment, I hadn’t noticed.”

John would laugh at the sarcastic remark but right then he was trying to repress the urge to throw something else. Something heavier. “Then, why the hell are you doing _nothing_?”

Bellamy glared and John glared back.

At last, Bellamy sighed hunching even more on his shoulders, “I don’t know what to do…” He admitted. When the silence seemed to stretch for eternity, Bellamy chanced a look at his best friend.

The scowl was replaced by a softer look, “I’ll tell you what to do” Murphy said surprising him.

“You will?” Usually John was all for I’ll-help-you-see-the-light-but-you-do-what-you-want kind of concept. He had never directly told him what to do.

“Yeah,” he shrugged. “For one, stop running away from your own happiness just because of what happened ages ago,” Bellamy made to protest but John went on smoothly, “Which brings me to point number two: stop beating yourself up for what happened after your mom died.” He said softly. “Nobody ever blamed you and if some of us did, we forgave you ages ago. And, I think it’s time you start forgiving yourself too.” He threw up his hands, “You screwed up! So what? Everyone screws up once in a while. You know _I did_. So I’m gonna give you the same advice you gave me when _I_ was the one with the dead look on my face... Stop beating yourself up and move forward. You’re not going to hurt her unless you want to, Bellamy. So, stop being so damn afraid. You’re hurting her more now, than you would by being with her. You like her and she _likes you_. It’s simple like that.”

Bellamy was staring at him with a small smile and John was starting to get uncomfortable and was about to snap at him to not look at him with that freaky soft look on his face when finally Bellamy reached for something under his pillow.

His phone.

**_Hey Bellamy, I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry about today, don't know what I was thinking! It was terribly awkward and you know I'm the queen of awkwardness lol It wasn't much of a kiss anyway, I guess I just wanted to see what kissing a rockstar felt like. I hope you're not freaking out about it and that it’s okay if tomorrow I'll come to say goodbye. You're a wonderful friend. And I'm glad I know you. I really hope that things won't change between us. Clarke._ **

* * *

 

**[Clarke]**

Clarke sighed as she lowered the hairbrush and studied her reflexion in the bathroom mirror. She didn’t exactly feel completely okay, but she didn’t feel totally hopeless either. The perks of a good night-cry, she guessed.

She did feel kind of hollow somewhere in her chest though, and the bruises under her eyes weren’t exactly making her feel any better.

Raven had taken the day off, she said it was so that she could stay at home and relax without having to see Wick’s stupid face.

While the second excuse was probably true, it was also the most pathetic and unthought attempt of an excuse her best friend could ever come up with. And that showed how worried Raven really was that she didn’t even bothered to cover it up in something that actually made sense.

 _Ow_.

Her head hurt.

She had a massive headache and she squeezed her eyes shut massaging her temples. Other perk of a good night-cry.

 _Awesome_.

She opened the mirror cabinet and took two aspirins. When she’d gulped them down with some water she closed the cabinet and glared at her reflection.

This wasn’t her. She was stronger than this. She had never given boys so much power over her moods. When did that change?

_But this isn’t some boy. This is Bellamy._

A traitorous voice whispered inside her head.

She glared harder.

And then sighed.

Yeah, this was Bellamy, and he had changed _everything_.

Sweet, caring, wonderful Bellamy.

She smiled.

Bellamy who had freckles that she wanted desperately to trace with her fingers, Bellamy who had given her the battered copy of his favourite book because it made him think of her, Bellamy who had helped her see the light beyond the dark shadow that the accident had thrown upon her life. Bellamy who she had unexpectedly, hopelessly, and completely fallen in love for.

“It’s okay.” She exhaled.

It hurt. But she knew how she felt. And if her father was awake, she knew exactly what he would say.

_Just because it hurts, doesn’t mean that it’s bad. Some people are worth all the pain that you feel because of who they are and what they mean to you. You just have to recognize if they’re really worth it. So, is he worth it?_

“Yes.”

* * *

 

**[Bellamy]**

“You done?”

Bellamy clicked closed his suitcase and nodded, “Yeah,”

His sister walked inside the room until they were face to face. She smiled a little ruefully, not meeting his eyes. She smoothed invisible wrinkles on his shirt and sighed, putting her hands on his shoulders, “Man, I hate it when you go.” She said, “I’ll miss you so much, big bro.”

“Hey,” Bellamy mumbled when he saw her eyes shine, “None of that now.” He pulled her in a hug. “Just another few months and then you’ll be stuck with me for a long time.”

Octavia pressed her face in his brother’s neck and inhaled deeply. He smelled like childhood, family and _home_. When she finally let him go she pouted, “I wish we had more time though, you know? We couldn’t even go out the all of us together…” She shrugged, “I had plans.”

Bellamy laughed, “I’m sure you did, just like operation Freckles, right?”

Octavia looked at her brother wide-eyed, “How- When did- WHa?”

Bellamy raised an eyebrow, “I’m your brother. I’ve known you your entire life. And I can definitely identify when something has your _paw-print_ all over it.”

Octavia narrowed her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest, “Who told you?”

Bellamy scoffed.

Octavia arched the eyebrow of doom and that was Bellamy’s undoing.

“You have to give the guys some credit, no one opened their mouth. The little fuckers.”

“Then, how did you-”

“Chris.”

“Oh, goddammit.” Octavia cursed.

Bellamy gave her sister a hard look, “That wasn’t cool, O. Playing matchmaker like that.”

Octavia looked at him hurt, “I wouldn’t have done it, if I didn’t think that it would work, Bell. Clarke likes you at _least_ as much as you like her. I’m sure of it.”

“Then, what about the text?” he snorted bitterly, “She just wanted to know how kissing a rockstar would feel like.”

“You know as much as I do, that she wrote that only because she was trying to play it down. She thought you bailed on her, after she kissed you! Who wouldn’t react like that? I’m actually surprised she’s coming to the airport at all. If I were her I’d never want to see you again.”

“I know,” Bellamy sighed. “If I were her, I wouldn’t want to see me either…”

Octavia gave her brother an encouraging smile, “Then, you’re lucky she’s Clarke.”

“Yeah, I am,” He said returning the smile. “And this time. I won’t screw it up.”

Octavia looked interested, “What do you have in mind?”

Bellamy grinned. “You’ll see.”

* * *

 

**[Clarke]**

Clarke was finishing up her last duties of a medicine trainee for that day, which included being questioned relentlessly by Dr Lewis on what she would do each and every time a new patient with a new somewhat interesting medical case would present. Today she had to figure out what was wrong with a middle aged woman that said that she was experiencing the most excruciating pain she had ever felt somewhere in her abdomen. After a quick round of questions about, if she had any children, and how many and asking to show Clarke the exact point it hurt she had diagnosed a simple case of gallstones.

Dr Lewis had looked pleased, although she couldn’t exactly be sure, his mouth had just made a little twitch that she had taken as an almost smile.

Dr Edward Lewis couldn’t be described as that expressive, really. He’d never been for as long as she remembered him, which was her entire life since he was the head of the Neurological Department since her mother had first started to work as a surgeon. Even when she had woken up from her coma he’d been the picture of calmness.

She flinched when she remembered the way she had yelled at him when he’d tried to convince her that seeing her dad wasn’t a great idea.

This was his last year and apparently he had wanted to spend it training and making sure that the next generation of doctors that would take over after he’d retire would be thoroughly capable of the job. No one complained, having him to teach them, was easily the best they could ever dream to ask for.

Plus he had personally taken it upon himself to monitor Clarke’s father’s situation. So, for all of that, Clarke was very fond of the man. Facial expressions or not.

And she felt content and relaxed by the time she had changed and was walking towards her father’s room where Raven was waiting for her.

When she entered the room she snorted when she saw Raven napping on the armchair near her father’s bed. She had been clearly feeling bored out of her mind if she’d fallen asleep in the middle of the day.

Raven rarely napped. Her taking the day off was totally unnecessary and this was further proof of that. What did she think she’d do? Just because Bellamy had _kind of_ broken her heart didn’t mean that Clarke would’ve spent the entire time leading up to the goodbye in the airport crying and rolling around in her bedroom. Raven should have known better than that, _really_.

She squeezed her friend’s shoulder and Raven woke up with a jolt. She looked around wide eyed until she finally looked up at Clarke, “What century is it?”

Clarke resisted the urge to laugh and rolled her eyes instead, “There was really no need for you waste the day like this.”

Raven rubbed her eyes with one hand and waved her off with the other. “I told you, I needed time off from dick-wick.”

Clarke sighed and decided to let go of the topic, “I’m off now, shall we go to the airport?”

The flight wouldn’t take off until four hours at least, but they were planning to go by tube, since their car was inconveniently at the mechanic for some problem with the battery, and despite everything, the earlier they departed the better would Clarke feel.

Raven stood up and stretched out like a cat, pulling and cracking her joints. When she was done she grinned at Clarke. “Of course.”

“Hey, no punching _anyone_ for _any_ reason, when we arrive there. That was the term of me taking you.” Clarke reminded.

Raven huffed and muttered something that sounded suspiciously like “it’s not like I’d punch everyone just Bellamy. Repeatedly.” As she took her coat resting on the back of the armchair.

Clarke ignored it and leaned down to kiss her father’s forehead. “I’m going to say goodbye to Bellamy. Sorry if I couldn’t read to you, today.” She said pushing back a –too long- strand of hair from Jake’s forehead. “I’ll make it up to you tomorrow. I prom-”

Clarke registered Raven gasping somewhere beside her as she too saw what Clarke was seeing. Her dad forehead creased, and then his eyes were fluttering open. He blinked a few times and smiled tiredly as he saw her leaning down on him.

“Hey, kiddo.” He said his voice raucous.

Clarke had been holding her breath since the moment she saw his eyebrows scrunch up and her first breath came out as a sob, “Dad?”

“I’m here, love.”

Clarke cried out another “Dad” and then tried to hug her dad as carefully as possible while simultaneously wanting to crash herself in his embrace.

_He’s awake, he’s awake, he’s awake._

It was like a melody repeating itself over and over in her head. The most beautiful melody she had ever heard. “I was so afraid,” she mumbled into the crook of his neck.

Jake moved and then frowned. When Clarke realized what caused the confused look on her father’s face she felt the bottom of her stomach drop.

The steady beep of the machine beside her started to get more frantic as Jake tried to move his right arm and couldn’t. “My arm,” he looked from his right side to his left and tried to move the fingers of his left hand. When they moved he let out a breath of relief and turned back to his right side where only the part above his elbow rested. He held it up a little breathless, “They cut it off?”

Clarke’s face crumpled and nodded not finding any acceptable words that she could say to him.

Jake tried to move it again. “Bummer.” He groaned, the fast beep of the machine quieting down. He reached out to caress her cheek with his left hand, “I guess I have to relearn to do a lot of stuff then, huh?” he gave her an encouraging smile and Clarke felt so incredibly stupid.

Here he was, just woken up from a coma after almost two months to find his right forearm missing and trying to reassure _her_. “I’m so sorry, dad.”

“Hey,” he mumbled tucking a stray of hair behind her ear, “We’re alive.” He said, “And as far as I know, I’m just missing the forearm… right?” Clarke nodded hastily and he smiled, “Then the rest we’ll figure it out later. We have all the time we need.”

Clarke gave him a wobbly smile and buried her face in his neck again, “God, you’ve no idea how much I missed your pearls of wisdom.”

Jake laughed, “I bet. How did you even survive without them?”

“Barely.” She said honestly and her father’s expression clouded but before he could say anything else another gasp caught their attention and they turned to the doorway where Raven and Abby were now standing with Dr Lewis.

“Jake!” her mother cried sprinting towards the bed. “You’re awake.”

“My love,” her dad sighed when Abby leaned back from their hug. He touched her face reverently, “God, you’re beautiful.” Abby made a sound between the beginning of a laugh and a sob, and kissed him.

“I love you.”

Clarke turned to Raven and hugged her sideways with her chin resting on Raven’s shoulder as they watched her parents.

**

While Dr Lewis checked Jakes vitals, her father suddenly looked at her as he remembered something, “Weren’t you going somewhere?” He asked scrunching up his face in concentration, “Something about… Bellamy!” he said suddenly eyes wide, “You’re going to miss him!”

Clarke looked at her dad gobsmacked, “You heard that?”

Her dad gave her a look so full of love and tenderness that almost made Clarke cry, grateful for having the chance to see it again, “You read to me, every day. You told me about him. I remember, I was listening the whole time. But now you have to go, or you’ll miss him!”

“But you-” Clarke started.

Jake tilted his head still smiling, “I’m not going anywhere, kiddo. We have all the time in the world.”

“Promise me. Promise you’ll be here when I’ll come back.” She insisted standing beside his bed.

He took her hand in his and kissed it on the back. “I promise.”

**

Clarke hopped in a taxi that was just about to leave the hospital and felt like she was in a movie when she yelled, “Heathrow Airport, as fast as you can, please!”

At some point it had begun to rain buckets and now she was almost soaking wet.

Raven had chosen to stay behind with Jake and Abby in the end. And Clarke was relieved. As much as she loved her best friend, Raven could be very hot headed and stubborn and she would’ve –no wonder- caused some kind of incident with Bellamy no matter how many times Clarke had made her promise not to. It was Raven. And Clarke loved her for it, but this situation with Bellamy was already tender as it was. Clarke loved Bellamy. And if he wanted only friendship from her, she’d do her best to give him _just_ that.

A fat, heavy raindrop crashing on the window made her snap into the present again. “Why aren’t we moving?” she demanded.

The driver pointed at something in front of them. Clarke propped herself up to see better.

“Is that a tree?” she quacked uselessly as she stared horrified at the enormous timber laying in the middle of the street.

“Not a whole three, just a big branch.” The driver said unhelpfully, “The wind must’ve detached it..”

The driver started to go off a tangent coming up with all theories of how the damn branch could’ve fallen off the three but Clarke stopped listening as she looked at her watch. Half an hour. And then she’d lose him.

Her mind started to reel as she thought of a solution. She looked around trying to look through the rain where she was and realized that she wasn’t that far from the airport. In the taxi it would’ve taken her five minutes maybe. On foot twenty… Fifteen at best.

Decision time Clarke. What’s it gonna be?

_Is he worth it?_

She stretched to look at the fallen branch again and said, “Fuck it.”

She paid the taxi driver the fair she owed him, and sprinted out the car towards the airport.

Clarke ran like her life depended on it. And in a way it kind of did.

Maybe if she said goodbye now, it would be like letting go of her feelings for him. Letting _him_ go.

Even if he didn’t feel the same way about her, she needed to see him one last time.

Who knew how long it would be before she’d see him again?

Another branch, smaller than the one that had blocked the traffic behind her, was quickly approaching as she ran towards it. Going around it, would take too much time. Time that she didn’t have. She narrowed her eyes and running faster she leapt over it.

When she landed on the other side, she felt her feet slip on the wet asphalt but quickly regained her balance and resumed her mad dash against time.

The happiness that she felt inside, the eagerness to tell him the good news and to just be able to hug him on more time was incentive enough for her legs to move faster that they had ever done.

Finally the airport came into view and she ran faster, not even feeling the burn in her muscles. Adrenaline and the need to see him clouding everything else.

She halted when she went inside. She looked around, breath coming in puffs of air, and her wet hair whipping the sides of her neck every time she turned her head left and right to search for Bellamy’s flight gate.

When she saw the number she resumed her sprint. Ten minutes and then it would be too late.

She saw Octavia before anyone else and she was almost afraid to look over her to find no one else standing there because she had arrived too late. But when she did, she saw a small group waiting nervously by the gate counter with Bellamy in front of them.

Bellamy saw Clarke running towards him, drenched in water and with the biggest smile on her face, and found himself beaming in return.

When she finally reached him she doubled over resting her hands on her knees to catch her breath. She looked up, her eyes sparkling, “My dad woke up!” she said, happiness dripping from every word. “Sorry, I’m late-”

She couldn’t finish up her excuse because suddenly Bellamy was kissing her hard and deep, and every logical thought in her head seemed to fly away in a kaleidoscope of butterflies. Her knees _actually_ giving out.

Maybe the toll of the mad dash was finally catching up with her or maybe it was just Bellamy. But of course, Bellamy was there to hold her up.

When they finally broke apart, Bellamy’s arms firmly holding her from her waist, she looked at him unable to stop smiling, “I thought-”

“I was an idiot,” Bellamy interrupted her shaking his head, “I freaked out because I was scared of how much I like you, Clarke.” He said sincerely. “I never felt so much so fast for someone.”

Clarke was pretty sure that she was grinning way too much and that if she continued that way her face was going to cramp, but she honestly _could not_ stop. And besides Bellamy was mirroring the same grin now, so basically it was a lost cause. “Really?” she asked breathless.

Bellamy made a sound between a sigh and a laugh, “Yeah.” He replied, his eyes bright.

Then he leaned back down to kiss her again and Clarke wrapped her arms around his neck to pull him as closer as she could get him, not caring that they were, in fact, _in public_.

It felt right like anything else did before in her life. She felt warm and giddy with happiness, like a golden light was shining through them and illuminating everything with its warm golden glow.

Someone cleared their throat and they reluctantly, broke apart dissolving in happy giggles when their eyes met. They turned to the source of the sound and found a terribly apologetic looking Jasper. The others stood behind him with knowing smirks and Clarke hid her face in Bellamy’s chest while Bellamy smiled dopily at them, “Yes?”

“Uh…” Jasper started, looking in between feeling terribly pleased and sorry, “We’re the last to embark, we should really go...” he said slowly.

Bellamy nodded. He took a deep breath and then let it go slowly. He kissed the top of Clarke’s head. Clarke looked up at him. “I’m the biggest idiot on this earth.” He said mournfully.

Clarke’s lips twitched. She shook her head and patted him softly on his chest, “I’m afraid I can’t deny that.”

Bellamy laughed and kissed her on her cheek, for then backing away slowly with a longing look on his face that Clarke suspected was mirrored on her own.

They had almost broken apart, their hands the only part touching, when he kissed them and finally let her go.

“I’ll see you soon, princess.” He promised with a small smile.

“I count on it,” She replied. “Nerd.”

She watched him go with his laughter still in the air.

Octavia bumped her shoulder with hers. “I could use a ton of words to describe how I feel about this whole ordeal with you two. But I’m gonna settle for only two.” She said.

Clarke nodded and waited looking at her expectantly.

Octavia arched and eyebrow, “Fucking Finally.” She declared.

Clarke burst out laughing. The sound of her laugh booming in the almost empty airport.

* * *

 

When Octavia took her back to the hospital and she had watched, from her dad’s room doorway, her mom, her dad and Raven, her _family_ cracking jokes and laughing she felt had happier that she had in such a long time that she almost felt overwhelmed from it.

Her eyes stung and she’d never felt so grateful for something in her life like in that moment.

It had taken time. More than she would’ve liked, but finally everything seemed to have settled. Or at least for that moment.

Right then, everything was perfect and, as she joined her family, she decided that it will be good enough for her and that she would make sure to enjoy it as long as it lasted, because if there was one thing that she had learned from all of this, was to never waste time and moments like this.

 

 


	16. Don't be Stupid!

_Dear Clarke,_

_I honestly cannot believe that we’re almost there. We’re finally going to actually meet again after five years!_

_Am I being pathetic? Probably._

_God, I might as well write it down here, I’m sure my awful friends will tell you all about it when we get there -that is if my sister hasn’t got there already, with that big mouth of hers…_

_But I feel like I waited for this moment for so long, what Miller told you all those days ago when he said that I never forgot you since I met you on the train is true. I mean, obviously, if it wasn’t clear already._

Clarke laughed out loud as she imagined him frowning at the piece of paper that she was now holding in her hands. Oh, she was going to enjoy teasing him all about it, when she’d call after she finished reading it.

_The moment I heard your laugh… I don’t know how to explain it other than something clicking inside of me. Which is a real stupid way to put it, especially considering that I write love songs for a living. Oh, man. Murphy is right. I am a lost cause._  


Clarke dried the tear rolling down her cheek with the side of her index, laughing silently. “You’re such a dork. No wonder you left the letter without telling me anything.” She shook her head, “You’re lucky I love you, really.” She mumbled as she continued her read.  


_Jeez, this letter was supposed to be all kinds of romantic, I suppose I completely failed the attempt, haven’t I?_

_I will probably never give it to you, I certainly hope so, or maybe (probably) still will, so that you’ll know exactly with what kind of idiot you’re (hopefully) going to get yourself involved with._

_Usually, it’s O the one all about karma and destiny, and I never really believed in that stuff. That was until I received your first letter._

_I know we already covered this in our first letters, but I still can’t get over it. Seriously, how many were the chances, the odds? I became famous and that helped, of course, but the way your letters were the one that Chris happened to have in hand because they had “just arrived”. I can’t get over that._

_And now, I’m here. on the plane, waiting, in equal parts nervous and excited, being the biggest pain in the ass to my friends, because I can’t literally wait to see you again._

_I’ll (actually) see you soon,_

_Love,_

_Bellamy_

 

She composed his number –even though she had it saved for months now, it always gave a little thrill knowing that she knew it by heart– giggling to herself as she also pulled out a stack of papers and looked for a pen.

“Hey,” Bellamy answered after barely two rings in that new warm tone that had recently started to lace each and every conversation they had, and that never failed to make Clarke feel all radiant and content.

“Hey.” She said back, “I found something…”

“Yeah?” she could hear the smile in his tone and she imagined him laying on his bed looking happily at the ceiling.

“Yeah. The letter you left for me on my desk to find.”

Bellamy made a pained noise and then she heard the rustling of sheets being moved and she laughed as she clearly saw him trying to smother himself on his pillow. “I can’t believe I actually left it.” He groaned.

Clarke smiled, “It _wasn’t_ that bad.” She tried to reassure him. “I mean, nothing will ever be worse than the first letter I wrote you. I wrote about ass-holes, Bellamy.”

He laughed heartedly, “Well, if you put it that way, yeah, my letter was pretty decent.”

“I loved it.” Clarke declared.

“I loved the letter about ass-holes too.” He replied, the laughter clear in his tone.

“Oh, stop it!”

“Nah, having too much fun teasing you…”

“Fine, I’ll have you know that I’m about to write the response to your wonderful letter now- Hey have you seen my High School Musical pen?” she asked as she shuffled her things around looking for it, “I can’t find it.”

Bellamy grinned as he glanced at the red and white pen resting happily on his nightstand, “Nope.” He lied.

“Of course not, you’re at five-thousand-four-hundred and forty-six point nine-hundred and fifty miles away from my room, how would you know that?” Clarke thought outload before sighing and settling for a boring blue ball pen.

_My Dearest Bellamy,_

_See? This is how you start a romantic letter. Take notes, Romeo._  


“Hey, tell me about your day.” Clarke prompted him, making Bellamy smile.

“Okay, we had a couple of interviews” he started. “Murph actually stayed for the entire duration of them.”

That made Clarke’s pen halt on the paper, “Oh?”

“Yeah, Chris was pretty impressed too.”

“Well, he always left because he hated them, you also invented a whole story about him having anxiety for them _, it is_ a big deal.”

Bellamy made a non-committal sound, “Not, if you take into account that he was with his head completely somewhere else,” he sounded amused. “I never saw him like that, pretty fun to watch.” He chuckled, “The interviewer had to keep repeating his questions, and Murphy would give him a blank look for then widen his eyes and look around like he realized only then where he was…”

Clarke grinned, “What do you think had him so distracted?”

“I’m not sure, but the guys told me that apparently a girl was involved. Jasper said something about him buying flowers, but I think he was joking. Murph doesn’t do flowers.”

“Flowers?” Clarke asked straightening up suddenly more interested than she already was.

“Yeah, why? You know who the mystery girl is?”

Clarke finished colouring in the petals of the little doodle of a flower she had made on the margin of the letter for Bellamy, “I might have an idea…”

“Are you going to share, or…”

“ _Or_ ,” she responded. “Not before I’m sure.” She said airily.

Bellamy chuckled sleepily, “Whatever suits you, princess.”

She still hadn’t gotten over that nickname. It always made her feel all warm and fuzzy. Gosh, she _was_ _smitten_.

“It’s late, you should go to sleep.” She said checking the clock and automatically calculating the time difference between London and L.A.

In London it was morning but for Bellamy was still the night before.

She heard him breath out a longsuffering sigh, “Sorry, I’m always so tired…”

“Don’t be stupid, I’m happy with each and every little time I can get you for myself.” She said sincerely.

“Clarke,” he said her name like it hurt. “You shouldn’t be satisfied with so little, I ca– I want to give you so much more of my time, you don’t even realize.”

“I think I do,” she said gently. “It’s the same for me…”

“The only difference being that you do while I…” he trailed off with a frustrated huff.

“You will make up for it when you’ll be here.”

“You can count on it, princess.” He said with the smile back in his tone.

“Goodnight, Bellamy.”

“Goodnight, Clarke.”

She sighed as she put the phone down.

She stared at the words she had written on the letter for Bellamy.

_I miss you._

_I just talked to you on the phone and here I am writing it down instead of saying it. How stupid is that? I guess it’s always easier to write the way you feel rather than actually speak it out loud… That, and I kind of have this belief that it’s useless to say to someone that you miss them when they’re away and can’t do anything about it. I mean, what does it accomplish, really? It only make them feel worse over the fact that they can’t be there with you. So, I don’t say it. Not to you, because I know how much I miss you and how much of a complex you already have over this whole distance-relationship business._

_Okay, enough of this, I’m going to write about my feelings about my life now. You already know all of this, but I feel like I need to write them down somewhere and knowing that you’ll read this, makes me feel better._

_I guess I don’t know how to write a romantic letter either, Romeo._

_Juliette’s going to write down her feelings in the letter instead…_

_Dad’s coming home tomorrow. He had to stay two weeks at the hospital before Dr Lewis gave the final nod. He still needs clutches to walk and even then he tires pretty quickly, so he’s staying on the wheelchair for still some time, until physiotherapy finally pays off…_

_And about his right arm…_

_He seems the same, he smiles and he jokes but I feel like there’s a heaviness around him, especially when he thinks that we’re not looking at him. His shoulders are hunched and sometimes I catch him looking between his left hand and the empty space where his right hand would have been. But as soon as he realizes we’re there his whole attitude changes, he straightens up and smiles brightly like he doesn’t have a care in the world._

_I know he’s trying to be strong, and that he obviously feel the toll of the missing forearm but I know that in time everything will be okay._

_After all, he’s the one that thought me to use that motto in every predicament._

_~~I~~ _

Clarke huffed. She really _really_ wanted to use the L word, because, hello she’d know it for quiet sometime now… But they haven’t it said out loud still, and it felt wrong to _write_ it first.

Even though writing her feelings down was her way of showing and telling him how she really cared about him, telling I love you at the end of a letter was just… _not_ the way she rolled.

 

_Hope to hug (and kiss) you soon,_

She felt herself flush but forced herself not to cut the part in brackets away.

_All my love,_

_Clarke_

 

* * *

 

Clarke, Abby and Raven had started to take turns to look after Jake. Abby hadn’t wanted to take a nurse saying that she much rather preferred to stay home herself to take care of her husband, but with the help of Clarke and Raven, Jake had convinced her to not take a complete and proper leave from her job.

“You’d end up not being able to fathom the sight of me after a few weeks, otherwise.” Jake had joked earning a dark look from his wife.

He was currently going through the motions of his physiotherapy exercises with his assistant, Peter, bending and pulling his knees, one at the time, towards his chest. He flinched as he felt a muscle pull a little too much.

Peter caught it immediately, “You okay?”

Clarke that was watching sitting from a nearby plastic chair, straightened up, ready to pounce and come into his aid.

“Yeah,” Jake breathed hard. “Just a little stiff.” He added when Peter arched an eyebrow.

“Are you applying the balm I gave you? Onc-”

“Once every night, once before I come here, and once I finished. Yep. My wife takes that stuff, _really_ seriously.” He said darkly, making Peter smile.

“Well, it’s for your own good.” Peter said with his hands on his hips.

Jake waved him off, “I know, I know.” And gestured him to get on with the exercise.

* * *

 

The ride home was spent in silence and Clarke tried to not worry too much. It was normal. After a therapy session Jake rarely spoke, seemingly too lost in his own head to have a conversation with anyone.

Clarke could see an improvement each time they came back from his sessions, as tiny as it was, but Jake always felt like it wasn’t enough, like everything, was taking too long. Like he had completely lost the control over his body and was fighting to get it back as quickly as he could, but his body wouldn’t cooperate. Not how he wanted it to.

Clarke, as much as she worried, decided to assign her dad’s silences as part of his rehabilitation process and tried to not think too much about it.

When they arrived home Raven was already there with a big smile on her face. Clarke grinned back, “What is it?” she asked curiously and she pushed her father’s wheelchair in the living room.

Raven pulled out a mechanical hand from behind her beaming, and holding it out to them to inspect. Clarke took it and marvelled at it.

Jake eyed it suspiciously, “What’s that?”

The two girls turned to look at him searchingly, “It’s a prosthetic arm.” Raven answered carefully, “I thought… You could try it on…”

Jake looked at her daughter’s best friend, and the girl he had easily learnt to love as a second daughter with a thoughtful look, and finally nodded. “Okay, let’s try it on.”

The girls stepped back from their handiwork after having strapped all the harnesses on his back and shoulder, “How does it feel?”

Jake was red and a little breathless. He tried to move it and wasn’t able to hide a hitch in his breath as something dug into his flesh.

“What’s wrong?” immediately Clarke and Raven crowded him in like mother hens crowding a little chick.

Jake shook his head, “It feels weird.” He tried again, _ow_ , nope this isn’t working.

He flinched again and Raven quickly took the thing away inspecting it more closely.

“The harness itches and something kept digging in my shoulder.” He said and Raven nodded disappearing into her room.

They watched her go and Clarke tried to smile encouragingly at him, “Raven will figure it out, and soon you’ll have your right hand back and in no time also walk.”

“What if I won’t?” her father’s said, surprising the both of them.

Clarke crouched in front of him, “You will.” She said firmly.

Jake gave her a sad smile, “Maybe.”

* * *

 

Her dad was still Clarke’s main subject of thought a week after the “accident” with the prosthetic arm. Raven had worked on it nonstop since then, and still hadn’t approached him with the new modifications.

When Clarke asked her about it, her friend had smiled reassuringly saying that it still needed some improvements.

It seemed a thing they did often these days. Put a nice smile on their faces and tell each other that everything will be okay, it just needed some _more_ time.

She was thinking exactly that as she slowly waddled up the stairs to her bedroom when she heard raised voices coming from her parents’ room.

They had installed a wheelchair stair lift just before he returned home and every time he used it a dark look crossed his features. Today, hadn’t be different.

She got closer to her parents’ door, not even caring that she was in fact eavesdropping, because it really sounded like they were fighting.

“-.. don’t be stupid!” her mother was saying, and Clarke heard the hard scoff coming from her father, which surprised her like nothing before.

“Yeah, now I’m stupid, an amputee and disabled, you should just leave me now.” Clarke felt the bottom of her stomach drop and a cold feeling spreading within her like ice frosting her insides, making it hard to breathe.  

“What are you talking about?” her mother had asked with her stony voice, the one she used when she was barely keeping a lid on her anger.

“Every second of every day I wish, I _want_ for everything to go back to normal, back to how it was. Except, it will never go back to how it was. I still can’t walk. I’m missing an arm, for god’s sake, nothing will be back to normal. I’m missing a limb, and the arm I have feels pretty useless, I don’t have a job, I can barely move, I’m burden to my own family-”

“Stop it!” her mother hissed, fury lacing her words. “How dare you? Think of yourself like this?”

“Abby,” her dad started placating, but Clarke was with her mother silenced him with “Shut up!”

There was a moment of silence where Clarke imagined her mother looking at her husband with a betrayed look.

“You cannot- You can’t seriously think that you’re a burden to us,” a pause. “When we spent months living in fear that every day, every moment, would be the time your heart finally stopped beating. That we’d lose all hope to see you smile and talk again. That the day you left with Clarke was the last time I ever saw you breath on your own, and not attached to a bloody machine. You have no idea. None.” Clarke heard a sob and she too found herself trying to smother hers with her hands clamped over her mouth.

“I’m sorry.” Her dad said quietly and when she didn’t hear a response she decided to move away from the door and go to her room.

She sat on her desk and cried quietly for a while. Her mind seemed unable to set on a single thought, jumping from memories of her childhood to the countless days spent in the hospital for her trainee program and then after the accident. She thought back at the small signs of her dad not being okay. The clear signs of depression that she had noticed but chose to believe that her dad just needed some time. The dark looks that crossed his face more frequently than ever. His silences in the car after the physiotherapy sessions. The look on his face when he saw the prosthetic arm.

She tried to breath evenly form her mouth and calm down. She reached for her stack of paper and the boring blue ball pen, feeling her whole body shake.

It took her a while, but after she had calmed down a little and her hand was steady enough she started to write.

 

 

The next day Jake found an envelope on his nightstand as he slowly pulled himself sitting up on the bed and warily reached for it. It took him a while, like almost everything these days, but he finally got the letter inside and started reading.

 

_Dear dad,_

_No, I’m sorry. I can’t. I’m mad. I’m so mad and hurt right now._

_How could you say, think, those things?_

_Yes, I heard everything when you and mom were fighting in the bedroom._

_I’m sorry. I’m just so… I don’t know. It feels awful._

_I know I should have noticed better, said something but if I didn’t it was because I felt like you always tried to get out of it, and I let you because I thought that it was what you needed, what you wanted._

_Why didn’t you say anything to me? You kept smiling like everything was going fine while inside you’ve been thinking all that and continued to pretend._

_But still, I should’ve known better. I’m your daughter, your family and I should’ve known._

_When I woke up my first thought was of you. I dreamt you._

_Of the day we went to see the winter wonderland at Hyde Park. You always deliberately said squeeze instead of cheese when mom would take a picture because it would make me go into a fit of giggles._

_I always thought you were the funniest man I ever known. The happiest and most optimistic._

_And despite –or for- that I lost all hope when I saw you on that hospital bed. I left the trainee program for a while. I thought of quitting altogether. Now, I realize was the stupidest thing I could ever done but in that moment it made so much sense, how could I go back to my normal life when you might not have the chance to do just that?_

_We were out because of me. Because of the art exposition. Because of my love for art._

_I know you wouldn’t want me to think of it like that. Like it’s my fault. But it doesn’t change the fact that I thought it. Because I was awake and you weren’t. Because I turned out okay and you’d lost your hand. How’s it called? The survivor’s guilt complex? I guess, I had just that._

_I’m so sorry, dad. I wish I could go back in time and make myself feel ill so that we wouldn’t go out that night. But I can’t. And I’m so so sorry._

_But a friend reminded me that feeling the way I felt, wasn’t useful for anyone. Not to mom, not to Raven, not to me and definitely not to you._

_So I got my head out of the cocoon I had created for myself and started living again because I knew that that was what you would’ve wanted me to do. You gave a reason to go on even while you were unconscious in a hospital bed._

_And I think, that’s what a good dad does. I know it. You’re the best dad I could ever ask for, for so many reasons that would take thousands of words and ink and paper to put down in here. But, the main reason and the most important is that you are the best, because you love me no matter what._

_What I’m trying to say here is that I love you too, dad._

_And I need –I want you to not give up. I won’t. I know for a fact that mom and Raven won’t either._

_I’m sorry, but you’re surrounded by pretty tough and stubborn women, so you really don’t have a choice but listen to us._

_It’s an ugly word and I kind of feel terrible to approach it in a letter, but as you always said, letters are a great way to breach through something difficult so here it is._

_Depression._

_We need to talk about it. All of us._

_You need to talk, dad. Seriously, no more keeping the things you really feel inside. No fake smiles to protect me. I won’t accept it. I’m not a little girl anymore dad. I’ve probably seen more blood and dead people that you ever will in your life, dammit!_

_It’s okay if you don’t really feel optimistic and completely grateful anymore, no one will ever hold it against you. You won’t stop being my dad. But you gotta tell those ugly voices inside your head to go eff themselves and instead listen to us. Your family._

_We will get through this. Together._

_As a really good friend told me once; Sometimes, when we break, we need to let the people who love us, stick our pieces back together for us._

_It’s something that helped me a lot._

_I hope it’ll help you too._

_But dad seriously, I need you, we all need you. Promise me that you’ll try. You never broke a promise. So, you have to promise me._

_I love you forever,_

_Your Clarke._

Jake had breathed hard, dried his tear-stained cheeks as best as he could and climbed on the wheelchair beside his bed.

Now, he had much more control over his legs and he could take some steps without clutches, but the stairs were still a big obstacle, especially if there wasn’t anyone to help him.

This time when he used the wheelchair stair lift he didn’t think of in how many ways he had been hurt but instead he thought of in how many ways he’d hurt himself _and_ his family.

“Good morning.” He said once he saw his wife laying breakfast on the table.

Abby eyed him warily when she saw him wheeling in the dining room. “Good morning.” She answered back after a while. “You came down on your own?”

Jake puffed his chest proudly, “Yes, I did.”

Abby looked at him intently, studying him to see if he was faking the cheery tone or if he was being sincere. Something in Jake’s eyes must have convinced her because then she smiled openly and said, “Then, serve yourself.” Gesturing to the laid table.

When Clarke came down and sat beside him, he had hugged her and whispered, “I love you too. And I promise.”

The smile that he got in return was worth more than anything in the entire world.

* * *

 

After having talked it through and through, they decided unanimously that Jake would add the therapy sessions –that he had first discarded- and that they would take a nurse to take care of him.

Abby had tried to cover up the hurt that she’d felt when he’d approached the subject but he had seen right through her and tried to explain as best as he could that he felt like she couldn’t be his wife _and_ nurse. He desperately needed to separate the two.

After that, Abby had nodded and Jake had let go a breath of relief.

And that’s how Clarke had found herself in the same place where she found herself almost every morning but for an entire different reason.

She was _hunting_ for a nurse.

Someone that was familiar with her dad’s case but not so familiar that it would be awkward to suddenly see so much of them.

Emori shuffled towards Clarke with her pink scrubs and the typical look of a medicine trainee suffering from caffeine deprivation and Clarke smiled brightly at her, “Em, what’s up?”

Her friend groaned, “Don’t even ask, today’s the worse, Lewis hates me.”

“That’s not true,” Clarke snorted, “He’s just a little… _stony?_ ”

Emori giggled, “Yeah, he is..”

Clarke lightened up when an idea came to her, “Hey do you know any nurse who could look after my dad until he finishes rehab? I need someone that already knows about dad but at the same time is not _too_ familiar with me and mom, you know?”

Emori nodded thinking it over for some time then she slapped her forehead looking at Clarke eyes wide, “Will! You can ask him!”

Clarke nodded, “Will, of course” she grinned. “He’s perfect. Thank you so much.”

Emori shrugged winking at her, “Always here to help.” She moved a little away, “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

Clarke nodded and then grabbed her friend before she could get too far. Emori gave her an arched eyebrow and Clarke blushed and stuttered, “I– uh.. Sorry. I just needed to ask you something?”

Emori turned her whole body back to her, “Sure, shoot away.”

“Did John Murphy bring you flowers not too long ago? Like a month ago?”

Emori’s whole face and body language changed. Her cheek reddened and suddenly seemed very interested in looking at her feet. It was the strangest and most amazing thing Clarke had ever witnessed. Not to mention _adorable_. “He might have…” she mumbled at last.

Clarke felt her face stretch in a wide grin and she barely refrained herself from jumping around and yell “I knew it.” This was fantastic. This was the cutest thing ever. “Okay,” she started, “Do you have his number?”

Emori looked up and shook her head, “No, but I don’t think… he’s not- I mean-”

“Oh, believe me, he wants to hear from you.” She said interrupting Em’s uncharacteristic stammering, “I have it. I can give it to you.” She added pulling out her phone for good measure.

“I don’t think I’d have the nerve to call him though… I’m the one who punched him… besides he smokes.”

Clarke watched her intently narrowing her eyes, “Would you mind if I happened to give him _your_ number?”

Emori looked up at her with wide bambi eyes and Clarke grinned in victory.

“I shall do just that, then.”

* * *

 

A couple of day after they asked Will and he’d accepted to work with her dad, they were all in the living room catching up with the last two seasons of Supernatural just as Clarke had suggested they did before the accident. Clarke was amused to no end when she took a look around as her family watched Dean die yet for the umpteenth time and their only reaction was to roll their eyes.

“Seriously, they can’t possibly think that him dying is a cliff-hanger now, right?” Raven raised her eyebrows.

Her dad slapped her arm as he continued to watch and Dean sported nice, completely black eyes. Clarke looked at Raven who made a not bade face and nodded.

“Okay, that I didn’t expect.” She made a thumbs up to the TV. “Good job, Kripke.”

The doorbell rang and while Clarke and Jake looked at each other confused at who possibly could present themselves at their doorstep, this late in the evening, Abby and Raven grinned as they went to greet whoever was waiting outside.

Soon after the house was filled with laughter and “God, its so nice to see you,” and babbling baby noise as Wells’ entire family, his dad, step mother, daughter and girlfriend came in.

“Surprise!” Raven and Abby laughed when they were back sitting in the living room.

Jake had looked at his long-time friend and their families all reunited and grinned, “ _Wonderful_ surprise.” He emphasized making everyone giggle.

Clarke sat on the floor with Amy on her knees, and Wells joined them eyeing the two with an amused expression. “I’m not sure who to look at, to be entertained, at Amy giggling or at you scrunching up your face like that.” He said tugging at Clarke’s ponytail like he had always done when they were kids.

Clarke pulled out her tongue at him and he laughed happily. “How long are you staying?”

Wells didn’t say anything for a while and Clarke took her eyes off the baby in front of her to give a questioning look to her friend. He smiled a small secret smile and shrugged, “We were thinking to move back here…”

Clarke stopped bouncing Amy on her knees, and the baby showed her discontent by smacking wet, chubby baby hands on her face and she resumed the bouncing looking Wells still with wide eyes and a smile ready to break out on her face, “You real?”

Wells grinned openly, “I am.” He sobered a little when he added, “You were right, spending these last couple of days with my dad and stepmother make me realize what an asshole I’ve been for the last six years… I guess, I never got over what happened to mom… and dad founding someone else felt like a betrayal to her and I didn’t want to do that too, betray her by accepting Wanda, so I never tried to actually get to know her and left, so that I wouldn’t have any chance…”

Clarke squeezed his hand, “Better later than never.”

Wells squeezed back. “Definitely,” he looked down at his daughter, “Amy loves her- I can’t believe I kept her from knowing her grandpa and step-grandma for so long.” He sighed.

“Hey, she’s still a baby, plenty of time to make embarrassing memories with grandpa and grandma.” She winked making Wells laugh again.

“Man, I missed you.” He said bumping his forehead to her temple.

“You know, it’s still mystery to me, how you survived without me _all_ this time.”

Wells laughed silently beside her, “Always the modest one I see,” he teased earning an elbow on his ribs that only made him grin harder, “The little one here helped, and also the goddess there made everything bearable.” He said looking over to Emily who was giggling with Raven.

“Aw,” Clarke cooed, “That’s so cute.”

“I’m thinking of asking her.”

Clarke turned to him so fast she was sure she heard something crack, “Am I thinking of the right question? I mean, _The_ Question?”

Wells looked at her concerned, “You alright? I heard something snap.”

Clarke moved experimentally, “Yeah, just my back. But, seriously, _The_ question?” when he nodded she smothered her squeals hugging Amy close to her. Once she was done she turned to him with a bright smile, “I’m so happy for you.” She said sincerely.

“She have to say yes, first.”

Clarke rolled her eyes, “Oh, don’t be stupid, she couldn’t be more obviously in love with you.”

Her best friend grinned happily, “Well, that makes two of us.”

“You’re in love with you, too?”

This time was Wells who rolled his eyes, “Hey, what about you and Freckles?” he asked not bothering to respond to her teasing.

She immediately felt herself flush as she told him the entire entertaining –judging from the arched eyebrows and sniggering that her friend didn’t bother to cover up- story of the latest development of her relationship with Bellamy, “And you should really stop calling him that.”

“He doesn’t like the nickname?” he asked inquisitively.

Clarke looked at him surprised, “No, he doesn’t even know that it exists, I think…”

“He shouldn’t have left you like that after you kissed him.” He stated angrily.

Clarke raised her eyebrows, “Hey, take that big brother thing you got going on down a notch. He explained himself thoroughly after.” Wells only grumbled something that Clarke couldn’t get and she softened. She kissed him on the cheek, “Thanks though, I’m glad I can count on you for the integrity of my ladyhood.”

Wells snorted, “That’s… that doesn’t make any sense.”

Clarke giggled sleepily, “I know, I’m tired, I start to make less sense by every minute I lose sleep.”

Amy’s shriek had Clarke jolt out from her sleepy state and she looked around for the baby. At some point while she had been busy telling Wells about everything that happened with Bellamy, she had stopped bouncing the baby on her knees and the baby had righteously crawled away to find someone to amuse her. And judging from the booming laugh of her father, Clarke supposed with a smile that she’d found it.

“How’s your dad doing?” Wells asked glancing at the two as well.

“He’s doing okay,” she said quietly, and watched as her father stood on his feet and Amy did the same looking at the tall man, eyes wide. They all giggled as Raven spoke with her baby voice to voice out what she thought Amy’s thoughts were.

Something along the lines of, “UUh, he’s a giant. A big, tall giant.” And “I must escape!” when Amy turned and started to hobble away giggling on unsteady feet.

“I never seen him this happy after the accident, though.” Clarke said watching her dad go after the baby on similar unsteady steps. She smiled, “Amy’s helping more than anyone could ever do.”

“Babies have that effect.” Wells said, “Isn’t there something called Baby therapy for depression or something?”

Clarke hummed and then frowned as an idea started to form in her mind. She looked at Wells, “You’re a genius!”

“Thanks..?”

“It’s not Baby therapy for depression it’s animal therapy!” she exclaimed, “We could go to a farm or something, and oh my god, how didn’t I thought of this before?” she groaned.

“That’s a great idea!” Raven said suddenly besides her. “We can go all together, more people more fun.”

Clarke jumped on her feet too excited to feel sleepy anymore. “What do you think dad?”

Her dad smiled with little Amy in his arms and nodded, “I think it’s a great idea.”

So, that’s how she found herself writing a long email, explaining the last events, to Bellamy, after they had found the perfect place to take her dad and the whole family for a peaceful weekend in the country side, in animals’ company.

* * *

 

**[Bellamy]**

Bellamy had gone to sleep with a smile on his face, feeling in equal parts sad and happy and _in love_ , the day before, after having read the letter that Clarke had sent him. The one where she replied to his embarrassing attempt to a romantic letter.

After taking a shower and having a filling breakfast he checked his phone and almost pounced on the screen when he saw that he had an email from Clarke.

**_My Dearest Bellamy,_ **

**(I’m getting attached to this new way of starting a letter –or in this case email..)**

**I’m sending you this, because a text wouldn’t be enough and the letter would’ve taken too long to arrive.**

**Wells and his entire family surprised us yesterday and after talking it through we decided we’re all going to Cardiff for a while, Wells’ dad has a friend there that has a farm and we thought it would be great for dad to spend some time with animals. It’s supposed to help, plus, he loves animals so I’m sure we’ll all spend a wonderful time there.**

**I’m not sure about the internet connection there though, Wells said that the farm was almost in the middle of nowhere so I wouldn’t be surprised if there was any… this means that you wouldn’t hear from me for a while, so don’t worry, I will probably just spend the whole time reading and riding horses. I love horses. Horse are so beautiful. Did you know that I love horses?**

**Well, now you do.** **J**

**I know I’ll miss you, make sure to leave loads of texts and emails telling me everything that happened while I was away, for me to find when I get back.**

**I count on it, Nerd!**

**All my love,**

**Clarke**

**PS: hey did John like my present? Tell him to check his phone..**

“Clarke?”

Bellamy looked up from his screen to John, “What?”

“You’re smiling the dopey smile you have every time you receive something from her.” John explained coming into the room and dropping himself unceremoniously on the couch opposite to where Bellamy was sitting.

Miller, who was sitting at the grand piano with his head pillowed on his left arm resting on the side arm of the instrument going over some arrangements, snorted still strumming away.

Monty, who was quietly reading on the other end of Bellamy’s couch, looked up and smiled.

“They’re going away for a while… to a farm.” He said unbothered by the other’s knowing smirks.

“Cool.” John replied taking a sip from the water bottle in his hands.

Bellamy narrowed his eyes looking at his friend, “Hey, did Clarke sent you something?”

Miller looked up and so did Monty. All staring at Murphy. Waiting.

John calmly lowered his water bottle and gulped down the water before he turned to look at him with a raised eyebrow. And Bellamy was momentarily distracted by the stupid jealousy for his friend being capable to drink water without spitting or chocking on any.

“She said she sent you something on the phone?”

“Oh,” John said and pulled out the device. Bellamy watched him curiously and then witnessed the most amazing thing in the world as he saw –or ogled was more accurate- his friend, first, frowning looking confused for then widen his eyes in recognition and turning a deep shade of red.

Monty closed the book. Miller turned his whole body towards the scene.

“That’s interesting… What is it?”

John glared at him and the cleared his throat self-consciously. He looked everywhere but at them. Bellamy, and no wonder the others too, were starting to get more and more curious. “Just a number…” John mumbled after a while.

“Just a number…” Bellamy repeated teasing. “Is it the number of the mystery person that has you sitting during the whole duration of the interviews, these days?” he asked standing up.

“Oh, shut it.” Murphy snapped glaring, but Bellamy was so used to it that it only made him grin harder.

“C’mon who is it?”

Murphy stood up, “That’s enough.” He said trying to sidestep him.

Bellamy blocked his way. “I’m not moving until you tell me.”

“You wanna bet?”

Monty pulled his legs up on the couch ready for the show, while Miller stood up to help Bellamy.

Bellamy laughed, easily stepping in front of him when John tried to get away again, Miller on the other side of him. Murphy was surrounded, from the couches and then from Bellamy and Miller.

No escape.

Bellamy had just tackled his friend on the floor when Jasper appeared behind the couch looking at them in between an amused expression and worried one.

Bellamy held up Murphy’s phone in victory but his grin dropped when he took a look at Jasper’s face, “What’s wrong?”

Jasper made a face as he cringed, “Lily is here… She wants to see you…”

“Oh,” Bellamy said as he stood up.

Murphy took advantage of his distraction to take the phone back and stood up too, dusting himself off with a scowl, “What does she wants?” he asked when Bellamy didn’t say anything else.

“I just told you dumbass, she wants to see him.” Jasper deadpanned.

Murphy pulled a face at him, “Why?”

Jasper threw up his hands, “I don’t know, she wants to talk to him I guess,”

“You didn’t ask her?”

“Oh, because you would have!”

“Obviously.”

“Oh, shut it.”

Miller returned to his piano and Monty reopened his book as Jasper and Murphy engaged into a glaring contest. Bellamy sighed. He slapped them both on their backs and then moved towards the door.

“Where are you going?” Jasper asked interrupting the contest to look at him.

Bellamy shrugged, “To hear what she wants.”

* * *

 

Bellamy had smiled when he saw the girl waiting nervously outside their door.

“I’m sorry I came unexpected.” She blurted as soon as she saw him, “I wasn’t sure if you’d reply to me if I sent you a text…”

The guilty look on Bellamy’s face was probably enough for her to understand that she’d been right. She took a step back and winced.

“Okay, maybe I should go, I shouldn’t have come. Sorry.” She said turning away.

Bellamy had never felt such a piece of scum like in that moment. _Dammit_. “Lily, wait!” he called after her, “Maybe we could go for a coffee? Do some catching up?” he suggested.

Lily smiled brightly and he smiled relieved.

 

“So, how’s life going?” she asked as she sipped her green tea.

They were sitting on a small round table tucked against the glass wall and a pillar of the coffee shop they chose. Hidden just enough that potential fans wouldn’t see him as long as they didn’t turn the corner in search for a hidden table. The place was very pretty, actually. There were also square-trimmed bushes that surrounded the perimeter of the shop.

“Pretty great actually, we just finished our tour.” Bellamy replied to her question grinning.

“I heard! It was a major success, everywhere was sold-out.”

Bellamy smirked, “Not to brag, but we are pretty great.”

Lilian rolled her eyes, but the smile on her lips betrayed her, “Said the one bragging.”

Bellamy chuckled, “We really are, though.”

“I know.” She replied easily, “I listen to you guys all the time.”

“Oh,” Bellamy said frowning into his coffee, not knowing what else to say or how to feel. “So, how’s your life going?” He asked suddenly, making Lily smile in her tea.

“It’s fine, I decided to take a break from dancing… Well, it wasn’t really my choice, I broke my ankle just two days before the tour, so I had to stay behind.”

“Oh, shoot, I’m sorry Lil.” Bellamy straightened himself bumping his knee to hers in his hast.

Lilian looked up in surprise at his use of the old-cute nickname that he had created himself and that was the only one to use. She smiled, “It’s okay.” She shrugged, “It’s healing nicely, so I shouldn’t have any problems when I go back. I’m enjoying my free time, to be honest.”

Bellamy nodded, “I’m longing for free time too,” he said. “Enough time to go home and actually stay there for more than a couple of days, you know?”

Lilian looked at him in an odd way. She was staring almost unblinking at him, something obviously in her mind and Bellamy waited patiently, trying hard not to squirm under the intense look.

When he couldn’t take it anymore he started, “So-”

But before he could come up with something to say he found himself with Lily’s lips on his own.

He froze. Actually froze, not daring to move a muscle until finally he leaned his head back and Lilian did too. She gave him a sad smile and leaned all the way back on her chair.

“Sorry,” she said taking a sip of her tea. “I wanted to see if there was still something between us…”

Bellamy shook his head smiling, “I love you Lil, but not like that. Not anymore.”

She nodded, “I know… I got it when you turned into stone. That’s the opposite of what a kiss is supposed to do in fairy tales.”

Bellamy laughed, “Yeah, that’s what happens when you encounter a witch, usually.”

Lilian looked at him in mock-affront. “Are you calling me a witch?”

Bellamy started to shake his head and then nodded, shrugging. “Pretty much, yeah.”

Lilian threw up her head laughing and Bellamy knew they were okay.

After a beat of silence Lilian crossed her legs, tucked a lose strand of hair behind her ear and took a deep breath, “So, is there… a girl?”

Bellamy was sure his face transformed in the way the others always said it did whenever he thought of Clarke, because Lily looked at him curiously. “Yeah,” he sighed slightly dreamy-like. “Her name is Clarke.”

That was the beginning of his word-diarrhoea.

Apparently when Clarke was concerned he rivalled his sister in talking about everything Clarke-related.

He told Lily about how he had met Clarke on the train and how after five years she had sent him the first letter and then how they kept a steady correspondence while he was on tour and how he had finally saw her again, after five years, last month. He told Lily about his doubts about the distance relationship issue, how after he and Lily broke up, he’d been afraid that the same would happen with Clarke.

“Are you being serious?” Lily asked him sincerely flabbergasted.

He looked at her sheepishly, “Yeah,”

“Oh, you idiot.” She chastised softly. “From what you told me, this girl has pretty much been in your mind even while we were together. Sush, let me finish.” She said when he tried to contradict her, the gentleman he was. “It’s fine.” She winked, “ _Not_ fine, the fact that you’d give up her for something that happened with us. She sounds great. And you should do anything in your power to hold on to her if that’s the way you feel about her.”

Bellamy shook his head smiling, “I know, I will.” He squeezed her hand resting on the table top, “Thanks, Lil.”

“Anytime.” She squeezed back, “I’m sincerely happy for you.” She said, and Bellamy believed her.

They didn’t notice the click of a photo camera snapping pictures of them from behind the bushes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, this chapter was emotionally draining to write.  
> I really hope I made it justice given the short time I had to finish it… I complicated my life infinitely when I chose to let Jake live with an arm amputated. It was a huge challenge to write about him, it was seriously scary, I really hope I made him justice. Apart from what happens in the end, this chapter was concentrated on Jake’s recovery and how Clarke and everyone else around him coped with it.  
> Hope you enjoyed it!
> 
> Love,
> 
> El


	17. Worse than Characters from a Chick-Flick novel

**[Raven]**  
  


Raven was working on the prosthetic arm for Jake.

She had already removed the previous harness –the one that itched- and had ready the one with the softer fabric. Except she was still trying to figure out how to make the fingers of the mechanical hand _actually_ move without having to do something drastic like, have an operation and have the metal arm actually attached to his nervous system.

She had completed all her _work_ work projects days ago, but still hadn’t handed them over because, her time wasn’t up yet and because she was using all that time to work on Jake’s –hopefully- future arm.

She leaned back and closed her eyes to stretch her neck after having it bend for god knows how long on the damn thing. When she opened them again she huffed and pushed it away from her and crossed her arms looking at it like it had personally affronted her. Which it had.

Weeks of working on it and no luck. It was time like this that she wondered where the hell her genius went.

“You know, if you weren’t so damn proud, I could actually help you.”

Raven banged her head on the working bench and that was answer enough for Wick.

He rolled his eyes and shook his head, “ _Or_ , you could ask Jake, he’s an engineer too. If you’ve forgotten. And these days, it’s not like he’s busy... It could be a great way to distract himself.” He snorted. “Not to mention the fact that he would be the one _actually_ wearing the thing. But hey if you want to huff and roll around continuing to not get any progress and refuse help, suit yourself.”

Raven’s mind had stopped listening to him when he’d suggested to bring Jake on board. Why didn’t she think of it herself? That was so stupid and childish of her, not wanting help, wanting to do it all by herself. But this wasn’t about her it was about Jake. The idea was… great, except from the fact that it came from Wick, of all people.

Then she registered the last words he’d said and tightened her jaw and flared her nostrils as she exhaled.

Or Kyle, apparently. He was the incarnation of everything that annoyed Raven. He was cocky and childish and stupid and annoyingly handsome. Not that she would ever _ever_ admit that. That was just another reason to harbour her loathe of him.

But she had to admit, at least to herself, that he occasionally had some pretty good ideas.

Bringing Jake on the prosthetic project was one of them.

Raven turned her head, still resting on the cool surface of the workbench, and looked at him.

Wick was leisurely sitting with his legs pulled up on the top of the working table. Reading _the Evening Standard._

Raven glared and sensing her gaze on him, Wick turned to look at her and smirked.

“Oh, Blake and sweet Lily are back together, go figure…”

Raven scowled and added _rude_ on the never ending list of Wick’s _lovely_ personality. He was rude only with her though, which made her be the way she was with him _only_ with him.

She snapped her neck back to Wick when the ear to brain filter –that she had called AntiWick-Bull- developed after having to work with the annoying ass _for too long,_ registered the comment.

“What?”

Wick turned to look at her from where he was reading on the paper, “Oh, right. You know his little sister, Octavia, right?”

Raven stood up and walked to him grabbing the paper from his hands, heart beating like crazy in her chest.

**SKY PEOPLE’S HOMEBOY CAUGHT HAVING A ROMANTIC OUTING WITH EX-GIRLFRIEND LILIAN.**

**_After having ordered, the two lovebirds had talked about their future and spent some quality time kissing and encouraging each other on their future paths-_ **

Raven looked down at the pictures, there was one of Bellamy and a girl kissing. He was leaning a little on the metal table and she was leaning all the way in to kiss him.

Then there was one photo of them holding hands as they talked and Raven realized she had started to shake when a drop of water fell on the photo. Wick standing beside her, trying to get the newspaper from her. “What is it?” he looked almost concerned for a moment until he asked, “Wait, don’t tell me you’re one of these groupies that can’t stand to watch their imaginary famous boyfriend being with someone else other tha-”

“SHUT UP WICK!”

She pushed him away and crumpled on her knees as she breathed hard. “This can’t be happening.”

Again, he was going to hurt her. Again and again. How dare he? Oh, if she could get her hands on him. This was unforgivable. He would pay for this, leading Clarke on, making her believe that he was afraid of distance relationship when… Clarke.

Raven shook her head in her hands. Clarke was in love with him. She was going to get her heart broken. Again. From the _same_ guy!

She couldn’t let that happen. And if it was inevitable she was making damn sure that she would be with her.

“Reyes.”

Raven looked up from her hands and from where she was crouching on the floor. She didn’t have to bend his head to much, because Wick was sitting on the floor, next to her too.

“Are you okay?” he asked plainly concerned.

“It’s Clarke.” Raven said.

And Kyle remembered the day he saw Raven in a similar state, when she’d come to work the morning after –he’d later come to know- the accident. How she had been working sloppily and yelling at everybody for seemingly no reason. How she’d yelled that she had always worked better on her own anyway, and that she didn’t know when that changed.

Kyle had asked her what was wrong like he’d done today. And Raven had given him the same exact reply as today.

So he squeezed her shoulder and repeated the same thing he’d said that day, “If you need to go.” He thumbed away a tear on her cheek. “Go.”

* * *

 

**[Clarke]**

Saying that she was tired was the understatement of the year.

Clarke was walking home from work and she was feeling the effects of having spent a wonderful weekend at Amelia’s farm, riding –as much as she could get away with- Thaddeus, the most gorgeous onyx coloured [Thoroughbred ](http://foxhavenfarminc.com/images/Creatorstand2apr4.JPG)in the entire _universe_.

She might even had wept a little in having to leave the horse behind.

She sighed and smiled happily at the wonderful new memories she had created with her entire family.

As she had foresaw there was little to no internet connection at the farm, and phone signal was reachable only if they went on top of the hill behind the cottage they stayed at, and held the phone at 45 to 50 degrees, according to Raven’s approximations. So, Clarke hadn’t heard from Bellamy for the entire duration of their trip, and while she had missed him, the company of Raven, Wells, and _Thaddeus_ had been enough to take her mind off of him.

She pushed the front door open and walked into the living room where her dad and Will were watching an Italian soccer match.

“Uuuuh, who’s winning?” she asked putting her bag on the floor and throwing herself in the space between Jake and Will.

Will smirked, “Lazio.” She made a face and her dad mirrored her. Will laughed, “Let me guess, Roma?” Clarke nodded proudly. “Why?” he asked curiously.

Clarke opened her mouth to speak but her dad looked at William throwing a hand over her, “You sure you want to ask? She could go on for years.”

“That’s not true!” Clarke crossed her arms looking in front of her offended.

William chuckled, “It’s fine, I don’t mind.” He said earning a grin from Clarke who turned to him and started to explain.

“Why Roma you ask? Well, it’s the team of the eternal city, loads of history and gorgeous art. And, I always wanted to go there.”

“Okay,” Will nodded, “But Lazio is Rome’s team too. They’re like sisters.”

“Not the same.” She shook her head.

“Why not?” he looked at her amused and she thought of how Bellamy looked at her in the same way sometimes.

She shrugged, “I like the colours of Roma, yellow, orange and red. Colours of a beautiful evening Sky.”

“Lazio’s colours are light-blue and white. Colours of a beautiful Spring day.” He countered, pulling his leg on the couch to turn his body towards her. “Plus, their mascot is an eagle, the eagle that glides in the sky of the gorgeous spring day. How awesome is that?”

Clarke laughed. It felt ages since she fought over which soccer team was best. She was loving every second of it.

“The she-wolf that feeds Romulus and Remus is way cooler. I love wolves. And horses. I love horses.”

Jake snorted beside her, “Trust my daughter to turn every conversation into one of horses.”

“I do not!”

Jake patted her daughter’s leg, “Oh, but you just did, sweetheart.”

Will laughed and Clarke blushed sinking in the couch with her arm crossed in front of her.

“I love horses too.” Will said bumping her shoulder. “I actually have one.”

Clarke straightened up, “No way! What breed.” she exclaimed turning her body in his direction too.

Will grinned, “She’s a white bliss [Standardbred](http://www.sporthorse-data.com/horse/10629361/708/Horse_The_White_Fox-_3big.jpg).”

Clarke gasped, “I don’t believe you.”

He shrugged and pulled out his phone to show her the pictures on his phone.

“But they are so rare! Like an albino lion or tiger! Oh my god.” She couldn’t believe that the guy who had been tending at his dad, all this time, had touched that gorgeous creature on his phone screen without her having any idea. She had to refine her equine-lover-radar. “What’s her name?”

“Moonlight.” William smiled adorably down at his screen, “She was born, in the middle of the night and the moon was shining beautifully.” He shook his head affectionately. “My gramps adores her.”

“How couldn’t he? She’s beautiful.”

“Oh, man.” Jake looked at them amused, “If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were long-time lost twins.”

Clarke giggled, she looked at William who pocketed his phone back into his white scrubs, with a flush creeping on his neck.

They resumed watching and commenting the match after that, but later Clarke got quiet as she thought of Bellamy. She had tried to call him several time after she’d got back from the trip, but the line had been disconnected each time. She pulled out her phone and tried again.

_Sorry, the number you are trying to reach is not available._

She sighed and thumbed off the call. She hoped that everything was okay. It had to be, she told herself, if anything had happened Octavia would’ve called or reached her somehow.

Suddenly the screen lighted up and she answered immediately, “Bellamy?”

There was a pause where she noticed her dad turning to her with a questioning look, “No, it’s me.”

Clarke shook her head reassuringly at her dad, and slapped her forehead “Yeah, sorry, Rey.” She stood up to walk to the kitchen, “I didn’t check the caller ID.”

“It’s fine.” Her friend said and then paused again.

Clarke frowned, “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, yeah!” her friend said hastily. “I just.. I was wondering if you wanted to go out today? Have a girls night-out kinda thing?”

Clarke smiled still frowning, “We can’t. Mom and Wanda are planning to do the big dinner thing that we all talked about back at Cardiff? To celebrate Wells moving back here, remember?”

There was another pause and then, “Right.” Raven said slowly.

Clarke was really starting to get worried now. “Are you sure you’re okay? Did something happen?”

“No, no. It’s all alright.” Raven said sounding way to forced. “Peachy.”

“I’ll see you soon?” she asked not convinced at all.

“Sure.” Raven replied and hung up.

Clarke looked questioningly at her phone, like the device could tell her what was wrong with her friend.

“Everything alright?”

She looked up at William who had entered the kitchen without her noticing, too busy staring at the black screen of her phone. “Peachy.” She replied.

* * *

 

**[Chris]**

He was dreaming of a tiring but deeply satisfying hike in the woods with Sebastian humming “Bloom” from the Paper Kites beside him, and Merlin sauntering on his other side, lurching from time to time when he’d see a squirrel eating nuts besides a tree.

He was about to yell at his German Shepherd to stop before he run smack into the tree bark, when he heard his Sky People’s ringtone blaring everywhere in the forest.

He groaned and turned his head into the warmness of his husband to seek comfort and try to block out the offending noise that was totally ruining the peaceful atmosphere.

“Chris…”

He hummed questioningly.

“Christopher.”

“What?”

“Answer the phone, is giving me a headache.” Sebastian mumbled in his hair.

He lurched upright and, disentangling himself from Sebastian’s arms, he went to the windowsill where he kept his phone, “Hello?” the line was disconnected. “Shit.” He muttered when he saw it was Bellamy.

“What’s wrong?” his husband asked as he sat up and rubbed at his eyes.

Chris tapped Bellamy’s number and walked back and forth, “I don’t know. Something must’ve happened. Bellamy would never call this late otherwise.”

The line was occupied. “What the hell? Why is the line busy, now?”

“Maybe because he’s trying to call you while you’re trying to call him?” Sebastian suggested with a lazy smile.

“Right.” Chris groaned hanging up waiting for him to call back. “Hey, what is it?” he said as soon as the screen light up.

Bellamy was freaking out.

In all the years Chris had been their agent, right from the start, he’d never heard Bellamy this freaked out. “Wait, calm down. I didn’t get anything.”

Bellamy paused and then said, “I’ll send you the link.” And then added, “Please come here as soon as you can. I don’t know what to do.”

Chris frowned as he hung up and sat on the bed while he thumbed at the link Bellamy had just sent him.

“Oh, shoot.” Sebastian murmured, looking at the screen from behind Chris’ shoulder. “I thought he was with Clarke?”

“He is.” Chris groaned. “Man, those two are having it worse than the characters of a chick-flick.”

Sebastian chuckled and kissed him on the shoulder, “Go save the day, super-agent.”

Christopher turned to look at his husband with a longing look and kissed him on the lips, “I’ll try to resolve this as soon as I can and return to you.” He said. “I promise.”

“I know.” Sebastian said kissing his nose. “Now, go.”

**

What he saw, as soon as he walked inside the band’s house, was Bellamy going in, what everyone that knew him had come to call it, the panicking-circle-walk, while Jasper was trying to calm him down saying something that Chris was too far to register, Murphy shaking his head in his hands, Miller looking like he was ready to murder someone and Monty trying to block the call of someone on his phone.

Chris took a deep breath and entered the room, motioning everyone to sit down. “Yes, you too Bellamy.”

Bellamy dropped himself on the couch like a sack of potato and looked at their manager with wide-pleading eyes.

“Tell me what it is that exactly happened between you and Lily.”

Bellamy told them everything. About how Lily had, true, kissed him but had apologized and said that she just wanted to see if they still had something between them, and when both of them felt nothing, they had continued to talk amicably. And then just as he was readying himself to go to sleep he saw the TV sporting the incriminating pictures on some gossip channel they usually watched to have a laugh on. This time no one had laughed.

Chris sighed. “Okay,” he looked at the man in front of him and felt pity. Bellamy looked like he wanted to die. “I’ll call a friend and deny everything and then call the office of that stupid gossip magazine and yell at them and threaten to sue them with privacy invasion, even though you were, in fact, outside… Don’t worry I’ll come up with something.” He added hastily when he saw Bellamy’s face go paler. “And you just stay put and switch off your phone, okay? Believe me, is going to be hell, otherwise.”

“I need to talk to Clarke.” Bellamy said looking at his phone like it would bite him.

They turned to the front door when they heard someone rap at it. “ _Bellamy Blake! Are you and Lilian Melrose back together?”_

_“Can you give us a statement?”_

_“Bellamy Blake!”_

Bellamy let the phone fall on the floor and looked at the others in horror.

Chris would never understand why someone dating someone else would cause such a clamour.

He thought that he should probably feel pleased that his band had become _that_ famous. But in truth it all, only, gave him a big headache and he longed for the hike in the woods with his husband and his dog that he’d been dreaming about not even an hour ago.

He pinched the bridge of his nose gathering up the strength for the upcoming long night and stood up. “We’ll figure out a way to contact her.” He said trying to comfort the poor guy squeezing his shoulder.

* * *

 

**[Clarke]**

The dinner was a success.

Clarke was starting to get used to the merry atmosphere that seemed to wrap the house every time Wells family and hers reunited.

Even Raven seemed content and relaxed after her weird call.

Clarke had tried Bellamy again a couple of times before Wells & family had arrived and still she had received no response. But as it happened when she’d been at Cardiff, she stopped thinking about it as she spent the time in company of her best friends.

She was sitting on the carpet floor in the living room smiling at Emily blowing raspberries on little Amy’s tummy, who was giggling and shrieking in delight. When Emily stopped Amy stood up on her little toes and gave her mother an open-mouthed kiss.

Clarke laughed with Emily.

“She’s perfect.” Clarke said suddenly, voicing a thought she’d been having for some time, after having studied Amy’s features.

Emily looked over at her with a smile, hugging her daughter close to her, “Yeah, she is.”

Clarke moved onto her knees, “No, I mean. Her features are _really_ perfect.” She explained, “Would you mind if I sketched her?”

Emily shook her head with a small smile, “No, go ahead. Wells told me, you’d ask at some point.”

Clarke shrugged, “He knows me well.”

She went up the stairs to her room while checking her _Tumblr_ for a reply from her favourite fandom sketcher. She had asked the artist about what brand of charcoal pencil she’d used for her sketches, but when the app loaded into her dashboard, she stopped mid-step as she saw a picture.

Since she had discovered that Bellamy was member of the Sky People she had immediately followed more than ten blogs about the British band. And now, she was experiencing the repercussion of that choice as she saw the picture of Bellamy and the girl that she had come to recognize, immediately –after previous days spent obsessing over her- as Lilian, holding hands.

Though nothing could have prepared her for when she scrolled down and saw the next picture of them kissing.

With her heart hammering painfully in her chest she ran the remaining steps towards her room and locked the door behind her.

She slid down the surface until she was sitting on the floor and breathed deeply in and out until she felt like her head wasn’t spinning anymore. There had to be an explanation, she decided.

She pushed the phone away from her and nodded to herself.

She trusted Bellamy. After everything they had just gone through she couldn’t just believe that he would throw it all away like if he didn’t care about them.

_Still_ , there was something bugging her. And after a minute staring into nothingness she pulled her phone back towards her and looked at the pictures again; as emotionally detached as she could manage.

Five minutes later she had seen, pretty much every version of the pictures including edits made from shipper-fans, and also read some headlines that went along the lines of “Rockstar and Ballerina back together!” or “The yummiest British songwriter taken again!”

Clarke felt like puking.

Not only the titles were just cringe-worthy but as she saw version after version she was _pretty_ sure that the handholding picture came _after_ the kissing one. Which was really confusing, because if Lilian had kissed him on an ill-thought whim, then, Bellamy’s first reaction would’ve had to be of getting away, because that’s what Clarke would’ve done if someone that she didn’t want to, kissed her. And not freaking _hold hands_ with them. _And_ smile pleasantly at each other.

Was this because she went away for the weekend?

He was the one afraid of something happening during their distance relationship. Her eyes filled as she thought that _she_ should’ve been the one afraid. And instead she had trusted him blindly and… but he was so… _perfect_. He said that he wanted to give her more.

Was _this_ his more?

And then she remembered how she’d been trying to call him since she came back and how the phone seemed always disconnected.

She felt like screaming. But she couldn’t. She stifled her sob with her fist and tried to calm herself.

Emily was waiting for her. She reminded herself. If she didn’t go downstairs in the next couple of moments, someone would be coming looking for her and she couldn’t be like this.

_Damn_. Not even a month into the –distance- relationship and she was reduced to a mess. She thought of the small blessing that was the fact that she hadn’t said the L word to him.

How pathetic would’ve that been, if she had?

She took another steadying breath and let go of it really slowly. Then she got up, went to her bathroom, threw some water on her face, took the art supplies and stamped a bright smile on her face as she joined the others downstairs.

The sketch that she made of little Amy was beautiful. Or, that’s what the others said, and while Clarke believed that they were being sincere, she could only see the harsh and bitter lines where it should have all been soft and gentle strokes.

She hated it.

* * *

 

**[Bellamy]**

This was easily becoming one of the longest days of his life.

All night they had been trying to get away from the house without the paparazzi noticing but they had surrounded the perimeter and Bellamy just wanted to go out there and scream at them if there wasn’t some bloody other more important news they could talk about instead of focusing on his life. But no, that would be awful press. Not good for their band image.

He just wanted to talk to Clarke.

By now she must’ve seen the pictures and it felt like a knife twisting in his gut whenever he thought about what she would presume.

“Bellamy!”

He lifted his head up from where he was holding it in his hands, when he heard Monty calling him.

His friend presented him with an old 3310 Nokia or also known as the indestructible phone. He looked between the phone and Monty wide-eyed, “Where the hell did you get that?”

Monty held it impatiently in front of him, “Does it matter? It works and it has a working sim-card.” He said. “You can call Clarke… that is, if you know her number by heart.” He added as a second thought furrowing his brows.

Bellamy snatched the phone from his hands and grumbled, “Of course I know her number.”

He dialled it sloppily, the buttons too small and his big thumbs not helping the matter. It would’ve been comical if it wasn’t for the fact that he felt like crying.

Finally, _finally_ he did it and held his breath as he waited for her to pick up.

“Hello?” he let go of a breath of relief as her wary voice came through the device, “Who’s this?”

“Clarke, it’s me.” He said, “Bellamy.” There was a pause and Bellamy continued hastily, “Clarke, the pictures-”

“What about them?” Clarke interrupted him with a steely voice.

Bellamy faltered. Then continued, “It’s not how it looks. I went out with Lily and-”

“You did. You went out with Lily without telling me.” Bellamy was shocked into silence. “I couldn’t tell you because you were at Cardiff.” He said as calmly as he could after he’d gathered himself. He caught the guys watching him worriedly and he turned so that he couldn’t see them.

“Bellamy.” She sighed tiredly making Bellamy straighten. “It’s fine.” She said it in a way that was clear, it was _far_ from fine. “You’re the one who was afraid of a distance-relationship. Now I know why, it’s _really_ fine. Just… don’t lie to me.”

“I’m not lying!” he said desperately, “If you could just let me explain-”

“I went to a farm for the weekend,” She talked over him. “I tried to call you since the moment I got enough signal. But guess what? Your phone was disconnected. Next thing I know is that you’re kissing your ex-girlfriend and holding hands with her. Did I forget something?” Clarke asked in such a bitter tone that made him shiver. “Oh, right. And you call me only now.”

“Jesus, Clarke.” He exclaimed starting to get pissed off, “Why are you being like this.”

“You know what?” Clarke said again with that scary steely tone. “I don’t know what I’m even doing.” And then she hung up.

Bellamy had been in the middle of saying something. He lowered the ancient phone to look at the screen with his mouth still a little agape. She had hung up on him.

He pressed the redial button and waited, he tried again and again and finally snapped throwing the phone into a corner of the room when it kept ringing out. “Dammit, Clarke!”

He dropped on the couch like a marionette whose strings had been cut and hid his face in his hands. “Fuck.”

“Bellamy,”

He snapped his head up, suddenly mad. He stood up ready to go outside and get himself a fight. The media wanted news? Well, then. They were going to have the fuckin news of the month.

John immediately put himself in front of him, “You’re not going anywhere.”

“Move, Murphy.” He ground out clenching his teeth. “I’m not kidding.”

“I’m not, either.” Murphy replied easily. He looked at his friend carefully and held him by his arms, “Don’t push the self-destruction button yet. It’s not too late.”

“She thinks…” he frowned. “She-”

“I know.” John interrupted, “Do you want to make things better with her?”

Bellamy looked at him like he was dumb, “Yes.”

“Don’t push the self-destruction button, then.” He said again slowly.

Bellamy frowned. “I need to go back to London. I need to talk to her face to face.”

“Then, we’re going to London.” Murphy agreed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *evil laughter from afar*
> 
> Heeeeeey. What’s up buttercups?
> 
> What a lovely chapter, huh? I bet it’s your favourite xD
> 
> Wow, I’m as funny as a cactus.
> 
> For the sake of seriousness. And addressing missing characters: WHERE THE HELL IS OCTAVIA?????? (¬‿¬) (◕‿-) 
> 
> Don't worry too much! Still 4 chapters to go!..


	18. Friends Protect Each Other

**[Bellamy]**

It was in moments like this that Bellamy fully appreciated his friendship with John.

Sure, their interaction usually consisted in more snark and constant teasing than anything else, and if they were ever to have a serious disagreement fists would, sure as hell, be thrown. But both of them knew that if one of them needed help, or was generally feeling like shit, the other would be always by his side. No question asked.

These days, though, it looked like Bellamy was the one to need John the most with his constant screw ups, and if he wasn’t too busy staring completely disheartened at the black screen of the 3310 Nokia –that fortunately (or predictably) his fit hadn’t so much as scratched- while worrying the High School Musical pen in his coat pocket with his other hand, he’d feel a complete dick. For now, though, the Clarke–induced anxiety clouded any other, more or less, important thought in his mind.

Something latched on his wrist and he looked at the pale fingers blankly.

John squeezed a little too hard and Bellamy snapped out of his thoughts and scowled at his friend. “Ow.” He said pulling back his hand and rubbing the sore spot.

John narrowed his eyes and then shook his head, like he was about to say something and thought better of it. “We’re embarking,” was what he settled for, finally.

Bellamy nodded and, hoisting up his quickly put together backpack, followed his friend.

He shouldn’t be such an ass.

After all, John was the one (with a little of the other’s help, though) that put together this whole new operation –that Bellamy was calling operation HSMpen in his head (he wasn’t sure whether Octavia would be proud or appalled by the choice of name…)– by finding the last-minute flight, smuggle the two of them away from their L.A. house in the middle of the night, without the reporters and _Chris_ (He’d have their heads when they would’ve come back, but Bellamy decided that he’d worry about it later. One step at a time) noticing, call Octavia –who hadn’t answered her phone though- and finally get them to the airport, while Bellamy had been pathetically trying Clarke’s phone for half of it and brooding for the other half once he accepted that she wasn’t going to answer.

“Murph.” Bellamy called his friend while he was looking for their seats.

“What?” John asked not looking back at him and continuing to mumble the numbers of the seats they passed under his breath.

“Thanks.”

Murphy stopped. And then turned frowning. “Don’t.”

Bellamy frowned back, “What do you mean, don’t?”

“Don’t thank me. I expect you to do the same if I happen to screw up.”

“Of course!” Bellamy exclaimed baffled.

“We’re good then.” John gave him a lopsided grin and then snorted shaking his head, turning back to look for their seats.

**[Octavia & Raven]**

Two days. Not two months or even two weeks. Two freakin’ days.

She had dropped from the face of the earth for only two days and everything had, _of course_ , gone to shit in the meantime. This was further proof that Octavia needed to stay on top of everything, needed to put her nose in her friends’ happiness because otherwise _snap_ and all went to hell. Because Octavia wasn’t there to prevent it.

She sighed as she tried to adjust and smooth the wrinkles on her day-before clothes as best as she could.

In any other time, she would’ve been exasperated but also a little excited towards this whole last development with Bellamy and Clarke, but today she was more bugged than anything else.

She had made it her mission to put those two together, true, but _damn_ she had a life too, you know?

Two days just for herself. She thought she’d deserved them, she worked hard, she was an awesome little sister _and_ friend.

She really thought she deserved to have a little time to herself and her new boyfriend.

Apparently, as far as the universe was concerned, not.

She thought longingly at Lincoln’s lovely face, how he’d calmed –or tried to calm- her down when she’d freaked out upon seeing the news just roughly an hour ago. She sighed. He’d been so understanding… she really hoped that she hadn’t scared him off.

She reached Clarke’s front door, obsessively tried to smooth her clothes again and taking a deep breath rang the bell.

A very angry and hostile-looking Raven opened the door, took in Octavia’s rumpled clothes and pursed her lips in a distasteful grimace, “I see that sleeping around runs in the family.”

Octavia looked at the girl in front of her utterly hurt. That wasn’t _fair_. She gulped around the sudden knot formed in her throat and stood her ground. _For Bellamy_ , she reminded herself.

“There’s an explanation.” She soldiered on taking a step forward.

Raven snorted rather rudely, “You talked to your brother?” she asked crossing her arms over her chest and raising an eyebrow, emanating hostility from every pore.

Octavia tried not to flinch, she wasn’t used to this. Raven had been her friend almost as soon as they met each other. She bit her lip. “No. BUT-” Octavia quickly added as Raven took a step back and made to close the door, “Bellamy would never deliberately hurt Clarke! These pictures, I’m sure there is an explanation. Lily must’ve kissed him and-and- Raven, Jesus, wait!” Octavia put her foot inside before the other girl could close the door and cursed as pain shot through her poor foot.

“Raven!” Clarke’s voice drifted from inside, “What the hell?! Open the door.”

Raven did but didn’t stop to glower at Octavia.

Octavia ignored her and concentrated on the blonde, “Clarke,” she started but Clarke held up a hand smiling.

“It’s fine O, you don’t need to apologize after your brother. I’m fine.” Clarke said with a smile that was a little too stiff.

Raven huffed and turned her glower at Clarke who just looked at her with the same dead look in the eyes and the stiff upturn of lips.

“I’m fine.” Clarke said again. She sounded like a broken record. Or maybe _just_ broken.

“You’re not fine!” Raven yelled at her, then towards Octavia, “This is all your fault!”

“How’s this my fault?!” Octavia yelled back.

“How’s yo-” Raven gaped a little unbelievingly and then started again. “YOU are the one that came to me with that STUP-”

“I AM FINE! STOP FIGHTING!” Clarke shouted.

Raven turned to her again red-faced and looking completely enraged, “AND I TOLD YOU YOU’RE NOT FINE! STOP PRETENDING LIKE IT IS. STO-”

“Excuse me?”

They all turned, breathing hard and looking like complete nut-jobs, towards the gentle voice that addressed them from the little gate in front of Clarke’s home.

The owner of the voice was wearing face-covering sunglasses and wrapped in a beautifully detailed frock coat, so it was only when she made it all the way inside Clarke’s front garden and removed her sunglasses that the other three girls realized who she was.

Lily smiled warmly at Octavia, “Hey O, it’s nice to see you again.”

Octavia just stared and after a beat of complete silence Lily mumbled a slow “ookay” and turned to look between Raven and Clarke.

Finally she settled her eyes on the blonde, “Hi, you must be Clarke.” She said offering her hand to her. “I’m Lilian Melrose…?”

Clarke looked at the hand like it was a snake ready to bite her.

That snapped Raven out of her gaping stupor and put herself in front of Clarke, as to shield her from seeing the girl that had been the major cause of the many sleepless nights spent thinking of damn Blake, and proceeded to direct her glower to said girl. “We know damn well who you are.” She spit between her teeth, “What do you want?”

Lily arched her perfectly trimmed eyebrows looking at Raven and then smiled cocking her head. “I just want to talk to your friend.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m sure those photos that came out upset her and I want to explain to her what exactly happened between me and Bellamy.” She said earnestly. “They’re just stills,” she continued trying to look past Raven at Clarke, “Just a capture of a frozen moment. I… and Bellamy, especially Bellamy, came to learn that not everything that seems obvious in a picture necessarily equals to what truly happens in reality.”

There was a beat of silence where Lily patiently waited for a reaction from at least one of them. Raven was looking at her thoughtfully, still not trusting. “Why should she believe anything that came from your mouth?”

Lily tried to catch Clare’s gaze again and when Raven put firmly in front of her and shook her head with a tight smile, Lily sighed and settled to look firmly at the protective girl in front of her. “Because, I have no interest in what is going on and because I care about Bellamy.” She said. “I want him to be happy. I-” Lily looked down and smiled in a self-deprecation way, peaking Raven’s interest. When she looked up she said. “I _need_ him to be happy. And in those pictures, if he looks like the happiest man on earth, it’s not because of me. He was talking about Clarke.”

There was a gasp somewhere behind Raven and the girl immediately turned her head to look behind her, still not moving from the doorframe so that Octavia and Lily could see too.

Raven shared a look with Clarke, turned back, studied Lily’s face one more time and finally, reluctantly, nodded stepping aside to let her and Octavia in.

**[Clarke and Lily]**

Clarke took Lily outside, in their backyard.

It was a beautiful day, the sun was shining, the sky was clear and the grass seemed greener than ever. Spring was definitely just around the corner. She looked at the patches of empty earth and distractedly thought that she should get her dad to help her plant flowers soon.

It would’ve been a beautiful day to relax outside.

And the thought passed fleetingly in Clarke’s mind as she bit her lip and gathering her courage turned to look at the other girl.

Lily smiled at her, genuine.

 _Damn_.

She was so pretty and seemed so nice. If it wasn’t for the situation they had encountered each other, Clarke would’ve loved to get to know her better. But this was reality and reality made Clarke, if anything, feel more insecure.

As a thought occurred to her she started to doubt the decision to bring her inside.

“Did Bellamy send you?” she wrapped her hands around her as to protect herself from the answer.

Lily was silent, so Clarke looked up. “No.” she answered, evidently content in having Clarke’s full attention.

Clarke let go of a breath she didn’t realize she’d been holding and squared her shoulders readying herself. “I’m listening.”

“I showed up at Bell’s doorstep.” Lily started looking at Clarke expectantly.

Clarke nodded. “Okay,”

“He wasn’t really happy to see me.” She said scrunching up her face adorably. “But, you know how he is… Bellamy’s too damn of a gentleman for his own good.” Lily smiled and Clarke felt her lips quirk up on their own accord as she too thought of how stupidly nice Bellamy was sometimes.

“Yeah, I know…”

Lily’s face softened even more, “He invited me for coffee to catch up, and we did. I loved him Clarke, I really did.” She says then, “Talking to him, it made me feel… good. I’m not exactly in a good place in my life, right now, I’m trying to figure out some parts of my life, and Bellamy was one of them. I wanted to see if there was… something, still between us.”

Lily took a step closer to Clarke and she froze looking at the other girl wide-eyed.

“I kissed him.” Lily said simply. “You want to know how Bellamy reacted?” she then asked with a hint of a smile.

Clarke looked at her guarded, Lily took Clarke’s hands and put them on her shoulders. Clark felt Lily’s body go completely rigid and she looked at the girl questioningly.

Lily giggled, “He turned into stone.” She explained.

“Oh my god.” Clarke couldn’t stop herself from burst out laughing, Lily following with her.

When they were able to stem off the giggles, the other girl continued her tale, “I didn’t feel anything either, we’re one hundred percent done.” She assured Clarke. “I asked him if there was anyone and he told me about you, Clarke.” She snorted, “He literally couldn’t stop talking about you, I never seen him so happy and open and… He also told me about how he’d been scared of initiating a relationship with you because of what happened between me and him.”

“Oh…”

“I told him that he was an idiot.”

“Oh.”

Lily smiled, “Yeah, and then I told him that if that was the way he felt about you, then he shouldn’t give up. Some of us spend our entire life trying to find something like you two have. That’s when he took my hand.” She said. “He was thanking me.”

“Felt how?” Clarke asked after a beat.

Lily looked at her surprised, “In love of course. He loves you, Clarke.”

“Oh,” Clarke said again after she felt her heart stutter.

If her mind wasn’t racing with a couple hundred thoughts and her heart hadn’t start to beat like it was planning to fly out from her chest, she would’ve been self-conscious of how ‘oh’ seemed the only thing she had uttered for a good part of their conversation…

But as it was, Clarke needed time and silence to think, so she smiled, genuinely grateful, at Lily and said, “Thank you, for coming all the way here.” she said suddenly realizing that this girl that barely knew her, came all the way from the States just to talk to her. “Wait, how did you know to find where I lived?”

Lily blushed. “Uh. I asked Jasper…”

“Oh- Okay.” Clarke shrugged like it wasn’t big deal, which it kind of was, if her address was going to be shared to (sort of) strangers she should know _before_ said strangers presented themselves to her doorstep, but oh well, her mind was too jumbled up to be upset on that issue, “I think I need some air to think… about all this.” She said finally.

Lily smiled, and didn’t comment on the fact that they already were outside, which what ‘I need some air’ usually meant. “I understand.” She reassured. “I know this must feel like a sort of nightmare, right now, but if you love him, then you don’t have anything to worry about, because I know he loves you.”

**[Bellamy]**

Bellamy wrote a letter.

He had written it while he was on the plane and was currently holding on to it, like his life depended on it.

He thought of how, writing to Clarke on a plane had become something he did naturally now. And it was fitting, because everything, after all, had started with a journey and a letter.

He squeezed the piece of paper currently tucked safely in his coat pocket and willed it to make Clarke believe, if not in what he’d say, in him. In them.

**[Clarke]**

She sneaked up the stairs careful not to be noticed by Raven and Octavia who were having a rather angry whispering discussion, and took refuge in the quietness of her parents’ room.

She figured that if anyone would come looking for her they’d try her room and not the room where her dad was currently resting.

“Hey kiddo.”

Or not.

Clarke turned towards her dad and sighed leaning on the wood of the door.

Her dad was sitting on the bed with his back resting on some pillows thrown against the bed headboard reading a book. When he saw her daughter’s face he arched an eyebrow.

“What’s going on?”

“Life?” Clarke guessed, pushing herself off the door and climbing on the free spot beside him.

Jake gave her an amused look, “Ah, yes, that thing can be tiring sometimes…”

Clarke hummed. “What about love?”

Jake pulled a face and groaned, “That’s the worst.”

Clarke laughed, and then her face crumpled, her giggles dissolving in little hiccups that she tried to smother in her dad’s neck as she curled up against him.

“Hey,” Jake mumbled putting away his book and reaching awkwardly with his left arm to hug her. “What is it?”

Clarke told him.

She’d made a good job at keeping it inside for the day.

Only Raven knew, because apparently she had already known and had immediately noticed the change of attitude in Clarke.

Clarke had made her promise not to tell anyone else, before she could wrap her head around it. Which she thought she had.

But now she realized, as she told everything to her dad that the only thing that she’d succeeded in doing was to push it all down and wear a mask that said everything was okay when it really wasn’t. Which was her default feature whenever something went wrong, and which was far from fine.

“You should really stop doing that.” In fact, her dad said to her when he’d asked why she didn’t tell anything and she’d replied with a one shoulder shrug that is was easier to pretend like it didn’t happen.

“The thing is that, no matter, how hard you try to ignore it, it doesn’t change the fact that it did indeed happen. And in some way or another it’s going to chase after you until you face it.” Her dad shrugged. “Better do it sooner than later, much less painful.” He added.

Clarke nodded, but didn’t say anything.

Jake ducked his head to catch her gaze, “So, after all this happened, did you talk to Bellamy?”

Clarke shook her head.

Her dad sighed. “Clarke,” he said a little sternly gaining her full attention. “The power of communication is a real thing you know? Especially in relationships.” He declared with earnest eyebrows making her smile a little, “And especially if you love someone. You need to talk to Bellamy and give him the chance to explain himself. You can’t just shut him down like that. It’s not fair to you _and_ to him. That’s the way you hurt everyone.”

Clarke breathed in deeply and slowly let go of the breath. “I know now…” she gulped and leaned in again to hug her dad, “I missed you so much.”

Jake smiled in the crook of her neck, and patted her back as best as he could “Me too kiddo, me too.”

**[Bellamy]**

The cab dropped them off in front of her house and Bellamy felt his stomach churn a little as he thought of the worst case scenario. Clarke not believing him.

John clasped his shoulder in silent support and Bellamy tried to give him a grateful smile that he suspected came out more as a grimace, and slowly and painstakingly made his way to the front door.

He willed his racing heart to calm down and gulped as he reached for the doorbell.

One ring and he’d know. One ring and he’d know if he lost Clarke forever.

Nope, he couldn’t do it. He took back his finger and wiped his sweaty hands on his jeans looking at John for help.

Murphy rolled his eyes and pushed it for him in mock slowness pulling a face at him. Bellamy glared. Even though he was secretly thankful for the temporary distraction.

Octavia opened the door and Bellamy had just the time to voice his sister’s name in surprise, when Octavia grabbed them both from the lapel of their coats and pulled them inside, hissing, “What took you so long?!”

“We took a flight as soon as we could, the media is going nuts.” John said immediately, in their defence.

“Where’s Clarke?” Bellamy asked, “I need to talk to her.”

Octavia glanced back at him from where she was surreptitiously looking into the living room, much for John and Bellamy’s confusion, “She was talking to…” she turned back to the living room and she must’ve been content with whatever she’d seen or not seen, because then she was urging them to go into the room and closed the French door behind her.

Bellamy looked at his sister baffled, “O what’s going on?”

“Oh, shit.”

The low curse uttered by John distracted Bellamy again and he looked into the direction his friend was looking a little wide-eyed.

He stumbled on his feet in surprise too when he saw who was standing near his –hopefully still- girlfriend’s fireplace, “Lily?”

Lilian gave them a little wave, “Hey, guys.”

Bellamy felt like he was slowly losing it, “What are you doing here?” he asked, the panic making his voice a little high-pitched.

Then the French door opened again and everyone turned, Bellamy last. He had barely time to register his name being called by an angry voice before he found himself staggering back as something hit him in the face and made him see _stars_.

**[Clarke]**

The sound of a crash somewhere below them startled them into separating from their hug. Clarke looked at her father eyes wide. Now there was shouting and Clarke tumbled down from the bed and out of the bedroom door.

Clarke thought of Raven and Octavia’s discussion and shivered at the thought of it escalating into the crash and shouting she was hearing now.

Then Lily’s name was mentioned and Clarke felt the blood drain from her face. Oh, God. What if Raven hit Lily, sweet, kind Lily?

She was close to start hyperventilating when she reached the bottom of the stairs and rushed into the living room.

Turned out, Raven did in fact, hit someone. And that someone was currently holding his left eye groaning in pain.

“Bellamy?” Clarke breathed as soon as she recognised him.

But he didn’t hear her. The living room was a battle field.

There were pieces of broken glass on the floor, near the couch where not long ago had rested the crystal vase with a lovely butterfly pattern, Clarke had gotten for her mother last Christmas, and Murphy was currently crunching them with his boots while trying to hold on to Raven who was trashing around desperate to get free and, no wonder, land another punch on Bellamy.

Octavia was between her brother and Raven and with a hand on her brother’s back was telling something that Clarke couldn’t make out because of Raven’s shouts.

Clarke searched the scene for Lilian and found her in the corner of the room near the fireplace watching the others wide-eyed.

“-Dare you!” Raven was yelling at Bellamy who was trying to blink open his injured eye, while simultaneously trying to talk to her. Raven raised her voice even more, “YOU SHUT UP, YOU-” with a well assessed elbow in Murphy’s face she took the chance of the man’s distraction to pounce on Bellamy again.

“Raven! Stop!” Clarke yelled just after Raven had pushed Octavia aside and was ready to land another hit on Bellamy’s face.

Raven froze mid punch looking over at her, breathing hard and red-faced.

Everyone else turned too.

Nice.

Everyone looking at Clarke.

She tried not to feel self-conscious, but how couldn’t she? All this was happening because of her. Raven, Octavia, Lily, Bellamy, and even Murphy, were here because of her. She gulped. Starting to panic. She didn’t know what else to say.

“Clarke.”

She looked at Bellamy who had some of shirt still clenched in Raven’s other hand and who had uttered her name so reverently and with so much pain that it was enough to make her eyes sting.

Everyone else turned to look at Bellamy too, but he didn’t seem to notice. He took Raven’s fist and unclenched her grip on his shirt, still looking at Clarke and walked over to her stopping a few feet away like he was afraid that if he took another step closer, Clarke would run away.

“Clarke,” he said again in a way that made Clarke’s heart clench painfully. “I swear there’s nothing between me and Lily. We just went for coffee and talked, and then the kiss happened but it didn’t mean anything.” He said all in a rush looking at her with wide, pleading eyes. Clarke looked past him at Lilian.

Bellamy hadn’t directly put the blame on her, telling that _Lilian_ had been the one that kissed _him_.

Lily smiled and rolled her eyes when she caught her gaze. ‘Stupid gentleman’ she mouthed.

And yes, stupid. But if anything it made Clarke fall for him even harder.

“Neither of us felt anything towards each other. I was holding her hand because I’d just spent half an hour talking about you, and she was telling me that I shouldn’t give up on you.” He took another step closer tentatively reaching out with his hand to cradle her face. “And I’m here because I intend to do just that. I’m not giving up, Clarke.” He said cradling the other side of her face with his other hand. “Since the moment I saw you again, there wasn’t anyone else anymore. I know this is very bad timing to say it so I’m not going to say it, but I…” He frowned adorably trying to come up with a substitute that was as meaningful as the L word.

_“You’re the only one.”_

Bellamy turned to look at Murphy who had whispered the suggestion and was holding his broken-looking nose –courtesy of Raven’s elbow- with one hand and gesturing impatiently to go on with his romantic speech with the other.

When he turned back to Clarke, he noticed with no little amount of excitement that her eyes were sparkling like every time they did when she was amused but didn’t want to show it too much, “You’re the one.” He said earnestly coaxing a soft smile from her. “You really are, Clarke. Everything that I said at the airport, is true. I never felt the way I feel about you with anyone else.”

It seemed like people really didn’t want to give her enough time to process all her thoughts properly that day. Again she felt like she would burst out from how many thing she was feeling all at once. But she was sure of one thing. And that was that, she was, quiet simply, in love with the boy in front of her.

So she stood up on her tiptoes and kissed him gently on the lips. Bellamy didn’t react immediately, caught in surprise, but when he did he made the short kiss last as long as he could by chasing her lips down as she leaned back. “You’re the _one_ , for me too.”

Bellamy gave her such a beautifully happy smile that Clarke couldn’t resist from kissing it. Bellamy wrapped her in his arms and held her close returning the kiss.

When they leaned back, Bellamy took a deep breath as to ready himself for what he wanted to say and looked her in the eyes sobering up little. “I know the pictures looked bad, and I don’t blame you for what you assumed, not really, but Clarke,” He said a little wide-eyed “If we’re going to do this, you can’t just shut me down like that.”

Clarke looked down, that’s the same thing that her dad had told her. They were right, “I’m sorry,” she said looking up at him again, “I was so mad and… I felt so betrayed- I don’t usually trust people that easily, but with you, Bellamy… it was so easy and I felt so stupid.” She said lowering her eyes on the frayed collar of his tee-shirt.

Bellamy pressed gently on the back of her neck until she looked up at him again, “I’m done hurting you like this,” he said with an expression both sad and determined, “I can’t take it, you being hurt because of me… I just can’t.”

Clarke shook her head on the verge of tears again and hugged him.

They held on to each other for a while and separated only after they shared another kiss, but when they did Clarke looked up at him and smiled “But that’s how we know it’s real.” She told him. “When it hurts.”

Bellamy frowned. “Is that..” Then he arched an eyebrow looking at her amused when he saw her smile broaden, “Are you really, mending our relationship by quoting the Hobbit movie?”

Clarke laughed completely caught in the act and Bellamy shook his head.

“And _I_ am be the nerd?”

Clarke thought about it and then nodded, “You’re right, maybe I should call you Buff, for history buff.” She rectified looking happily up at him with her eyes sparkling.

Bellamy shook his head, “You can call him whatever you want, Clarke. I just want to be with you.” He said. “Do you believe me when I say that?”

“Yes.”

Bellamy leaned down again and kissed her hard.

Clarke felt overcome with the feeling of having Bellamy so close to her and by her own feelings for him. She kissed him just as hard and pushed against him. The only flaw about it was the blood that she tasted when she probed his mouth open with her tongue and he had happily complied, but even with it she couldn’t make herself lean back.

She gasped when Bellamy’s hand found its way under the hem of her tee-shirt and strokes the bare skin there.

A throat being cleared really loudly and not trying to be conspicuous at all, finally reminded them that they weren’t alone and that in fact there were four other people in the room.

They broke apart and looked hazily around the room.

Octavia clapped her hands once in front of her, “Now, now, My dear Clarke and my dearest brother, I’m happy that you too are good again, but you’re in public, so I’d save the whole moaning and gasping thing for later.” She smiled cheekily and winked at them.

Murphy snorted from where he was sitting on the arm of the couch, still holding on to his nose and Clarke after getting over her blush looked between Raven and the boys she’d punched. “Ray-”

“I’m sorry.” Raven said before she could even start. She looked over at Octavia, Bellamy and Murphy, “I’m sorry that I yelled at you and hit you.” She articulated smiling sheepishly at them.

There was a beat of silence but finally was Murphy who shrugged and broke it, “I get you, you’re the kind that is, hit first, ask questions later.” he gave a crooked smile and pointed at himself. “Same kind.”

Raven nodded and returned the smile with a little snort, “That’s actually not hard to believe.”

Murphy grinned, “Thanks, I’m John.” He said holding out his hand.

Raven took it leaning a little from where she was standing, “Raven.”

Then Bellamy walked up to her and held out his hand, “I really wish I’d encountered you in person in a much nicer situation...” He smiled, his eye already starting to swell.

Raven looked at the outstretched hand, up at his face and then at Clarke’s expectant one. She took it and pulled him in, almost grinding his bones in her clench, “If you so much as make her cry again, you’re going to have more than a black eye and split lip, Blake.”

“Raven!” Clarke gasped.

Raven let go of his hand hiding it behind her back and smiled innocently up at him, “Nice to meet you too.”

“Right.” Bellamy took a step back and smiled tightly at her.

Clarke face-palmed and shook her head, hiding a little smile.

She wondered who she had to thank for having Raven in her life.

“Okay,” She finally said putting her hand on her hips, “You two.” She pointed her finger to Bellamy and Murphy, “Let me have a look at those faces.”

**[Raven]**

Once she had established that John and Bellamy’s noses weren’t broken and provided them with enough gauze for the blood, Clarke went back to the bathroom to dispose of the bloody towels and put back the first aid kit.

“Raven! Would you take that?” Clarke yelled from the bathroom when the doorbell rang.

When she opened the door, Raven found a very scary-looking Wells.

“Why did I have to find out about this in Edinburgh?” he hissed shoving a magazine at her, “Where’s Clarke? Is she okay?” Wells asked pushing her aside and going into the living room.

Raven looked down at the magazine, “Oh shit. Wells wait-”

**[Murphy]**

“YOU!”

John turned from where he was listening with Octavia, Lilian explaning to Bellamy how she had found her way to Clarke’s house, when he heard the angry hiss coming from somewhere behind them.

The dark-skinned guy that was standing just outside the French doors that took to the living room, had his eyes laser-focused on Bellamy and was quickly making his way towards them in huge strides.

Murphy had to just look past him to Raven to understand what the guy’s intentions were.

He sighed, “Here we go again.” And put himself in front of his best friend just in time for the fist to connect whit his –freshly taken cared of- nose again.

As he staggered back he had time to mentally sigh again about the perfect aim on his nose that people seemed to have whenever they punched him, before he blacked out.

 

When he came back, John found himself lying down on the couch and Clarke and Octavia hovering over him.

He groaned as he tried to reach a sitting position but Clarke’s “Stay still,” and the sudden spin of the room tampered down any wish to sit up.

“Did I pass out?”

Octavia smiled while Clarke grimaced, “Yeah,” they said at the same time.

“Just for a couple of minutes,” Bellamy reassured him appearing on his line of sight and giving an icepack to Clarke.

John groaned again in embarrassment and tried to cover his face with his hand but regretted it immediately when sharp pain shot through his nose.

“Your nose’s broken, this time.” Clarke supplied gently placing the icepack on the offended bone.

“Ow.”

“Sorry,”

John opened his eyes and tried to look around, “Where’re the others?”

“Helping doing groceries,” Octavia shrugged, “Figured we could have a nice merry dinner all together.”

Murphy hummed noncommittedly, his mind going to Jasper, he would’ve loved it.

“Why did you do it?” Bellamy inquired looking down at him with his arms crossed.

Murphy shrugged.

Octavia shook her head running her fingers in his hair, “Because he’ll never admit it, but he can’t stand to see people he cares about hurt, he’d much rather get hurt himself.” She answered for him smiling softly.

John made a half-hearted protesting noise in the back of his throat while Bellamy scowled, looking very much like a grumpy kid and mumbled, “You shouldn’t have.”

Murphy ignored it and settled more comfortably on the couch enjoying the fingers gently rubbing on his scalp, and figured that having gained his place as best friend of the year he deserved some time to just lie there and let others comfort him, even if he would never, for the death of him, admit that out loud.

He fell asleep to the sound of Octavia’s quiet laugh and Bellamy’s still going grumbling comments, feeling at home after a long time.

**[Raven]**

Raven came back from the trip to the store with the others as Clarke was putting away the first-aid kit.

Seeing it she felt a little stab of regret and she hurried after her, following Clarke to the bathroom.

“Hey, I’m sorry I punched your boyfriend.” She blurted from the doorway, “You know that right?”

Clarke paused looking up at her with a raised eyebrow, from where she was crouching to put the kit back in the cabinet under the sink, “No, you’re not.” She with a hint of amusement lacing her words, “Maybe for John but you’re not really sorry for Bellamy.”

“Well, he deserved it.” Raven said matter-of-factly. “If not for Lily for how he left you that afternoon. He had it coming.” She insisted. “But, I’m sorry if you’re angry at me for it…”

Clarke stood up and looked at her surprised, “Why would I be angry at you?”

Raven waved her hand, “Because you love him and stuff.” She pulled a face, “I punched your _boo_.”

Clarke laughed as she came closer to her and put a hand on Raven shoulder, “You were protecting me.” She said with the same matter-of-fact tone Raven had used earlier, “And I love you for that.”

Raven relaxed and beamed, “That’s good, then.”

“But that’s it. I’m in no way authorizing you for future bodily harm to my… boyfriend.” Clarke had started with a stern tone in her voice but finished off with a dopey smile when she said boyfriend.

“Look at you,” Raven snorted. “All gooey eyed and lovey dovey-” she laughed when Clarke gave her a shove and left the bathroom; secretly relieved that Clarke having a boyfriend hadn’t changed their friendship in any way.

As she thought of that, Raven remembered someone else she had to apologize to, and made her way to the kitchen, grabbed Octavia who was now emptying the grocery bags and pulled her into a quiet corner.

“I’m sorry, I’ve been a bitch to you.” She said immediately, “I was mad at your brother not at you.”

Octavia nodded, “It’s fine, you weren’t thinking, I’m the same way when it comes to my brother…”

Raven grimaced, “Still, you didn’t deserve it. The thing I said. It was awful, and not true.”

Octavia smiled brightly, “You can make it up to me by listening to me talking your ears off about the most amazing guy I ever met.”

“Even more amazing than your brother?” Raven dead-panned still with only a hint of amusement.

Octavia smirked, “Oh, you have no idea.”

**[John]**

He came to his senses again feeling tiny pokes to his eyelids and mouth. He huffed and got a giggle in return from whatever was disturbing his peaceful slumber.

He peeked one eye open and was met with the drooling sight of a tiny child.

He frowned and immediately the girl tried to smooth away the wrinkles on his forehead with her chubby little hands, while furrowing her brows herself.

John snorted and tried to lift his head away from her reach, the child protested by landing a smack on his nose. He groaned in pain and successfully scared the little girl into running away from him.

“Oh, shit, wait-” He tried to call her back, “Don’t… go.” he finished off in a mumble as he breathed in carefully and sat up.

The sleep had helped with the light-headedness but he still had to abort any sudden moves gripping the edge of the couch and stay absolutely still for a while.

“I’m sorry,” A gruff voice said not far from him, “I didn’t intend to break your nose.”

John slowly looked up to find the guy that had tried to punch Bellamy, with the little kid in his arms. “Not mine, but Bellamy’s.”

The guy grimaced, “I wasn’t thinking straight…”

“Clearly.” He mused and looked at the girl in his arms, “She’s yours?”

He nodded proudly, “Yeah, she’s Amy.”

“So you must be Wells..?” he nodded again and John shrugged, “That explains it then, looking after Clarke, just like Raven.”

Wells gave him a small smile, “And you must be Murphy,” he said holding out his hand to help him stand up. John took it, “Just looking after Bellamy.” He said back when he was on his feet.

John grumped in acknowledgment and moved past him towards the front door.

“Where are you going?”

John looked back to Wells and his daughter and shrugged, “Just taking some air,” Wells made to protest, “Don’t worry I’ll be back for dinner.” He called back as the door closed behind him.

***

He glanced at his watch as he waited in front of the hospital where he met her for the first time.

If he was lucky she should finish her shift in half an hour.

He wondered what she would say when she saw him waiting there. Probably make some offhanded comment on his –actually- broken nose.

He smiled at the thought.

He looked down at the screen of his phone,

**_Hey._ **

**_Hi._ **

It was all they had sent each other since he’d gotten her number from Clarke.

He hadn’t known what else to say to her –pathetically enough- and had let Bellamy’s own drama cloud over this new thing he had with Emori, so that he didn’t have to obsess too much over it.

He hadn’t lied to Wells when he said he was going to take some air, in that moment he hadn’t even had a clear destination in mind, but after a while of wandering around he’d found himself in front of the entrance of the hospital and thought that it made sense giving that he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about her since he’d bought flowers for her a month ago.

He put the cigarette that he’d just pulled out from his pocket between his lips, and lit it, taking a deep drag and slowly breathing it out. He closed his eyes leaning back against the brick wall and let himself go as he released another lungful of smoke. Then he straightened in a jolt and looked down at the cigarette in his hands, realizing only in that moment what he’d been doing.

He’d started smoking when he was in high school, because that’s what cool kids did then. His mom had hated it, and he’d been intending to stop for her, but then she’d died and with her his interest in stop smoking.

And since then it had become such a habit to him that it slowly integrated itself in his personality, and now, in a way smoking had become part of who he was.

But Emori. She hated smoke. Had made it very clear since the first instant she’d laid eyes on him.

And now he was waiting for her while smoking a damn cigarette.

He shook his head smiling sardonically up at the beautiful pink sky.

 _I’m a joke_ , he thought as he took another slow drag and walked away.

She would do so much better off without him.

**[Clarke]**

It was a Sunday evening so literally _everyone_ was there sitting at the dining table.

At the beginning the atmosphere was slightly different form when Clarke’s and Wells’ family reunited, more awkward.

Octavia had settled herself easily enough, already knowing Clarke and Raven and also thanks to her natural outgoing personality, but Lilian, who had courteously tried to leave but had decided to stay upon her parents’ insistence, and Bellamy and Murphy who didn’t know anyone apart from Octavia and Clarke, and considering the afternoon’s incidents, were emanating a sense of self-consciousness and uneasiness that was hard to tamper down.

But after her dad and Wells’ had started to grill them on their lives as “Mates part of a rock band” her dad’s words –much for Clarke’s embarrassment- and the sudden and out of the blue “So, what are your intentions with my daughter?” her dad’s words again –for further embarrassment for her part, but for the amusement and snickering of the others- the dinner quickly reached the warm and careless glow of family as always.

Octavia had noted the absence of the rest of band as a bummer, saying that they would’ve loved to be here –especially Jasper- and Murphy, who had come back just as they were laying the table with a dejected look on his face, had made an offhanded comment on how Chris must be freaking out right now, Bellamy sharing an anxious look with his sister at the prospect of facing his agent.

“When are you going back?” Her dad asked then.

“I booked the nine A.M. flight for tomorrow morning.” Murphy responded gulping down his lasagne bite with a glass of water.

“You did?” Bellamy asked, surprise and a hint of disappointment lacing his question.

John just hummed affirmatively and Clarke met Bellamy’s sad smile with one of her own. He was there, just across the table from her, and she already missed him.

They had just made up and not even twelve hours and he’d have to go again. She felt a painful tug at her heart and gulped around the knot in her throat. He had told her from the beginning that this would be hard, but still… She didn’t want him to go, not yet.

“Where are you staying?”

The question asked from her mom brought her back from her unhappy thoughts and she looked between the guys.

Bellamy shrugged, “At the loft.”

“Is it close to the airport?”

Octavia shook her head with a sudden spark in her eyes, “No, it’s actually very far… like we usually take two hours to arrive there…”

Bellamy shook his head ready to protest but he immediately bit it down with a groan that he quickly covered with a cough when he caught Octavia’s deadly glare.

Abby clapped her hands once in front of her, “Well, you can stay here, then. It’s already late and you guys should at least have some hours to rest.”

“Uh…” Bellamy met Clarke’s confused gaze and then smiled slowly and nodded, “Sure, if Murph is okay with it..?”

Everyone turn to look at Murphy who just shrugged, “I’m fine with it.”

“We’re inviting you too, Lilian of course,” her mom added hastily glancing at the girl.

Lilian who had been quietly enjoying the meal, startled and looked at the woman with a blush starting to creep on her cheeks, “Oh, no, it’s fine I can stay in a hotel room, plus I don’t think you’d have enough space for all of us...” she added looking at Clarke for support.

“Nonsense.” Wells’ dad said, “You can stay with us then, and Octavia too, so that she doesn’t have to say goodbye to her brother now…”

“Of course!” Octavia, practically pounced on it, “That’s perfect.” She said it in a way that didn’t admit any other objections.

Lily nodded taking a sip of water and looking like she much rather be in another universe but didn’t want to contradict Octavia. Clarke caught her gaze and gave her an apologetic smile. Lily smiled back.

***

Clarke was tossing around in her bed not being able to ease her mind enough to fall asleep.

Bellamy was just a floor below.

Her mother had made Wells blow up an air mattress and place it near the couch, and provided them with clean sheets and blankets even though both Bellamy and John had insisted that she didn’t have to trouble herself that much since they were barely going to have any useful sleep but Abby had just waved them off and made sure that they were comfortable enough before wishing them a goodnight and a safe flight and went upstairs to her room.

Clarke had watched Wells blow up the mattress and thought with a longing smile at how they used to have sleepovers at least once a week when they were younger.

Something about the way Bellamy had awkwardly tried to settle in the mattress had stringed memories of past childhood that made her want to hold on to what she had now with a renewed urgency.

Finally, she tossed her sheets away from her body, put her robe on and quietly padded down the stairs to the living room.

“Bellamy?” she whispered.

“Clarke?” Bellamy whispered back, the black silhouette of his head snapping up form where it was resting on the pillow.

“Where is Murphy?” she asked glancing at the empty couch.

“In the backyard.”

Clarke looked through the glass doors and saw the orange glow of the head of a cigarette and John’s black silhouette sitting on the metal swing in her backyard, and looking up at the clear black sky.

“Is he okay?” she asked climbing to sit on the couch.

Bellamy sat up on the air mattress, “I don’t think so, but he wouldn’t tell me what’s wrong…”

“Oh,” Clarke said drawing up her knees to her chest, “Maybe it’s something to do with Emori…”

“Who’s Emori?” he asked as he climbed on the couch too.

“The _or_ , I was talking about, that day on the phone…”

“Oh.” Bellamy said and they both glanced back at John’s silhouette, puffs of smoke steadily rising above his as he breathed them out.

“Bellamy.” Clarke called, and waited for him to look back at her before she went on, “I-” she cut herself off and sighed looking away.

After a while spent nervously worrying her lip she turned to look back at Bellamy and found him watching her back with a soft look. His black eye standing out in the pallor of the moon.

“I read your letter.” She blurted out. “I know you told me to wait, but I couldn’t…” she said losing her hold on her knees and crawling closer to him. Bellamy opened his arms and she didn’t hesitate to throw herself in his embrace.

“That’s okay,” he said stroking her hair, “I just want you to know how much you mean to me.”

She breathed him in without saying anything for a while, perfectly content in being wrapped in his strong arms.

She kissed the pulse point on his neck and whispered, “I believe in us… even if our relationship is having a rough jumpstart, I believe in us because I never felt this way for anyone else and I just want to be with you, always- and I know that right now it’s not possible but I’m okay-well not really cuz I know I’m going to miss you like crazy,” she amended with a frown, “but I want to endure it because I know I’m in love with you and… I don’t think that’s gonna change any time soon…” she lifted her head up to glance at him, “I said, I love you, first.” She shook her head, “Damn it, Blake you’re always late.”

Bellamy shook in silent laughter and she beamed. Knowing that she’d made him laugh, always made e her feel giddy with happiness. He leaned in to brush his lips over her smile and she grinned wider, winding her arms around his neck to draw him closer.

He splayed a hand over her back and pushed her until she was completely on top of him as he lied back on the couch. She followed him easily by balancing one hand on his chest, feeling the hard lines of his chest and the rapid beating of his heart under her fingertips.

He drew back from her keeping one hand on her cheek and she opened her eyes to look at him. Her heart missed a beat when she saw the look on his face.

Bellamy was looking at her with the wonder of someone who was looking at something that was too beautiful to be real, and the ache of someone that thought they didn’t deserve to see it.

“I love you.” He whispered reverently, his thumb brushing against her bottom lip.

Clarke kissed it and leaned back down to kiss him. She shivered and hunched her shoulders as he slipped his other hand below her tee-shirt and caressed the bare skin of her back with his rough fingers of a musician.

He sighed in the kiss as he tried to settle them more comfortably by shifting his knees but succeeded in throwing off Clarke’s, already precarious, balance, separate them from their kiss and topple them off the couch for then bounce on the air mattress, fortunately still there.

There were a couple of moments of shocked silence and then Clarke burst out laughing, Bellamy following after her once he got over the shock.

“Oh my god.” She wheezed turning over her stomach and laughing silently as she rested her head on his chest, “We’re the worst, seriously.”

He snorted with laughter and shook his head looking up at her bright eyes, “Are you sure you want to have anything to do with me?” He asked rolling her lose strand of hair on his index. “I just made you fall over the floor.”

Clarke cocked her head pretending to think about it and then pecked him on the lips again, “Yeah,” she beamed her eyes alight with laughter again, “I couldn’t think of anyone who could make me _fall harder_ …”

Bellamy groaned in mock affront at the ridiculous joke while Clarke burst out in giggles again. “You’re ridiculous.” Bellamy told her.

Clarke arched her eyebrows, the smile never leaving her face, “But you love me.”

Bellamy nodded barely managing to keep from grinning, “Yeah, I do.”

Clarke nuzzled his neck as reward and he laughed quietly hugging her close. She leaned back looking at him, and gently touched the bruised eye, “Does it hurt?”

Bellamy shook his head, “It stings a little, but the icepack helped a lot.”

“I’m sorry.” Clarke said suddenly, “I’d never want you hurt, because of me.”

Bellamy remained silent, a pensive look on his face as he followed the lines of her face with his index finger, “She was protecting you.” He said, finally. “Just as John was protecting me when he jumped in front of him,” he smiled crookedly, “The only difference that, she threw a punch and John took one…”

She smiled back, but now she was lost in thoughts of the boy alone in her backyard, “Are you sleepy?” Clarke asked, moving her fingers to trace the dust of freckles on his nose and cheeks.

Bellamy almost purred like a cat as he felt the soft touch of her fingers on his skin. He shook his head and opening his eyes observed the way her hair was illuminated by the cool glow of the moon making her look almost ethereal.

“Me neither,” she said, “Shall we go impose our presence to John?”

Bellamy breathed out a laugh–a surprised sound of amusement. He thought that he loved her even more in that moment.

He sat up, “I think it’s a great idea.” He declared holding a hand for her to take when was off the mattress an on the steady floor.

 

They squeezed themselves in either sides of Murphy’s putting him in the middle, wrapped themselves, and him in blankets, and started to talk his ears off about random stuff.

Murphy who had first been surprised for then progress into being his grumpy self, grunting from time to time when they directed him a question, and then finish off being reluctantly content of their company as they all watched the black night slowly fading into a pale pink sky as the sun began to rise.

It would’ve been a perfectly beautiful setting as it was, the three of them watching the sunrise in awed silence.

But John had a dimwit as best friend, who, as Clarke and Murphy watched the sunrise in silence completely enraptured by the beautiful colours, turned his head and whispered,

“Smile, my boy. Sunrise.” In Murphy’s ear.

So it ended in giggles, from Clarke and a grunt from Bellamy after receiving an elbow in his ribs.

***

Octavia and Lilian reunited with the others at Clarke’s home to have a quick breakfast and then climbed on the Griffins station wagon directed to the airport.

Raven had been polite enough and saluted everyone with a sleepy wave while Wells had been warmer and patted the guys on the back and wished them to have a safe flight.

Clarke sat in the backseat with Bellamy and Lilian while Murphy sat on the passenger seat and Octavia drove them, telling Clarke, when she had protested, that she wanted them, (Bellamy and Clarke) to spend all the time they could together and faced with that, Clarke hadn’t objected any further.

She felt her hand being squeezed in Bellamy’s hold and smiled up at him. He heaved a sigh and she rubbed soothing patterns on the back of his hand.

When they arrived at the airport they slowly made their way to their gate while John talked at the phone with Jasper, reassuring that they were on their way about to take the flight back to L.A.

Clarke had her arms wound around Bellamy’s arm and her heart twisted when he turned to her with a sad smile, ready to say goodbye.

For all she had reassured him that she would be fine, that they could do this, now that the moment was there she didn’t want to let him go.

Bellamy gently eased his arm free from her clutch and reached up to stroke her cheek, “I’ll see you soon, Princess.”

Clarke’s eyes stung and she breathed in deep before she spoke, “I’ll be here.”

Bellamy brushed his lips softly on her forehead and she leaned in it closing her eyes.

“Damn, I miss you already.” He mumbled making her snort even though she was on the verge of crying pathetically.

“Me too.” She replied with a pout as he straightened back.

Bellamy brightened suddenly and reached for something inside his pocket. “For you,” He said holding out a yellow and red pen.

Clarke gaped at it, “Is that-”

“It sings too, ‘gotta find you’” he grinned, “Poetic isn’t it? Considering our love story.” He took out another pen, Clarke’s HSM pen.

“You had it this whole time!” she accused him, Bellamy grinned wider. “Wait,” Clarke furrowed her brows as she tried to connect the dots, “So my “Start of something new’ for yours “Gotta find you?’” she asked with an amused raised eyebrow.

Bellamy nodded and held out the Camp Rock pen, “I always preferred Camp Rock, so I thought I’d keep your pen and you’d keep mine.”

“How romantic.” Clarke deadpanned but it didn’t come right because she was giggling too much, “You’re such a dork.” She said affectionately shaking her head and taking the pen.

Bellamy shrugged, an ear-reaching grin on his face, “But you love me.”

Clarke laughed and surged up on his tiptoes to kiss him. “Yeah, I do.”

“Bell, we have to go.”

Bellamy turned to Murphy who gave him a tight-lipped smile and he sighed taking a step back from Clarke. “The music still works.” He informed her, “You can listen to it whenever you miss me.” He said in a dramatic tone and Clarke laughed.

“I will.” She said clutching her heart, “Farewell my love.”

Bellamy grinned walking backwards, “It’s not a farewell,” he called, “It’s a see you soon.”

Clarke waved him off urging him to go before he missed the flight –even though she would’ve been immensely happy if that happened- and he laughed rushing to catch up with John and Lily who waved back at them.

Then Bellamy froze and he turned wide-eyed as he remembered something. He ran back and gave a peck to Octavia who had been glaring two holes at the back of the brother who had outrageously forgotten to say goodbye to her. “I love you too, you know?” he mumbled hugging her.

Octavia rolled her eyes and hugged him back, “Go, before I decide to make you stay and demand amends for having forgotten your little sister.”

Bellamy chuckled, gave her another peck on the cheek and ran after his friends.

Clarke wrapped her arms around the other girl and together watched as the trio disappeared from their line of sight.

“You know,” Octavia started, “That Camp Rock pen, is mine. The cheeky bastard pretended like he hated it when I was obsessed with it, and then stole it.”

Clarke snorted, “Do you want it back?”

Octavia shook her head, “No, that’s alright. I grew out of it.” She said. “He, apparently, did not.”

Clarke threw up her head and laughed.

\----

**A/N: GUYS THE STORY HAS ENTERED THE COMPETITION.**

**You can go vote for it now *-***

**Go[here](http://www.inkitt.com/stories/50342?preview=true) It would mean the world for me to receive your support, you just have to click on the little heart and they'll ask you to sign up, you can either do it by Facebook or Twitter or email, and then the heart will become red and you'll have voted! *-* **

**Also you have time only until the 29 of December 2015…**

**I have already finished writing the story, so I’ll post the remaining chapters as I finish editing them…**

**Anyway, I wanted to thank you all of you fantastic humans, for supporting me during this long journey, it’s almost over… I still can’t get over it oh gawd.**

**Okay, but about the chapter:**

**I almost died writing it, it was so long BUT I adore it, probably my favourite of all, even though 19….. hint hint hint**

**SEE? I told you there wasn’t anything to worry about. Everything is fine u.u**

**John is a sweetheart, I challenge everyone not to love him after this chapter, seriously. I love him so much XD Made him suffer a bit at the end there with Emori though……….. but Bell and Clarke are there ;)**

**AND THE HSM PEN JOKE. I just I love it. Maybe it’s stupid but, oh well xD**

 

**Okay, I'm done rambling,**

 

**Love you all so much,**

 

**El**


	19. Unforgettable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Penultimate Chapter!   
> Everything is beautiful happy and lovely :-)

**[Clarke and Emori]**

 

“It was kind of awkward at the beginning but after a while everyone just eased into it, John was his usual grumpy self but-”

“John?”

“Yeah, he came with Bellamy.” Clarke said after having gulped down the last bite of her sandwich, “You didn’t see him?”

Emori frowned at her water bottle, “No…”

Clarke cocked her head, “But you guys are talking right?”

Emori nodded, “Yes, there was a couple of days of silence but then-” she shrugged, “We just started… when was all this, again?”

“Little more than a month ago.” Clarke said, thinking about how John had disappeared for a while for then reappear looking scowlier than ever and with a vague defeated aura looming over him.

She’d been convinced that something had happened with Emori, but the other girl had been telling her how they’d been sending a steady stream of amicable texts to each other. Clarke bit her lip, “But it’s not like they had that much time,” she tried to reassure her, “They took the 9am flight of the day after, so…”

The lines on Emori’s forehead deepened for a moment but then she shrugged and smiled up at her, “Maybe you’re right.”

~~**~~

Emori was a little confused.

She and John had texted back and forth, writing at each other random stuff they liked. Their tastes in music, books and movies. Nothing too personal, just something to get a general idea of the other person. It was shockingly normal, the way they were slowly getting to know each other, considering what their first meeting had been like.

Or maybe not, since neither of them felt comfortable enough to show a deeper side of themselves to the other even after a solid month.

She liked John. There was something that draw her to him, even despite the fact that he _smoked_. That would’ve been a killer reason for her to clean-cut people from her life usually. But now there was John, what seemed to be the exception, and the confusion that she felt right then was just a taste of the way she felt about her feelings towards John.

She was confused, not only because of him not telling her that he’d been in London, but because of how she felt about it. She felt hurt. Which was ridiculous. After all, a month ago, they had barely started to have any contact at all but still, why didn’t he mentioned it?

If Clarke hadn’t come to have her lunch with her today, she would’ve probably never known…

She looked down at the screen of her phone and almost jumped when she received a text from him.

**_No quotes to guess for me, today?_ **

Emori bit her lip and then, before she could change her mind, pressed call.

They had never called. Always only texts. It was easier. Impersonal.

And now she was calling him.

Saying that she was nervous about it, was an understatement. She almost felt dizzy for how hard her heart was beating in her chest.

He picked up and she blurted, “ _I'm the one that's got to die when it's time for me to die, so let me live my life the way I want to.”_

There was a pause than John replied, “Jimi Hendrix.”

She licked her lips and slowly lowered herself to sit down on the bench in the changing room, “Correct.” She said, then she breathed in deep and asked, “Is that what you’re doing? You told me something that was similar to this quote when I asked you about the smoking..”

“Yeah,” John acknowledged, “That’s exactly what I’m doing.”

“Why didn’t you tell me that you came to London a month ago?”

There was a long silence, so long that Emori lowered her phone to see if it died at some point. She always had little to no battery power because she always forgot to charge the phone when she’d get home. But the phone was still working and the numbers on the screen showed that the call was still going. “I didn’t have time.” John finally stated.

“You hesitated.” She countered, “And I didn’t ask you why you didn’t come to see me, I asked you why you didn’t tell me, or are you really telling me that, in the month we’ve been texting each other you couldn’t squeeze one _text_ saying that you came here, because you didn’t have _time_?”

“Why does it matter?” he snapped, “It’s not like we were exactly talking at the time… I wasn’t sure you’d want to see me.” He finished in a mumble.

“Oh,” Emori’s heart stuttered, “But I do want to see you.” She said a little breathless and then added hastily, “Believe me it kind of weirds me out too.”

John snorted, and after another beat of silence said, _“I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.”_

Emori smiled, “Are you giving me a quote to guess or are you telling me something?”

John’s voice sounded rough when he responded, “Both.”

**[Clarke and Bellamy]**

Clarke and Octavia were hurrying trough the busy airport to get to the Arrivals where the boys should already be waiting.

Octavia’s beloved SUV had betrayed them and broke down in the middle of their journey to get to the Heathrow Airport and they had to wait for a tow-truck and call a taxi to finally get them there.

Barely managing to keep from toppling over a set of suitcases left carelessly by a girl being overwhelmed by hugs, Clarke finally saw a familiar set of strong shoulders and a head full of soft, dark curls.

“Bellamy!”

He turned just in time to let go of the hold on his duffel bag and catch Clarke as she threw and attached herself at him with her legs wrapped around him like a monkey.

He laughed and she leaned back just to catch his lips with hers. He leaned in it eagerly, both of them pausing to grin happily at each other.

“I missed you.” He said kissing her chin as she put her feet back on the ground.

Clarke stood on her tiptoes and drew him in to press their body hard and breathed in the crook of his neck. He smelt like laundry, salt and something purely Bellamy, and she loved it.

“I kind of missed you too…” She said earning another low chuckle from him.

Bellamy and the rest of the band had finished their tour and every business that tied them to the States for a while, so they were all finally back home, and it was for the best, because as Chris had said, homesickness had been in the air for some time now.

When they drew back, Bellamy was jump-attacked again by Octavia and Clarke busied herself by hugging the others.

Clarke was infinitely pleased for the fact that even John hugged her. He didn’t say anything but when he leaned back he was smiling a little sheepishly and she translated it as a thank you for giving him a thread to Emori. She smiled back and shrugged.

“So, everyone ready to go home?” Jasper inquired and was greeted with a chorus of yeses and happy cheers.

**[Octavia]**

As soon as they’d got home Jasper had thrown his duffle bag on the floor, and yelled “Home Sweet Home, I am Home!” and then fallen on his stomach, claiming that he was hugging the loft. Everyone had had to carefully sidestep his body in order to enter.

It had took John and the smell of food to make him detach from the floor. Octavia knew that they would’ve come absolutely famished from the journey and had ordered all they guy’s favourite food from their favourite restaurants. Chinese for Jasper and Miller, Indian for Chris and Monty, Pizza for the rest of them.

Seeing them enjoy their dinner all together made her think over the dinner that she wanted to organize since forever but hadn’t gotten enough time to make it happen, until then.

Which is why, as soon as she saw Clarke and Bellamy come out from Bellamy’s room, the day after, the last to join the others to breakfast, she grinned and thrusted two steaming cups of coffee at them.

Clarke took a sip and looked pleasingly surprised, “You know how I take my coffee.”

Octavia shrugged, smiling mysteriously and gestured for them to follow her to the couches.

She took a quick look around, at the bleary eyed guys and at Clarke’s curious expression.

“I have an announcement!” she declared looking expectantly at the others.

“We got that, from the way you herded us here, O.” drawled Murphy arching an eyebrow at her.

Octavia ignored him and look at the others who were now looking at her in various levels of interest, “You all know how I’ve been dying to organize a dinner all of us together, right?” she waited for all of them to nod and then continued beaming, “Well, I was thinking that now that Sky People is back in London and has no immediate stuff to attend to, in the near future, we could finally do it!”

“But, we had a dinner all of us together, yesterday…” quipped in Jasper.

“No,” Octavia shook her head and when she saw the other’s confused look she rolled her eyes, “I meant somewhere nice, and not only the eight of us, but also Raven and the Griffins and Wells and his family and Sebastian!” Octavia clapped her hands in front of her excited, “So, what do you think?”

Jasper frowned, “Yeah, but…” He bit his lip glancing quickly at John who still looked bored out of his mind.

“But..?” Octavia prompted looking between the two of them.

Jasper’s lips twitched, “I think Emori would like to come too.”

Clarke clapped her hands and jumped beaming at the same time Octavia said “Who?”

“No way, she does- I mean… How did you?! I don’t thin-”

Jasper looked incredibly smug as he watched his friend jump, suddenly in attention for then blush and stutter. He grinned looking at Octavia with conspiratorial expression. “She’s the girl he bought flowers to.”

Octavia brightened up “Oh!”

Bellamy smirked looking over at his friend, “Huh, so that’s the number you keep texting too…”

“Oh, shut up!”

They all ignored his outburst, “I know for a fact she’d love to come.” Clarke said looking at him steadily, “Plus, it would be a group thing, it’s perfect.”

John didn’t say anything he just scowled and Octavia knew that was as much as they were going to get as him caving in.

She pumped a fist in the air in front of her, “So it’s done. Emori is invited and the dinner is happening.” She beamed at them, “Finally.”

**[Bellamy and Clarke]**

Bellamy was waiting for her outside the hospital when Clarke came out from it after finishing her shift.

For a moment she was so surprised by the sight, and the familiarity with which Bellamy was leaning on the wall that she had to pause and just stare. As he straightened up and walked up the distance between them she could easily imagine this simple scene becoming a normal occurrence and once again she felt overwhelmed, as always when Bellamy is concerned, by her feelings for him.

“I thought I’d walk you home…” He said to her when she continued to stare at his face without uttering a word. “Is this okay?” he asked, suddenly unsure.

Clarke shook her head smiling and hugged him, never getting enough of being able to touch him. “It’s perfect.” She told him and felt the tension leave his body.

Bellamy took her hand when they separated from the hug, and didn’t let it go for the entire journey that took them to Clarke’s house. She felt almost lightheaded for how happy she was feeling.

Of course, it didn’t last for long.

“Who’s that?”

Clarke turned in the direction where he was looking at and saw Will sitting on the small step in front of her front door. She let go of Bellamy‘s hand and opened the small gate, “Will,”

The other boy looked up and smiled sheepishly at her, “Hey Clarke.”

“Did something happen? Is dad okay?”

“Oh yes, yes. Jake’s fine.” He said hastily putting a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “In fact, he’s more than fine.”

Clarke looked up at him, “What do you mean?”

There was a throat clearing and Clarke turned to look at Bellamy still standing behind the gate.

She arched an eyebrow, “Well, are you coming in or not?”

Bellamy pushed it open, never leaving his eyes off Will. “I’m Bellamy.” He said thrusting his hand to Will.

Will looked first at Clarke and then at Bellamy’s hand with a confused look. Clarke took the hand still resting on her shoulder and put it in Bellamy’s, and moved them a little imitating the movement of a shake hand. She turned to look at Will, “That’s what you’re supposed to do when someone introduces himself or herself and offers you a hand.” She smiled amused.

Will blushed a deep red making Clarke laugh. He had really dark hair, almost as Bellamy’s but where her boyfriend had tanned skin, Will was very pale, and for that never could hide his embarrassment.

“Yeah, sorry,” he stuttered shaking the hand properly, “Nice to meet you, I’m Will.”

Clarke turned to Bellamy who was looking torn between being amused or annoyed, she arched an eyebrow at him and throwing a quick glance her way, he smiled a little tightly and said, “Nice to meet you too.”

“So,” Clarke clapped her hand once, “Now, that you know each other, what were you saying about my dad?”

“Oh, yes.” Will smiled, seemingly more than glad to retrieve his hand from Bellamy’s hold, “I talked to Peter and from what he told me and what I started to notice myself, I think that your dad is doing really fine,”

Clarke beamed, “Yes, he is.”

“It’s been a while now that he walks without having problems,” he went on listing her dad’s achievements on his fingers, “he’s getting used to do things left-handed and these days he’s happily engaged in the work that Raven’s prosthetic arm requires, so, I guess what I’m trying to say is that it’s time for me to go…” he finished off with a rueful smile.

“Oh,” Clarke frowned, “Did you talk to mom and dad-”

“Yes, you’re the last one I had to talk to, I didn’t see you for a while,” he said throwing a quick glance at Bellamy, “They told me you were a little busy these days.”

“Yeah, Be-”

“The _boyfriend_ was visiting. That’s why.” Bellamy interjected crossing his arms over his chest.

Clarke spun to look at him with a frown. Bellamy just scowled looking at his feet.

After that the interactions with Will were just painfully awkward. And Clarke was more than relieved when he’d excused himself and left Bellamy and Clarke saying that he had some errands to run and that hopefully he’ll catch her at the hospital. He scurried off when he got another glare from Bellamy.

Clarke turned to him with her hands on her hips, “What was _that_?”

“He likes you.” He scowled.

“Yes. He’s my dad’s nurse, he needs to like his patient’s family, is part of his job.” She said rolling her eyes. “Plus, I knew him before from work. He’s my _friend_. And friends, like each other.”

“No, I mean.” Bellamy exhaled. “He really likes you, as he would date you, likes you.”

“Oh, really.” Clarke arched her eyebrows. “How do you know?”

“The way he looked at you… He invited you to see his horse!”

Clarke actually laughed at that, “Yes, because I like horses and we talked about it.”

“I could take you to see horses.” He muttered still scowling at his feet.

The sight was painfully adorable. “So, you’re jealous.”

“I’m not!”

“Yes.” Clarke her lips twitching. “Yes, you are.”

“Fine, yes I’m jealous.” He broke. “He’s younger than I thought. And he has green eyes.”

She bit her lip to keep from burst out laughing again. “Yes, and yours are brown. And mine are light blue. How does the eye colour has to do with anything?”

“He’s prettier than I thought?”

“You recognise when another guy is handsome?” She couldn’t stop the amused smile breaking on her lips, “Wells can never do that he has no sense of good looks when it comes to guys.”

Bellamy seemed to think about it for a while, “I know that Murphy has a big nose but he’s fine.”

Clarke snorted, “It doesn’t take a genius to see that John has a big nose. Not to mention that every time someone punches him that’s where their fist connect, is big as that…” She said biting off another smile, “So, who do you think is the prettiest in your band?”

“Monty.”

Clarke smiled starting to nod and then stopped the motion to shake her head. “Why are you jealous? Really, I mean.”

“Because,” Bellamy still wouldn’t look at her but he looked up focusing seemingly somewhere over her gate. “There wouldn’t be useless drama if you were with him.” Bellamy said with a sad-looking scowl. “He could see you whenever he wanted, and take you to see his horses without having to worry about paparazzi coming after you.” He shrugged with one shoulder, the movement making him look a little defeated. “Be normal.”

“Are we really doing this again?” Clarke huffed suddenly angry, “How many times do I have to tell you that I don’t care about others. Do you love me?” She asked searching his eyes, “Are you ready to do whatever it takes to be with me?”

Bellamy met her eyes with a surprised look, “Yes,”

“Then, that’s all I need from you.” She said, the beat of her heart suddenly loud in her ears.

“I’m sorry, I just…” Bellamy bit his lip.

“Just what?”

“Perennially amazed by the fact that you chose me.” He said with a small smile.

Clarke huffed looking away, her arms still crossed in front of her. “You’re an idiot, you know that?”

“Yeah,” Bellamy pushed in her personal space and she looked up to see his open grin, “An idiot in love, though.”

“Oh my god,” Clarke started to shake her head but breathed out a laugh when Bellamy gently took her face in his hands and kissed her.

“I love you a lot,” Bellamy whispered.

“You’re a dork.” She whispered back.

Bellamy tipped his head to a side, “Whatever you say, princess.”

**[Emori]**

She glanced at the screen of her phone for what probably was the tenth time in less than a minute. She could tell because the time has been exactly 15:43 each time she had checked it.

Emori exhaled and uncrossed her legs to sit more comfortably on the shell chair of the Costa coffee shop where she had agreed to meet John.

They had agreed to meet at four o’clock, but of course she had arrived early, and at 15:30 was already there, because she had been eager that much. And now she was suffering the consequences by starting to freak out.

Apparently John was going to stay put now. Stay in London. At least for a while.

So, that meant that she was going to see him more. Right?

She worried her lip by looking for something to distract her. Maybe some stranger to read. Anything to keep herself from analysing what was going on with _her_.

She shouldn’t care this much. Her gaze fell on the business man that every time he came in the coffee shop ordered the same thing: an espresso and a lemon muffin.

She knew because this wasn’t her first time here either, far from it. This coffee shop had helped her in her most dreadful days as a med student. It had been literally been her saving grace when she had had to bust her ass off to study for the exams. Still was, when she needed a safe place.

When her brain would feel too muddled to be able to concentrate enough to understand even the sense of what she was reading she would glance up and take a break by imagining stories about the people in there.

She imagined the business man as someone that lived alone at first. He had no weeding ring and he always looked as if he were on a rush. Hence the espresso and the small muffin. After sometime though, she noticed that he had something that looked like white hair, on the bottom of his trousers. She had smiled. So he had a cat.

Maybe he didn’t have a lot of people around him, not counting the people from work, but he was content with just the company of his little furry friend. He must love it if he let him shed hair on his expensive suit.

Maybe he was like her, he didn’t have people he could rely on, in his life.

She had only her cousin, and she would gladly trade him for a cat.

She thought of him going quickly through his day counting the hours that would take him to get back to his cat. The way she did it, but only because she needed to take her mind off everything that she didn’t have to lose, because she had already lost them.

If she let herself care too much, he would become something that she could potentially lose.

A soft touch on her shoulder startled her back from her thoughts and she looked around to see John make his way to the chair at the opposite side of table. “Hey,”

“Hi.” She exhaled willing her heart to calm down.

“You were reading someone?”

He said it so casually that it startled her, “What?”

John shrugged, “You had the look of someone who was trying to figure out something.” At her gobsmacked expression, he scratched his cheek self-consciously, “You had the same look when you were trying to figure out me.”

“Oh,” Emori smiled. “Right.”

“So, who were you reading?” he asked placing his elbows on the table.

She leaned in too, “Business man at my ten o’clock.”

He turned trying to be circumspect, “Okay. What about him?”

“He’s always stays for no more than ten minutes, he’s not exactly in a rush, but he doesn’t like to waste time, he isn’t married and has no family, he doesn’t like people, I think, probably does something that have to do with numbers, not an accountant though, something else.” She shrugged, “Still have to figure it out. He likes animals. He has a cat.”

John turned back to her with an impressed look, “That’s pretty good.”

She smiled, “You don’t know that, I could be wrong.”

He shook his head, “Nah, you were pretty accurate with me.” He admitted with a shrug.

She nodded tipping her head to the side, “So, you’re… here.”

He shrugged again bringing his hands up, “Yes, I am. Not going anywhere for a while.”

The way he said it. It made her think that it sounded like a promise. “Hey, we didn’t do the guessing quotes thing, today.” She reminded him.

He nodded gesturing at her, “You go first.”

“Okay,” she thought for a while, then nodded as she thought of one of her favourite authors. “You get what anybody gets - you get a lifetime.”

He grinned, “Neil Gaiman, the Sandman.”

“Damn,” she shook her head, “You’re awfully good at this. I suspected that you researched it at first, well it’s not like I could see to check!” she argued when he gave her an offended look.

“Well, I guessed this one in front of you.”

“Yes, you did.” Emori pulled a face him making him grin wider, “Okay, your turn.”

“Would you like to come to dinner with me?”

Emori furrowed her brows, “I’m pretty sure that line had been used by numerous people in a lot of movies, I don’t think I can trace the first one to have said it…”

Murphy snorted rubbing a hand on his face, she noticed a flush on his neck. _Huh._

“No, I mean.” He chuckled self-consciously, “Octavia is organizing this big dinner and she wants to have everyone important there.”

“I’m important?” she repeated, having no idea on how they ended up talking about dinner from guessing quotes.

She looked at John who was doing that thing of scratching his cheek and turning a deep shade of pink by the second, looking everywhere but at her. _Big Softie_.

“Okay.” She said as he mumbled something that she couldn’t make out.

“Really?” he seemed genuinely surprised. And also… _hopeful_.

She shrugged like it was no big deal, while her pulse started to go crazy, “Sure.”

“Great.” John grinned, looking genuinely happy, and she thought that it was the most adorable thing she had seen in a while.

**[Bellamy]**

“I need a dress!” was the first thing he heard when he opened the front door of the loft with Clarke beside him.

“A dress for what?” Clarke asked with an amused expression.

His sister _jumped_ in excitement and shoved an envelope at her. “We’ve been invited to the Cannes Film Festival!”

Bellamy looked over at the others who just shrugged, “So, you want to go?”

“If I want to?!?” Octavia screeched making him wince.

“Okay, I’ll take that as a yes.” He arched an eyebrow.

“Oh my god.” Moaned his sister, “Don’t you get how awesome this is? Cannes? France!!”

“Yeah, we know where Cannes is, O.” quipped in Monty from the stove, where something was cooking.

“Then, how are you not excited for this?” she demanded looking at each one of them.

Bellamy shrugged, “We went to dozen of events like this,” He glanced at Clarke, who was following the exchange with an entertained expression on her face. “Plus, we can’t really bring anyone else, and after a while it gets very boring…”

“Not this year it won’t. I’ve been invited too, because I work at Vanity Fair!” she looked at them expectantly.

Murphy shrugged from where he was lying on the couch throwing a tennis ball up and then catching it over his chest, “Then, _you_ go.”

Octavia groaned and then turned her wide eyes at Bellamy, “I can bring a plus one.” She said really slowly and waited.

Bellamy furrowed his eyebrows, “Okay… Is there someone you want to take?”

Octavia face-palmed “Bellamy.” She exhaled looking up at him. “My plus one, if you want, can be…” her eyes darted to their side.

Clarke had left them to join Monty and Jasper in the kitchen and was currently tasting something from a wooden spoon offered her by Monty.

“Oh,” he said turning back to his sisters as realization hit him. “You mean Clarke?”

“Yes, I mean Clarke!” his sister hissed, “What did you think!?”

Bellamy straightened up.

Going to an occasion such as the Cannes Festival would mean outing their relationship.

“Clarke.” She looked over at him and he noticed that she had some sauce on her nose. “Would a French film festival, interest you?”

“You mean the Cannes one?” He shrugged. “Seriously?” Clarke looked almost awed.

Bellamy walked up to her and leaned with his forearms on the counter, “It would mean to turn our relationship public.”

“Do you want that?” she asked him cocking her head to the side.

Bellamy straightened, “Hell yeah, I want that.” He kissed the sauce on her nose away.

Clarke laughed, “Then, we’re going to Cannes.”

Octavia squealed.

**[Clarke]**

Turned out she didn’t have a lot of time to prepare and be nervous for the impending two-days-with-Bellamy-in-France scenario. They took the private jet, Clarke had started to feel like she was in some weird-ass dream since the moment she had stepped into it with the others.

She’d had a moment of doubt when she had to tell her parents, but Raven had practically thrown out of the house and Jake and Abby had given her the are-you-really-thinking-of-passing-up-a-chance-like-this eyebrow. So, she really had worried for nothing.

Well, that was as long as her family was concerned, because now? Now, she was freaking out, all right.

She banged her head on the wall and pushed the curtain aside to stroll out of the changing room. She made a half-hearted twirl and looked at Octavia.

Predictably her friend pulled a disgusted face as she eyed the dress that Clarke had chosen to try on.

“Nope,” Octavia stood up shaking her head, “green looks horrible on you.”

“It’s moss.” Clarke muttered.

“What?” Octavia was looking at the other dresses and was touching a cherry coloured one thoughtfully.

“It’s moss, not green. The colour I mean.” She explained gesturing at the dress she was wearing, “And I thought you were wearing red, we can’t wear the same colour, can we?”

Octavia slipped the red dress off the hanger, “First, who in their right mind would choose a colour named _moss_?” Clarke rolled her eyes, Octavia went on, “and second, we’ll see how this fits you. If it looks good, I’ll just have to change mine.” She winked.

“No! I can’t make you chan-” she closed her mouth when Octavia shoved the dress in her hands and turned away going to sit on the cream armchair where she had previously discarded all the seven dresses Clarke had tried on. In that shop.

She sighed and went back inside the changing room.

This wasn’t exactly what she had imagined when they decided to come to France. She’d barely had time to leave her suitcase in the hotel room, before Octavia had dragged her out saying that they needed to shop for a dress worthy of an event such as the Cannes Film Festival.

They had found Octavia’s dress almost immediately, Octavia had fallen in love with it at first sight, and it was a beautiful thing, really. A floor-length, backless wine red, chiffon dress with a draped skirt and beaded black lace on the shoulders, and when Octavia had tried it on she’d looked absolutely stunning. So, now, Clarke wished with all her might that this cherry coloured one she was trying on wasn’t the one.

It wasn’t.

Finally, they left the boutique resigning themselves for another scavenge. Well, Clarke was the resigned one, Octavia seemed to enjoy the whole aching-feet-never-ending-search-for-a-dress thing quite a lot.

“What if I don’t find one?!” Clarke squeaked, “The festival’s tonight!”

Octavia waved her off, “Don’t be ridiculous we’re in _France_. You’ll find the perfect dress, too.”

Clarke sighed and sullenly made her way across the cobbled streets with her arms looped in Octavia’s. This wasn’t how she hoped to spend her time in a foreign city when she agreed to come with her _boyfriend_. She had barely seen Bellamy since the moment they set foot on the ground.

But this was good, she told herself. She was searching for the perfect dress.

She had this picture in her mind of her coming down a staircase in a beautiful dress and Bellamy waiting for and the breath catching in his throat when he would see her. Which was kind of stupid, maybe, since they’d probably see each other in the hotel room, so no staircases. But still, she wanted to make him speechless. This was her occasion. But as the time passed she was starting to think that her secret dream wouldn’t become reality.

“Clarke!” Octavia gasped and Clarke turned to her concerned.

“What is it?” her friend had a wide-eyed expression on her face. Octavia pointed at something and Clarke turned.

There was pretty brunette girl that was adjusting the most gorgeous dress, Clarke had ever set eyes on, behind the shop window.

“That’s the one.” She whispered.

Octavia squeezed her arm, “You found it.”

**[Bellamy]**

They had been closed inside their room since they landed. First that had played half-heartedly at poker, when Murphy and Monty kept winning the others got bored and Jasper had gone out of the room and come back with a PlayStation and five controllers. They had been playing Call of Duty since then.

Chris had been talking at the phone for a while, but when Bellamy took his eyes off the TV and looked again their manager was nowhere to be seen, “Guys, where’s Chris?”

Jasper glanced his way and cursed when his brief distraction revealed fatal for his counterpart in the game, he shot a dirty look at Bellamy, who shrugged and smiled apologetically, “He went out half an hour ago.” Jasper said rolling his shoulders and standing up to stretch his limbs.

The hotel room door opened and Chris came strolling in with a wide grin, behind him, two people from the hotel staff came in with five suit covers and laid them on the on the couch. Chris thanked them while they walked out and then turned to them still smiling.

He gestured to the covers, “Your suits.”

John burped from where he had left the console to read something that Bellamy saw was called, ‘Reunion’ and glanced unexcitedly at Chris, “It’s still early, we’ll put them when it’s time.”

Jasper nodded eagerly agreeing with him, eyeing the bags with a horrified look.

Chris rolled his eyes, “You guys are babies. Grown men and still afraid of suits.”

“They make us look stupid.” Miller remarked, not taking his eyes off the TV.

Bellamy agreed with them, but he also got what Chris was saying, last time they refused to try on their suits before the time of the event, he had to go with pins pocking on his shoulder blades, because someone had messed up the measurements and the shirt had turned out to be too large. He did not want a repeat of that. “C’mon,” he started, “For Octavia. She cares about all of this.”

The guys sighed. And finally got up to take the bag with their name on.

Chris fist bumped him and Bellamy grinned.

Octavia was everyone’s weakness.

Everyone was afraid of her.

**[Clarke]**

She nervously smoothed invisible wrinkles on her dress as she looked herself on the mirror in the bathroom where she was currently hiding.

The dress was a floor-length, backless mint green, chiffon dress with a sweetheart neckline and a ruched cross bodice and beaded cap sleeves. The colour made the blue of her eyes stand out and it was exactly what she’d been looking for. Octavia had also twisted her hair in a gorgeous and complicated looking up-do with two lose strands of hair framing her face, and she was pretty sure she had never looked so good in her life, she almost wished her parents and Raven could see her. Still, she had butterflies in her stomach, her hands were sweating and she felt horribly dizzy.

There was a knock on the door, “Clarke? You okay?” Octavia’s voice drifted in and Clarke threw another glance at herself in the mirror, took a deep breath and stepped out with a tight smile.

“Nerves, huh?” Octavia asked as she took a step back and smiled. She had her hair in a half up-do with her hair cascading in a loose braid across one shoulder. She was beautiful.

Clarke nodded, “I feel like my heart is going to jump out of my chest any moment, now.”

Octavia scrunched her nose, “That wouldn’t be ideal, now, would it?”

Clarke managed a small laugh, “No, I guess not.”

A knock on the door startled her and she looked from the closed door to Octavia with wide eyes. She touched her shoulder reassuringly, “Ready to take his breath away?”

Clarke took a deep breath and nodded, Octavia walked to the door, glanced her way one last time and opened it.

Once everyone was inside O walked back to stand near Clarke and looked at the guys expectantly, “So, what do you think?”

Clarke’s eyes hadn’t moved from Bellamy’s since the moment he’d come in and she was almost sure that he hadn’t breathed since the moment he saw her. Her breath caught too when she saw what he was wearing. She had been so focused on finding her dress that she didn’t think of the fact that Bellamy would be wearing something other than his tee-shits and jeans.

The guys were all wearing tuxes and Clarke felt herself go hot all over as she thought not so pure thought as she raked her eyes over him.

“You look absolutely beautiful.” Chris said amiably.

Everyone expressed their agreement except Bellamy who still hadn’t said a word. Octavia turned his way with her eyebrows raised. He didn’t notice. Jasper elbowed him and finally he breathed, “You look unreal,” never leaving his eyes from Clarke. He shrugged helplessly, taking a step closer to her. “Beautiful doesn’t cover it.”

“Ah, Romeo, Romeo!”

Clarke felt her face flush and tried to shoot a dirty look at Jasper, but she was smiling too much for that she suspected. Jasper just grinned.

Bellamy caught her lips in a kiss when she turned to him, but he leaned back too soon and Octavia was there when he did.

“So, what do you think about me?” She asked making a sweeping motion over herself.

Bellamy pulled Clarke close with one hand resting on her waist and regarded his sister with a lazy smile, “You’re really pretty, O.”

“ _Pretty_?” Octavia looked rather offended, then she rolled her eyes and shook her head muttering something under her breath that Clarke couldn’t catch.

She looked up at Bellamy, one hand resting on his chest, “I guess we should go…”

Bellamy hummed in agreement, but didn’t make a move to leave, while the others filed out the room in silence.

“What?” she asked smiling self-consciously.

He stared at her for some time, a small smile playing on his lips. Then he shook his head and pulled her towards the door without saying anything.

~~**~~

This seemed a day of firsts. She was pretty sure that she had never seen so many flashes all at once. She’d been practically blinded by the time she had walked inside, hand in hand with Bellamy.

She had also met a lot of famous people, people that apparently were _friends_ with her boyfriend. Obviously she knew that Bellamy was famous and that he was a singer and that he’d know people like Ed Sheeran or “You know Sam Claflin?”

Bellamy looked up from where he was unlacing his shoes, “Yeah, he’s a great guy.”

They had taken a room only for the two of them, for that night and Clarke couldn’t help but feel thrilled at the domesticity of it all.

She shook her head going back to their conversation, “I used to have to hugest crush on him when he was the priest in Pirates of the Caribbean!” Clarke pulled the pins that were holding her hair in place and throw up her free hand, “I can’t believe I actually met the guy, today.”

“Yeah, you seemed pretty star-struck today,” Bellamy laughed, “Your eyes were the size of saucers the whole time…”

“Well, I’m sure you were too, you’re first time.” She groused feeling her hair for other pins.

When she didn’t receive any response she turned and startled as Bellamy was right there, in her personal space. He looked even better than he did at the beginning of the evening when he’d been all elegant in the impeccable tux, now, he had lost the jacket and his bowtie was still hanging lose around his neck, the sleeves of his shirt rolled up to his elbows. Even the look on his face made a shiver run through her. “Not like I was today, when I saw you in this dress.” He remarked feeling the material under his fingers.

Clarke smiled touching the buttons of his dress-shirt, “I’m not a star, though.”

He shook his head, “As far as I’m concerned you are the only star I’ve ever met.”

Clarke laughed, “That was pretty smooth, Blake.”

He lightened up, “You think so?”

She gave him two thumps up, “Not bad at all.”

“Can I kiss you now?”

Clarke pulled him in and he grinned in the kiss as he wrapped his hands around her.

The kiss was slow and hot and it made goose bumps rise on her skin. Bellamy raked his hands over her arms, like he wanted to warm her, and Clarke smiled pushing him against the bed.

Bellamy looked up at her from where he was lying on the pillows, “Are you sure?”

“I am on top of you, aren’t I?” Clarke smiled coyly leaning back down to hide her face and pepper small kisses over his freckles.

Clarke yelped when Bellamy took her by the waist and suddenly he was the one on top, “Still yes?” he asked searching her eyes.

“It’s going to be always yes, Bellamy.”

Bellamy’s all demeanour softened and he leaned back to kiss her.

**[Octavia]**

Octavia was thumbing through her Filofax when she heard her phone ringing. She had already packed her suitcase and was waiting until it was time to go back home.

“Hello?”

“Hey,” a warm voice greeted her through the speaker making her smile like Bellamy did whenever he saw Clarke.

“Lincoln.”

“Did you have fun, yesterday?” she could hear the smile in his voice and she grinned wider.

“Yeah! It was amazing,” She sighed, “I wish you could’ve come too, though…”

“I thought you were happy to invite Clarke,”

“Yeah, but maybe I could’ve smuggled you inside,” she laughed, “You know, I totally could’ve pulled it off.”

“Oh, I have no doubts.” Lincoln said in a serious tone, making her preen. “I promise I won’t miss the dinner.”

“The dinner!” Octavia exclaimed, “I need to set a date, still.”

“I’d offer to help, but I don’t know anyone but their names…”

Octavia grinned, “You’re going to be a nice surprise.”

There was a knock on the door “O, you ready?” Miller’s voice drifted through and she sighed.

“I have to go, call you later, okay?”

“Can’t wait to see you again,” Lincoln said warmly and Octavia felt herself melt.

 

After getting the guys to help her with the luggage they had to wait another half hour for Clarke and Bellamy.

Octavia had glared down at anyone who dared to make some comment but when she saw Clarke all flushed and giggly she couldn’t help but raise her eyebrows.

Clarke latched her arm to hers, “I don’t think you want the details, now, do you?” she said incredibly smug.

“Eww, please no.” Octavia pulled a face in disgust, “That’s my brother you did the thing with.” She shuddered.

Clarke laughed happily. “Yes, I did.”

~~**~~

It had took her some careful planning and meticulous organizing and setting, but she had successfully found the perfect day to have all the important people in her life reunited around a table in a nice restaurant, like she had always wanted.

Bellamy and Clarke were at one side of her, talking leaning towards each other in a new found intimacy that made Octavia grin, elated for the fact that at least some part of it was because of her.

Raven was sitting near Clarke with Abby, Wanda, Jake and Wells’ dad on her other side. Across from them at the end of the table were little Amy, in a baby chair that she got one of the waiters to provide, Emily and Wells.

Monty was sitting between Miller and Jasper who was busy making weird faces to make Amy laugh. Then there were two empty seats for John and Emori who still hadn’t arrived and near them Sebastian and Chris.

On her other side was another empty seat.

“You achieved the impossible, Octavia.” Abby’s voice drifted through her thoughts and she leaned to look at her with a pleased smile. “All eighteen of us-” Amy shrieked as if in protest and Abby laughed, “Sorry, nineteen of us all sitting at the same time around a table. Truly remarkable.”

Octavia wasn’t shy to admit that she absolutely did preen at that.

“Oh, but that’s Octavia.” Chris said good-naturedly, “Achieving the impossible is just the norm for her.”

“My sister wouldn’t be satisfied otherwise.” quipped in Bellamy with an equal parts amused and proud look on his face.

“Yeah, she’s remarkable, like that.” Said a warm voice beside her and she looked up in a start.

“Lincoln!” she jumped on her feet and kissed him. “You made it.” She whispered when she leaned back.

“Of course,” he replied, his eyes earnest. He bit his bottom lip taking a look around him, “O, people are staring. Maybe you should introduce me…”

“Oh,” Octavia looked around at her friend’s gaping faces to her brother’s frowned one, “Right.” She smiled sweetly at Bellamy, “Everyone, meet my boyfriend. Lincoln.”

“Since when did you have a boyfriend?” Bellamy inquired eyeing Lincoln. Clarke smacked him lightly on his shoulder hissing something that Octavia couldn’t catch but made her brother smile sheepishly, “I’m curious.”

Octavia shrugged casually as she sat up, Lincoln on her other side, “A month.”

“And you managed to keep it in all this time?” Jasper asked incredulously.

Raven snort, “Of course not, I think I know way too much about Lincoln there.”

Lincoln flushed and Octavia grinned. Bellamy leaned in offering his hand across Octavia, “I’m Bellamy, the brother.” He said sympathetic enough. “Nice to meet you.”

Lincoln shook it nodding in acknowledgment. “Likewise.”

There was a round of greetings and introductions from all around the table until Octavia saw Jasper grin like the Cheshire cat. “What is it?” She enquired.

Jasper just nodded towards the entrance and Octavia turned to find John and Emori standing there looking for the table. She clapped her hands excitedly, “Oh my god,” she squealed, “He invited her for real.” She thought she could die from excitement. This day was turning absolutely perfect.

“Em!” Clarke waved her hands, “Over here!”

They all stared as Emori tugged at John’s sleeve and together, hand in hand, made their way towards the others.

Octavia barely managed to keep herself from squealing again and tug at Bellamy’s arm that was looking equally joyful, as they watched John pull out the chair for Emori, like a real gentleman, with a lazy smile and then sit himself across from his best friend.

“Emori!” Jasper said excitedly, he thrusted his hand across Monty and Miller, and grinned widely, “You have no idea on how much we were waiting to meet you.”

Emori smiled a little red-cheeked and shook it, “Really?”

“Oh, yes.” Jasper said eagerly, “You know, being his girlfriend, and all that.”

Emori seemed to get even redder, “I–I’m not- We’re not… together.” She looked at Clarke for help.

Clarke looked at the others wide-eyed, “Yeah, they’re not.” She supplied awkwardly.

“Oh, Really?” Jasper said not missing a beat and completely ignoring the heated glare from John. “Because, we never saw him so… _taken_.”

“Jasper!” hissed John and Jasper just grinned wider.

“Ookay, now.” Octavia interrupted, “Leave them alone.” She chastised earning a surprised look from everyone arpund the table. She crossed her arms over her chest, “What?” She narrowed her eyes at John, “Do you want me to have a go too?” she inquired smiling cheekily.

Murphy couldn’t shake his head quickly enough.

After that, the dinner continued without a hitch.

Raven and Jake were having a deep scientific discussion with Jasper and Monty who seemed ecstatic at having someone else to talk nerdy with. At some point Bellamy and Lincoln had switched places with Emily and Jasper and were talking to Wells in friendly tones, while her, Clarke, Emori, Raven, Chris and Sebastian were busy entertaining little Amy in Emily’s arms. Murphy was still sitting near Emori and Octavia would glance his way from time to time to find him looking at Emori with the same look he wore when he was composing, completely raptured and entranced. Octavia sincerely thought that nothing could make that day more perfect.

Bellamy came to ask for his seat back, also requesting to keep the baby for a while. Emily had smiled and said “Of course.” And handed him, Amy, who went with no protests.

Octavia grinned at Clarke’s enamoured look but her friend didn’t notice too busy smiling dopily at Bellamy being awesome with a baby.

Not much later after, there was a clink of someone tapping a fork over the rim of a glass and everyone looked up to see Wells standing up.

“Hey Everyone.” He said earning a round of hellos that Raven noted made them look like they were at the reunion of some support group, which made everyone giggle helplessly. Wells sighed, “Thank you, Reyes.”

Raven winked and shrugged, “Any time.”

He snorted and then looked at Octavia, “I wanted to thank Octavia for reuniting all of us here. I have no idea how you managed to pull it off, I’m truly impressed.”

Octavia grinned as the others nodded and turned to look at her with matching impressed expressions on their faces.

“The most important people in my life are sitting around this table.” He said, “My dad and step-mom,” he held his champagne glass towards them who nodded at him with a loving smile, “Jake and Abby.” He smiled warmly at them for then turn his smile mischievous as he turned to his best friends, “And Knobby and Rey.” He huffed out a laugh when Clarke made a distressed sound.

He sighed and sobered a little before going on, “For six years though, it didn’t seem like that, and I almost lost them.” He cleared his throat and Octavia saw Clarke’s eyes shine and Raven smile a little sadly, “I couldn’t be more grateful for the fact that I didn’t, and that I got to share with them the two people that became my whole world.” He looked at Amy in Bellamy’s arms, “My daughter,” and then turned to Emily who was looking up at him, sitting beside him, “And my Emily.” He offered a hand at her and she took it her face scrunching in a confused expression but smiling nonetheless.

Wells looked around the table with a small smile, “I don’t want to lose any more important days without my family around me.” He said, “And this, one way or another,” he chuckled nervously, “Is going to be important.

“Holy shit.” Octavia turned to Clarke who had hissed the curse and found her looking at her friend with wide eyes. Bellamy beside her grinned knowingly.

Octavia turned back to Wells and found him regarding Emily with a look that somehow conveyed all the love, and complete devotion that he felt towards her.

She wasn’t sure if the intake of air that she heard going around the table was her imagination or not as Wells kneeled in front of Emily.

“Jake always says that to be truly happy we just have to find that one person to share it with. And six years ago during one of my many calls with Clarke she told me that I had found it, in you.” He smiled earnestly. “She was right.” Emily had tears running over her cheeks and as she took a quick glance around Octavia noticed, she wasn’t the only one.

“I love you.” Emily murmured.

Wells grinned, “I love you too, but make me finish the speech. I practiced it for weeks.”

Emily throw up her head and laughed and so did everyone at the table.

He cleared his throat as silence settled again, “When everything felt like was falling apart around me, when I felt like _I_ was falling apart, you’re the one that put me back together and been my never wavering light. But that’s only part of why I’m in love you.” He smiled, his eyes crinkling at the corners when Emily let out a tiny sob.

“Since the moment I met you, I’ve been in equal parts captivated and terrified by you. I spent _months_ trying to find the nerve to talk to you.” He chuckled self-consciously, “You’re fierce and kind, and strong and beautiful and _so_ stubborn. Man, you drive me crazy, sometimes.” He said earning some chuckles, “And I can’t believe I’ve been lucky enough to share all this time with you, lucky enough to have a daughter with you.” They both glanced at Amy then, who had been busy munching a piece of bread and noticing her parents’ eyes on her, screeched smiling at them. They both laughed lovingly and Emily turned back to look down at Wells who pulled out a ring from his pocket. “So, today, In front of my family and friends I’m asking you, if you’re willing to spend the rest of your life with me by your side. Emily Alice Walker, will you do me the honour of becoming my wife?”

Emily nodded not an ounce of hesitation in her voice and everyone cheered and whooped as Wells slid the ring on her finger and stood up to kiss her.

“Holy shit, O.” Octavia thumbed away her tears and turned at Jasper with a raised eyebrow. “Did you know about this?” Octavia shook his head. Jasper snorted and regarded her with a mix of an amused and awed expression.

“You’re freaking _Cupid_.”

Octavia beamed at him.

So, turned out she had been wrong when she thought this day couldn’t get any more perfect.

Thanks to Wells it became _unforgettable_.

\----

 

**A/N: Guys you can still vote for this story in the Inkitt Contest,[here](http://www.inkitt.com/fandom2) just scroll down until you find To Bellamy, Love Clarke (Right now is 34 in ranking) and click the heart beside it, it will ask you to sign up and then you can vote ;)**

**I hope you liked the chapter, this is the penultimate, Next there will be the last one and then the Epilogue.**

**Love you all,**

 

**El**


	20. Always, Awesome and Happy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last Chapter before Epilogue!

**[Clarke and Bellamy]**  
  


Waking up to find Bellamy asleep beside her was something that never ceased to spread a warm feeling within her, and leave her content as she watched with rapture, memorizing every detail for when she’d have time to paint, the way his skin seemed to glow when hit by the morning sunlight coming through the windows. Bellamy slept on his stomach, and Clarke usually would’ve loved to wake him up by leaving tiny kisses and running her fingers lightly on the dust of freckles on his shoulders, but she was starving so she grabbed one of his tee-shirts, slipped it on and silently padded out of Bellamy’s old bedroom.

They were at Bellamy’s and Octavia’s childhood home in Norwich. Clarke had wanted to come here before the Jaha’s wedding madness started and Octavia, maid of honour and wedding planner, would’ve taken hold on everyone’s life and demanded that everyone stuck with her perfect plan for the perfect wedding, and so prevent them from leaving the city.

She had always wanted to see where Bellamy had grown up, and had been a little nervous to bring the option up to him, but Bellamy had smiled happily as he agreed that it was a great idea, so they had packed up and left for three days.

This was their last day and after breakfast they would’ve to climb in the car and drive back to London.

The first day Bellamy took her to Eaton Park, the same park where his mum used to take him and his sister. As they prepared the picnic on the grass, Clarke remembered the story that Octavia had told her about getting lost because of chasing butterflies and Bellamy had confirmed it by chuckling and shaking his head with a wistful smile on his lips.

The second day, he took her to see his high school and told her all kind of stories and shenanigans he took part with John and the others. It was wonderful spending the days like that, not having to worry when he’d have to leave again, just the two of them, walking hand in hand as they talked about their childhoods.

While they did some groceries in the local store they also found a newspaper and various gossip magazine with an interesting cover. Clarke’s mouth had dropped when she had seen them. Bellamy had just sighed and squeezed her arm, dropping a kiss on the top of her head, mumbling “Welcome to my world.”

He had told her that going with him at the Cannes Film Festival would mean to put their relationship right there, out in the open, but seeing herself in the covers of magazines was still hard to wrap her head around.

Not only there were pictures of them, smiling at the cameras the day of the festival, but some had also pictures of them hugging at the airport.

Having caught her staring at that particular picture, for probably too long, Bellamy had said to her nervously, “I know it’s a lot to take in, and if it freaks you out, I totally understand, it took me a while too-”

“Can we buy it?” Clarke had asked, interrupting him. When he’d remained silent, she had looked up at him with a shy smile, “I like the way you’re smiling here.” she pointed at the picture where she had her back to the camera with her legs wrapped around his hips while he was grinning happily, his eyes crinkling at the corners the way they always did when he laughed. Looking at it, she could clearly hear the way he had sighed, as having her in his arms was everything he had ever wanted, and the way his arms had held her tight against him, like he’d never want to let her go again.

She loved that picture.

She told him as much and after that, he had just taken the magazine with no further word. From time to time she’d catch him staring at her with a thoughtful look and when finally she had raised her eyebrows in askance he had just shook his head and cocking his head had said, “You really are the one.”

She hummed the tune of and advertisement that had annoyingly been stuck in her head since the previous night, while she took two mugs out from the cabinet and put the kettle on for some tea.

She jumped a little when she felt two warm arms encircle her from behind as she poured the already diffused tea in their mugs, and then smiled relaxing in Bellamy’s hold.

“Morning.”

She turned in his embrace and smiled up at him, “G’morning, to you too.” She held the mug to him and he took it with a matching bright smile.

“You know, I’m getting used to this waking up together thing,” he said as he sat at the small kitchen table.

Clarke smiled down at her tea while she stirred the sugar, “Yeah, me too.”

Bellamy groaned thudding his head on the surface of the table, “I just realized, we’re going back today.”

Clarke shook her head smiling, “I bet Octavia is going crazy.”

Bellamy looked hilariously grim when he said, “My sister would give Bridezilla a run for her money.”

Clarke giggled, “Maidzilla.”

Bellamy snorted taking a sip from his tea, then looked up as he remembered something. He watched Clarke with a pensive look, then he stood up and offered his hand to her.

She took it and followed him down the hallway and up the stairs where his and Octavia’s old bedrooms were. He stopped in front of a closed door that she had assumed was her mother’s.

He let go of her hand to touch the brass knob and took a deep breath, “It’s my mum’s room.” He said confirming her thoughts without looking at her.

“Bellamy,” she touched his hand still grazing the knob, as if he was bracing himself for what he would see. “You don’t have to,” she said ducking her head to catch his gaze, “It’s personal, I get it. You don’t have to show me anything you don’t want to.”

His lips twitched up a little and he let go of the doorknob to cup her face and kiss her slow and sweet. “You’re part of my life, now.” He whispered on her lips. “I do want to show you.”

Clarke searched his eyes and when she didn’t find any doubt she squeezed his hand and brought it down to kiss his knuckles. She thought her heart would melt in her chest for the way his eyes softened.

He opened the door and Clarke’s breath hitched as she took a look around.

The walls were lined with shelf after shelf full of books. She walked inside looking around in awe.

“She loved books.” Bellamy said coming to stand beside her, “When she died, I couldn’t step into this room for almost a month,” he snorted bitterly, “I could barely bring myself to think of her, too much grief –too much…” his cleared his throat and smiled when Clarke reached out to brush her fingers on his shoulder.

“One day though, I dreamt of her reading a story to me when I was very small, maybe five years old, I don’t know,” He frowned as he were trying to remember, “I was happy,” he said. “I didn’t feel pain while I dreamt, it was peaceful… and I guess, I realized that I couldn’t go on living being afraid to raise her memories, it wouldn’t be fair to her…” He took a deep breath, moving away from Clarke to touch the spines of the books, “So, I gathered up the courage to open the damn door, but when I did, the room had already been cleared up, the bedsheets washed and neatly folded on the bare mattress, and most of her things already packed up in boxes.” He sighed, “Another thing I made Octavia go through alone… but I wanted to do something.

“Something for me and Octavia, a last gesture that symbolized our love for her and hers for us. She loved reading.” He smiled fondly, “I never seen her without a book resting somewhere that was at least at her arms reach.” He shrugged, “So, I decided to turn her room in a small library,” He said spreading his arms as to encompass the whole room. “Octavia helped me, I didn’t know it at the time, but it was the first step of me healing… We couldn’t decide what to do with the bed though,” He said glancing at it, still in the far corner of the room, “In the end we decided to keep it, and it was a good choice because then, this room would be where John would sleep when he came to live with us, after his mum died two years later.”

He turned to Clarke, a wistful smile on his lips. “This room holds so many memories, some good, some bad, but I think that doing what did with it, has been one of the best choices I’ve ever made in my whole life.”

Clarke walked up to him and rested a hand on his chest, above his heart, “It’s beautiful.” She said looking up at him, “Thank you for showing me.”

Bellamy covered her hand with his and stroked her cheek with the thumb of his other, “Thank you for being here with me.”

She leaned in his hand turning her head to plant a kiss on his palm, “Always.”

~~**~~

**[Clarke and Wells]**

“Do you think it’s weird?” He asked biting down at his bottom lip, “I mean, it’s not exactly traditional.”

Clarke snorted and raised an eyebrow at her best friend, “Wells, you made a child before you got married, that’s not exactly traditional either.”

“Yeah, I guess not.” Wells grinned easily, “So, will you do it? Will you be my best woman as the best friend that I could ever wish for, and witness me marrying the love of my life?”

Clarke teared up and pulled him in a hug, “Yes, of course, I’ll be your best woman.”

Wells held her tight, “Thank you, Knobby.” He said huffing out a chuckle.

Clarke sighed and shook her head, leaning back, “It’s incredible how amusing you think it is.”

Wells cocked his head, “Oh, it totally is.”

Clarke made a face, “I think, you’re getting old Jaha,” she said airily, “Your amusement taste is _dated_.”

Wells shrugged good-naturedly, then looked up at her as she stood up from where they were sitting on the carpet in the living room, “Hey, do you think that now that I have a daughter, it allows me to make awful dad jokes?”

Clarke burst out laughing, “I think you’re already there.”

Wells lightened up. “Awesome.”

~~**~~

**[Octavia]**

After Wells had proposed during the dinner that she had organized, and after Jasper’s comment comparing her to the god of love, Octavia felt a new found urge to help the people in her life to open their eyes and make them see the love that so clearly was under their noses. She wasn’t forcing anything, she told herself. She was just speeding up the process of something that was bound to happen.

And there was still, only one person that was being annoyingly stubborn about it, but Octavia, between all her commitments for the wedding and work, had a plan for that too.

Emily was trying on her wedding dress while they were trying on their bridesmaids’ ones. They had all found the perfect dresses, the bridesmaids’ ones was a pale blush colour while Clarke’s, best woman, one was a shade darker.

The theme of the wedding was rose blush gold, mainly because they’d found an adorable blush dress lightly dusted with gold on the tulle for little Amy, and Octavia and Emily both had decided to plan everything based on that. Both Wells and Emily wanted something intimate and with Octavia agreed that Wells’ childhood house backyard, the one right across from Clarke’s, was the perfect place to celebrate it.

Octavia glanced at Raven from the corner of her eye, took a deep breath and asked, “Raven, are you inviting Kyle as your plus one?”

Raven turned to her with a sour look that made Clarke giggle, “No, of course not.” she shuddered, “I spend half of the time I’m forced to spend with him wishing that I was at least at five-hundred feet away from the guy.”

“And the other half?” asked curiously Emily steeping out from the changing room in her wedding dress, a strapless embroidered lace and tulle ball gown with a sweetheart neckline.

Raven smirked, “Resisting the urge to throw something at him every time he opens his mouth.”

“Oh, a couple of months ago was ‘resisting the urge to stab him with something’ if I recall right,” chirped Clarke with a smirk of her own, “Grown on you, didn’t he, Rey?”

Raven glared through her reflection at her and Clarke just grinned wider.

Octavia went on smoothly, “So, you wouldn’t mind if I take him as my plus one, right?”

Raven whipped her head so fast that Octavia wondered amusedly if she felt whiplash from it. She seemed to realize it too and tried to downplay it. “I thought you had a boyfriend, already?” she arched an eyebrow.

Octavia shrugged carelessly looking at her nails, “He can’t come, he has to be the translator for some important guy the day of the wedding… and Kyle is fun company.”

She sensed all the girls eyes on her, but she refused to look up until she heard an exasperated huff of air and Raven reply, “Sure, no problem. See if I care.”

Octavia looked up then and met Emily’s and Clarke’s suspicious gazes with a wide grin.

_Operation Stubborns In Love is go_.

~~**~~

**[Clarke]**

Clarke made her way through the groups of the invited to go and support the groom as was expected of her role as his best woman. There were some University friends of Emily and Wells’ that Clarke had never seen before, but other than that she knew everyone invited. As the couple had wanted, only family and close friends.

She saw Raven having what seemed a very heated discussion with Wick near one of the guests table and rolled her eyes. She wondered why the hell Octavia had invited him, the guy had a particular talent to push all Raven’s right buttons.

“Looking sharp, Griffin.”

She turned towards the familiar voice and beamed. “Not bad yourself, Blake.” She replied to Bellamy, looking unfairly gorgeous in his suit _and_ with Amy happily attached to his neck.

She pouted, “I’m jealous,” she declared walking up to them. “She likes you more than she likes me.”

“For a moment there, I thought you were jealous of _her_.” Bellamy said arching an eyebrow.

Clarke snorted, “Why would I be?” She grinned as she kissed Amy’s hand, “She’s the little princess of this day, aren’t you?” she asked tickling Amy’s tummy and making her giggle, “You’re just some _guy_.”

Bellamy hummed and looked at Amy with a wistful look, “See? Barely a couple of months together and the love is dead, I’m just some guy now.” Amy looked at him intently with her mouth a little agape, confused by his serious tone.

Clarke laughed pushing on her tiptoes to kiss him on the cheek.

Bellamy beamed at the small gesture and as Clarke left him, to make her way up the stairs to Wells’ room, she heard him say, “There’s hope, still. The flame of love is intact.” And giggled as she rushed up to last set of steps.

“How’s the groom?”

Wells turned from where he was looking out the window, at the guests mingling in the backyard where not even fifteen years ago he and Clarke used to look for slugs.

“I’m getting married.” He said knotting and then undoing the bowtie on his neck.

“Yes, you are.” Clarke acknowledged closing the door behind her. She looked over at the struggle he was having with the tie and raised an eyebrow, “Are you getting cold feet?”

Wells shook his head, “No, of course not.” He said giving up and looking at Clarke with his puppy eyes.

She rolled her eyes and helped him, starting to tie it properly, “What is it, then?”

“Emily.” Wells sighed.

“ _She’s_ getting cold feet?” Clarke hands paused, looking at him wide-eyed.

“Why are you always assuming that we’re getting cold feet?” Wells inquired in a sort of exasperated amusement. “It’s not that.” He said when she wouldn’t stop staring. “It’s her parents…”

“Oh,” Clarke pressed her lips tightly and tried to concentrate on the bowtie. These were the same people that refused to get to know Amy and that treated Emily like she was dead, because of her relationship with Wells.

“Yeah.” Wells rubbed his face tiredly, “She sent an invitation and a photo of Amy to them, tried to call, but- They just…” he sighed. “She says that it’s fine, that she didn’t have much hope anyway, but… I know she would want them by her side, today. As I have all of you by mine.”

“She has you and Amy.” Clarke said once finishing tying the bowtie and handing him the suit jacket, “And all of us are here for her as well.”

Wells smiled ruefully, “She knows that, but…”

“I know.” Clarke said, “It’s not the same, but I’m not sorry for her. I’m sorry for them, because they’re the ones, missing the chance of seeing their daughter in the happiest day of her life. They’re the ones that are missing Amy growing up. And they’re the ones missing the opportunity to witness how much she loves you and how much you love her.” She shrugged, “So, yeah. I’m sorry for them.”

Wells looked at her fondly, “Oh, Knobby.” He bumped his forehead with hers, “Are you trying to make me cry?”

“Obviously.” Clarke said pushing up and head-butting him lightly, “It’s not like you’re wearing make-up.”

Wells snorted leaning back.

“Thank you.” He said flicking the tip of her nose.

“Any time.” Clarke replied through a glare as she rubbed it.

Wells grinned offering her his arm, “So are you ready to give me in marriage?”

“You’re getting married.” Clarke said suddenly as the realization hit her completely.

This was Wells. Her best friend since she had barely started to walk, the one she climbed trees with. Wells who used to keep giving her his crayons whenever the teacher would catch her drawing in class and would take her stash. And he was getting _married_.

“Yes, I am.” He said softly squeezing her hand.

She exhaled as she looked at him and smiled, “You’re going to weep, my friend, when you’ll see how beautiful your, soon to be, wife is in her wedding dress.” She told him taking his arms.

 

Clarke was pretty sure that everyone present had shed at least a tiny tear in the moment of the “I do.”

At the beginning of the ceremony everyone had cooed and awed as Amy appeared in in her adorable gold and pink dress and chucked rose petals on the white carpet as she made her way to the altar, followed by a grinning Octavia.

When Emily had appeared looking like something out of a fairy tale, with her beautiful wedding gown and with multiple tiny white and pale pink flowers in her strawberry-blond hair, Clarke had looked at Wells and her heart had filled with warmth at the way he was looking at his bride. Being able to stand and witness by his side during one of the most important days of his life had almost overwhelmed her and she had to, as conspicuously as possible, smother the urge to let out a sniffle. It all seemed kind of surreal when she thought too much about it, but at the same time she’d never felt so happy and proud of her friend.

Amusedly she now noticed how Jasper was scowling with his puffy red eyes as John teased him with Emori smiling entertained by his side. Clarke had invited her, but it turned out that John had already done it, inviting her as his plus one. Octavia had been ecstatic about it. In fact, she had spent the whole day grinning ear to ear.

Clarke couldn’t blame her, everything that she had organized turned out perfectly. There was just a little hitch with the Wedding Cake, apparently the one they had ordered had got squashed up at the last moment, but Octavia had handled that too smoothly enough. Clarke was starting to wonder if she had some kind of power or something.

She scanned the garden for Bellamy and almost tripped on her feet as her eyes found Raven instead. Her friend was having the make-out session of the century with no other than Kyle Wick. She ogled them for probably too long, and then caught sight of Octavia standing nearby with Lincoln watching his girlfriend with some sort of exasperated fond look on his face. Octavia wasn’t noting it though, she was busy watching Raven and Kyle too and she was also grinning maniacally as she did it.

Clarke decided that her boyfriend’s sister was a witch, alright. Witch of love and organization..?

She snorted to herself, glanced one last time at Raven and the once upon a time, _hate_ of her friend’s life and moved on to continue her search.

Her mom and dad were talking amiably with Wanda and Thelonious. Clarke was happy to notice that her dad seemed pretty accustomed with his new arm. Once Raven had come to him to work on it together, not only they were able to finish it in no time, but also nearly removed any trace of unhelpfulness that her dad had been feeling.

There were some couples dancing and she smiled as she found Chris and Sebastian moving together slowly and effortlessly with the practice of two people completely in tune with the other’s bodies, in their eyes the same look that she had seen in Wells and Emily’s more than once. A look that somehow conveyed all the love, faith and understanding. The kind of look that two people shared after having gone through multiple challenges, gotten some scrapes but endured unbroken.

Her vision blurred a little when she spotted Wells dancing with his two favourite girls, his wife and daughter.

She felt a two strong arms wrapping her from behind and smiled leaning back on the solid chest behind her. “I was looking for you,” She told him.

“I found you, instead.” Bellamy kissed the spot behind her ear. “You look happy.” He mumbled after a while.

Clarke turned in his embrace and looked up at him, her eyes bright, “I am happy.”


	21. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The End of To Bellamy, Love Clarke

_Clarke,_

_I know that you’re angry and hurt right now,_

_And for all that you believe, you’re right to feel that way._

_But I have to believe that, for as much as you’re inclined to trust what your eyes see, you believe in me too._

_I love you, Clarke._

_And I feel ill at the thought of writing it here before I can even have the chance to say it out loud first to you._

_But it’s the simple and undeniable truth of how I felt for a quiet some time now._

_I’m writing you this letter from another plane that will take me to you, another journey that I hope will end with you waiting for me._

_I never hid the fact that I was afraid of what our relationship would be like since we would have to be apart a lot, I almost lost you before we could even be something._

_And now we’re here, and I’m losing you again…_

_Clarke, I want to be with you, I really do, you have no idea how much you became important to me, and it’s because of this that I’m ready to let you go if you think that you can’t do this. That it’s too hard._

_I understand. I’ve already been there._

_I truly believe that you’re someone that deserves only the best, and if you think that I can’t give you that, I won’t hold on to you, I’ll let you go, if that’s what you want._

_But if you’ll give me a chance to prove myself to you,_

_If you’ll give me the chance to show you that I will learn how to be the best for you, I swear I’ll do anything in my power to stay true to this promise._

_I love you, Clarke._

_And I think you love me too, so I’m asking you to believe in me._

_Believe in us._

_Because I do. What about you?_

_Love,_

_Bellamy._

* * *

 

_Dear Clarke,_

_I’m an idiot._

_I don’t know what you’re still doing with me, to be honest._

_I’ve been trying to find the perfect moment and each time something comes up and ruins all my plans. Apparently I’m not as good with preparations as Octavia is, that gene must’ve all gone to her, since everything she does turns out perfectly._

_I’m actually jealous of my sister’s organization skills. And she’s also the messiest person I know! Her work station is a disaster…_

_Okay, I’m digressing though, as I said before. Me? An idiot._

_An idiot in love with the most amazing woman in the world._

_Every important moment of our life together has been marked by letters._

_We found each other after five years thanks to a letter. And then we fell in love writing letters to each other. So, I thought that maybe I should do this through a letter, too._

_Clarke Griffin._

_We fight. A lot._

_You drive me crazy sometimes, for how much you make me feel. Nothing with you is mild or insignificant._

_Everything with you is heightened._

_Every time you’re angry at me I feel like I want to be angry at you too but at the same time I’m completely and helplessly at your mercy._

_Since the moment we’ve been together, you’ve stood by my side and never once made me feel like you didn’t believe in me, or in us._

_You’ve become my muse and the light of my life._

_You, with your infuriating stubbornness and contagious laugh._

_You, with your almost creepy fixation with my freckles and your hands always, somehow smudged with charcoal. You and the way you look at me that never ceases to amaze me._

_Clarke, I’ve known for a while now that I’m yours. Forever._

_I thank everything that made me catch that train just in time. Faith? Serendipity? Coincidence? I don’t care. I’m just grateful that I met you._

_So, in this letter, I’m asking you, Clarke Griffin_

_Will you marry me and be the princess on our wedding day and the queen of my heart for the rest of our lives?_

 

* * *

_My Dearest Clarke,_

_Dreams._

_Everyone has them, without dreams, humans wouldn’t be able to live. They would just exist._

_Or that’s how I think about it._

_It took me some time, but I realized that all of my three biggest dreams have become reality._

_1)I had a music career that gave the band and friends I’ve been performing since we’ve been ten-year olds, the possibility to share our music with the world … Don’t know if you remember, putting it here just in case…_

_2) I finally took my master’s degree in history and became a professor. And enjoyed spending great part of our life together telling you awesome anecdotes._

_And 3) I made come true the biggest dream of all, the most unexpected and the one I wanted to make reality more than I ever wanted anything in my life._

_Be married to you and building a life, a family with you is the greatest thing that I did in my whole existence._

_And no, don’t roll your eyes, I’m not being overdramatic, here._

_Okay, maybe a little._

_Oh damn, twenty-five years and I still am shit at writing love letters, aren’t I?_

_Well, now I cursed too. This letter couldn’t get any better._

_Moving on, where were we…_

_Dreams. And my love for you._

_Do you remember that letter where I told you that I’d let you go if you wanted, because if that was what you wanted I’d do anything to give it to you?_

_I still stand by those words._

_But in those years together, my love for you has changed enormously._

_My whole being, my heart and mind and body and soul is filled with love for you. I never loved you like I love you right now._

_And I will never love you like I will love you tomorrow, and so on, because day after day, after every challenge, every night spent making love, every fight and tears I will love you even more than the day before._

_Not one day has passed that I haven’t been infinitely grateful for the fact that I was the one that you chose to make you happy._

_I love you. You’re the Queen of my heart, and always will be._

_Yours eternally,_

_Bellamy._

 

* * *

 

_To our beautiful baby girl,_

_“You’re okay. You’re okay. You’re okay. We’re okay.”_

_We were changed in an instant,_

_We became so much more, our definition of perfect was written when you were born._

_You drew your first breath, I learnt what love meant,_

_And my heart reconciled all the darkness and light inside my chest._

_As you fist held tight, and your eyes met mine, I saw the future unfold in silver and gold. And I’m already proud._

_Beautiful like your mother, you are grace you are light._

_A better version of our best._

_As you grow up we will too and we will learn from each other,_

_There is so much to tell you._

_There is so much to see._

_We will show you the oceans and everything in between._

_What a privilege to love you, to teach all that we know,_

_To watch you build a collection of dreams that you can call your own._

_You are beautiful like your mother,_

_You are grace, you are light._

_A better version of our best from your starting line._

_We were changed in an instant,_

_We became so much more._

_Our definition of perfect was written when you were born._

_Forever yours,_

_Mummy and Daddy._

[_**[Life by Sleeping at Last]** _ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wtZp90DBJj0)

 

* * *

 

_To my baby Augusta._

_I can’t believe you’re going to college._

_I feel like it was yesterday that I held you in my arms the day you were born._

_And, don’t roll your eyes, lady. I’m your mother, let me be emotional over the fact that you’re so grown up._

_For me though, you’ll always be my little girl. The one that always demanded for me to tell her new and exciting stories, the girl that would come home with a new scrape every day after having climbed that damn tree in the garden and the one that would listen to my little advices completely raptured._

_So, today I’m going to give another piece of advice. Something that your great-grandfather, my grandpa had always said: Whatever you do or wherever you are, if you find love and happiness, don’t let them go, for those two are the essence of our life._

_I think he was a very wise man. And I absolutely agree with him._

_You always shied away from the idea of love, and I suspect that your dad and I have something to do with it. You know our story, we’ve grown up together in the same neighbourhood and been best friends for a long time before we finally got out heads out of our shells and got together._

_You’ve never had someone like that, and with time I noticed that you sort of gave up on the idea of love, because you think that if you didn’t find it during your childhood like we did, you’ll never find it._

_And well, I wanted to remind you of your grandparents._

_Clarke and Bellamy, my mum and dad had a beautiful love story, far more exciting than the one between me and your dad…_

_And they didn’t know each other like your dad and I, they met on a train like the one you’re probably reading this letter on._

_And then? Then they didn’t saw each other for 5 years._

_But both of them have never stopped thinking about one another. Five years, and they somehow found their way back to each other._

_It was hard._

_But you know all this, I sure talked about them a lot, and you also listened to the stories that aunt Octavia would tell you…_

_You know that your grandpa was a famous singer at the time, he was part of a band (!) and he had to spend a lot of time apart from grandma, but they made it work. Because of how much they loved each other, and how much they were sure that there wasn’t anyone else for them but one another._

_I know you miss them dearly too as I do, there will never be a day when I won’t miss them…_

_Their story… It all began in a train coach, they met the love of their lives but not only that, as their lives intertwined people in one’s life became family to the other’s too._

_Maybe you won’t meet the love of your life in that coach, but remember that there isn’t just that kind of love. You could find the love of a friend such as Raven and Wells, Murphy and Jasper; all these people were touched and united by different aspect of the same love._

_This story of friendship and love is no more special than any other, it’s just another story of relationships between a group of people. Unique, only because of_ their _uniqueness._

_Maybe you won’t find exactly this, but I hope you’ll find another version of the same love that tied all of these people together._

_I love you forever,_

_Your Mummy,_

_Aurora Carstairs-Blake._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this was the end of this story.
> 
> I'm planning on doing a spinoff on Murphy, I love him to much to let him go, so if you're interested there will be that soon and I'm also thinking of doing another AU with the crew in High School, would you be interested? Let me know!
> 
> Love you All,
> 
> Elisa


End file.
